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Old 10-25-2010, 08:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Intimacy issues with a recovering alcoholic/substance abuser


I had posted this in the wrong forum. Hopefully someone here can offer me some insight.

I have been dating a recovering alcoholic/substance abuser for a little over 1 year- he is 8 years sober.

Our relationship has been a very positive one thus far. He is open about his past- he attends meetings 4 times/week, even as we date and is very active in working his steps and being involved in the AA community. We are good at talking about our disagreements and hope to have a future together- as we have even discussed marriage and moving in together.

Recently, I noticed a change in our sex life. We went from having sex multiple times per week to now going weeks without sex. When I try to initiate it, he says he is tired or he just ignores my advances.

Last week we spoke about frequency of sex in order to be satisfied. We agreed that we both would like sex at least a few times per week. Two weeks later, nothing changed.

Yesterday, I brought up the subject again. I communicated that I need more physical intimacy in order to be satisfied and asked if anything was wrong and if he was attracted to me.

His answer had to do with addiction: He said that this isn't the first time this has been an issue in a relationship. He said that he doesn't know if it is because of his years of substance abuse and porn addiction. He said that he objectifies women, and that when they become "real" he loses interest. He mentioned perhaps seeing a therapist to deal with this- but tried to assure me that it wasn't me.

I have never been in a situation like this before. We are in a highly committed relationship and I have no doubt in my mind that we are monogamous. However, I am curious as to if anyone else has dealt with issues such as this as someone who has had this problem stemming from addiction or in a relationship with someone who feels this way.

I love him and can see us spending our lives together. However, no matter how connected we are and no matter how much we enjoy each others' company- physical intimacy is necessary to be fulfilled in all aspects of the relationship.
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Old 10-26-2010, 10:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm in a relationship like that now. I don't know how long it’s been that way but I now notice (sober 1 1/2 yrs) that there's a cycle to our sexually activity. Similar to what you describe but I bet if you wait out this dry spell you'll soon have a very active one.
I'm not sure if it has anything to do with addiction or not.
I've accused my husband of viewing porn too much when he's leaving his wife unsatisfied. He's assured me that it's something else. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm getting very frustrated but presently ok because we just got out of a dry spell.(JK)
I’m interested to see what others have to say. I personally would like a little consistency.
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Just one thing to think about, make sure that the person with the addiction is not blaming his addiction for another problem/issue. I say this because its really easy to do and its something I've done in the past:

"Blah, blah, blah, well I'm a drug addict thats why, blah, blah, blah."

One thing I've learned in recovery is that for some people substance abuse is just a symptom of another problem. I think its great that you are talking about it and your feelings are out in the open, thats much better than most.

I've been reading this forum a bit lately because I'm at a point in my recovery that I think I'm ready to date again. Being honest, open, and forthcoming with women terrifies me somewhat. I know that sounds crazy but such is my life.
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Old 11-09-2010, 05:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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seelivemusic: I think you bring up an excellent point.

My main concern with the conversation (and I am still concerned) is that when I asked why he was with me, he responded, "you are smart, funny, kind, a good person, not crazy like other women I have dated (primarily in AA)." When I later in the same conversation asked if he was attracted to me because we hadn't been intimate in a while, he responded "You're not the first to bring that up, other girlfriends have too. I think it's because of my addition problems, including watching way too much porn in the past. I objectify and then when they become real I lose sexual interest."

My main concern is that he didn't say "Yes, I'm attracted to you, but..." He just started with the other.

I feel as though he is with me because I am safe. I understand he loves me- and we make excellent companions, but I'm curious as to if others in AA have found themselves finding safety in a partner in order to maintain sobriety instead of really truly finding someone who is the total package? A friend suggested I attend Al-Anon. Do people attend al-anon for relationships with recovering alcoholics? Even if they didn't know the person while they were an alcoholic?
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Old 11-11-2010, 12:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Bee.... It's really hard to say what might be going on with your partner and his sexuality, sense of intimacy, etc. It could be a million and one things.

I think Al-Anon would be great for you to help you sort out the places that you are willing to put your needs below his. Great partnerships are as equal as possible with both people doing their best to meet the needs of the other. It is common for people with a history of substance abuse to become a bit self-centered in their needs and it is common for their partners to give more than should be required because of that. Al-Anon will help you sort all that out. And yes, depending on the specific group, but I am sure you will find many women who met their partners AFTER their partner became sober.

Take care....
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Old 11-20-2010, 05:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I found this page after having much the same experience as Bee2010.

I have been dating a wonderful man for just over 10 months. He is active in AA, sober for 20 years in good health.

