Walked out of an AA meeting tonight
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Originally Posted by awuh1 
Mentium, people have their opinions beliefs and moods. What’s important is what they do when they are in conflict.
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO. The variety of opinions you can find there is nearly endless.
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO. The variety of opinions you can find there is nearly endless.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
I've found that when I have a problem with someone that I usually have a part in as well. I think "I wasn’t in the best of moods to begin with" might have something to do with the situation. That said, if you walk out on a meeting or find one isn't working for you, there is nothing wrong with attending other meetings until you find one more agreeable to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Poway, CA
Posts: 1,636
Walked Out of an AA Meeting Tonight
When I landed in AA, I was out of choices. At that point I was ready to hear what was being said and go to any lengths to stay sober.
I chose to take what I want and leave the rest. Back then it was questionable that it was a Disease...but I knew in my heart whatever it was called I needed to be sober and believed that the people and Steps had the key.
I was amazed at the people who had one month sober as I could not even fathom that at that point.
Just wanting to share how it has worked for me so perhaps just one person can find solace that it can work if you work it. in a very short time I had a full time job, my children were so proud and had smiling faces again. We had a place to live that was nice, not fancy. With all that, it seemed a Miracle that AA had shown me the way to stay sober. I was not about to challenge what was working for me. Nothing's perfect..all are welcome. Keep coming back. If you want what we have.......
I chose to take what I want and leave the rest. Back then it was questionable that it was a Disease...but I knew in my heart whatever it was called I needed to be sober and believed that the people and Steps had the key.
I was amazed at the people who had one month sober as I could not even fathom that at that point.
Just wanting to share how it has worked for me so perhaps just one person can find solace that it can work if you work it. in a very short time I had a full time job, my children were so proud and had smiling faces again. We had a place to live that was nice, not fancy. With all that, it seemed a Miracle that AA had shown me the way to stay sober. I was not about to challenge what was working for me. Nothing's perfect..all are welcome. Keep coming back. If you want what we have.......
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Self Evident
Mentium ~
I suspect you stated above what the best strategy for you now is:
'...I don’t plan to drink or anything – have gained too much and there is too much to lose...'
For me, I changed the word 'plan' to the words 'absolutely will not'. No Meeting or Person or imagined Entity outside my Core Being can implement this. Only I can. Therefore, only I must. Also, I can't depend on something outside myself to make this decision real, daily. I am not compatible with someone/something telling me what to do, including 'remain Sober'.
The good thing about your very interesting Post/Story is a dynamic I've encountered repeatedly in my now-Geezerhood. Sometimes, we have to get our Ears really blasted to know our own upper limit of what 'too loud' is. Sometimes, we have to eat painfully-hot Thai Food to subsequently know the limit of what 'too hot' is. By discovering what 'is not', you find out and calibrate 'what is'.
Perhaps your Meetings experiences have morphed beyond the critical need for camaraderie and hearing similar experiences into discovering that you, and you alone, ultimately have what it takes. You've discovered what you 'don't' need to do to recover and move on for Life. Further, perhaps there's no need to 'go back' to, or 'fret', that which is no longer your best personal course. Thus, to search for the next, 'best' Meeting might be an illusory chase. At the end of 'The Wizard Of Oz', Dorothy similarly discovers that she alone can take herself Home.
This kinda has been the transition in my thinking, made possible by daily Reality Checks and my preferred style of virtual 'Daily Meetings' here at SR whereby I read various Posts and reflect on their lessons. Then, apply them.
I don't hit Women. I don't kick Puppies. And, I don't Drink. Those are all embedded, non-negotiable Behaviors reflecting my Values which I now uphold quite easily sans the fog of Alcohol/Drugs consumption.
I suspect you stated above what the best strategy for you now is:
'...I don’t plan to drink or anything – have gained too much and there is too much to lose...'
For me, I changed the word 'plan' to the words 'absolutely will not'. No Meeting or Person or imagined Entity outside my Core Being can implement this. Only I can. Therefore, only I must. Also, I can't depend on something outside myself to make this decision real, daily. I am not compatible with someone/something telling me what to do, including 'remain Sober'.
