*****steps And Sponsorship******
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
*****steps And Sponsorship******
Hi, my name is Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
Ive noticed several members looking for sponsors and needing help with Steps.
How good a sponsor am I? When I bring new members to a meeting, do I feel my responsibility has ended? Or do I make it my job to stay with them until they have either become good members of A.A. or have found another sponsor? If the don/t show up for a meeting, do I say to myself:"Well they've had it put up to them, so if they don't want it,there's nothing more I can do?"
Or do I look them up and find out whether there is a reason for their absences or that they don't want A.A.? Do I go out of my way to find if there is anything more I can do to help?
I noticed when i was young in recovery, I found many different meeting to go to. BIG BOOK STUDIES with explain to u in detail how to work the steps or ur program in the order that is needed. Your BB is the "BIBLE" of A.A. It's the manuscript to lead us in learning how to live our lives clean and sober.
IT'S ALL IN THERE. If you dont have a BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS THEN GET YOU ONE.
You may find when u go to meetings the ones that carry a BIG BOOK are the ones that follow the program to a "T" Those r the ones that sit at the head of the table leading a BB study or meetings.
THOSE R SPONSORS.
I for myself was not a BB thumper as they call them, but i thought it was that important to my recovery to read the book every chance i could and the BB studies break the book down so u can understand it.
From there there is the 12x12 STEP BOOK. This is another IMPORTANT BOOK to have in ur possession. It takes each step by chapter and helps u understand it.
There are also STEP WORKBOOKS available to help u work the steps on ur own. It prepares u for when its time to give ur 5TH STEP away to another person.
There is Sponsorship in each of us as we share with each other our own experiences strengths and hope of what it was like before during and after drugs and alcohol. By sharing with someone else, by setting a good example of urself to others on how u r staying sober....which means....going to meetings on a regular bases, listening, sharing in meetings, service work...taking ohers to AA/NA meeting, making coffee, setting up for meetings, fixing chairs etc......
Sitting around a table for a Big BOOK STUDY in which u go on a regular bases week after week...sitting with some of the same members u eventually get to know and trust.....as a whole group that is a good way to WORK THE STEPS. You are all working on the same thing together and thus u never have to feel alone in this recovery journey.
Altho when its time to do ur 5th STEP that is when u do this with one other person u feel comfortable with.
Reputition.....doing the same thing over and over again ...like going to meetings on a regular bases....going to BB Studies on a regular bases.....Step Studies on a regular bases.....seeing what the "old-timers" do or 'newcomers" learning to do on a regular bases is what keeps u sober.
Have u ever seen a miserable sober recoverying person with yrs of sobriety?
Probably not.....u see things in them that u want. Their happiness. Their freedom from getting drunk like they use to. Their Serenity. They didnt achieve this over night. They worked one day at a time..by doing the reputition work of going to meetings daily, BB studies, setting up for meetings, bringing others to meetings...etc....all the things a Sponsor or FRIEND would do in order to stay clean and sober.
The only way one can be miserable is by not going to meetings. By not working the Steps in their everyday affairs. By not having faith in a Higher Power. By not staying in touch with their program. By not sharing their ESH with others. By thinking they can stay clean and sober on their own. Alone. By themselves.
For a newcomer just walking in a meeting and sitting next to u....u extend ur hand in friendship....u read HOW IT WORKS....U share on the topicur ESH .....hold hands at the end of the meeting followed by the Lord's Prayer.....He wants what u have.....U R A SPONSPOR or FRIEND in RECOVERY to them. They want what u have.....
GIVE IT AWAY TO STAY CLEAN AND SOBER.....IT'S CONTAGIOUS.
Thanks for letting me share.
Ive noticed several members looking for sponsors and needing help with Steps.
How good a sponsor am I? When I bring new members to a meeting, do I feel my responsibility has ended? Or do I make it my job to stay with them until they have either become good members of A.A. or have found another sponsor? If the don/t show up for a meeting, do I say to myself:"Well they've had it put up to them, so if they don't want it,there's nothing more I can do?"
