vaped tonight and took cbd
 

I have been in hell with can't get out of bed depression so I vaped and used cbd tonight. honestly I feel better which makes me want to cry, I had made 9 days after relapsing after 5. I didn't feel anything from the cbd so I vaped. I hope this isn't a weed relapse, I'd it is I might as well just get some weed and get drunk. man I can't do anything right I'm such a failure. why can't I just be normal. everything is so hard. I guess I was blaming my problems on vaping when it wasn't really the main cause of my problems. I feel like I need some drug to function. I'm so messed up. probably going to relapse on everything soon, being dry sucks.
David

The idea that you have to doing something - whether it's weed, alcohol, vapes or smoking is pure addictive voice.

I'd talk to your sponsor David.

I also think you should take a breath and try and relax :)
Your decision wasn't ideal but don't turn mistakes into bigger ones.

I also think there are different kinds of drugs - there are drugs we misuse and then there are meds that help us live a more or less normal life.
Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater as they say.

D

I trashed my vape put soap in it. vaping didn't make me feel any better. I also realize my mental state is what really did it. I'm going to just do my best no more promises. I'm still sober off everything else and I'm not going to do anything else. I'm not a bad person trying to get good I'm a sick person trying to get well. I'm not calling it a relapse off weed because that doesn't help me. vaping didn't help just made me feel like terrible. I messaged my psychiatrist and told her I'm having a very hard time, that I'm very depressed. I just need to get well and take it easy.

I think that messaging your psychiatrist today and telling her that you're struggling was a good idea. You want to get well and you can get well. :)

I'm so glad you didn't drink 100.

Making contact with your psych was a very good idea.

I'm sorry you are struggling. ❤️

Don't be too hard on yourself, hey? You're doing well, all things considered.