For the first few months our relationship progessed slowly but included sex and physical intimacy. Then, very quickly things changed.

I asked him if his feeling had changed or if he just was not attracted. He says he is and that he loves deeply. We have talked about this on several occasions, but nothing changes. I find this so confusing!

We are good together in so many ways, but I don't want to just be pals...I want to have a physical connection.

Although I find my partner to be very connected to his own feelings, I am baffled by this situation.
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Old 12-10-2010, 01:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I read this post a few weeks ago and wanted to reply but never found the time and was also afraid my partner would somehow find me on here (he doesn't know I am a member now to the site). However, I'm not at a point where I don't care if I'm "caught" and need to get this off of my chest and am hoping maybe someone who is an addict can reply and help allow me to see thigns from a different perspective.

BEE, I too am in a similar situation to you and I can't help but fight so many feelings I am experiencing; mainly sexual frustration and extreme low self confidence/self esteem. The beginning of my relationship was great in the bedroom; however, it had slowly slipped away within 3-4 months leaving me with questions of if I'm thin enough, pretty enough, boring in the bedroom, just there for support, is he cheating on me (to the point where I started to become paranoid and jealous if he was paying more attention to other girls). I don't get to see my guy very much (2x/week if that) and I used to get so excited and my hopes up the nights I did get to see him b/c I assumed we would be intimate. However, multiple times now I've gotten my hopes up just to have them beat down. We would go to bed and I would wait for him to touch me or initiate sex (I used to initiate all the time and got frustrated that he didn't so I stopped waiting for him to come after me), then when he wouldn't, it would KILL my confidence and basically I took it (and still do) as he wants nothing to do with me passionately. I can't even begin to tell you how badly this hurts...to feel like you are not wanted nor desired.
I've brought this up to him multiple times and he has said things to me that I feel are just excuses...I was tired, I thought YOU were tired, my stomach hurt, etc. Then I tell him how I feel (b/c I try so hard to communicate my feelings the best I can) and I get a response from him such as "it's not you...I am attracted to you". He is almost 3 years sober and I just feel like his mind is in so many other places and he doesn't see passion as being something vital in our relationship and it's tearing me apart. No one wants to feel like they aren't desired or feel like their guy would rather NOT touch them. LIke I mentioned before, my self esteem is shattered and I can't help but just feel so depressed over this.

I have read quite a few of these forums about how addicts think and how they must stay focused on themselves and their sobriety, and we (their 'normie' partners) need to support them, and be there for them, but what about us? What about the ones who come second and stick by their side and have to sit on the way side waiting for the attention or just to feel loved? I know this sounds selfish but there is a point where you need and require certain things to be happy in a realtionship and maybe this is just one of those things I personally need to have and can't live without but I highly doubt it since most of us need to feel loved and that we are desired. My addict and I haven't even been dating that long (roughly a year) so I feel like the passion and romance should still be apart of our lives esp since, again, we only to spend 2 nights/week with each other, so why wouldn't he crave me or just desire me to the point where he doesn't care if I'm tired or he's tired, he wants to just be intimate.

I'm sorry for writing such a lengthy response and for venting. I just don't knwo what to do anymore and I know I can't make my partner want me; I just have a hard time with him NOT wanting me and I don't know how to or if I even can accept this.

Please Help! I'm literally sick over this and I just want to feel desired and sexy.

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Old 01-02-2011, 07:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Smile There is no "TOTAL PACKAGE" in relationships

Someone in the lack of sex threat mentioned the search for the 'total package' (a man with all the great qualities) and the reality is that no man or woman is the total package. We may come close, but there is always going to be something lacking, if not today than a few months from now. You don't have to have sex multiple times a week to have a kind and loving relationship. If you talk with couples who have been married for a while, and who will be honest with you, they will tell you that sex is not the priority it was for them in the beginning.

That being said, men lose their mojo for a variety of reasons ranging from the mental to the physical. If everything else in your relationship is going well, I would not suggest you rock the boat by trying to force intimacy. Be patient. Buy a toy (there is a reason why this is a multi-million dollar market), create a safe and lighthearted environment, one that opens the door to closeness. Cuddle, give massages with the understanding that there will be no sex, only closeness. Good sex can return with trust, time, patience and good humor. Seriously ladies, if you spend your life looking for the total package, you will end up empty-handed. Compromise where you can and if the sex doesn't come back and it is more important to you than the rest of the relationship, move along.
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I would ask him, and look in the computer history, if he is still using porn.
That needs to be ruled out. Many addicts have more than one addiction.
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Old 01-18-2011, 08:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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SelflessLady- your words expressed what I have been feeling to a T. Obviously, we both feel desperate enough to seek out a forum to find support.

