New With A Question....
"I found AA via treatment, and it was in treatment that I was invited to express my feelings. I purged and purged, yet I continued to hold onto pain. At some point I found that it was up to me to let go, and sometimes I had to acknowledge that I was no longer grieving what I thought I was grieving."
Merrill, I'm sorry that you did not find complete emotional expression ultimately relieving to you. It sounds like you somehow got stuck in the process. I am also sorry that whatever you found you were truly grieving in the end was not helpful for you to go on feeling.
For me, however, brutal honesty with myself means I must allow myself to fully grieve everything that I need to. With kind, compassionate assistance from my therapist, supportive others, and the grace of my HP, I hope to move through it and come out the other side. Anything less than complete self-compassion (note I am not meaning the traditional understanding of self-pity - a big difference) will prove deadly for me. There is a great article on the difference between self-pity and healthy "self sorrowing" by therapist Pete Walker Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy in which he says:
" Iam often saddened when I hear adult children parrot the "conventional wisdom" that it is bad to feel sorry for yourself. This so-called wisdom shames people out of normal, healthy, self-pity. Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self. Self-pity in balanced moderation is the miraculously releasing gift of "self-sorrowing".
Since many folks who struggle with substance use are also adult children (like me) this fits for me.
I am in no way trying to be disrespect to ideas in AA that work for folks. I just want to present an alternative way of looking at things for my own sake and any others who may find it helpful. Live and Let Live works for me.
Merrill, I'm sorry that you did not find complete emotional expression ultimately relieving to you. It sounds like you somehow got stuck in the process. I am also sorry that whatever you found you were truly grieving in the end was not helpful for you to go on feeling.
For me, however, brutal honesty with myself means I must allow myself to fully grieve everything that I need to. With kind, compassionate assistance from my therapist, supportive others, and the grace of my HP, I hope to move through it and come out the other side. Anything less than complete self-compassion (note I am not meaning the traditional understanding of self-pity - a big difference) will prove deadly for me. There is a great article on the difference between self-pity and healthy "self sorrowing" by therapist Pete Walker Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy in which he says:
" Iam often saddened when I hear adult children parrot the "conventional wisdom" that it is bad to feel sorry for yourself. This so-called wisdom shames people out of normal, healthy, self-pity. Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self. Self-pity in balanced moderation is the miraculously releasing gift of "self-sorrowing".
Since many folks who struggle with substance use are also adult children (like me) this fits for me.
I am in no way trying to be disrespect to ideas in AA that work for folks. I just want to present an alternative way of looking at things for my own sake and any others who may find it helpful. Live and Let Live works for me.
I have much to feel sorry for and much to grieve that I have yet to do. I realize that my fear of feeling and grieving my deep pain has been a big driver of my addictions. I have done many other levels of dealing or not dealing--denial, anger, etc.--but grief I have avoided like the plague. Now it's time to face this one, too.
I also appreciate the clarification about finding what is really at the source of grief like murrill posted. Sometimes my denial will keep me at another level when it is really a deeper issue that needs attention.
I hope this all makes sense. I know what I mean but feel like I'm not being as clear as I want.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi all. I'm an ignorant new person to this forum and I'm getting a headache as it looks to be so involved/complicated these posts. For me the trip started when I asked for help and started a journey I didn't believe would happen. All I needed to do was stop drinking and work on MY characteristics that took me down the path of escape. Years later I'm still working on me. I'm not religious but believe in a high Spirit more powerful than me. For me it's KISS and it works. I was very active for years, try to help another in recovery and still go to several meetings a week for a memory refresh and remember when. I know that's me and there are so many other personalities around. BE WELL
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