Or do I look them up and find out whether there is a reason for their absences or that they don't want A.A.? Do I go out of my way to find if there is anything more I can do to help?
I noticed when i was young in recovery, I found many different meeting to go to. BIG BOOK STUDIES with explain to u in detail how to work the steps or ur program in the order that is needed. Your BB is the "BIBLE" of A.A. It's the manuscript to lead us in learning how to live our lives clean and sober.
IT'S ALL IN THERE. If you dont have a BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS THEN GET YOU ONE.
You may find when u go to meetings the ones that carry a BIG BOOK are the ones that follow the program to a "T" Those r the ones that sit at the head of the table leading a BB study or meetings.
THOSE R SPONSORS.
I for myself was not a BB thumper as they call them, but i thought it was that important to my recovery to read the book every chance i could and the BB studies break the book down so u can understand it.
From there there is the 12x12 STEP BOOK. This is another IMPORTANT BOOK to have in ur possession. It takes each step by chapter and helps u understand it.
There are also STEP WORKBOOKS available to help u work the steps on ur own. It prepares u for when its time to give ur 5TH STEP away to another person.
There is Sponsorship in each of us as we share with each other our own experiences strengths and hope of what it was like before during and after drugs and alcohol. By sharing with someone else, by setting a good example of urself to others on how u r staying sober....which means....going to meetings on a regular bases, listening, sharing in meetings, service work...taking ohers to AA/NA meeting, making coffee, setting up for meetings, fixing chairs etc......
Sitting around a table for a Big BOOK STUDY in which u go on a regular bases week after week...sitting with some of the same members u eventually get to know and trust.....as a whole group that is a good way to WORK THE STEPS. You are all working on the same thing together and thus u never have to feel alone in this recovery journey.
Altho when its time to do ur 5th STEP that is when u do this with one other person u feel comfortable with.
Reputition.....doing the same thing over and over again ...like going to meetings on a regular bases....going to BB Studies on a regular bases.....Step Studies on a regular bases.....seeing what the "old-timers" do or 'newcomers" learning to do on a regular bases is what keeps u sober.
Have u ever seen a miserable sober recoverying person with yrs of sobriety?
Probably not.....u see things in them that u want. Their happiness. Their freedom from getting drunk like they use to. Their Serenity. They didnt achieve this over night. They worked one day at a time..by doing the reputition work of going to meetings daily, BB studies, setting up for meetings, bringing others to meetings...etc....all the things a Sponsor or FRIEND would do in order to stay clean and sober.
The only way one can be miserable is by not going to meetings. By not working the Steps in their everyday affairs. By not having faith in a Higher Power. By not staying in touch with their program. By not sharing their ESH with others. By thinking they can stay clean and sober on their own. Alone. By themselves.
For a newcomer just walking in a meeting and sitting next to u....u extend ur hand in friendship....u read HOW IT WORKS....U share on the topicur ESH .....hold hands at the end of the meeting followed by the Lord's Prayer.....He wants what u have.....U R A SPONSPOR or FRIEND in RECOVERY to them. They want what u have.....
GIVE IT AWAY TO STAY CLEAN AND SOBER.....IT'S CONTAGIOUS.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
If the don/t show up for a meeting, do I say to myself:"Well they've had it put up to them, so if they don't want it,there's nothing more I can do?"
Or do I look them up and find out whether there is a reason for their absences or that they don't want A.A.? Do I go out of my way to find if there is anything more I can do to help?
Or do I look them up and find out whether there is a reason for their absences or that they don't want A.A.? Do I go out of my way to find if there is anything more I can do to help?
I agree to some extent, but I also feel like I'm too easily let go and forgotten.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I met my Sponsor who was just a driver when i was in a 28 day rehab. Part of her own service work...which she wanted to do....."to go to any lengths to stay sober" came to pick up patients in treatment and take them to outside meetings. She was a friendly lady who just showed me what she did in early sobriety to stay sober herself. I HAd to ask 3 ladies to be my TEMORARY sponsor before i left rehab. I got 2 names. Anyway...these ladies gave me thir number...noticed i said they gave me their numbers for me to call them if i ever needed someone to talk to.
