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Old 04-10-2018, 05:32 PM   #41 (permalink)
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They get complacent. They get busy with life and drift away from meetings or working with others or whatever it was they had been doing which kept sobriety out front.

This is something I've repeatedly heard by those with time under their belt who picked up.

It's rarely planned. It just happened.
a couple of thoughts on this: they get busy with life...well yes! and so they should. getting and staying sober i would hope would lead to getting busy with life....and incorporating" these principles" into that life we get busy with.

my other thought is that our info about these things from people who leave, relapse and come back is only one side of the coin, as we don't usually hear from those who leave and are fine.
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Old 04-10-2018, 07:04 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I've never needed the meetings either - I was court mandated several years ago, but when that ended, so did my interest in meetings. Of course I didn't stay sober that time, but for the last 13 months I've been fine without them. For me, it's been a question of "do I want misery and pain, or happiness/contentment ?" It's a no brainer. I am fortunate to have family and friends who are supportive, but don't treat me like a terminally ill person if I'm at an event/function where there is alcohol.

Everyone knows, so no one offers me anything, and a couple of times where it's been offered by someone that had no way of knowing, a polite refusal was enough. I've learned this valuable lesson - as long as you aren't interfering with someone else's good time, they aren't worried about whether you're drinking or not.

My faith has always been important to me, and I lean on that when I need to. Most importantly, I don't overanalyze/overthink things. I see that a lot on these forums, and I caution against that, though it is hard at times. Usually we already know the right answer/solution; we just need to trust ourselves more.

If meetings work for someone; great ! I'd say it doesn't matter how we stay on the right path, but THAT we do.
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Old 04-11-2018, 02:36 AM   #43 (permalink)
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a couple of thoughts on this: they get busy with life...well yes! and so they should. getting and staying sober i would hope would lead to getting busy with life....and incorporating" these principles" into that life we get busy with.

my other thought is that our info about these things from people who leave, relapse and come back is only one side of the coin, as we don't usually hear from those who leave and are fine.
That`s the point. They stopped doing what was working for them. The get complacent, stop going to meetings and/or using the tools of the program.

It`s rarely planned. They simply drifted away from AA and then one day find themselves with a drink in hand.

I`m busy, super busy in fact. But I go to one meeting a week and visit this site. Why? So I keep connected with sobriety. So, I don`t forget.
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Old 04-11-2018, 06:01 AM   #44 (permalink)
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my other thought is that our info about these things from people who leave, relapse and come back is only one side of the coin, as we don't usually hear from those who leave and are fine.
getting sober in small town, it was common to run into people i had met or seen in the rooms. id say over 3 dozen times i ran into people i hadnt seen in quite some time and we chatted for a bit. doing good doing what is suggested- to not make a sole vocation of the work of helping others recover;to show a demonstration of the principles in their respective homes, occupations and affairs.
i have ran into people that do a great deal of service work for the communities they live in-one that does missionary work, one that started working for for a local charity, one that volunteers at the local animal shelter- many different ways of being of maximum service to the people around them.

some people stop doing whats working for them. but not ALL people do. just because people dont show up at meetings doesnt mean they arent doing well.
ive been to 4 meetings in the last year.
crucify me!!!!!
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Old 04-11-2018, 02:36 PM   #45 (permalink)
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getting sober in small town, it was common to run into people i had met or seen in the rooms. id say over 3 dozen times i ran into people i hadnt seen in quite some time and we chatted for a bit. doing good doing what is suggested- to not make a sole vocation of the work of helping others recover;to show a demonstration of the principles in their respective homes, occupations and affairs.
i have ran into people that do a great deal of service work for the communities they live in-one that does missionary work, one that started working for for a local charity, one that volunteers at the local animal shelter- many different ways of being of maximum service to the people around them.

some people stop doing whats working for them. but not ALL people do. just because people dont show up at meetings doesnt mean they arent doing well.
ive been to 4 meetings in the last year.
crucify me!!!!!

Yes, some members and these are the members I refer. Members who had time and then rerun to the rooms of AA to share about what happened. Why they picked up a drink.
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Old 04-11-2018, 03:01 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Going to meetings, working with others, doing what is suggested, posting on SR or saying the serenity prayer before bed. It's all good.

