HUGEEE mistake, slept with brothers wife - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Special-Interest Groups > Relationships & Parenting In Sobriety
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read

LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-02-2010, 05:50 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 5

HUGEEE mistake, slept with brothers wife

Ok long story short, I am 22. My brother is 26 and his wife is 25
He went out of the country for a month and asked me to stay with Jennifer because he worrys about her being alone an she's also afraid to be alone at that house alone. So I have been staying with her for a week. I'm a recovering Oxycontin and heroin addict. Three days ago She and I were off work, we had a few drinks and I was sitting on the couch playing PlayStation and she walked up to me and got on my lap facing me and before I could react she had her tongue in my mouth. I stupidily did not push her off and one thing led to another and we wound up having sex almost all night before falling asleep together. The next morning we woke up had sex twice more and both went to work. Then came home and had sex again almost all night. I don't know what to do. She is incredibly beautiful and sexy. Its hard to day no to her but I know what we are doing is very wrong. What should I do when my brother gets home
She keeps telling me sex is sex and it means nothing and we should just keep it between us and whenever he leaves again we should continue our physical relationship. I am so screwed I know it....should I just stop and tell my brother or should I just forget it ever happened. I know the answer seems obvious....But I really am afraid I should just keep it very quiet. Like I said, SHE started this. But I feel just as guilty for not stopping her....
changemylife86 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to changemylife86 For This Useful Post:
ElegantlyWasted (08-08-2010), sampar (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 06:35 AM   #2 (permalink)

Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 5
Also I have never really had a problem with alcohol. I drink MAYBE. Once every two months. She doesnt either. We also have not used protection this entire time. I only assumed she was on the pill...which she was not.
changemylife86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2010, 02:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
Dee74's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 152,038
Blog Entries: 1
I don't think it matters who started it, or that you were drinking the first time - you then did it again..and again....

My advice is pack a bag and leave - don't look back.

Personally I think your brother needs to know - definitely about her, and really about you too, ChangeMy Life - but...that's up to you.

Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
SlvrMag (08-08-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 03:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
fourmaggie's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! this is a moral should have pushed her off you AT ONCE...and left the home....its called CHOICES!! you made this one...and its a biggie....DO you not have any self worth?? and no respect for your brother....? ooh god I can go on about this.....BAD BAD BAD!!

no take responsiblity for your behaviour!!
~~Just for today i will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but i will have it~~JUST FOR TODAY
~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ANONYMOUS
fourmaggie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2010, 05:28 PM   #5 (permalink)

Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone for your answers almost an hour after I posted this I called my brother and I told him. I would rather tell him on the phone because this couldn't wait until he got back. He hung up on me then called back a few hours later and basically said he's going to ask for a divorce if she doesn't come clean with him WITHOUT him bringing the subject up. He said he still loves me but he wants to go to family therapy before he continues me and his relationship. I feel so bad you have no idea. I told him honestly I found her sexually attractive but I never acted on it nor did I plan this. She text me while I was at work saying very inappropriate things sexual in nature. I forwarded theses to my brother. I can't believe this...I am not this kinda Guy. I feel terrible.
changemylife86 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to changemylife86 For This Useful Post:
ElegantlyWasted (08-08-2010), SlvrMag (08-08-2010)
Old 08-08-2010, 01:21 PM   #6 (permalink)

Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 32
First of all, try and find a quiet moment and breathe. Huge, horrible mistakes can happen but you are taking steps to make it right. It sounds like your sis-in-law might have love and sex addiction problems. You got caught up in it. Yes, you did play a part in it and you will have to figure that out why you are in a place emotionally that you were so vulnerable. There are all kinds of ways you can deal with this. You can check out CODA or SLAA or therapy. You were not in a blackout so you had choice and you made the choice to go ahead so find out why so you can heal. You are not bad but you made a bad choice. I know how that feels. It hurts like hell.
Dini is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 01:36 PM   #7 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 459
OK, BIG mistake.. And i don't think this is the first time for her. Not first or 15th time.

Being honest with your brother is good. What is done is done. But Please learn from this. RUN to the shower the next time. There WILL be a next time with maybe your best friends daugther or wife etc..

I put things in my path so I am not tempted, like another person etc..

Hope you are your brother will be OK. Glad you told him first.

AlwaysGrowing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2010, 01:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
ElegantlyWasted's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Blog Entries: 10
Libertarian Take

Sex can be just sex if you have a meeting of minds with all parties involved. This does not seem to be the case. Your brother was lied to by both you and his wife (not telling is a lie of omission). If he and his wife have an open marriage and his consent; no worries. You need to do what you feel is best to remedy the situation IMHO.
He who neglects what is done for what ought to be done, sooner effects his ruin than his preservation.
ElegantlyWasted is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:25 PM.