The good thing about your very interesting Post/Story is a dynamic I've encountered repeatedly in my now-Geezerhood. Sometimes, we have to get our Ears really blasted to know our own upper limit of what 'too loud' is. Sometimes, we have to eat painfully-hot Thai Food to subsequently know the limit of what 'too hot' is. By discovering what 'is not', you find out and calibrate 'what is'.
Perhaps your Meetings experiences have morphed beyond the critical need for camaraderie and hearing similar experiences into discovering that you, and you alone, ultimately have what it takes. You've discovered what you 'don't' need to do to recover and move on for Life. Further, perhaps there's no need to 'go back' to, or 'fret', that which is no longer your best personal course. Thus, to search for the next, 'best' Meeting might be an illusory chase. At the end of 'The Wizard Of Oz', Dorothy similarly discovers that she alone can take herself Home.
This kinda has been the transition in my thinking, made possible by daily Reality Checks and my preferred style of virtual 'Daily Meetings' here at SR whereby I read various Posts and reflect on their lessons. Then, apply them.
I don't hit Women. I don't kick Puppies. And, I don't Drink. Those are all embedded, non-negotiable Behaviors reflecting my Values which I now uphold quite easily sans the fog of Alcohol/Drugs consumption.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Interesting to see this thread pop up almost three years after I posted it originally! Sad to say I didn't remain sober and 'went back out' some time after the original exchanges.
However I have been going to AA again since last September (2013) and I seem to be getting far more from it than I used to. I am sober, which is the main point!
Given my own particular experience with alcohol I am finding the 'powerless over alcohol' theme very helpful. I simply have not found a way to quit on my own despite many attempts. And although I remain an atheist I have found a way of 'surrendering' to the universe at large - or am beginning to at any rate. All I know is AA has kept me sober longer than anything else and I am willing to go a long way to accommodate some of its ideas, short of accepting things that are simply nonsense to my intellect. (I can hear certain AAers telling me to ditch my intellect as I write that!).
I still feel a bit weirded out and almost embarrassed by the occasional evangelical AA member who bangs the table, literally or metaphorically, but given the generally reserved nature of us Brits over most things one does not come across this too often. We have one member in my home group who is very evangelical in her approach though and goes way over the top. I can understand it given she was at deaths door when she got sober and now has four years, but frankly her approach would scare of newcomers - it certainly would have made me run a mile if she had spoken at my first meeting. In fact she has been 'spoken to' and asked to tone down her shares a bit when newcomers are present.
However I have been going to AA again since last September (2013) and I seem to be getting far more from it than I used to. I am sober, which is the main point!
Given my own particular experience with alcohol I am finding the 'powerless over alcohol' theme very helpful. I simply have not found a way to quit on my own despite many attempts. And although I remain an atheist I have found a way of 'surrendering' to the universe at large - or am beginning to at any rate. All I know is AA has kept me sober longer than anything else and I am willing to go a long way to accommodate some of its ideas, short of accepting things that are simply nonsense to my intellect. (I can hear certain AAers telling me to ditch my intellect as I write that!).
I still feel a bit weirded out and almost embarrassed by the occasional evangelical AA member who bangs the table, literally or metaphorically, but given the generally reserved nature of us Brits over most things one does not come across this too often. We have one member in my home group who is very evangelical in her approach though and goes way over the top. I can understand it given she was at deaths door when she got sober and now has four years, but frankly her approach would scare of newcomers - it certainly would have made me run a mile if she had spoken at my first meeting. In fact she has been 'spoken to' and asked to tone down her shares a bit when newcomers are present.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Chaired my usual Fri nite meeting last nite.
Bloke turned up pissed (again)
Bloke started waffling about the world cup (till i eased him back on topic)
Bloke renowned for walking out, surprise,surprise, walked out 22 years sober.
I resisted the urge to start a fire fight.
And drove home sober and smiling.... No, laughing at myself.
I will be at my Saturday meeting and be in the chair next Friday.
G
Bloke turned up pissed (again)
Bloke started waffling about the world cup (till i eased him back on topic)
Bloke renowned for walking out, surprise,surprise, walked out 22 years sober.
I resisted the urge to start a fire fight.
