Yep, there's still a lot of "nobody can just up and quit on their own and never drink again, it's just not that easy" still floating around in my head. Ugh, if they wouldn't have kept pounding this stuff into my brain with the "You're not trying hard enough" lines. God knows when someone tells me to try harder, I try 10 times harder just out of spite. lol I need one of those Men In Black memory erasers... |
This is a timely discussion for me. I came close to white knuckling tonight. Funnily enough if came on while reading the RR book! "Go on, just go downstairs and have a couple of those beers in the fridge. Follow it up with that bottle of wine." For the first time since making a Big Plan I was tempted and got into a debate with the Beast. Once you start, it's hard to stop – and I had to exercise some willpower. I'm a bit like April in that my AV sometimes makes me think eventually my Beast will get the better of me. And tonight he came quite close. Any tips? I'm starting Part II of RR tomorrow for the second time. |
Sounds like a lot of Beasts are getting agitated lately. Full moon? lol |
Originally Posted by kanamit
(Post 3135742)
For the first time since making a Big Plan I was tempted and got into a debate with the Beast. Once you start, it's hard to stop – and I had to exercise some willpower. I'm a bit like April in that my AV sometimes makes me think eventually my Beast will get the better of me. And tonight he came quite close. Any tips? Next time your Beast acts up, try asking it to give you one good reason why you should drink, other than "to feel good," then ask it to wiggle your fingers. You'll see that it can't do anything, only you can. If you really are afraid, though, consider getting rid of the supply until you get the hang of it. You don't need to prove anything, and you can do the shifting exercises using Youtube videos. Close doesn't count, BTW. :) |
Peace of mind - me. Anxiety accompianed with stinking thinking - Something is stirring within... When I recognize the stirring I stop and focus on my breathing and eventually the clouds pass. Woooooo |
Here and there my AV shows up, maybe just to let me know he's there. I don't try to ignore him anymore. I just look at him sorta like the noisy, smelly guy that gets on the bus and there's no other seats left except the one next to me. Okay, fine, you can ride next to me for a minute, but you're annoying and I'll be glad when we get to your stop. Sometimes, he smells pretty good and has interesting things to say. But I recognize him for what he is, I smile politely, engage in polite conversation, but ultimate we part ways soon enough and go our separate ways. I'm just not a drinker. I have to live in this society, and I can't control who gets not the bus or when. When that charismatic fellow charms me, it still doesn't tempt me to get off the bus with him. Stoopid analogy, yes. But, this happened to me the other day when my husband and I were riding our bikes down by the marina. There's a nice Italian restaurant there, and the restaurant was holding a free wine tasting. We rode past the people sitting outside at tables with big umbrellas, and I could smell their food and even their wine. Lordy, how lovely and romantic was that? For just a minute, I romanticized how lovely it would be if that were my husband and I sipping wine under the umbrellas. How could I deprive myself of such? But the thoughts and attraction were fleeting, and the daydream gave way to the reality of how we wouldn't stop at the "tasting", and we'd be home finishing off several bottles before the night was through. It's sort of a conditioned response these days --> thoughts of wine --> lovely, unrealistic daydream --> memories of overindulgence and hangovers. Like dominos falling in sequence, the end result is always the end result. The imagery works for me. The tricky part is that the AV can sound terribly charismatic if you don't call it on its lies straight away. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. No more, no way, no how, go away. FT |
Originally Posted by failedtaper
(Post 3136127)
It's sort of a conditioned response these days --> thoughts of wine --> lovely, unrealistic daydream --> memories of overindulgence and hangovers. Like dominos falling in sequence, the end result is always the end result. The imagery works for me. "OK, TU, if you listen to this seductive voice in your head telling you to drink, you know that Mr. Beast will be very happy, but how are you going to feel about it tomorrow?" That is usually enough to kill the head noise. A form of shifting, to be sure, since I am alternating between points of view, mine and the Beast's. |
Just wanted to say thanks for this discussion; I've read the whole thing from beginning to end. It really makes sense to me. So...I took the crash course and ordered the book. I'm currently reading the second part. I'm trying it every day, but I guess I'm just not quite getting it. I'll keep practicing, though. At least I'm hopeful now that there might be a way out for me. |
Originally Posted by failedtaper
(Post 3136127)
For just a minute, I romanticized how lovely it would be if that were my husband and I sipping wine under the umbrellas. How could I deprive myself of such? But the thoughts and attraction were fleeting, and the daydream gave way to the reality of how we wouldn't stop at the "tasting", and we'd be home finishing off several bottles before the night was through. It's sort of a conditioned response these days --> thoughts of wine --> lovely, unrealistic daydream --> memories of overindulgence and hangovers. Like dominos falling in sequence, the end result is always the end result. The imagery works for me. The tricky part is that the AV can sound terribly charismatic if you don't call it on its lies straight away. FT |
Originally Posted by oakwood
(Post 3136491)
At least I'm hopeful now that there might be a way out for me. |