I called very rarely but when i did call my sponsor SUGGESTED to go to a meeting and invited me to the ones she attended. That was cool to me. At least i felt i wouldnt be alone at that meeting and I would know someone.
I met her there and WATCHED her as she interacted with others. She know so many people and she introduced me to them. HOW AWESOME that was. She made me feel important. I felt like she took me under her wing. BUT.....
All the yrs that followed....she NEVER TOLD ME WHAT TO DO. She SUGGESTED many things to GUIDE me to stay sober.
Staying sober was MY JOB. If i wanted it...which i did more than anything,,,,,i had to have the WIILINGNESS to do some work....work like going to meeting, BB studies, Step Studies, Conventions, Service work...which i baked for all my meetings. I had to help myself even tho i had no idea what i was doing....so I WATCHED others. And I LISTENED to others on how they stayed sober one day at a time.
Little did these people know that i was secretly following them. I managed to show up to all the same meetings these people went to....they didnt know me ...at least i didnt think so....until i began to bring my cookies....then at every meeting someone would say..."hey didnt i see u earlier at such and such meeting?" Yep i replied....and thus i became a familiar face in meetings.....very easy.
Many do feel forgotten....I could have been like that if i didnt take some RESPONSIBILITY for my own actions. There is a sign they have hung in most meetings about being RESPONSIBLE.....find it and read it. I forgot what it says.
Im not a phone person much but would rather show u in person and show u how i put my recovery into action. If u saw me at a meetings everyday i would hope u joined me and sit next to me. I would flag u down and give u a hug and we would get our coffees and sit thru an AA/NA meeting listening, sharing and enjoying a day sober...one day at a time....
I called very rarely but when i did call my sponsor SUGGESTED to go to a meeting and invited me to the ones she attended. That was cool to me. At least i felt i wouldnt be alone at that meeting and I would know someone.
I met her there and WATCHED her as she interacted with others. She know so many people and she introduced me to them. HOW AWESOME that was. She made me feel important. I felt like she took me under her wing. BUT.....
All the yrs that followed....she NEVER TOLD ME WHAT TO DO. She SUGGESTED many things to GUIDE me to stay sober.
Staying sober was MY JOB. If i wanted it...which i did more than anything,,,,,i had to have the WIILINGNESS to do some work....work like going to meeting, BB studies, Step Studies, Conventions, Service work...which i baked for all my meetings. I had to help myself even tho i had no idea what i was doing....so I WATCHED others. And I LISTENED to others on how they stayed sober one day at a time.
Little did these people know that i was secretly following them. I managed to show up to all the same meetings these people went to....they didnt know me ...at least i didnt think so....until i began to bring my cookies....then at every meeting someone would say..."hey didnt i see u earlier at such and such meeting?" Yep i replied....and thus i became a familiar face in meetings.....very easy.
Many do feel forgotten....I could have been like that if i didnt take some RESPONSIBILITY for my own actions. There is a sign they have hung in most meetings about being RESPONSIBLE.....find it and read it. I forgot what it says.
Im not a phone person much but would rather show u in person and show u how i put my recovery into action. If u saw me at a meetings everyday i would hope u joined me and sit next to me. I would flag u down and give u a hug and we would get our coffees and sit thru an AA/NA meeting listening, sharing and enjoying a day sober...one day at a time....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
That is a wonderful example / explanation of what sponsorship is. I hope that many will find it of assistance.
While I do not do the AA program, I do find the text useful and I refer to it when I am struggling with issues. The steps also provide a useful guide to restoring balance and happiness and sanity to your life after years of living in insanity. Try it, it is wonderful to find sanity.
Peace, Levi
While I do not do the AA program, I do find the text useful and I refer to it when I am struggling with issues. The steps also provide a useful guide to restoring balance and happiness and sanity to your life after years of living in insanity. Try it, it is wonderful to find sanity.
