Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: by the bay
Posts: 5
Newbie
Hi -
I've been taking lots of baby steps toward recovery over the past few months (one step forward, three steps back). I am a drinker - every night. I know I can't expect to stop on my own anymore. I'm still working on admitting it to myself.
A big hurdle for me is this sense of total failure. I can't admit it. I want it to be my little secret forever - even after I stop.
How do you deal with that? How do you deal with being amongst other adults and not thinking the whole time that you're less than them because you have this addiction?
Thanks!
I've been taking lots of baby steps toward recovery over the past few months (one step forward, three steps back). I am a drinker - every night. I know I can't expect to stop on my own anymore. I'm still working on admitting it to myself.
A big hurdle for me is this sense of total failure. I can't admit it. I want it to be my little secret forever - even after I stop.
How do you deal with that? How do you deal with being amongst other adults and not thinking the whole time that you're less than them because you have this addiction?
Thanks!
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Hello YESICAN,
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I could not drink like "normal people". I felt like a failure many times (off and on) while drinking & even "in sobriety". I have battled this disease for a long time and the truth is (I am my own worst enemy). I blame myself for hurting others through my drinking and have often drank over the "little things" I wanted to keep to myself & not share with another person.
The fact that you even shared a little about yourself is a good start. I suggest that you hang around here awhile--and read what others have to share (and respond if you feel the need to). I was a member online for a couple of months before I started sharing. I had to know that there was someone else out there like me, who shared my fears & concerns (and seriously wanted to get help but didn't know just where to go to get it).
Hang in there, my friend. There are many of us here (with different experiences that we share "openly" with others not only to help them, but also to help ourselves.
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I could not drink like "normal people". I felt like a failure many times (off and on) while drinking & even "in sobriety". I have battled this disease for a long time and the truth is (I am my own worst enemy). I blame myself for hurting others through my drinking and have often drank over the "little things" I wanted to keep to myself & not share with another person.
The fact that you even shared a little about yourself is a good start. I suggest that you hang around here awhile--and read what others have to share (and respond if you feel the need to). I was a member online for a couple of months before I started sharing. I had to know that there was someone else out there like me, who shared my fears & concerns (and seriously wanted to get help but didn't know just where to go to get it).
Hang in there, my friend. There are many of us here (with different experiences that we share "openly" with others not only to help them, but also to help ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Sobertown, USA
Posts: 26
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it merely as a result. There is no failure in having problems with alcohol. Many of the greatest figures in history had severe alcohol problems. The current President of the US is an avowed alcoholic. Making the decision to do something about drinking may very well be the biggest victory of your life! It certainly won't hurt.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
Hello YesIcan,
I always felt less than others, drinking helped me feel better about myself or so I thought.
As it turns out when I quit drinking I felt normal, not less than but an equal. In the first month of sobriety I felt like a failure, alcoholic etc.. but I soon realized it was alcohol that was contributing to my insecurities.
Its only a win/win situation for you to stop drinking, things get much better.
Welcome and let us know ow your doing.
Love, Rose
I always felt less than others, drinking helped me feel better about myself or so I thought.
As it turns out when I quit drinking I felt normal, not less than but an equal. In the first month of sobriety I felt like a failure, alcoholic etc.. but I soon realized it was alcohol that was contributing to my insecurities.
Its only a win/win situation for you to stop drinking, things get much better.
Welcome and let us know ow your doing.
Love, Rose
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
Hello Yes, Glad you found SR... 
...!
Me too, never felt i was worth anything.Sometimes i still belive that awful voice in the back of my head telling me Why Bother...!
Good Luck ...
...!Me too, never felt i was worth anything.Sometimes i still belive that awful voice in the back of my head telling me Why Bother...!
Good Luck ...
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Welcome, (yesican). Glad you're here. Glad you found us. My name's Harold and I'm an alcoholic.
