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Acceptance

Old 10-13-2021, 11:50 PM
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Acceptance

This is going to be long but I am so glad I found this website to be able to talk with people that are or have been through similar situations. Iím not even sure what I am looking to get out of this post but I am hoping this will make letting go easier. I have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend, who is addicted to mostly fake Percocet that are laced with fentanyl and Xanax, for almost a year. When I first met him, I was instantly attracted to him. He was very charming, sweet and romantic. As time has gone on, I see the dark side of him. He lies about using and claims to be ďdrunkĒ. The mood swings, the aggression and yelling, the nodding off, then sweating so much his shirt is completely
soakedÖ all are signs and Iím not stupid. Again, I donít know what my point is here. I hate that he lies to me when I clearly can tell he has taken pills. I donít know if he is smoking the pills or snorting them. Can your inject Percocet that are laced with the fentanyl? Anyway, I thought things were going well as he had been trying to stay sober after leaving detox. He relapsed this past weekend and has been acting so withdrawn, not answering my phone calls and blocking my number. He tells me he loves me, I know I am stupid to think an addict can love someone when they canít love themselves, but itís hard to accept the hard truth. I think personally that my relationship with this person fills a void for me somehow. He tells me he doesnít want to see other women and just wants to be with me but he canít right now because he wants to get life together. I overthink a lot because he manipulates me so much to the point where I feel like Iím going crazy. I get the feeling he is cheating on me but says he never has and never would. I know if he lies about using, he will lie about anything. I have supported him and encouraged him to do what he needs to do to fix his life and have been there every step of the way. I know I cannot change him. He has to do that himself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am new here and I am looking for support. Does it ever get easier? Will he ever recover? Why is it so hard to let go? I have tried to not talk to him. I have gone a few weeks but then the whole I am not talking to him I feel very depressed and it really just ***** me up. I feel like Iím being dragged down and it just makes me really sad because I canít talk to really any family about the situation because I know they will judge me for loving him. I have cried and cried and I feel very hopeless. I can only pray someday he will be healthy and clean. I have tried to walk away and in fact I have even told him I will leave him alone but he always tries to convince me he really cares and loves me and one day we are going to get married so he says. No I donít believe all of that but I do believe he loves me. Iím kind of disgusted with myself for letting this happen and go on for so long. He tells me Iím insecure, needy and that I overthink everything. Which I do because my intuition is usually spot on and I always can feel when the energy is off with him. I want to tell him goodbye. That I canít be a hostage anymore. How do I let go? Do I tell him off and block him? Do I just not say anything and block him completely? I am so in love with him it makes me sick. I appreciate anyone who has read this. I know I will feel better eventually and overcome this it just seems like the impossible right now. Everything in life is temporary.
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Old 10-14-2021, 01:21 AM
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Hi and welcome pinkhearts

I wish we had a crystal ball to be able to tell you what will happen but of course we don’t.

Its reasonable to assume more of the same tho - he might one day decide to turn things round of course…but he may not either.

Thd real question is can you live like this forever, and how much more are you prepared to take?

I say this with utmost kindness, but think there are better, more healthy ways to fill a void…it certainly sounds to me like you deserve better.

You will find a lot of support and understanding here tho. Do also check out our Family and Friends forums as well

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/

D
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Old 10-14-2021, 12:42 PM
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I understand from the other side I was addicted to my prescription pain medication. From my personal experience on the dark side when I relapsed on pills the pain from letting your love ones down . You feel so much guilt I'm not sure about your love relationship but my spouse was accusing me of being unfaithful it just killed me even more. Even though she knew I was abusing my pills it came to a point I couldn't even take them in front of her I would go outside. Today I work on day 518. Day 1 I attempted suicide I looked at myself like what am I killing myself slowly I should just get it over with and jump. My kid had stopped me from that ledge. It will be up to him to stop this life of destruction and it will be up to you if you decide to stay with him. It's your life and choice it will be hard hard work for the both of you.
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