And drove home sober and smiling.... No, laughing at myself.
I will be at my Saturday meeting and be in the chair next Friday.
G
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
fini
Maybe you should be reminded that the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. I believe Mentium fulfills that requirement. If the honesty and tolerance was really practiced at the meetings, than members' opinions on different matters regarding AA would be respected, not criticized. I too struggled with certain aspects of AA, such as the religious (not spiritual) leanings of many of its members and how it dominates many meetings regardless of what people might say. It took me a long time to look past this and other things, and just focus on my own spiritual foundation, and ignore what other members think about it.
If Mentiun is getting something out of the meetings, than he should feel comfortable in continuing to go to them. If going to the meetings is helping him to stay sober, that's the only thing that counts. I hope he keeps going.
Maybe you should be reminded that the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. I believe Mentium fulfills that requirement. If the honesty and tolerance was really practiced at the meetings, than members' opinions on different matters regarding AA would be respected, not criticized. I too struggled with certain aspects of AA, such as the religious (not spiritual) leanings of many of its members and how it dominates many meetings regardless of what people might say. It took me a long time to look past this and other things, and just focus on my own spiritual foundation, and ignore what other members think about it.
If Mentiun is getting something out of the meetings, than he should feel comfortable in continuing to go to them. If going to the meetings is helping him to stay sober, that's the only thing that counts. I hope he keeps going.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
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wasn't suggesting he can't fill "the requirement", 2muchpain.
what i heard was that so much rubbed a person the wrong way that going at all seemed an exercise in self-torture instead of helpful.
but i was likely projecting; when i had those feelings and struggles (the ones i thought Mentium was expressing), i would have spent all my energy fighting myself and the program and the meeting-people, and that would have sapped my own as well as others' resource.
yes, whatever's helpful. of course.
what i heard was that so much rubbed a person the wrong way that going at all seemed an exercise in self-torture instead of helpful.
but i was likely projecting; when i had those feelings and struggles (the ones i thought Mentium was expressing), i would have spent all my energy fighting myself and the program and the meeting-people, and that would have sapped my own as well as others' resource.
yes, whatever's helpful. of course.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Mentium
Interesting to see this thread pop up almost three years after I posted it originally! Sad to say I didn't remain sober and 'went back out' some time after the original exchanges.
However I have been going to AA again since last September (2013) and I seem to be getting far more from it than I used to. I am sober, which is the main point!
Given my own particular experience with alcohol I am finding the 'powerless over alcohol' theme very helpful. I simply have not found a way to quit on my own despite many attempts. And although I remain an atheist I have found a way of 'surrendering' to the universe at large - or am beginning to at any rate. All I know is AA has kept me sober longer than anything else and I am willing to go a long way to accommodate some of its ideas, short of accepting things that are simply nonsense to my intellect. (I can hear certain AAers telling me to ditch my intellect as I write that!).
I still feel a bit weirded out and almost embarrassed by the occasional evangelical AA member who bangs the table, literally or metaphorically, but given the generally reserved nature of us Brits over most things one does not come across this too often. We have one member in my home group who is very evangelical in her approach though and goes way over the top. I can understand it given she was at deaths door when she got sober and now has four years, but frankly her approach would scare of newcomers - it certainly would have made me run a mile if she had spoken at my first meeting. In fact she has been 'spoken to' and asked to tone down her shares a bit when newcomers are present.
However I have been going to AA again since last September (2013) and I seem to be getting far more from it than I used to. I am sober, which is the main point!
Given my own particular experience with alcohol I am finding the 'powerless over alcohol' theme very helpful. I simply have not found a way to quit on my own despite many attempts. And although I remain an atheist I have found a way of 'surrendering' to the universe at large - or am beginning to at any rate. All I know is AA has kept me sober longer than anything else and I am willing to go a long way to accommodate some of its ideas, short of accepting things that are simply nonsense to my intellect. (I can hear certain AAers telling me to ditch my intellect as I write that!).
