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Old 05-01-2019, 04:03 PM   #361 (permalink)
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Old 05-02-2019, 06:33 AM   #362 (permalink)
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An old geezer became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr.Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer’s clinic.

Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: Aaagh !!—“This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back.That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, —that is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr.Young: “My eyesight has become weak—- I can hardly see anything!!!!

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, ” Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story —Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:06 AM   #363 (permalink)
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:10 AM   #364 (permalink)
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Oh yeah.....that was awesome!!!!!
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:21 AM   #365 (permalink)
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A state trooper in Kansas made a traffic stop of an elderly lady for speeding on U.S. 166 just East of Sedan, KS. He asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to him.

In with the cards, he was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a concealed carry permit. He looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time. She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something, body language, or the way she said it, made him want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now he had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.

He then asked her “Ma’am, you sure carry a lot of guns. What are you so afraid of?”

She looked him right in the eye and said, “Not a darn thing!”
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Old 05-03-2019, 01:39 PM   #366 (permalink)
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Again,
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Old 05-03-2019, 02:28 PM   #367 (permalink)
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love it!!!
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Old 05-04-2019, 01:44 AM   #368 (permalink)
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^^^^ ^^^^
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Old 05-04-2019, 06:14 PM   #369 (permalink)
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Old 05-04-2019, 07:00 PM   #370 (permalink)
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Old 05-05-2019, 07:56 AM   #371 (permalink)
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Old 05-05-2019, 03:18 PM   #372 (permalink)
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Old 05-05-2019, 06:21 PM   #373 (permalink)
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Don't they know that all they have to do is open a can of Fancy Feast.
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Live your joy,
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Old 05-07-2019, 07:50 AM   #374 (permalink)
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Old 05-07-2019, 08:17 AM   #375 (permalink)
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Old 05-07-2019, 08:18 AM   #376 (permalink)
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Old 05-07-2019, 08:20 AM   #377 (permalink)
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The Blonde Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here, “she cried,” one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!
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Old 05-07-2019, 03:30 PM   #378 (permalink)
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Old 05-07-2019, 06:16 PM   #379 (permalink)
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Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
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Old 05-07-2019, 08:21 PM   #380 (permalink)
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