Don't think I can deal with this. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-06-2019, 12:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765

Don't think I can deal with this.


I just found out my wife hid information that would have caused me to react strongly. My son raped my daughter when they were very young. Had I known, I would have had them both in therapy and had long talks with both of them. At an effing minimum.

My Daughter told me she thought my "wife" covered it over because she had probably experienced the same from her family. That's absolutely no excuse for me. It's reason for divorce

I can't imagine getting past this. My Daughter has had serial bad relationships, at least in part, due to this and it being covered up and dismissed,

She is seeing the therapist that I see for drinking. He has a much wider perview han my problem. I do think, with time, he can move her past her problems.

On the other hand, I do not think I can forgive nor continue to live with my wife. I haven't been happy for a long time but continued living together (housemates) because it was easier than seperating. With this new information - I don't want to be in the same house with her.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
Anna (07-07-2019), Opivotal (07-07-2019)
Old 07-06-2019, 12:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 692
Wow thats deep....real deep. Unfortunately it's not like that kind of thing comes with instructions you know what I mean how to deal with it I will pray for you my brother he will guide you to do the right thing iwndwyt
SoberRican is offline   Reply With Quote
SoberRican found treatment at None (N/A)
Old 07-06-2019, 07:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoberRican View Post
Wow thats deep....real deep. Unfortunately it's not like that kind of thing comes with instructions you know what I mean how to deal with it I will pray for you my brother he will guide you to do the right thing iwndwyt
Yeah. I am blasted. Thanks for the prayers - even though I don't believe. I wish I could. It would help.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-06-2019, 07:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 176,023
Blog Entries: 1
I'm sorry Charon - it must be incredibly painful for you to find this out, and find out now so long after the event.

I too am thinking of you.

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-07-2019)
Old 07-07-2019, 06:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
107 views and 2 replies to a very deep and painful problem. My Daughter is suffering from serial abusive relationships because of this. I am dying from pain and just want to terminate her abusive boyfriend. I am helpless and you all just blow me off. Thanks for nothing. I guess I'll find more solice in a bottle. Good bye. This forum is useless.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2019, 07:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,325
Charon, I think this situation is best left to professionals. Although many members can sympathize, most cannot advise you. I believe this is the reason for people reading and not responding.

Lashing out at our community is unfair. Please seek professional advice on how best to proceed. I can promise you drinking will not solve this situation.

Family counseling would be my suggestion. I'm sorry for your pain.
Opivotal is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-07-2019)
Old 07-07-2019, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 15,903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charon View Post
. I guess I'll find more solice in a bottle. Good bye. This forum is useless.
Youíll find nothing but more pain and suffering in a bottle Charon. It could also be that most here arenít prepared to give you advice on your situation...remember that this is a recovery forum. It sounds like you might possibly want to consider some professional help yourself like the others in your family? I am very sorry for what has happened to you but I can tell you with 100% certainly that drinking is the last thing you need right now.
ScottFromWI is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (07-07-2019), Opivotal (07-07-2019)
Old 07-08-2019, 03:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
I believe it started way before. My wife has hated sex immedialey upon marrage - but she used it to lure me. It was probably in her past too. Now all the pieces fall into place I want to just die but my Daughter needs me. How can I face my son ever again - or my wife that hid this from me.

Please don't shut me out. I am in agony here. I need some support - even the most misguided.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
Purina (07-14-2019)
Old 07-08-2019, 04:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
under new management
 
2ndhandrose's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,032
Charon, your pain is palpable and I sincerely wish I had something helpful to offer.

All I can say is please don't drink, it will only make an untenable situation infinitely worse.

In my humble opinion, you are in a crisis situation, are you able to access immediate help?
__________________
"Catch your breath, take your time."
2ndhandrose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2019, 10:26 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2ndhandrose View Post
Charon, your pain is palpable and I sincerely wish I had something helpful to offer.