My boyfriend and I recently decided to take a break due to this issue. I initiated the break. He's constantly expressed how much he loves me and respects me, but has made it clear that since we talked about it, he now feels pressure... even though I do not pressure him.

Just this evening we talked for the first time in days and he apologized for treating me poorly. He spoke with another friend in AA and said that his testosterone might be low because he stopped working out. He also said that he all around is having a tough time controlling his temper at work and with other people. And that he had stopped doing his daily meditations and prayers for a while now- in fact before he met me. But he feels like things have slowly gotten worse so now he is trying to get back into the daily work of things.

I feel your pain, Selfless Lady. All I want is to be attractive and desirous to my partner. In reality, the sex doesn't matter- it's the attention and wanting that is. And we haven't had that for a while. I too have seen myself become jealous of the most ridiculous situations and become an insecure, fraction of the person I once was. I feel for him that he is having trouble. It is nice to know however, that there may be more to it than he is just not attracted to me. Unfortunately, I think I am now to the point that I have to cut ties in order to retain the little bit of self-esteem I have left and build myself back up.

It's not easy to stand by someone who is a recovering alcoholic. I have rearranged my schedule to suit him, been extremely supportive and helpful to his recovery, gone to open meetings to support him, and discuss things openly with him. Just like those in AA need to put themselves and their sobriety first, those of us in relationships with recovering alcoholics must do the same.

I hope you decide what you are willing to accept and not accept in a relationship. I have decided that physical intimacy is a requirement of a healthy relationship. I'm willing to stand by him as he tries to work on the issues he has identified, but am skeptical. I too, have now lost all interest in intimacy with him once I found out he is not attracted to me. However, we'll work on things for a bit and see where they go.

"Change is certain. Peace is followed by disturbances. Such recurrences should not constitute occasions for sadness but realities for awareness, so that one may be happy in the interim." -Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Old 02-11-2011, 05:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I was thinking about starting a separate thread, but found this one that fits my dilemma and may add something to this thread.

I'm now sober for many years and have had just two long-term relationships, if you can call them that. In honesty, they were far from healthy relationships, because I'm not capable, in my present condition, of having a healthy relationship. The problem: there is a wall between me and the world and it will not be breached. When I'm in no danger of having to be intimate with somebody, I can feel strongly for them in certain situations, but I shut up shop as soon as I'm in danger of getting close to someone. This is not a conscious decision and is in opposition my intention to get close.

Though age is taking it's toll, I'm still a good looking man, so I've been told, and have had women interested in me, but these days I can't get any further than friendship--sexual desire has thankfully pretty much gone now. Of course what usually happens is that the telephone from my lady friends get less frequent and I end up without even the companionship.

Something inside of me has now given up on ever getting close to anyone, though I desperately want to. It's all I wanted since I got sober over 20 years ago, but there is something wrong with me emotionally. I've been able to identify that I've been traumatised by events in my childhood, but have never found out what exactly and have never been able effectively tackle the issue, though I tried a variety of therapies and methods. It's like I'm stuck in time emotionally and the kid that shut his feeling down is not going to open them up for nobody and will throw a spanner in the works whenever there's any progress.

I feel sorry for all you women who've been unfortunate enough to fall for men like myself, it's a bleak future of diminishing returns for you I'm afraid.

If you recognise your partner in me, then feel free to ask me any questions and I'll try to answer. It might help me understand my own situation a bit better.
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Old 02-14-2011, 11:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Bee2010 and Selfess Lady, either of you could be my wife. I think she deserves better than I can give her, We just don't click anymore, and I probably married her because I knew she was safe. I've always felt she loves me more than I can love her, and that's not fair to her. But she does not see it that way, and would probably do anything to keep the relationship, as crappy as it is. I wish she would grow a pair and do something for herself, but her life is all about pleasing me, and I don't appreciate it.
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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snufflehog, I would love to talk to you but have to have 5 posts before I can message you. My boyfriend is a recovered alcoholic. 8 years sober. AA everyday. I knew nothing of alcoholism. He had not had a relationship in 8 years since his wife who cheated on him. We went out on 3 dates and then just talked by phone for 2 months. He only has one day a week to meet and had a variety of excuses. We started again and that went on for 2 months and was great except he felt pressure to see me more often so wanted to stop sex. When I had to speak with him about an issue he freaked and couldn't see me for 2 months again. We again dated for another 2 months and it was great. He told me he wanted this, it's all good and he seemed happy. We had lots of laughter and wonderful sex. He had told me he never loved his wife and did not know what romatic love felt like. I made the mistake one night of asking him if he loved me and if he ever could. We talked about it and I thought it went fine. I accepted that he didn't know. The next week he broke up with me. Wants to be alone and isolated he says. He says he will hurt me in 2 years I will hate him. What happened? I went to see him 2 weeks later and he was distant and shut down but said he wanted to start talking and eventually go out. He never contacted me. That was 3 months agon. this sunday is our mutual birthday. should i text him?
en
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:47 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:48 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 03-01-2011, 04:51 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Old 03-25-2011, 05:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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It's good to know that other people deal with similar problems, even if it doesn't seem like there's easy solutions. After months of him pursuing me and then pushing me away when I felt like we were starting to get close, only to repeat the whole cycle again, I finally figured out that he's talking about things between us like it's another addiction. Maybe it is, he doesn't seem to be able to do anything without overdoing it, but if he's going to lead a full & happy life, he needs to figure out what role sex/relationships will have in his life, and how he can do that in a healthy and balanced way. That's going to be true no matter who he's with- he's said that he doesn't think I'm "The One", and that he wants someone he feels connected to- but I think in order to feel connected to anyone, he has to chose it, be open to it, not expect some kind of mystical force to overwhelm his defense mechanisms and take all the scariness out of being vulnerable.

