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Old 05-31-2019, 07:00 AM   #461 (permalink)
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tomsteve…..Yes....funny if written by Cat Stevens....and, even more hilarious if performed by Three Dog Night!

Loving all of the cartoons....
I agree that the dog/ocean photo is beautiful.....very touching....
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Old 05-31-2019, 03:24 PM   #462 (permalink)
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https://www.facebook.com/SoloParaMot...zOTE4MDUzNDY5/
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Old 06-01-2019, 03:28 AM   #463 (permalink)
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Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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Old 06-01-2019, 03:19 PM   #464 (permalink)
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tomsteve …….OMG....would I love to see a prosecutor given that kind of feedback….
There is a scene in the movie "Midnight in The Garden of Good and Evil" (directed by Clint Eastwood)…..where Madam Chable is cross-examined....that is similar....
She even gives some advice to some of the jury members....
She causes a near riot in the courtroom......fabulous!
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Old 06-01-2019, 05:17 PM   #465 (permalink)
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Oh, Dandy, Midnight in the Garden of Evil is my very favourite book every, I have almost worn it out for reading it and I have a hard cover copy signed by John Berendt (the author). The movie was very good but the book is even better, I have both.

That book inspired me to stop in Savannah's Historic District on our way to Florida and for years we would stop for at least a week just to soak in the Savannah charm. It was love at first sight.

Sorry to go on and on and on...

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Old 06-01-2019, 06:32 PM   #466 (permalink)
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Dealing with bureaucracy, or, Spanish red tape (sub-titled), runs 3:30 -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wtbQUaC9mE

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Old 06-02-2019, 01:27 AM   #467 (permalink)
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Oh Caramel, that is horrifyingly accurate!!!
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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
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Old 06-02-2019, 12:26 PM   #468 (permalink)
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Anniversary Wishes

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 50th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was eighty.
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Old 06-02-2019, 12:28 PM   #469 (permalink)
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When I Die

One lazy Sunday morning, a man and his wife were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table. Unexpectedly, the man said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other jerk using my stuff.”

She looked at him intently and said, “What makes you think I’d marry another jerk?”
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Old 06-02-2019, 12:30 PM   #470 (permalink)
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An Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquirer about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What could be the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”
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Old 06-02-2019, 12:30 PM   #471 (permalink)
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Home Cooked Meal

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook….”
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Old 06-02-2019, 04:03 PM   #472 (permalink)
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All of the above!
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:13 AM   #473 (permalink)
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:07 PM   #474 (permalink)
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Lol, PJ.

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Old 06-04-2019, 12:45 AM   #475 (permalink)
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^^^^this always catches me out as my first pet was Pip, but I'm always being told it isn't long enough to use as an answer??? So then I have to try and remember which pet I used.... was it the next, or the first I owned as an adult??? Eventually they give up and ask my mothers maiden name. ^^^^^^
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" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
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Old 06-04-2019, 06:28 AM   #476 (permalink)
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LMAO toots.
And similar issue for me....and now I want to do the cheeky names you make up by using the name of your first pet and first street you lived in.....mine is Jinx Paschal. I think that's hysterical.
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Old 06-05-2019, 12:43 AM   #477 (permalink)
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In Scotland we call our layabout youngsters Neds... non-educated delinquents, online you can access a site that if you type in your own name it will give you a Ned name.... mine is Manky Skants! I guess all y'all know my new 'first pet's name' from now on!!!
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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:19 AM   #478 (permalink)
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Dusty Grainger. Hmmm...sounds like a stripper.
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:40 AM   #479 (permalink)
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fuzzy dice-still in style!
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Old 06-05-2019, 05:42 AM   #480 (permalink)
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id never do that!
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