Peace, Levi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people like
u here in SR i havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that im truely grateful.
Im refreshing this topic for the newer members
joining SR. who havent seen this thread and
wish to share their ESH with us on this topic.
Thanks for letting me share.
By the Grace of my HP and people like
u here in SR i havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that im truely grateful.
Im refreshing this topic for the newer members
joining SR. who havent seen this thread and
wish to share their ESH with us on this topic.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
sharon for me, the repetition of picking up that drink/drug was instiled in me...
when i began my recovery i learned it was not just the drink/drug anymore... my first sponser showed me what all the BB, and 12x12 stuff translated into... it was greek to me. in the beginning, i was afraid to ask, for "Fear" of looking stupid... my first sponser was there to show me i'm no different from anyone else... as he put it, just another Bozo on the Bus...
as sharon memtioned... the repetition of living life on the terms of life without the drink/drug made a new begining and a new better life for me...
as we say, on a daily basis... i have to do that next right thing... and what is that? first, not use any substance. second, learn my new copeing skils to life...
ya know what? it can be done, and become a new repetition against the old...
the phone and sponser bit... my sponser said, you call, and if i'm not home, if you want me to calll you back, say so... it's not up to me for your recovery... and ta-boot, the phone is a great tool to ward off the urges to use... its called talk'n the urge out... as he said, zip, i sleep at night... you learn to sleep too.
great thread sharon...
all good wishes, and give only love.............................. xxoo, zip
Reputition.....doing the same thing over and over again ...like going to meetings on a regular bases....going to BB Studies on a regular bases.....Step Studies on a regular bases.....seeing what the "old-timers" do or 'newcomers" learning to do on a regular bases is what keeps u sober.
when i began my recovery i learned it was not just the drink/drug anymore... my first sponser showed me what all the BB, and 12x12 stuff translated into... it was greek to me. in the beginning, i was afraid to ask, for "Fear" of looking stupid... my first sponser was there to show me i'm no different from anyone else... as he put it, just another Bozo on the Bus...
as sharon memtioned... the repetition of living life on the terms of life without the drink/drug made a new begining and a new better life for me...
as we say, on a daily basis... i have to do that next right thing... and what is that? first, not use any substance. second, learn my new copeing skils to life...
ya know what? it can be done, and become a new repetition against the old...
the phone and sponser bit... my sponser said, you call, and if i'm not home, if you want me to calll you back, say so... it's not up to me for your recovery... and ta-boot, the phone is a great tool to ward off the urges to use... its called talk'n the urge out... as he said, zip, i sleep at night... you learn to sleep too.
great thread sharon...
all good wishes, and give only love.............................. xxoo, zip
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
It was very funny for me to read your initial post and then scroll down and see MY NAME. I had to look at the date to realize it was an old post, lol.
It's worth sharing my progress since then. At the end of August/beginning of September I stopped going to AA again. I told my sponsor that I wanted to keep in touch but not go to meetings. She never called after that. I decided not to call her either since it irritated me that I thought her purpose was to help me.
By the end of September I just about lost it. I had made it through some really hard times in those few weeks and was at wits end. I was sober, but on the verge of insanity. I called her and we met for coffee then a meeting. I've called her every day since then even to just say "I'm fine today" and she always returns my call if I leave a message. She's met me for coffee a few times before meetings and once when I called out of the blue losing my mind she invited me to her apartment to talk and she served me pasta since I hadn't had lunch and eating is important!
It's only been a couple weeks that I've been back to AA but I can feel the difference. I know she's there when I need her, but she's not going to drag me along. She's not capable of opening my ears or eyes, only filling them once they're open.
Thanks for letting me share this. I hope it helps someone who is angry or confused about their sponsor.
It's worth sharing my progress since then. At the end of August/beginning of September I stopped going to AA again. I told my sponsor that I wanted to keep in touch but not go to meetings. She never called after that. I decided not to call her either since it irritated me that I thought her purpose was to help me.
