The Lighter Side ~ Part 31 - Page 5 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-06-2019, 11:47 AM   #81 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,273
Attached Images
File Type: jpg outdoors.jpg (75.5 KB, 78 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-06-2019), aussieblue (10-06-2019), dandylion (10-06-2019), exzim (10-11-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), Opivotal (10-06-2019), PhoenixJ (10-06-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-06-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019), Tynesider22 (10-09-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 11:48 AM   #82 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,273
"how to remind people that forget how old they are."
Attached Images
File Type: jpg atari.jpg (52.4 KB, 80 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-06-2019), aussieblue (10-06-2019), dandylion (10-06-2019), exzim (10-11-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), Opivotal (10-06-2019), PhoenixJ (10-06-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 03:48 PM   #83 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,273
An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter
and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole
bread?’
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’
The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. ?The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .’
The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’ Sighing, the
Australian replied, ‘of course.’
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘we don’t. In the
States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds
and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and
sell it to Australia ..
The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’
The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’ The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’
‘We throw them away, of course!’
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States . Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’?
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-06-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-06-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 03:50 PM   #84 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,273
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,

And every year Morris would say,

‘Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’

Esther always replied,

‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,

And fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,

‘Esther, I’m 85 years old.

If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

To this, Esther replied,

‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet

for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,

‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.

I’m impressed!’

Morris replied,

‘Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Esther fell out,

But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-06-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), Opivotal (10-06-2019), PhoenixJ (10-06-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-06-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 03:54 PM   #85 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,273
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. ”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a @#**% wall!
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-06-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), Opivotal (10-06-2019), PhoenixJ (10-06-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-06-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 04:26 PM   #86 (permalink)
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lakes
Posts: 54,267
Tomsteve, you are the King of the Laughs, hahaha.
__________________


Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
Ann is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-06-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-15-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-06-2019, 07:39 PM   #87 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 79,631
Blog Entries: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Tomsteve, you are the King of the Laughs, hahaha.
Yes, indeed you are! I can always count on your for wonderful hilarious jokes. You're a good guy TS and we love you!
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), oldsoul112249 (10-06-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-06-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:11 AM   #88 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-15-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:12 AM   #89 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-15-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:13 AM   #90 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
Today, my son came to me and gave me a hug – out of the blue. I was very pleasantly surprised – that is, until I heard him tell his father, “You’re right. She did gain weight.”
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:13 AM   #91 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
I proposed to my ex-wife. But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-08-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:15 AM   #92 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
I’ve always thought I will discover my inner self through some eastern philosophies, not because of a stupid single-ply toilet paper from Walmart!
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 12:16 AM   #93 (permalink)
Member
 
Rekviem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 26
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
Rekviem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Rekviem For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-07-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 06:00 AM   #94 (permalink)
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lakes
Posts: 54,267
Rekviem!

You are Rodney Dangerfield come back to life.
__________________


Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
Ann is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-07-2019), least (10-07-2019), Mags1 (10-07-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tomsteve (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019), venuscat (10-07-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 10:37 PM   #95 (permalink)
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Somewhere Out There
Posts: 25,370
__________________
"So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key."
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
suki44883 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-08-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-09-2019), exzim (10-11-2019), least (10-08-2019), Mags1 (10-08-2019), Opivotal (10-08-2019), PhoenixJ (10-07-2019), tootsl1 (10-07-2019), trailmix (10-08-2019), Treerat66 (10-07-2019), venuscat (10-08-2019)
Old 10-07-2019, 11:47 PM   #96 (permalink)
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 9,919
Blog Entries: 8
Would that not depend whether it was a left footed or right footed chicken? that is so the sort of thing I would have done!
__________________
Even though we haven't all travelled down the same road, we are all on the same journey

" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
tootsl1 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to tootsl1 For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-08-2019), aussieblue (10-10-2019), dandylion (10-09-2019), exzim (10-11-2019), least (10-08-2019), Mags1 (10-08-2019), Opivotal (10-08-2019), PhoenixJ (10-11-2019), suki44883 (10-08-2019), Treerat66 (10-08-2019), venuscat (10-08-2019)
Old 10-11-2019, 07:08 PM   #97 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,527
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-12-2019), aussieblue (10-13-2019), least (10-11-2019), Mags1 (10-11-2019), PhoenixJ (10-11-2019), tootsl1 (10-12-2019), Treerat66 (10-12-2019), venuscat (10-12-2019)
Old 10-11-2019, 07:10 PM   #98 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,527
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-12-2019), aussieblue (10-13-2019), least (10-11-2019), Mags1 (10-11-2019), PhoenixJ (10-11-2019), tootsl1 (10-12-2019), Treerat66 (10-12-2019), venuscat (10-12-2019)
Old 10-11-2019, 07:21 PM   #99 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,527
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-12-2019), aussieblue (10-13-2019), dandylion (10-13-2019), Dee74 (10-11-2019), least (10-11-2019), Mags1 (10-11-2019), PhoenixJ (10-11-2019), tootsl1 (10-12-2019), trailmix (10-15-2019), Treerat66 (10-12-2019), venuscat (10-12-2019)
Old 10-11-2019, 07:23 PM   #100 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Opivotal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 34,527
Opivotal is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Opivotal For This Useful Post:
Ann (10-12-2019), aussieblue (10-13-2019), least (10-11-2019), Mags1 (10-11-2019), PhoenixJ (10-11-2019), tootsl1 (10-12-2019), trailmix (10-15-2019), Treerat66 (10-12-2019), venuscat (10-12-2019)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:11 PM.