I still feel a bit weirded out and almost embarrassed by the occasional evangelical AA member who bangs the table, literally or metaphorically, but given the generally reserved nature of us Brits over most things one does not come across this too often. We have one member in my home group who is very evangelical in her approach though and goes way over the top. I can understand it given she was at deaths door when she got sober and now has four years, but frankly her approach would scare of newcomers - it certainly would have made me run a mile if she had spoken at my first meeting. In fact she has been 'spoken to' and asked to tone down her shares a bit when newcomers are present.
I personally believe in a hire power but my construct is very different than the guy next to me and that's cool - no need to get him to believe in my version....then it would not be mine:-)
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Poway, CA
Posts: 1,636
I was told that AA is simple but not easy. I find the simple part to include hearing how we get sober and the not easy part to be staying away from meetings. It has to do, for me, with beginning to listen to my ISM for too long a period of time. So, attending meetings on a daily basis helps to control the ISM. I am most often reminded that I have come to believe that a power greater than myself will restore me to sanity. It also helps the chances of staying sober by thanking God for all that I have and the opportunity to help others. It's wonderful to live in a free country where we have so many choices in front of us. I feel blessed to be sober. My life, right now, is not easy due to Neuropathy. I believe I am being tested and hope I will pass. Ipanema
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Long Beach, California
Posts: 2
[QUOTE=awuh1;4231438]Mentium, people have their opinions beliefs and moods. What’s important is what they do when they are in conflict.
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO.
====================
The meeting I went to last night was anything but tolerant. It was my first time there and I was to introduce myself with what I now found out is a standard, set format that involves saying you are an alcoholic as well as admitting you are powerless. I simply said my name and that I drank wine and that I am not powerless and that I believe I am the power. I, with some support and encouragement, am the one who will make changes.
I got interrupted with a very stern scolding, "You can't share unless you admit you are an alcoholic." I told them I don't like labels. I'm not a label. I was then told that I could listen and not participate. I got up and left and will never go back to this cult. They were scary and mean.
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO.
====================
The meeting I went to last night was anything but tolerant. It was my first time there and I was to introduce myself with what I now found out is a standard, set format that involves saying you are an alcoholic as well as admitting you are powerless. I simply said my name and that I drank wine and that I am not powerless and that I believe I am the power. I, with some support and encouragement, am the one who will make changes.
I got interrupted with a very stern scolding, "You can't share unless you admit you are an alcoholic." I told them I don't like labels. I'm not a label. I was then told that I could listen and not participate. I got up and left and will never go back to this cult. They were scary and mean.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, jwang.
i've not been to a meeting where that kind of stuff would be said/happen, but if i had, nah, i wouldn't go back to that meeting.
there are others, of course.
so that's an option, to check out other meetings.
more options include SMART, or checking out AVRT (lots of threads in the forum just above this one).
i don't know if there's Lifering anywhere near you, but you could check.
lots of support here for you making changes.
if you want more input, you might consider posting in the Newcomers section at the beginning of the forums; things are much busier there and you'd be likely to get more responses.
i've not been to a meeting where that kind of stuff would be said/happen, but if i had, nah, i wouldn't go back to that meeting.
there are others, of course.
so that's an option, to check out other meetings.
more options include SMART, or checking out AVRT (lots of threads in the forum just above this one).
i don't know if there's Lifering anywhere near you, but you could check.
lots of support here for you making changes.
if you want more input, you might consider posting in the Newcomers section at the beginning of the forums; things are much busier there and you'd be likely to get more responses.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Originally Posted by jwang
...
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO...
I got interrupted with a very stern scolding, "You can't share unless you admit you are an alcoholic." I told them I don't like labels. I'm not a label. I was then told that I could listen and not participate. I got up and left and will never go back to this cult. They were scary and mean.
AA meetings are an exercise in tolerance IMO...
I got interrupted with a very stern scolding, "You can't share unless you admit you are an alcoholic." I told them I don't like labels. I'm not a label. I was then told that I could listen and not participate. I got up and left and will never go back to this cult. They were scary and mean.
(o:
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
It seems you were treated poorly by a closed and intolerant group. You never need tolerate scary and mean people. There are options for you, jwang. Other meetings, other methods.
After reading your post, your first here at SR, I think you are brave and gutsy. I hope you find what you are looking for, support and encouragement. I also hope you find those things in abundance. The important part is to keep looking. Best to you.
I, with some support and encouragement, am the one who will make changes.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Curious how you are doing now, Mentium, if you are still on SR? As I read through and realized how old this thread was when it started, then you came back, and now...?
Lots to say, as a devoted AA-er....thought I'd stick to the one of the key points about prayers for the addict who still suffers.
Best to all.
Lots to say, as a devoted AA-er....thought I'd stick to the one of the key points about prayers for the addict who still suffers.
Best to all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Just as an ad-on................:
I've probably walked out of more meeting than some folks here have walked into.
I know some folks like to say that there's no such thing as a bad meeting. My response to them is usually, "Well darlin' then you've just not been to enough meetings..............lolol
(o:
I've probably walked out of more meeting than some folks here have walked into.
I know some folks like to say that there's no such thing as a bad meeting. My response to them is usually, "Well darlin' then you've just not been to enough meetings..............lolol
(o:
Sober since October 24, 1997
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Otero County, New Mexico
Posts: 108
Man! Did this hit a sore spot from long ago! From my own thoughts and a few experiences with others when attempting to get and stay sober, I think there are alcoholics who are in the process of getting sober, or have just done so, who may be as vulnerable to new emotional damage as they were when original self-medication-inducing damage happened. The new person they are busy becoming may not have had enough time to solidify and develop immunity to new harm.
Part of seeking help and guidance from others in highly recommended professional organizations like AA may often involve making one's self open to the suggestions and recommendations of a "trustable" peer group, or at least one person in that group. I suppose it is pretty much a "pot-luck" kind of deal where hopefully you will find a mix of peers you are compatible with somewhere. Heaven help a totally vulnerable ready-to-get-sober person who gets into the clutches of an individual or group of zealous fanatics who have an agenda that first-of-all doesn't help others attain sobriety. Using sobriety as the "carrot-on-a-stick" to lure people, who may very well be at the lowest point in their lives, into a supposedly professional and above-board group is immoral in my opinion. About fifteen years before I was successful at finally getting sober and staying that way, I went to my first and last AA meeting, which mostly emphasized Bible study. My problems were not addressed because the members of that group wanted me to first become a Born Again Christian before trying to get sober. I never again attended another AA meeting for my own sake because what they presented to me was unacceptably close to the harm done to me as a small child, kind of like having to seek therapy from the one who is busy smacking you around.
"Hey! I got a great idea! We want to help this alcoholic get sober, right? So let's help him get sober by doing stuff that won't help him get sober!"
Well, it sure felt that way. Oxymoronic.
Lautca
Part of seeking help and guidance from others in highly recommended professional organizations like AA may often involve making one's self open to the suggestions and recommendations of a "trustable" peer group, or at least one person in that group. I suppose it is pretty much a "pot-luck" kind of deal where hopefully you will find a mix of peers you are compatible with somewhere. Heaven help a totally vulnerable ready-to-get-sober person who gets into the clutches of an individual or group of zealous fanatics who have an agenda that first-of-all doesn't help others attain sobriety. Using sobriety as the "carrot-on-a-stick" to lure people, who may very well be at the lowest point in their lives, into a supposedly professional and above-board group is immoral in my opinion. About fifteen years before I was successful at finally getting sober and staying that way, I went to my first and last AA meeting, which mostly emphasized Bible study. My problems were not addressed because the members of that group wanted me to first become a Born Again Christian before trying to get sober. I never again attended another AA meeting for my own sake because what they presented to me was unacceptably close to the harm done to me as a small child, kind of like having to seek therapy from the one who is busy smacking you around.
"Hey! I got a great idea! We want to help this alcoholic get sober, right? So let's help him get sober by doing stuff that won't help him get sober!"
Well, it sure felt that way. Oxymoronic.
Lautca
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Lautca
Part of seeking help and guidance from others in highly recommended professional organizations like AA ...
into a supposedly professional and above-board group is immoral in my opinion.
Lautca
into a supposedly professional and above-board group is immoral in my opinion.
Lautca
Tradition 8, Alcohlics Anonymous should remain forever non professional, but our service centres may employ special workers.
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