By the end of September I just about lost it. I had made it through some really hard times in those few weeks and was at wits end. I was sober, but on the verge of insanity. I called her and we met for coffee then a meeting. I've called her every day since then even to just say "I'm fine today" and she always returns my call if I leave a message. She's met me for coffee a few times before meetings and once when I called out of the blue losing my mind she invited me to her apartment to talk and she served me pasta since I hadn't had lunch and eating is important!
It's only been a couple weeks that I've been back to AA but I can feel the difference. I know she's there when I need her, but she's not going to drag me along. She's not capable of opening my ears or eyes, only filling them once they're open.
Thanks for letting me share this. I hope it helps someone who is angry or confused about their sponsor.
I'm an addict.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 1,201
Sponsorship is a 2 way street, but it is the responsibility of the sponsee to keep in contact with the sponsor.
My sponsor has only called me once, when his house burned down and he couldn't get intouch with his sponsor imediately....other than that I have called him on a regular basis b/c I want what he has and I am willing to do what it takes to get it.
I have no doubt that he thinks of me and that if I were to leave, he would pray for me...but it is not his responsibility to baby me and to make sure that I get my recovery, ya know?
My sponsor has only called me once, when his house burned down and he couldn't get intouch with his sponsor imediately....other than that I have called him on a regular basis b/c I want what he has and I am willing to do what it takes to get it.
I have no doubt that he thinks of me and that if I were to leave, he would pray for me...but it is not his responsibility to baby me and to make sure that I get my recovery, ya know?
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
I quit going to meetings a year ago. Since then I've lost a brother and I had an angiogram as the doctor thought I might need surgery. Even old dopers called to check on me. Not one phone call from my "sponsor".
I gave up the "program" for other reasons but you would think that I'd get some kinda phone call or whatever.
The whole deal that the "sponsee" must take action first is kinda goofy to me. Too many goofy things about the "program" turned me off.
Thanks to Stanton Peele I don't have to sweat it.
I gave up the "program" for other reasons but you would think that I'd get some kinda phone call or whatever.
The whole deal that the "sponsee" must take action first is kinda goofy to me. Too many goofy things about the "program" turned me off.
Thanks to Stanton Peele I don't have to sweat it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Why are people in this program always
suggesting we get a sponsor? Doubtful
people ask,"If I have the whole fellow-
ship to turn to, why do I need a sponsor?"
Concidering the fact that we have
tricky minds, the whole fellowship would give
us too many answers.
If we didn't like one answer, we would
go to another and another until we got
the answer we wanted. This would be
self-will run riot and contrary to turning
our will over to the care of a HP. A sponsor
can put a check on our self-will.
Do you have a sponsor?
suggesting we get a sponsor? Doubtful
people ask,"If I have the whole fellow-
ship to turn to, why do I need a sponsor?"
Concidering the fact that we have
tricky minds, the whole fellowship would give
us too many answers.
If we didn't like one answer, we would
go to another and another until we got
the answer we wanted. This would be
self-will run riot and contrary to turning
our will over to the care of a HP. A sponsor
can put a check on our self-will.
Do you have a sponsor?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Mississauga Ontario
Posts: 296
my sponsor has helped me so much......
when my dad died two days ago he was there.
he has helped me to work the steps and traditions of na.
he knows me warts and all......
we are in diferant countrys......
but he was here in canada with me for a few months.
he helps me find my insanity how ever it shows up.
when my dad died two days ago he was there.
he has helped me to work the steps and traditions of na.
he knows me warts and all......
we are in diferant countrys......
but he was here in canada with me for a few months.
he helps me find my insanity how ever it shows up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
you write the best stuff, you are a wealth of information and thank you so much for all the time and care you put on this site. you truly are there for everyone THANK YOU you seem like a wonderful woman here is a hug for youuuuuuuuuuu 
Lise
Lise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Thank you so much Lise...you are much APPRECIATED. : )
A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society
of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message,
else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't
been given the truth may die.
Thank you ..SR...for being here for me.
A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society
of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message,
else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't
been given the truth may die.
Thank you ..SR...for being here for me.
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