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Old 02-10-2019, 05:45 PM
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tuesday

well tuesday is it. The day I go away on my own in a hotel room for 3 days.
I am having a hard time separating this apprehension i feel from the AV. I dont drink anymore. So why wont the AV just shut up and take that answer? Yes I know the first beer would be nice, but the days, weeks, month and years after when I listen to it talking me into more life destroying would be hell.

Anywho. It cant make me drink. I just wish I could make it shut up.
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Old 02-10-2019, 06:34 PM
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would the first beer be nice tho HFA?

Knowing what you know, knowing where drinking takes you, and knowing it all starts with one drink - nice is a pretty loaded descriptor.

you might have to grill the AV a bit more on that one?

D
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Old 02-10-2019, 07:16 PM
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HFA, one thing that always helped me was to question those thoughts. what about that beer would be nice?what would it do for me? ah, it might do THAT! okay, so....what is this THAT that i want and is it something i want or really need? and how else can i get what i really need?

this process invariably brought me to realizations about myself in those moments and also in general. it helped because not drinking was a foregone conclusion and so i could go, undistractedly, into figuring out what was really the concern.
once i figured that out, i could look at my options of what to do about where i was at.
great you are thinking about this ahead of time. gives you the chance to plan.
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Old 02-10-2019, 08:00 PM
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Have you decided you will no longer drink? If you havenít already , you certainly can and mean it, yeah?

If you have removed the option , then if your AV was quiet , youíd know you wonít drink on Tuesday. Youíd also be able to know that even if it doesnít shut up you wonít drink on Tuesday.

Do you want it to shut up so you wonít have an option to change your mind? Or just to remove an irritant?

Itís presence canít chamge your mind, only you can do that.

Maybe the act of trying to silence It is causing the annoyance. Perhaps just letting it be, recognizing it ,acknowledging it and observing it but then doing nothing else about it will lessen any Ďpowerí its mere presence suggests.

You have all the power , your decision and resolve are Ďin chargeí, IT has no power whether it shuts up or not. Youíre not going to decide to go back to being a drunk based on whether or not it shuts up, yeah?

You may not be able to make it shut up, but you do have control over how you react and even feel about itís presence. You can actually decide to not be annoyed by It, or fear It.

You could even decide to laugh at it , sense Itís squirming and know that pathetic parasite has absolutely no way to indulge Its desire because You no longer drink, You broke the illusion of consequenceless pleasure and decided to never put yourself back into that state of bondage.

Are you going to be any more willing on Tuesday to make that deal than you were yesterday?

ITís trying to tell You that you canít trust yourself , what do You say?
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:03 PM
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Would that first beer be "really nice."

I mean, aside from the horror show that you're opening yourself up to, and what it will lead to. That's a given.

But let's parse it out. What's so great about having a beer?

You might feel a bit less socially anxious, and a bit more relaxed.

But you will also feel a bit dizzy, fuzzy, disconnected. Alcohol is a sedative. Why is sedating yourself "nice?" I think the reason why that first beer so often leads to the second because it's NOT that good. So we alkies have another, trying to find that "nice" place. When in fact, it's really just a myth, a story we convince ourselves is true.

What's so great about being even a little drunk? REALLY? I'm waiting. What is the allure? What is it doing for you?

Alcohol is a really silly drug. It makes you fuzzy, fall down, forget things, laugh a lot and you're really not sure why, act a fool and embarrass yourselves and your friends.

Yeah, that's "nice." That's a real "good time."

No it isn't.

I remember a scientist talking about how useful he finds alcohol. As a lab solvent. But he would no more drink it than he would benzene or ether or any other solvent besides water.

"Fun?" "Nice." Convince me. I'm waiting.

My AV doesn't even exist anymore because I've honestly come to terms with this. Alcohol isn't great. It isn't even good. Even in small quantities.

If you still think it is, you're romanticizing it.
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Old 02-11-2019, 04:32 AM
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Which part of you thinks a beer would be good?

The addicted you?

Or the authentic you who hates being an alcoholic and who's decided to quit for good?

Stand true man.

It's not that you can't. It's that you won't. It's won't power.

I remember in my early days, it was almost like I was afraid to let myself have fun or enjoy myself, or maybe I just didn't know how to anymore without alcohol.

Do something nice for yourself today on your trip. Have a nice dinner, use the hotels facilities, go see a show and the city. There's so many ways to enjoy yourself. Change your perspective.

I thought of quitting as addition through subtraction. I took away one thing and at first it felt like a loss, but that was an illusion from my AV that thought everything revolved around one thing - drinking. The reality was that it opened up so many doors, I just couldn't see it at first because my addiction was blocking the view.
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Old 02-11-2019, 01:32 PM
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Thanks everyone. It really helped with the AV noise. Its funny but just reading these made me realize I was just putting to much weight into ITs whining. It has no power. I chose to drink or not. If IT wants to go down and get a drink with out me, then it can go. Oh wait, IT cant move.

I dont drink . And I will never change my mind.
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Old 02-11-2019, 02:08 PM
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Have a good trip
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Old 02-11-2019, 02:10 PM
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The voice is real. The pleasure in drinking is fiction. Bad pulp fiction.

Another thing that robs the AV of its power.

I found cognitive work very helpful in dealing with cravings.
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Old 03-13-2019, 07:22 PM
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Oh yeah, I went. Wasnt to bad. More on the way there then when actually there.
I went had to go yesterday too all by my self. Not drinking was not a problem. The bad for me food, yeah that was out of control.
Thanks everyone for the replies.
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Old 03-14-2019, 07:17 PM
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Good job on not drinking.

Don't worry about food and weight yet. Plenty of time to work on that. Your body probably needs a lot of good food and calories if you've just stopped drinking. You'll adjust.

One thing at a time is how I did it. Some try to quit everything AND diet and exercise all at the same time. I've never seen that work out well in the long run, but stranger things have happened.
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Old 03-14-2019, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan View Post
Good job on not drinking.

Don't worry about food and weight yet. Plenty of time to work on that. Your body probably needs a lot of good food and calories if you've just stopped drinking. You'll adjust.

One thing at a time is how I did it. Some try to quit everything AND diet and exercise all at the same time. I've never seen that work out well in the long run, but stranger things have happened.
Thanks​Thanks thanks. It's the carbs, I'm just consumingas many carbs in food as I did in beer. Ugh....
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:30 PM
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I'm on keto, so no carbs. I feel really good on it too.
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:53 PM
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The first beer might very well be nice. It is for most normal people. But you and I aren't normal people. There is no such thing as one beer.

I am guessing that you aren't fully convinced that your are an alcoholic, that you can never drink again. Like me, you wish to negotiate with alcohol. It won every time with me.

The alcoholic voice stopped immediately when I accepted that I was irrevocably an alcoholic or, as the saying goes, I was a pickle and once a pickle you can never be a cucumber again.

Accept it fully and the way ahead will become clear.

It gets better...

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