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
(Post 3136056)
Your AV is just doing its job, which is to undermine your confidence, so don't argue. Stay in the first person pronoun, "I", and don't let the AV use it. You can talk about IT, but don't talk to it. If you feel like you are on autopilot, try the "vertigo" technique I described in my post earlier. Next time your Beast acts up, try asking it to give you one good reason why you should drink, other than "to feel good," then ask it to wiggle your fingers. You'll see that it can't do anything, only you can. If you really are afraid, though, consider getting rid of the supply until you get the hang of it. You don't need to prove anything, and you can do the shifting exercises using Youtube videos. Close doesn't count, BTW. :) It's just knocked my confidence a bit. I made the mistake of talking to it, as you said. I won't fall for that again! |
With this method what I am taking from it is you do have control over your beast and that your not powerless over your disease & there is no need for a Higher Power to control your life cause your are OK on your own? Even though my best thinking got me into this whole mess I am still expected to trust what is in my head and then follow it? Please don't take offense I am trying to understand all of this as it is very foreign to me. |
I had a similar attack today and again came close to white knuckling. But I said to myself, why are you getting worked up over this? You don't drink, and never will again so you're worrying about someone else's problem: the Beast's. The Beast is worried, you don't need to be so calm down. And then it went and I did indeed film calm. I'm conscious of the fact I still don't fully feel like a lifelong non-drinker and I think it's making me vulnerable. Are there any exercises the engrain the Big Plan into your mind? |
Originally Posted by kanamit
(Post 3136686)
I'm conscious of the fact I still don't fully feel like a lifelong non-drinker and I think it's making me vulnerable. Are there any exercises the engrain the Big Plan into your mind? |
Originally Posted by newby1961
(Post 3136656)
With this method what I am taking from it is you do have control over your beast and that your not powerless over your disease & there is no need for a Higher Power to control your life cause your are OK on your own?
Originally Posted by newby1961
(Post 3136656)
Even though my best thinking got me into this whole mess I am still expected to trust what is in my head and then follow it?
Originally Posted by newby1961
(Post 3136656)
Please don't take offense I am trying to understand all of this as it is very foreign to me. |
Originally Posted by oakwood
(Post 3136491)
Just wanted to say thanks for this discussion; I've read the whole thing from beginning to end. It really makes sense to me. So...I took the crash course and ordered the book. I'm currently reading the second part. I'm trying it every day, but I guess I'm just not quite getting it. I'll keep practicing, though. At least I'm hopeful now that there might be a way out for me. |
Originally Posted by kanamit
(Post 3136686)
I'm conscious of the fact I still don't fully feel like a lifelong non-drinker and I think it's making me vulnerable. A question: Is it you that doesn't feel like a lifelong non-drinker or IT (your Beast)? Let the Beast count time and worry about forever. You just worry about the only time that you can possibly abstain, which is right now, as in "I never now drink." Something to ponder. |
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
(Post 3136956)
The second part of the book is the bulk of the material on AVRT. Make sure you don't skip the ACTION exercises or question sections at the end of each chapter, or at least go back to them after you finish reading the book. Be sure to also read the sample AVRT session transcript in Part III under the heading "The Case of Richard" on pages 274-291. I also recommend that you commit to memory Figure 5 on Page 190 ("The Relapse Anxiety Grid"), or at least bookmark it. If the plus and minus signs in the grid don't make much sense to you, replace "+" with :) and "-" with :( and you should get the idea. Well, geez, that kind of struck me like a ton of bricks. Seemed kind of tough. :wah: Then, when I read about RR (from your signature) I realized I had been wallowing for years in this continuous debate in my head and was always losing. Well, what do you know, I started saying maybe I do have the power. I'll keep working at it. I like the whole concept so there's a good chance of success, I think. |
Originally Posted by oakwood
(Post 3136971)
You were the first one to respond to my introductory post in which I lamented that I didn't know why or how I had gotten to this point. It was a typical newby post, I suppose. Rather than being all sympathetic to me, you essentially said, "Don't worry about all that. What's your plan now?"
Originally Posted by oakwood
(Post 3136971)
Well, geez, that kind of struck me like a ton of bricks. Seemed kind of tough. :wah: Then, when I read about RR (from your signature) I realized I had been wallowing for years in this continuous debate in my head and was always losing. Well, what do you know, I started saying maybe I do have the power.
Originally Posted by oakwood
(Post 3136971)
I'll keep working at it. I like the whole concept so there's a good chance of success, I think. |
My problems with sobriety ended when I took my dog out of the fight. I finally came to my senses after engaging in the mental free-for-all argument raging in my head that went on for years. What am I doing? The answer, when it came to me, was so clear: Quit engaging the enemy. I "tried" various programs, and I even thought about paying for a "sure fire" technique. But I finally settled on something FAR simpler. I have a ONE STEP program: STOP DRINKING. (insert DOC where appropriate) FT |
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