So, I'm trying to stay calm and set healthy boundaries, and let him know that this pattern of behavior is painful for me to deal with- and then have faith, and trust him to work through his own issues. It's hard though, I'm so scared I'm going to lose him- but then I find this place of inner calm and I think about everything he's been through and I find compassion, and know that he's got his own fears, and this is a struggle for him, and he doesn't want to hurt me.
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Old 06-06-2011, 04:58 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Two years and NO sex with my AH... I'm learning so much by reading your posts!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BEE2010 View Post
I had posted this in the wrong forum. Hopefully someone here can offer me some insight.

I have been dating a recovering alcoholic/substance abuser for a little over 1 year- he is 8 years sober.

Our relationship has been a very positive one thus far. He is open about his past- he attends meetings 4 times/week, even as we date and is very active in working his steps and being involved in the AA community. We are good at talking about our disagreements and hope to have a future together- as we have even discussed marriage and moving in together.

Recently, I noticed a change in our sex life. We went from having sex multiple times per week to now going weeks without sex. When I try to initiate it, he says he is tired or he just ignores my advances.

Last week we spoke about frequency of sex in order to be satisfied. We agreed that we both would like sex at least a few times per week. Two weeks later, nothing changed.

Yesterday, I brought up the subject again. I communicated that I need more physical intimacy in order to be satisfied and asked if anything was wrong and if he was attracted to me.

His answer had to do with addiction: He said that this isn't the first time this has been an issue in a relationship. He said that he doesn't know if it is because of his years of substance abuse and porn addiction. He said that he objectifies women, and that when they become "real" he loses interest. He mentioned perhaps seeing a therapist to deal with this- but tried to assure me that it wasn't me.

I have never been in a situation like this before. We are in a highly committed relationship and I have no doubt in my mind that we are monogamous. However, I am curious as to if anyone else has dealt with issues such as this as someone who has had this problem stemming from addiction or in a relationship with someone who feels this way.

I love him and can see us spending our lives together. However, no matter how connected we are and no matter how much we enjoy each others' company- physical intimacy is necessary to be fulfilled in all aspects of the relationship.
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Old 06-06-2011, 05:16 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Wink i feel your pain, low self-esteem & frustration-NO sex for 2 years...

I have been searching for a "reason" we've not had sex, and now it is so much clearer after seeing - am not alone in this struggle. We went from "it's in the Big Book, I don't know how long, but it's supposed to be better than ever when it returns," to low T, to seeing a urologist, and still no sex, no intimacy. My AH has been sober 2.5 years this time, and was sober for about eight years earlier (I didn't know him then). He says he's never had this problem before, so of course I'm feeling ugly, and NOT sexy. He is 56 years old, and we DID have the BEST sex life EVER when he was drinking - two or more romps a day EVERY day! I certainly prefer him NOT drinking, as his health is most important to me, but I never expected anything like this! I've been incredibly patient, use my toys or I would be CRAZY, and continue to feel undesirable and am beginning to be jealous. I have asked him if we could go talk to someone and he says no... He said if he wasn't married (we married 3 years ago), he wouldn't be dating because his mind doesn't go there. Well, I do love this man, and I do not plan on getting divorced, so I will continue to be "she bopping" until we figure this out. I keep praying every night for Jesus to bless our mariage and for us to become one as was intended. I'll also take some advice from this forum especially the "total package" message-everything else is fine, so for now, I'm waiting for my macho man to return!
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