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Old 11-24-2018, 11:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
No Matter What.
 
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I started smoking dirty cigarettes again.


It started as one here or there and slowly crept back up to half a pack a day. Been going on for a few months and I already hate it again.... so now I need to quit... again....

It started at work, where we are going through a work disruption and strikes right now, so there's been a lot of stress and uncertainty. I haven't been handling it well - but smoking dirty cigarettes isn't helping and it's not going to help.

As I get ready to write out my BP for cigarettes, I can "hear" my AV sending me anxiety about Monday and how I won't be able to abstain once I get to work, but screw you tobacco AV, Yes I will! You aren't the boss of me!

IT's also telling me to wait until all this work stress is over, wait till NY's, wait till tomorrow, or next week, but not today, not right now, this very minute. But I say yes, right now, I will never pick up another dirty cigarette and light it up and inhale it into my lungs again. And I will never change my mind. No matter what.

My lungs are already thanking me.

Let the withdrawal begin!
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You can do it BJ

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Old 11-27-2018, 09:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You got this. Few months and your lungs will be back to normal.
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Old 11-27-2018, 10:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
No Matter What.
 
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4 days in and the worst is behind me.

It was stupid of me to start again. All it took was a few weeks and I was already breaking my own smoking rules as fast as I could make them, and smoking more and more each day. Every time I bought another pack I promised myself it would be the last.... Terrible habit. Just goes to show that with any old addiction, all it takes is the one to get the whole sh*t show started back up again.

I use a little mantra to help. I tell myself NOPE, Not One Puff Ever. Or the AVRT method, I never smoke. Both are effective.

Strike ended yesterday with legislation forcing us back to work. Not the outcome my union was hoping for, but at least it's over. I don't ever want to go thru another, it was highly stressful, and in the end all for nothing. The greedy corporations always win in the end, it's just the world we live in. Sometimes I really feel like I'm working for The Man every night and day! And The Man always finds a way to stick to ya! It's hard not to lose heart sometimes.
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Way to go, BillieJean. Your lungs will thank you!
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BillieJean1 View Post
4 days in and the worst is behind me.

It was stupid of me to start again. All it took was a few weeks and I was already breaking my own smoking rules as fast as I could make them, and smoking more and more each day. Every time I bought another pack I promised myself it would be the last.... Terrible habit. Just goes to show that with any old addiction, all it takes is the one to get the whole sh*t show started back up again.

I use a little mantra to help. I tell myself NOPE, Not One Puff Ever. Or the AVRT method, I never smoke. Both are effective.

Strike ended yesterday with legislation forcing us back to work. Not the outcome my union was hoping for, but at least it's over. I don't ever want to go thru another, it was highly stressful, and in the end all for nothing. The greedy corporations always win in the end, it's just the world we live in. Sometimes I really feel like I'm working for The Man every night and day! And The Man always finds a way to stick to ya! It's hard not to lose heart sometimes.

As a result of our stresses we injure ourselves with drugs and other types of negative behaviour. Awareness of our use or abuse is at least a starter in any battle. N.O.P.E.---Yay!
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Old 11-28-2018, 11:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Way to go BJ!
(knew you would, you're a badass )
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Old 11-30-2018, 08:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I knew if you said you would do it, it would be done. 'No Matter What'!

WTG BillieJean!
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Old 12-22-2018, 11:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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How's it going?

I started smoking in rehab after a 9 near abstinence, and was right back to a pack a day habit. I was able to quit 3-4 months later, fairly easily. 592 days as a non-drinker, 472 days as a non-smoker.

Hope you're still quit.
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Old 12-22-2018, 01:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I had started smoking again but have been abstinent for ??? months now (I had an app to keep track of the time and uninstalled it by accident LOL).

What happened is a familiar story (just replace cigarette with alcohol and it would be a post for the newcomer forum) LOL.
My friend was in the ER and I was very worried that he might not survive and the AV crept up and told me that I needed a cigarette to come my nerves down.

Only one.

I went to the corner store and the clerk told me that they did not sell single cigarettes (I guess because the hospital is in a nice neighborhood LOL). So I bought a pack and decided that I would just smoke 2 and give the rest to my boss who is a smoker... well that worked out well.

Before you know it, I was back to smoking until I decided to call it quit this fall.
I made my big plan and I am sticking to it (I borrowed the Trimpey's book from the library for a refresher and re read it switching cigarettes for alcohol).

For some reason, cigarettes have been a worst addiction for me than alcohol and quitting was definitely much more problematic.

I hope you are staying quit Billie Jean and everyone.... the benefits are so many.

My main reason for quitting was saving money. At 10 bucks a pack and a pack a day that's $300 a month!!! I am not a wealthy woman and being a non smoker really makes a huge difference for me financially.
I was able to do my Holiday shopping without using credit cards or worrying about being on a very tight budget.

Ps: My friend turned out ok. He was diagnosed in May with lung cancer even though he never smoked or drugged (and never drank alcoholically).
He just tested cancer free
Of course, the bloody AV would have loved to capitalize on the fact that a clean living non-smoker got lung cancer but I shut it down quickly.
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Old 12-24-2018, 07:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
No Matter What.
 
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I started smoking dirty cigarettes again - but only at work. Feels so lame writing that out.

I made it a few weeks. I don't know what to say. I guess because it's still sort of casual and I'm not noticing the negative consequences enough to really hate it again to feel firm enough in my quit to stick with it. I keep thinking that because I know I can quit if I really want to bad enough that I don't feel any urgency about quitting just yet. All the old twisted thinking like how I'll quit in the NY lol.

Rereading TNC is a good idea Carlotta. It's a terrible, expensive habit that has zero rewards and I don't want to be standing out in the cold all winter. Plus my kids found one of my packs and just about held an intervention! They gave me the what's what about how they feel about me smoking again.... now I've been leaving them at work.
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Old 01-01-2019, 07:22 PM   #12 (permalink)
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You can so do it Billie Jean!!!!
Make your big plan (or look into something else to help) and stick to it.
I had a chuckle when I re read my post and read yours.
Me:
Quote:
So I bought a pack and decided that I would just smoke 2 and give the rest to my boss who is a smoker... well that worked out well.
you
Quote:
They gave me the what's what about how they feel about me smoking again.... now I've been leaving them at work.
This is exactly like drinking addiction. Thinking that one can just have a couple, hiding bottles from family...
Well, you've shut down the alcohol AV for good and I know that you can totally do the same with the cigarette AV. At 10 bucks a pack, if the beast want to smoke IT can get a job and pay for it.....oops the beast can't get a job because it's useless and can't do anything unless the AV tells you into doing it. You have control of your body and of picking up a smoke tomorrow at work or throwing the pack in the trash...

Anyway, happy new year

hugs
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Old 01-02-2019, 06:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
No Matter What.
 
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$10 a pack! Try $17 here where I live!

I finished the pack I had at work this morning and I didn't go buy another and a few days ago I picked up a new vape pen, so I'm going to use that as a replacement at work. I'd like to be free of all nicotine though.

2018 was the first entire calendar year I went alcohol free since I was like 12 years old.

Time to be able to say the same thing about nicotine.
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Old 01-02-2019, 06:57 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Good! I quit smoking 25 years ago. I had tapered down to one or two per day and had made all kinds of rules about my smoking. Never buy them, only smoke at work, etc. Finally I just thought, "Well, this is dumb. I can let go of my woobie."

The first couple weeks were uncomfortable anyway. Especially at work. Nowhere to run and no pacifier. I had a friend at work who was a recovering alcoholic say, "Yeah, you're uncomfortable without your blankie to soothe you. You'll be okay."

She was right. You got this.
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