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Boyfriend left without a word...

Old 08-27-2020, 02:46 PM
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Exclamation Boyfriend left without a word...

I have known my boyfriend since we were 14 years old in High School, although we weren't close, we did have some classes together. He was Mr. All-Star and I thought he would graduate, go to college, marry some hot blonde and have two kids and a white picket fence. Our senior year he got addicted to pain pills after he messed up both of his ACL's and life spiraled after that.

He went to college and ended up selling over 250k of drugs a year, and somehow miraculously graduating with a Mechanical Engineering degree despite never going to classes. For the past 9 years he has struggled with drug addiction that has landed him in jail nearly a dozen times, the longest one was a year, and second longest was approximately 4 months. He has no money and has lost everything. I reunited with him because I did something stupid and didn't get my nursing license and ended up in jail last year on May 28, 2019 and that's when we reconnected. I got out on July 23, 2019 and we were virtually "inseparable". He called me twice a day for months, and really seemed to be changing into a new person. He went from 161 pounds to 217 pounds of a healthy weight, reconnected with God, and worked out. His parents are very controlling and wanted him to go to rehab but he really didn't think he needed it, so I supported him in thinking that he didn't need to go. They have to want it for it to work.

Fast forward to May 12, 2020 when I pick him up from jail and bring him home. It felt like a whirlwind romance that ended up with him doing Xanax about 3 weeks into being home to self-medicate for his PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. He felt worthless that he couldn't find a job, and things spiraled out of control really when he got on Facebook and added all the criminals that got out that he knew from jail. Mid-July I went to take my friend home and he nearly overdosed and died if I hadn't taken him to the hospital. He kept telling me though he wanted to try and do this at home, and because I wasn't married to him, he had no job and no money, I did not have the means to spend 17k a month putting him in a rehab facility. We moved to a new house and he stayed clean for 10 days, then collapsed on the bathroom floor from heroin with my Mom visiting us--she was absolutely traumatized.

At this point, our relationship that normally had no other negative points besides his drug use (which shockingly can be possible) became one where I became an absolute control freak constantly searching through his phone while he was asleep and of a co-dependent nature. I finally gave him the ultimatum last week that it was either me or the drugs and I asked him what was more important and he said do you really have to ask me that, Emily? I said yes I do because you continue to choose your wife Heroin over your girlfriend Emily. Saturday night on August 22, 2020, I left for my second job at night waiting tables, yelled goodbye I love you like any other night. I came home and he was gone. No note, nothing.

His father convinced him to go to rehab. And although I am glad in part, I knew it was against his will because he was texting me earlier in the day when I was visiting with my kids with him telling me do not answer the phone if Dad calls you. Since Saturday, I haven't talked to him and his Dad said he took him to a detox facility in Knoxville but won't tell me where. His father has forced him to go to rehab 6 other times in 9 years and he has obviously failed to stay sober. His parents think a geographical cure will work, but it won't. He used to fly all over the country and the world for his job and get drugs. I just don't know if we are over. He didn't take all of his clothes and he didn't leave me a note like he told his father. It looked like he took enough clothes for about five days at the facility and that was it. Selfishly, I know I am co-dependent, but I want to know where we go from here and I feel absolutely gutted with him feeling that he cannot come home. Who knows what his father told him, but it should be HIS decision to go to rehab, not his father's.

Why would he just leave without telling me?
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Old 08-27-2020, 03:09 PM
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Hi confusedlife

I don;t think this is some thing some else can answer for you - we can only guess.

Maybe he wasn't intending to go anywhere but his dad convinced him to, maybe he only intends to be away a few days, or, it has to be said, maybe he feels like the relationship is over,

The really important question is where do you go from here - what does the future look like to you - what future can you see if nothing changes with your BF?

D
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Old 08-27-2020, 05:53 PM
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Hi,,

You wrote " just don't know if we are over. He didn't take all of his clothes and he didn't leave me a note"

He sounds like a hot mess.

You also wrote "Why would he just leave without telling me?"

Who knows? But this sure looks like a brilliant opportunity for you to try to get your own life in order. I'm curious whether or not you - or you and your BF - have ever considered moving away from the area you live in now. I write this because you're both adults and his father/family has no place in the middle of your life together. They or he doesn't seem to recognize this.

I wouldn't worry about your BF (I acknowledge that this is nearly impossible). I'd be willing to bet his dad knows exactly where he is.
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