The Lighter Side ~ Part 26 - Page 23 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Social Groups > Recovery Follies
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read




Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-11-2018, 03:32 AM   #441 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
Playing Cops' Game

Last night I was at a party and had a beer or two, but wasn’t even dizzy, let alone drunk. After the party I got into my car and two minutes later noticed flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I slowed down, pulled over, got my documents ready, and rolled down my window. A cop walks over and says the usual:

– Good evening Sir, can I see your license and registration? Have you had anything to drink tonight?

– Evening officer. I was just on my way home from a party and did have two beers, but nothing more than that.

– Hmmmm, two beers? That’s it? You sure you didn’t have a few more drinks? Let me ask you something. Let’s say that you are in an dark street and you see two lights coming towards you. What do you think that is?

– I suppose that would be a car.

– Yes, it is a car, but what kind of car: a Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?

– No idea, the street is dark. No way I could tell the car make!

– Alright, let me ask you something else. Same street, but this time you see only one light. What would that be?

– I presume a motorcycle.

– Yes, that’s right but what kind of a motorcycle: a Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley Davidson?

– No idea officer.

– Hmmm, I think you had a bit too much to drink. Can you please step out of the vehicle?

– Sure, but let me ask you one question officer. You’re driving down a dark alley and see a woman wearing a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, and high heels. Who is she?

– She’s obviously a prostitute.

– Yes, she is, but is she your mother, your sister or your daughter?

Needless to say, I was immediately charged with drunk driving and taken downtown for processing. But I wasn’t drunk, I swear.
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), dandylion (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 03:33 AM   #442 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
Wrong Diagnosis


An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn’t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can’t find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can’t come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, “I’m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, “That’s impossible! That can’t be!”
The Doctor says, “What do you mean? I’m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it’s NOT old age?”
The patient answers, “I’m no doctor but it doesn’t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you’re mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine.”
“So what?” says the doctor “What difference does that make?”
“Well it doesn’t hurt a bit, and it’s the SAME AGE!”
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), dandylion (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 03:56 AM   #443 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
i finally like cats!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg bacon.jpg (30.0 KB, 61 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), dandylion (07-11-2018), exzim (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 03:59 AM   #444 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
yeah, thats it!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg crazy.jpg (93.7 KB, 63 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), dandylion (07-11-2018), exzim (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 04:38 AM   #445 (permalink)
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lakes
Posts: 51,592
__________________


Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
Ann is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), exzim (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tomsteve (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 05:14 AM   #446 (permalink)
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 12,944
Ann.....I think the cat must have been watching "The View"......
__________________
dandylion
dandylion is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-11-2018), exzim (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tomsteve (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 08:53 AM   #447 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
so thats how its done!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg lawn.jpg (45.6 KB, 57 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), biminiblue (07-12-2018), Canadian Koala (07-12-2018), dandylion (07-11-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 10:23 AM   #448 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
ill never hear the right lyrics again!
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-11-2018), aussieblue (07-11-2018), Canadian Koala (07-12-2018), exzim (07-12-2018), Gilmer (07-11-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 07:59 PM   #449 (permalink)
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 12,944
tomsteve…Tim Hawkins is sooo talented.....
I think I would like to party with him......
__________________
dandylion
dandylion is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), Canadian Koala (07-12-2018), Gilmer (07-12-2018), honeypig (07-11-2018), least (07-11-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tomsteve (07-12-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 08:18 PM   #450 (permalink)
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,085
Quote:
Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
tomsteve…Tim Hawkins is sooo talented.....
I think I would like to party with him......
And perhaps afterwards you could stop at Chick-Fil-A for a bite!
__________________
“The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination.” ~John H. Schaar
honeypig is online now  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to honeypig For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), Canadian Koala (07-12-2018), dandylion (07-12-2018), Gilmer (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tomsteve (07-12-2018), tootsl1 (07-11-2018), Treerat66 (07-11-2018)
Old 07-11-2018, 11:39 PM   #451 (permalink)
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 9,261
Blog Entries: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ View Post
Here are some real businesses that failed- because of their name..

Phartronic Electronics
Analtech (Chromatographic plates)
Morning Wood design furniture
Pho King (takeaway)
.
That’s it! I’m going to start a coffin manufacturing company and call it Mourning Wood!!!
__________________
Even though we haven't all travelled down the same road, we are all on the same journey

" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
tootsl1 is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tootsl1 For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), Canadian Koala (07-12-2018), dandylion (07-12-2018), Gilmer (07-12-2018), honeypig (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), PhoenixJ (07-11-2018), tomsteve (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-12-2018)
Old 07-12-2018, 04:37 AM   #452 (permalink)
Member
 
Gilmer's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 27,917
What was so funny about the Chick-Fil-A song?

Every word of it is absolutely true!

