Mentium

I haven't posted here for a few days - not good as I count it as part of my recovery plan. I used to post a lot in the newcomers forum too, but as I am not a newcomer any more..perhaps I should to support other newcomers..but sometimes I find the posts there - well some of them- actually unhelpful for my own recovery.

But I am digressing..two or three days ago I suddenly realised that my attempts to fit in with the demands of the traditional programme were putting an impossible requirement on me. I am an atheist and it is a position I arrived at seriously and thoughtfully. And yet I was trying to think in terms of my higher power being the 'universe' and vague concepts like that. I realised it wasn't working and the programme was suddenly feeling unreal and a burden rather than a release and a help. I re-read some of the bits I find unhelpful in the BB and realised that I actually think a lot of it makes no real sense to me at all.

Luckily I have an AA friend who has 12 years sobriety - he's a good friend too - a bit more than an AA buddy. I met him for a coffee yesterday and he was frank about his own views. He doesn't have a 'spiritual' programme either and he really does what is suggested (and not often taken up I fancy) which is to take what you need and leave the rest. He does this to the point where he actually leaves a meeting at half time if the tone of the meeting doesn't suit him. Not often but he does it. He is also viewed as a stalwart of the programme, so he isn't on the fringes.

Anyway that helped me a great deal to put things in perspective. He describes his own 'spiritual' experience simply as a 'moment of clarity'. I suddenly felt a bit more relaxed about it all. I don't have a local alternative if I want to meet with other people in recovery - the only game in town, so I was keen to make a go if it if at all possible. The conversation helped me a lot in that direction.

I'm sober today and this little mini-crisis has not resulted in a drink or anything, which is the important thing!

I hope you will excuse the venting. Needed it!

Archelon

This is a very polite vent!

It was important that I learned what was good for me and what was not and not keep putting things in that weren't productive.

Like why keep using a battering ram on a door, when we can turn the handle and walk through? Or maybe find the key someplace else.

Is it noble to suffer or submit just for the sake of it if it isn't producing result?

I have read threads on this secular forum debating what secular means, so likewise people can debate what spiritual means, and go round and round. An honest awakening and insight is valuable no matter what descriptive word is used, honest I think is the key.

Sometimes people have asked me why I have a problem with god or spiritual. I don't have a problem. They have a problem with me not having a problem.

I think we all have our particular challenge in life and recovery, and it's good to focus on our challenge and not be swayed by the challenge of another. We don't all hang up in the same places.

I stop taking medicine when it has bad side effects.

Mentium

Thanks Archelon. You make an excellent point - it isn't my problem. I have been struggling to fit my world view and adapt it to more closely fit that of the received world view in the Big Book. I have, to be honest, made myself a bit miserable in the process as it has required compromise that doesn't feel right for me.

I feel a whole lot better with a rather more chilled view of it all.