amymarie

It feels like I am becoming untouchable.
I feel like using. I haven't had a craving like this...it hurts; physical pain, emotional ruin. Why? Probably a million reasons...mainly because I am an addict.

It came suddenly and without warning- I couldn't figure out what it was...and then I walked into my kitchen and actually looked in the medicine cabinet (knowing there was nothing, but hoping for something)...

I came back to my room and picked up the phone...no one answered. I have called my girls on my list, but they aren't there...

So here I am. Typing it away...praying it away. It is much better than it was. Discomfort remains. I am full of anger right now too (I just got really mad at my dog for following me around the house...something she does all the time...)
I guess I have never really had this happen.
Thanks for being here when everyone else is at work! I am going to read my basic text and pray some more.

amy the addict

2dayzmuse

Hi Amy, you are doing the right thing by calling and coming here. Stay strong. We are here for you. This will pass...

Anna

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. You know that recovery is full of ups and downs and you just need to get through this. Give your dog a kiss too!

Blake

Don't use no matter what and the feeling will pass. Try to get ahold of your sponsor or some other women and make sure you get to a meeting tonight.


it's allways a choice till right after that first one......stay strong....you can do it.

aloneagainor

Hi Amy,
Maybe there's something in the air. You're right where I was yesterday. Feeling invisible and untouchable, unreachable. Isolated in my own head. But that was just my addict-head talking, suggesting to me to go that way. That's where it creeps in. I had to walk away from it, get outside of it, so to see what it was doing to/ in me. Then came here and wrote out what I found was troubling me so. Sometimes the greatest opportunities for learning/ self-discovery come through times of adversity or conflict. That is, if we choose to look at it. And then grow from it. So perhaps next time we learn to do better. That's what all this is, a learning process.
Sending positive and peaceful thoughts your way. WE all learn from each other...

nogard

Hi Amy,

How are you Now?

The advice is right, dont pick up and keep calling and posting here. We love you and I am here for you.


It gets better, just have faith and don't pick up for today.

Kevin

Smyle

amy are you doing okay...Pm me I can give you a call if you need to chat ????

Smyle

by the way by your ***** account are you an ANI fan....????

nogard

Just heading out for a meeting, thinking of you still and leaving a big for you

amymarie

Ok, so...
I kept calling til someone answered and then I went to a meeting...
I shared in that meeting and then hung out for a bit afterward...
I came home, called some more women in recovery, and now I am here on SR again...

The desire to use drugs has past ladies and gents...
Just for today I didn't use, but just for today it was harder than most.

Thank you guys for helping me through it.

upanddownjj

Hi Amy - How are you doing Tonight ???

amymarie

hi up...i am good...see above post.....
thanks!

upanddownjj

It is amazing how a meeting can change the way I feel...I've been off the beam lately too in an emotional way, straying away from all the things I KNOW I need to be doing..All the basics..I am an Alcoholic and an Addict and I need my medicine..I have a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition and as you say in your quote..I need to be WILLING to do Whatever it takes..not just sit back on my laurels just because I have 7 years..I only have TODAY..
Thank you for Helping me today !!!!!

Janni

caligirl770

Sometimes when I have the urge or craving I will pick up a box of paperclips and count the entire box, once I get to 50 or so the craving is gone and my mind is somewhere other than using.
Just thought this might help for next time

Christie

2dayzmuse

I'm glad you are feeling better Amy. You used the support system and it worked for you. That is wonderful. Just think of how horrible you would have felt if you would have used.

Now about your avatar and that baby and it's addiction to nicotine. I can't take my eyes of it. Eeek???

Kellye C

Hey Amy, I am SO glad to see you're doing better now. I'm PROUD of you for using the tools of the program (meetings, sharing, calling other people in recovery) to overcome the down times. You go girl!!!!! Not only did you get through it, but by coming and sharing it here you have shown others still struggling that it can be done. YOU ROCK!!!!

Love ya,
Kellye

nogard

Onya Amy

amymarie

Hi guys!
It is 10:30 am and today is another day.
I had a little trouble sleeping, (actually it was staying sleeping that I had the problem with), but so far, so good today.
Again, thanks for the support.

And 2dayz, that's my inner child on my avitar...she NEEDS that ciggy!

leviathon

I am proud of you Amy for coming here rather than going out. That is very positive.

PM me anytime if you need support.

Peace, Levi

Smyle

Hey there amy....how goes it today ???? Man it is hot here and i was in the pool by 9 am this morning....had to drive and the AC is broken in our minivan and it was miserable.....So I have been wondering about you and hoping you are making it...I do that sometimes when I am craving...go to all my old hiding spots just hoping something is there....i am so proud of you for not using and glad you used your support system....you inspire me to get back into meetings...i live in a small town and the NA meting I was going to was little and some creepy guy was really bothering me...the other one is 30 minutes away...and with GAS prices ...I dunno ???/ But we will see...how i do by just going to my addiction counselor

Glad you are feeling better and ANI is "the woman"
but you knew that .....
Hugs
~B