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Old 11-11-2017, 05:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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The Lighter Side ~ Part 23


New Thread Continues From Here.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...part-22-a.html (The Lighter Side ~ Part 22)
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 11-11-2017, 08:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 11-11-2017, 08:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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“The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination.” ~John H. Schaar
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Old 11-11-2017, 04:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks for the new thread, Opi, you're the best!!!!
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I looked up the 'whentospay.org' that I saw on the pug's body and found this:

Spay and Neuter Early ? a Humane Alliance Campaign | When to Spay
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Ann...concerning the ark cartoon.....god actually outdid himself when Cat was created. One of his better works....one o f infinite attractiveness.....
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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honeypig...the photo of the lab re m inds me of my German Shepard. I would get these very large bones...large....fr om the butcher. Two at a time....one for him and one for Angel, our other dog. Jake, the German Shepard was so gentle and so polite and obedient.....but, I remember seeing him with both of those enormous bones in his mouth...looking for a place in the yard to bury both of them!
Even the best of us have our weaknesses.....
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:05 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Angry Call
An angry wife calls her husband who has missed dinner and yells, “Where the heck are you?”

The husband replies, “Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, and I said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?”

Wife, with a smile and blushing softens and says, “Yeah I remember that my love!”

Husband says, “I’m in the pub just next to that shop.”
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:08 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Husband’s Promotion
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”
“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says, “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”
The clerk replies, “Canned or frozen?”
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Curing Fears
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink in search of a solution.
“Just put yourself in my hands for a few months”, said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?” I asked.
“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”, he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week is almost a $1000 a month and my bartender cured me for $10.00.”
“Is that so?” the doctor said, with a bit of an attitude. “And just how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:10 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Nurses at the Gates
Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise.

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.”

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently.

The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…for five days!”
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Old 11-12-2017, 10:12 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I want to be the Vice President of Peas! Frozen ones, not yucky mushy canned ones...



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Old 11-12-2017, 03:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I want to be the Vice President of Peas! Frozen ones, not yucky mushy canned ones...
True story. When I first hit menopause I craved frozen peas...I HAD TO HAVE FROZEN PEAS!! Bubba would buy me the jumbo bag because I would microwave them in a big bowl and eat the entire bowl. Not sure why but I just had to have those frozen (not canned) peas. I mentioned this to my doctor and she said that there were worse things to crave, have at it with the peas.

It lasted about a year, then stopped. I still like frozen peas but have never craved them again.
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Old 11-13-2017, 12:29 AM   #17 (permalink)
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A humpback whale is buying a ticket to see the movie- Moby Dick.
The ticket guy says 'what are YOU doing?'
Says the whale..' I liked the book so much, I came to see the movie'.
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Old 11-13-2017, 12:30 AM   #18 (permalink)
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THAT JOKE just works so well on so many levels.
OH! How we laughed and laughed.
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:03 AM   #19 (permalink)
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honeypig.....trust me, I HAVE been giving peas a chance! (wink)......
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Old 11-13-2017, 02:29 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I know you have, dandy, I know you have!!
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