Total failure? Failure at what? Victory over the disease (say it again, DISEASE) of alcoholism is not a failure! It's a tremendous victory! Alcoholism has killed millions. Don't let it kill you.
Alcoholics Anonymous is what I suggest. Think about the second word. Recovery can be private, that's one of the cornerstones of the program. No one will ask your last name. You don't have to give your phone number or any identifying details. Tradition Eleven specifically addresses privacy. Lots of meetings have a card on the table that reads "Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, LET IT STAY HERE." Lots of people in AA don't want anyone to know they're in the Program. They're just as concerned about their anonymity as you are about yours.
The Program is one of paradoxes. Victory through surrender. Admit you're powerless over alcohol to gain power over it. Never again, one day at a time.
Your shame is misplaced. If you were diabetic or wore glasses, would you be ashamed of it? Not for long. We all have crosses to bear. There's something wrong with each of us. With me, it's more than alcoholism. The list is pretty lengthy. No one has to know you're an alcoholic. All anyone needs to know is that you don't drink, and surprisingly few have to know that. Right now it's an amazing statement to you, but there's more to life than booze.
I've been sober over 17 1/2 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Total failure? Failure at what? Victory over the disease (say it again, DISEASE) of alcoholism is not a failure! It's a tremendous victory! Alcoholism has killed millions. Don't let it kill you.
Alcoholics Anonymous is what I suggest. Think about the second word. Recovery can be private, that's one of the cornerstones of the program. No one will ask your last name. You don't have to give your phone number or any identifying details. Tradition Eleven specifically addresses privacy. Lots of meetings have a card on the table that reads "Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, LET IT STAY HERE." Lots of people in AA don't want anyone to know they're in the Program. They're just as concerned about their anonymity as you are about yours.
The Program is one of paradoxes. Victory through surrender. Admit you're powerless over alcohol to gain power over it. Never again, one day at a time.
Your shame is misplaced. If you were diabetic or wore glasses, would you be ashamed of it? Not for long. We all have crosses to bear. There's something wrong with each of us. With me, it's more than alcoholism. The list is pretty lengthy. No one has to know you're an alcoholic. All anyone needs to know is that you don't drink, and surprisingly few have to know that. Right now it's an amazing statement to you, but there's more to life than booze.
I've been sober over 17 1/2 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: by the bay
Posts: 5
Wow, your words are really helpful. You just keep hitting the nail on the head. I decided to come read some posts now because I'm struggling at the moment - coming up with excuses to go to the grocery store tonight so I can get some wine. Your notes are making it easier to get through this afternoon. Thanks!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone...
Blessings...
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info
My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"
Both can be ordered from Amazon...
Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone...
Blessings...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Lost in translation
Posts: 47
I'm new here to, and even though I havn't had a drink in 2 days, trust me the thought crossed my mind while I was making dinner....So, I got on here and saw your post and all the wonderful responses. It is soo hard, I know but I guess like everyone says, take it hour by hour.
I did want to say about your comment about being amongst adults and feeling less then them.....How do you know they don't have the same problem? I'm almost 100% none of our friends would EVER imagine the problem I have. We are everywhere, it's just good to know that we are not alone! Everybody has secret that they don't want everyone to know. It dooes help though, to know that there are thousands out there that have it to and can relate. I feel your pain, I drink everynight to, and although I've managed to cut WAY back I still do, accept for the past two nights, now going on three....it's 6:30pm so I know I'll make it tonight..I hope.
I did want to say about your comment about being amongst adults and feeling less then them.....How do you know they don't have the same problem? I'm almost 100% none of our friends would EVER imagine the problem I have. We are everywhere, it's just good to know that we are not alone! Everybody has secret that they don't want everyone to know. It dooes help though, to know that there are thousands out there that have it to and can relate. I feel your pain, I drink everynight to, and although I've managed to cut WAY back I still do, accept for the past two nights, now going on three....it's 6:30pm so I know I'll make it tonight..I hope.
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