Sweet Bitterness
 

Hello,

I've been smoking cigarettes for the past 3-5 years. In the beginning I only smoked on occasion or between classes, it was a nice way to pass the time and to meet new people - nothing like other smokers and that instant connection! I felt cool and I never thought I'd get addicted. I didn't even understand what an addiction was, I thought I could control it... Heh. Overtime, the addiction grew, but I still managed to convince myself that I had everything under control... Even though, I was spending almost $10 everyday or every second day on Belmont. I even started working at my uncle's construction company in order to feed my nicotine "habit". I must have wasted thousands of dollars to destroy my lungs, etc... And yet, I still continue to smoke. Now, that I'm broke, I improvise: I buy rolling paper and I'll go to a local restaurant in the early morning and collect half-burnt tobacco sticks. The addiction is very powerful and shouldn't be messed with... I have tried to stop, over a hundred (hundreds!) times over the years, sometimes succeeding for 2-3months until finally breaking, and then... experiencing the most amazing nicotine-high of my life. At that moment, everything fits and my mind becomes crystal-clear and I begin to doubt the reasons as to why I would wanna quit <- that is the addiction and if you let it come to that point then you have virtually no chance of quitting. It's got you and it won't let go, it just feels too damn good! What you (I'm talking about me, btw) gotta do, is quit and completely remove it from you're mind and don't think about it - NEVER think about it... butt(:)) if you do, scare yourself and do a little research and think about how each puff - in reality - is destroying your body and quality of mind <- I still haven't got that down pat (still smoke!). Anyway, I'm quitting on Monday (June 16th) and I'm determined that nothing, absolutely nothing will stop me... It's over, my turn to take control of the demon and become healthy!

Good for you, AWayOut!
Are you dgoing cool turkey? Or will you use the patch, zyban, chantix, or any other cessation aide?

I'm going back on the chantix again. I'm determined to quit. I did it for two yars before, and I can do it again!

Remember, you're not alone; we're walking with you. :hug:

Shalom!