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Old 08-12-2017, 01:23 PM   #221 (permalink)
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Old 08-12-2017, 02:42 PM   #222 (permalink)
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vrkeC2uEUY
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
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"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 08-12-2017, 07:39 PM   #223 (permalink)
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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 08-13-2017, 05:21 PM   #224 (permalink)
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I found a spider in my shoes, he looks ridiculous!

They're way too big for him!
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:56 PM   #225 (permalink)
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That poor spider- with delusions of grandeur, wondering where the other 7 shoes were.
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Old 08-14-2017, 05:07 AM   #226 (permalink)
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That poor spider- with delusions of grandeur, wondering where the other 7 shoes were.
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Old 08-14-2017, 08:44 AM   #227 (permalink)
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I had a girlfriend once......True story!
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Old 08-15-2017, 05:28 AM   #228 (permalink)
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Let's please remember this is a family friendly forum. I've received multiple member complaints concerning the drinking, body parts, and fart jokes. These types of jokes are now off limits. Some posts were removed as per our Rule#9.

Thank you for respecting our rules and our members.


9. If it shouldn't be viewed by minors, then it shouldn’t be posted to the forums or chat rooms. This is a public, family-friendly forum. In addition, if something would not be considered “work safe” (to a boss or co-worker), then it shouldn’t be posted.
It is against the rules to circumvent the automatic censor, including the chat filter.
The filter is used to help prevent inappropriate or vulgar content from being posted on the forums or into chat. Please do not attempt to bypass this filter by using symbols, [email protected]#$%^&*(), spaces, or any other methods of attempting to reveal a word that would otherwise be blocked by the filtering system.
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Old 08-15-2017, 06:07 AM   #229 (permalink)
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Ooops
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:14 AM   #230 (permalink)
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Dad’s Birthday
On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around to their activities. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough. He pulled over and addressed the kids.

“Kids,” he said, “if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me.”

Our six-year-old smarty pants shot back, “Too late dad, we already got you another present.”
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:16 AM   #231 (permalink)
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Marriage Seminar
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.

“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”

The instructor addressed one man in the audience, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”

While the man broke some sweat realizing he doesn’t know the answer, Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:17 AM   #232 (permalink)
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Order in the Court
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the presence of the judge.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.”
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:11 AM   #233 (permalink)
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:14 AM   #234 (permalink)
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Order in the Court
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the presence of the judge.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.”
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
That killed me!
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:17 AM   #235 (permalink)
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TomSteve.....Your joke about the flower/flour reminds me of a real situation of mine.....(true story)....
When my husband (the good one) and I were early dating .....we were out for a Sunday drive. Mind you, I had already taken quite a shine to him. I thought I would, cleverly, lure him into a discussion about the status of our relationship.....
So I said, "Andy, do you know anything about bonding? He said, without missing a beat..."Oh, sure---you mean, as a way of raising funds?"
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Old 08-15-2017, 10:41 AM   #236 (permalink)
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Do I exercise often?

Well sure I do, I run my mouth a lot!
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Old 08-15-2017, 11:52 AM   #237 (permalink)
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Welcome to the psychiatric hotline.

If you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder please press 1 repeatedly!
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Old 08-15-2017, 12:00 PM   #238 (permalink)
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TomSteve.....Your joke about the flower/flour reminds me of a real situation of mine.....(true story)....
When my husband (the good one) and I were early dating .....we were out for a Sunday drive. Mind you, I had already taken quite a shine to him. I thought I would, cleverly, lure him into a discussion about the status of our relationship.....
So I said, "Andy, do you know anything about bonding? He said, without missing a beat..."Oh, sure---you mean, as a way of raising funds?"
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

reading it i was thinking he was gonna say," sure! what are we bonding- wood to wood? plastic to wood? metal to metal?"

seriously, that would have been my reply.
but THAT was good!
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Old 08-15-2017, 12:44 PM   #239 (permalink)
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A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."

The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus"
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Old 08-15-2017, 01:50 PM   #240 (permalink)
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