I really could eat there seven times a day!
__________________
I'll take your part when darkness comes.
Gilmer is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Gilmer For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), dandylion (07-12-2018), honeypig (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), PhoenixJ (07-12-2018), tomsteve (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-13-2018), Treerat66 (07-12-2018)
Old 07-12-2018, 06:19 AM   #453 (permalink)
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 16,071
Blog Entries: 2
The main highway- to the 'outback' (North) is sparse and dry- flat lands with scrub cattle and sheep. The very edge od metro Adelaide is , or rather was always a barren looking place- that had one big 'last stop' hotel and an old service station.....I drove past there a few weeks before...a huge new service station and a huge 2 story building next to it....remember nothing for miles...except barren flatlands...except Krispy Kreme.
PhoenixJ is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to PhoenixJ For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), dandylion (07-13-2018), Gilmer (07-12-2018), honeypig (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), tomsteve (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-13-2018), trailmix (07-12-2018), Treerat66 (07-12-2018)
Old 07-12-2018, 11:01 AM   #454 (permalink)
Member
 
Gilmer's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 27,917
Krispy Kreme warm glazed donuts! Mmmmmmmm!
__________________
I'll take your part when darkness comes.
Gilmer is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Gilmer For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-12-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), dandylion (07-13-2018), honeypig (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), PhoenixJ (07-12-2018), tomsteve (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-13-2018), Treerat66 (07-12-2018)
Old 07-12-2018, 03:46 PM   #455 (permalink)
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lakes
Posts: 51,592
Bring on the Krispy Kreme!!
__________________


Live your joy,
Go against the grain.
Don’t be made timid by worried rejection.
Let nature’s curious wisdom fill you.
Let the world’s mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
~Thomas Moore
Ann is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
aussieblue (07-13-2018), dandylion (07-13-2018), Gilmer (07-12-2018), honeypig (07-12-2018), least (07-12-2018), PhoenixJ (07-12-2018), tomsteve (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-13-2018), Treerat66 (07-12-2018)
Old 07-13-2018, 12:49 AM   #456 (permalink)
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 9,261
Blog Entries: 8
Krispy Kreme hit the U.K. a coupla years back, ridiculously expense and completely addictive! I have to avoid them like the plague if I don’t want my ass to have its own zip code!
__________________
Even though we haven't all travelled down the same road, we are all on the same journey

" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
tootsl1 is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to tootsl1 For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-14-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), dandylion (07-13-2018), exzim (07-13-2018), Gilmer (07-13-2018), honeypig (07-13-2018), least (07-13-2018), PhoenixJ (07-13-2018), tomsteve (07-13-2018), Treerat66 (07-14-2018)
Old 07-13-2018, 03:25 AM   #457 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 14,048
Attached Images
File Type: jpg muppets.jpg (57.8 KB, 29 views)
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
aussieblue (07-13-2018), Caramel (07-13-2018), exzim (07-13-2018), Gilmer (07-13-2018), honeypig (07-13-2018), least (07-13-2018), PhoenixJ (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-14-2018), Treerat66 (07-14-2018)
Old 07-13-2018, 03:26 AM   #458 (permalink)
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 16,071
Blog Entries: 2
VERY wise, them Sweedeeish
PhoenixJ is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to PhoenixJ For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-14-2018), aussieblue (07-13-2018), Gilmer (07-13-2018), honeypig (07-13-2018), least (07-13-2018), tootsl1 (07-14-2018), Treerat66 (07-14-2018)
Old 07-14-2018, 12:02 AM   #459 (permalink)
Member
 
Tynesider22's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2017
Location: Tyne and Wear, UK
Posts: 612
Used a public gents toilets a couple of weeks ago. Someone had wrote on the wall in front of the urinals.

"The future of this country is now in your hands".
__________________
Take 2.
Tynesider22 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Tynesider22 For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-14-2018), dandylion (07-14-2018), Gilmer (07-14-2018), honeypig (07-14-2018), least (07-14-2018), PhoenixJ (07-14-2018), tomsteve (07-14-2018), tootsl1 (07-14-2018), Treerat66 (07-14-2018)
Old 07-14-2018, 01:18 AM   #460 (permalink)
Living and Loving Life at Last
 
tootsl1's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 9,261
Blog Entries: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tynesider22 View Post
Used a public gents toilets a couple of weeks ago. Someone had wrote on the wall in front of the urinals.

"The future of this country is now in your hands".
I like the one that says ‘while you’re reading this, you’re peeing on your shoes’! Not that I spend a lot of time perusing the walls of men’s toilets...

That chef, what humour! Never had him for a Shoopin flerpty dur guy! More of a Floobdy boop doop chap
__________________
Even though we haven't all travelled down the same road, we are all on the same journey

" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis.
tootsl1 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to tootsl1 For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-14-2018), Gilmer (07-14-2018), honeypig (07-14-2018), least (07-14-2018), PhoenixJ (07-14-2018), tomsteve (07-14-2018), Treerat66 (07-14-2018), Tynesider22 (07-14-2018)
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:14 AM.