It works if you work it.
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Old 04-15-2018, 04:19 PM   #47 (permalink)
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I quit going to meetings a couple of years ago.
While on the 11th step, I got into Zen meditation and from there I found out about Refuge Recovery (which I don't attend very often ).

I have no beef with AA, it helped me tremendously and I did the step work, I just felt that mindfulness was a better fit for me. I am over 5 years sober and doing good
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Old 04-18-2018, 03:20 PM   #48 (permalink)
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I don't go to meetings to stay sober, I go to meetings to try to help those looking for help.
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Old 04-26-2018, 02:41 AM   #49 (permalink)
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I don't go to meetings to stay sober, I go to meetings to try to help those looking for help.
Same here. I find it very rewarding. In the late eighties I was away from aa for a while. You could say I left for a few years. I probably got counted as an AA failure statistic. But it never occurred to me to drink.

So I guess if just not drinking is good enough for you, then everything worked out fine, but to say I was fine in every aspect of life would be something of an exaggeration.

Compared to the life I have now, and the way I feel, as a moderately active and contributing AA member, my life during that time was pretty second rate. Seemed ok at the time though as I had nothing to compare it to.

Back in NZ at the moment so making the most of the meetings, and have got to spend time with several newcomers. What a privilege.
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Old 04-27-2018, 01:54 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Yes, some members and these are the members I refer. Members who had time and then rerun to the rooms of AA to share about what happened. Why they picked up a drink.
I pretty much stopped going to meetings because I am doing other kinds of recovery work that better suit my temperament.
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Old 04-27-2018, 06:29 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Although I am avid supporter of AA I also support the rights of anyone to do what they need to in order to stay sober. As long as you're sober and honestly happy about it then who cares and whose business is it what you do?

AA works for me because it helps me in many different ways. I am mindful daily of how recovery is not a destiny, it's an adventure. Also, it's given me the capability to build a social network of people who have my exact same goal in mind. I'm not saying I couldn't find that elsewhere but this is what works for me.

If you've found something and it works for you then I think that's fantastic.
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Old 08-08-2018, 01:27 PM   #52 (permalink)
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I never went to any meetings, and mainly use this site to remind myself of the horrible realities of alcohol.
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Old 08-08-2018, 06:46 PM   #53 (permalink)
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I haven't been to a meeting in 7 yrs, over 8 yrs sober, but I think I practice the Principles in my life.
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Old 03-11-2019, 09:43 PM   #54 (permalink)
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I did some out patient meetings for awhile that weren't 12 step based but a group of women sitting together with an addiction counselor where we would discuss a topic or issue and give each other feedback. I found that to be a lot more constructive. It didn't go around in a circle but was more popcorn style led by a qualified professional. It didn't make me stop drinking though..... even in those meetings with a counselor the message was never you can just quit. Take control back from your lower lizards brain's function of avoiding pain and seeking out pleasure with you higher cognitive human brain. Of course that would be too simple and stop the big business of the revolving door of the recovery movement.
My group therapy in PHP and IOP, and then continuing care was the same format. I found it IMMENSELY useful. Interacting directly with others who share my struggle really helped me.

I go to AA meetings, and I do believe that a spiritual awakening is a key element of recovery, but I really wish I could continue the once a week group therapy. My stupid health insurance company cut me off, though.

The AA concept of surrender was a huge help to me. I know that I can only stay sober by freely admitting that alcohol has defeated me. And I think sobriety would be impossible without a satisfying inner peace and and spiritual fulfillment. But that doesn't require belief in God, per se. But AA got me started on the right path.

So I attend meetings and derive inspiration from insights and stories that people share in meetings. And I think the mere effort of attending a meeting keeps me from taking my sobriety for granted and getting complacent.

But I've never worked the steps, per se, even if I've embraced and gained insight and strength from many of the concepts inherent in AA.

As others noted, I think there are many paths to sobriety. But, for me, a commitment to sobriety, being mindful of obstacles to sobriety, and keeping in mind all the things I've gained and all the things I can still attain and enjoy due to sobriety are what really keep me on the straight and narrow. AA helps with that, but it's not the sole means of sober living for me as it is for many.
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