My boyfriend of 2 years has recently decided for himself to try to stay sober. I don't know what the future holds, I am just trying to be extremely supportive and not "ask" at the same time. ( difficult)
I need some suggestions if there are any books I can read on withdrawal symptoms and what support really means during this difficult.
We have been working on communication and going to couples counseling, and lately he has been doing so well. sharing his thoughts when there is an issue, we end up discussing and we are not angry afterwards. ( a big step) We started to really enjoy eachother and felt deeply in love & happy for the first time since we met. He was cutting back on the drinking, but like alchoholism goes, he started blacking out again and made the call to stop drinking completely.
This is where I need help: Now, Since he has started " recovery " and going to AA which is less than 1 month, I've noticed some days he just wakes up on the "wrong side of the bed" and it lasts all day. Sometimes for a few days. Edgy, anxious as hell, irritable, and just plain mean sometimes. He will often say, "its not you its me. i need to be alone." That communication we had going isn't happening right now. He can't handle the added pressure of talking about any thing even if it's small. Even if I am considerate and calm He shuts down, is extremely frustrated, and sometimes is even sarcastic or says mean things. Then he leaves my place and goes home and I am standing there wondering what happened and why I feel so alone. How could this happen when I thought so carefully about how to say everything so that it didn't cause a negative reaction. I always get a negative reaction now. no matter what. It is so hurtful and so frustrating. And I miss the communication we had worked hard to achieve. When he leaves, Sometimes I let it go and say it is just right now. But sometimes I am just emotional and cry and get so frustrated.
That usually makes it worse and he ends up acting like I've violated him in some major way. He may even get so frustrated he will tell me to shut up, he'll hang up, or go home!!
I get so sad b/c I realize I have no idea what I am doing
and I never get nasty back I just feel helpless and i hurt. Ive tried to tell him he seems edgy and its been hard to get him to talk to me, but he doesn't see it that way and say's it's not related and its me. Before he started this recovery if I tried to talk to him about some of these unrelated issues, he would have been fine so its hard for me to accept that. I feel helpless seeing him this way, and there is some anger funneled toward me that is pretty profound and strong and doesn't seem fitting for anything I have ever actually done to him. especially tonight.
I know he has been having stomach aches, and I cook for him often. I would like to know what I can make to soothe him physically, also what to expect right now as he goes through the rough days, and how I can help emotionally. What I am doing seems to make it worse and he just borderline hates me it feels like.
Please advise ..I feel alone and don't have friends who can understand or give advice on "living sober and recovering". My therapist is searching for some sort of books I can read about this, how to be supportive, what to expect.
thank you. <3