I do not know your history, but since you've already had problems with multiple substances, you may want to include all recreational, non-prescribed, mood-altering drugs in your Big Plan. I'm not suggesting that this is your intent, but many people try to cut a deal with the Beast, such as by going on the so-called "marijuana maintenance" plan, only to find that by doing so, they eventually end up right back where they started.

thanks tu. Yes, been struggling a few years. Had some time in aa, and was doing ok. But getting a sponser was a mistake for me. am private, reserved, so it did not suit me, and i just told her what i thought she wanted to hear. My default setting. I am tapering off codeine at the moment, should be done by the end of this week. Then i will make a big plan for that too. I dont use anything else, except caffeine! Learning that beastie doesnt just use words, but feelings too, like that niggle of self doubt that i can do this. From reading others posts, it can be very subtle and is good at disguising itself as you.

This a quote from the RR website - while I don't agree with everything he says, I like this. This is "get a back bone" recovery!

When your addiction is over, it’s really over, and it’s for you to know and for others to find out. You can help them find out by first defeating the Beast of addiction, and then returning to your family, employer, and community as a solid, predictable character upon whom others can depend. If your family has a problem drinker or drug addict, let it be known to him or her that one-day-at-a-time sobriety is not good enough, and that common decency and family loyalty both demand a personal guarantee of lifetime abstinence from alcohol and other hedonic drugs

So with all the insanity of my life lately, I forgot to keep an eye on my leaky tire on my car. Today I went to my car to go home for lunch and the tire was practically flat. I flipped out. After I got some coworkers to help me fill it up, I was driving home and I heard this in my head, "I'm such a failure. If my tire would've been flat for real I wouldn't have any people to call or money to pay for a tow truck. I can't handle life sober, I'm just not suited for it. I should just go back to my drinking life because I suck at life so much."
Oh what fun it is to have a Beast that turns a flat tire into a drinking excuse. Only an addicted brain could tie those two completely unrelated things together. Flat tire = go drink. Nice. :a043: lol But I didn't drink, don't drink and won't drink. Go stick it Beast.

I love the non-nonsense aspect of RR. It's right up my street! This is epitomised in The Case of Richard on page 274 of RR:TNC. As TU mentioned quite a while ago, if you skipped part III you should still give this bit a read. I think it's one of hte most important parts of the book.

i am still on part one, but if i like a book, no page goes unread. Physically feeling so much better. I calorie count, as alcohol was giving me a spare tyre. Once i took my alcohol into account, there were not many calories left for eating. Now i get to eat, sleep is so much better, and i can go running without half a bottle of wine in me! I have half a box of wine in the shed, left over. When i gave up smoking, i had a pack of cigs in the house for months. Seemed to keep me calm. The more i learn, the more i see what some of the old timers were trying to tell me.

I like this analogy in the book (I paraphrase)

When we are hungry in the supermarket and pass the strawberries in the fruit and veg aisle, we may get the thought "I'm hungry, pick that up and eat it". But straight away, I dismiss the voice that tells me to do that. I don't steal. It is immoral.

In the same way, it is immoral for me to drink, because when I drink, I behave immorally. I drink drive (to the extent I don't know what route I took home) and I take money from my children.

Hey, Butterfly, I like that part, too, and totally feel that way.
I grew up with both parents having serious drinking problems, and then for some stupid reason started to drink myself after a long marriage ended (kids grown up and gone by then). I was so miserable growing up. From a child's perspective I couldn't understand how my parents whom I loved could be that way, treat us the way they did, why they didn't understand how badly their drinking affected us.
I thought it was only my business when I started to drink in my 50's (alone), but then realized I wouldn't be available if an emergency came up and I was needed. I would never be there for people if I was needed if I was drinking--something completely against my values. I realized I have driven to get more (something I would never have dreamed I was capable of). If my blood pressure got out of control from drinking and I suffered a debilitating stroke, I'd be a tremendous burden to my children which could've been avoided. My work suffered to a certain degree and that affected people who depended on me. Emotionally, spiritually and physically it has affected me which in turn affects those around me. I was in denial, too, had that same obliviousness my parents had. It's the hallmark of addiction. I get it now. But that doesn't make it any less wrong. I shudder when I look back (and look all the way back and reflect), and am so grateful it's behind me now.

my teenage daughter was a right cow to me earlier. The beast saw its chance, "see, whats the point in being sober, anyone who has to cope with this kind of abuse etc, etc. Just the sort of event that would have had me drinking a week ago. But i recognized it! Took the dogs for a walk instead, and we resolved it when i returned, instead of me blaming her for my drinking, which is a horrible thing to tell a child.

Good for you, Butterfly! I've been there -- teen daughter. :burns She's a sweetie pie now, though. Hang in there.

she is better than she was!! The av i experienced that time is what my old group would have called the "poor me" voice. But it is actually the "poor it" voice. Also, it is the beast that is powerless over alcohol, not me. Its the beast that is in need of a higher power and that would be me too!

I hope you all don't mind if I pop in here to thank Teminally Unique for explaining AVRT and Rational Recovery so well. AVRT and RR help me so much. I'm so glad we have this thread for those who may find it as helpful as I do.

Love from Lenina

This may well have been posted before, but I found it interesting (much in the same vein and mentions Rational Recovery)
The Lizard Brain Addiction Monster

finished the book. I feel like crying because i have some real hope, and i havn't had that for some time. All those years of struggle, and it was this simple all along.
I had a huge craving last night ...for a really good cup of tea! That's the old me! Thankyou so, so much for taking the trouble for making this thread. Love LB

You are experiencing the Abstinence Commitment Effect (ACE).

There is still some slight doubt in your last post though, which is your AV. Rather than having "some real hope" settle for nothing less than 100% cast-iron guarantee you will never drink again.

I have to laugh a little here, since I read it differently.
"I have some real hope" could mean I have some REAL hope now. Kinda like that's some cute dog you have there = really cute dog. happyface:

I know what you mean but with AVRT we needs to make sure there is no self-doubt!

Very true!

can't remember how i meant it now, but i am a very happy camper!
The beast is suggesting, as i am back to my 'old self' that i can go back to drinking socially, as that was never a problem. I told it that it was welcome to drink socially whenever it liked. I, on the other hand, never now drink.
It is amazing how powerful the way you use words is.
All the codeine withdrawals over too. Trimpey was right, i did not die!!

That's great, Butterfly! So happy for you! :c015: