JBird100

My relapse was brought on by anger and anxiety. My boyfriend relapsed after 10 months. He is a total ******* when drunk. We were supposed to have two weeks of fun. We had time off and I was so looking forward to this time together sober. However, he threw me under the bus, went to a casino and won and picked up. I was so disappointed, I hung on for dear life for 4 days and then went over to that dark side. After all of the preaching about how my drinking is so much worse than his it was just shocked that he picked up. He also has health problems which made me even more shocked. Now I admit I am a total whack job when I drink but nobody gets hurt except me. So since we have sobered up these past few weeks, he is constantly reminding me of the degree of my disease in comparison to his. The thing that just floors me is that he has no compassion for me, even though he's an alcoholic too. I have had more consequences but I'm astounded he can't or won't find the common denominator. I am about to find other people who will uplift me instead of make me feel like a piece of steaming . . .
Sorry to ramble but I am at the end of this rope.

Ngokpa

It's good to be around people who have a lot of sobriety, and have some of them to call. Personally, I couldn't be around drinking situations in early recovery, and staying sober could feel like guerilla warfare. Alcohol was how I knew how to feel good, even though it didn't work.

Early recovery can seem pretty tedious--meetings, meetings, meetings--but that's just what's happening. And it gets a lot better; any sane person with a few years can tell you that!

Hang in there!

FreedomSought

That's OK one of the reasons I'm grateful to be single in recovery is because I don't trust myself with tomorrow. If I find a sober girlfriend, I don't trust myself to stay clean. If I find a pot-smoking girlfriend, I don't trust myself to consistently smoke pot, because I'm going to feel like crap and want to quit when maybe she won't!

Basically I'm incredibly unstable. And could not handle the pressure of anyone else needing me to stay sober. I can't even make a relationship with my 15 yr old cousin because what if I use and let her down again? Maybe I will pray for some help being dependable or willingness to accept responsibility for my actions as they affect other people.