All I can say is please don't drink, it will only make an untenable situation infinitely worse.

In my humble opinion, you are in a crisis situation, are you able to access immediate help?
Worst time ever. My therapist (who has helped me immensly) is vacationing in Croatia. I may just head to Brattleboro. I've been there twice and it's a safe place for me.

Way worse than crisis. My Daughter is on a 138 mile hike and won't resurface till Saturday - so Brattleboro is off till then. My wife's brother is ariving today for an overnight stay. My son has invited everyone up to his new house on Saratoga Lake tonight and my "wife" and myself for Friday.

I can't face any of them. If my Daughter didn't need me I would just eat a bullet I have no one to talk to. Can't trust my brother to keep what I divulge to himself and his wife is ...

Thanks for all who replied. I need the feedback and support. Even if you don't know what I shoud do - knowing you are out there and offering support means so much.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2019, 01:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
under new management
 
2ndhandrose's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,032
I had to google Brattleboro, it looks lovely!

I hope you can do what you need to keep yourself sober and ready to be there for your daughter. Maybe skip your son's housewarming invitation?

I am keeping you in my thoughts and will keep checking your thread
__________________
"Catch your breath, take your time."
2ndhandrose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2019, 02:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
Thanks. Not going to my son's. Sent an email re. the whole situation. Don't know what the response will be. I will be there for my Daughter. Divorce is most probable. Forgiveness - not so much. Thanks for caring.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2019, 02:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 176,023
Blog Entries: 1
Still thinking about you Charon.

Biting bullets talk makes me nervous.

If you feel like you're a danger to yourself please do think about getting some help now and not later.

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-09-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 08:51 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
Right now looking down the barrel at a Browning HPR hollow point. Wish I had never been born. Don't know if I can do it or if I'll chicken out. This is so effed up.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 10:33 AM   #15 (permalink)
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Somewhere Out There
Posts: 25,150
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charon View Post
Thanks. Not going to my son's. Sent an email re. the whole situation. Don't know what the response will be. I will be there for my Daughter. Divorce is most probable. Forgiveness - not so much. Thanks for caring.
DON'T DO IT!!! Be there for your daughter.
__________________
"So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key."
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
suki44883 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 11:00 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
wildflower70's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,083
I am an alcoholic, and a survivor of childhood molestation. I can tell you for certain that healing from this tragedy is possible. Please consider complete family counseling, someone who specializes in sexual incest and rape. This may have stemmed from a much deeper issue. Is it possible that your son was also abused by someone? Children learn through example, I would find out what trauma he may have experienced as well. Have you questioned your wife as to why she didn't come forward? Does she play a role in all of this?

You seem to have a lot of facts to uncover. Don't let booze take away your ability to get to the bottom of this. Don't give booze the power to take you down into a deeper, darker hole. We are here for you.
__________________
WF
wildflower70 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to wildflower70 For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 12:04 PM   #17 (permalink)
under new management
 
2ndhandrose's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,032
Please do not do this, Charon.

Your daughter needs you!

Please call a crisis centre!!!!!!!

Check in here with us, let us know you are here, Charon
__________________
"Catch your breath, take your time."
2ndhandrose is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to 2ndhandrose For This Useful Post:
Opivotal (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 12:17 PM   #18 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,325
Adding to your daughter's trauma is not going to solve one thing.

Charon, please call the crisis center! The help you need is not on a sober recovery forum.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(800) 273-TALK (8255)
Opivotal is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (07-10-2019), suki44883 (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 03:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
I will call. I owe it to both of my kids.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (07-10-2019), Opivotal (07-10-2019), trailmix (07-10-2019)
Old 07-10-2019, 03:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Charon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: upstate NY - mentally under salt water
Posts: 765
No mater how much it hurts.
__________________
Feeling the last 23 of 4 + 20
Charon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Charon For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (07-10-2019), Opivotal (07-10-2019), trailmix (07-10-2019)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:19 AM.