Lastbinge

I think I finally have gotten to the point where I can live up to my screen name. Been four days now since I came off the last binge. Was seven days of starting up in the morning and continuing until I passed out, only to wake up and dive in again. These bad binges occur 6 months or a year apart, with periods of sobriety inbetween where I don't have an urge to drink. Then something comes up at work or whatever and I snap. I'm 53, happily married and own a business. I can't continue on like this anymore. The withdrawal this time around is the worst to date.
Just looking for folks to talk to, my wife is out of town, she understands my problem, but I guess until this last time, she was not ready to admit I have a big problem----I've admitted it to myself for 20 years or so.
Thanks for listening-I thank you for your help in advance.

ANGELINA243

Lastbinge,
Have you ever been to an AA meeting? I have only recently started going back (with an open mind) because before I just figured I knew more about myself than anyone else did. But, I was wrong--I really don't know who I am anymore and why I do the things I do that seem to hurt the ones I love the most. I need help from other people--and believe it or not, you have already helped me today because I can understand what you are going through at the moment. I have been sober since 7-18-06 this time (and hope it wiil be my last sobriety date).

Lastbinge

Thanks Angelina...never been to an AA meeting before but I am seriously considering going to one in the next day or so. I live in a very small community and am leery of parading my problem in the open where I still have business going. I've heard some people have success with online meetings.

You are a day more sober than me....Congrats

michski

((( lastbinge )))

That's how I was drinking right before I finally said enough was enough! I hope you're at the same point. It IS harm reduction but as our disease progresses we begin to drink until we pass out, just like the bums (sorry bums) sitting in a doorstep on the street. You're body and liver has HAD it.

Now the trick is accepting you have a problem so you don't again go out and make your past become your future again. Lots of people go to AA. I did. But I also spent the first few months online. There are a lot of us out here ready to help you get your feet back on the ground. If anonymity is a problem then stay online and hopefully you'll find enough support here and there to get you past the periods when you think you can drink again.

ibhmn

You might be like me (and about 20 million others in the U.S.) and have a form of Anxiety. I have General Anxiety Disorder. (GAD). GAD sufferers are more prone to alcohol issues. Also, alcohol makes GAD worse--and having the stresses of business ownership probably doesn't help either. You may want to consider checking with your doctor and maybe a counselor and see if S/he thinks anxiety might be in play. The good thing is that if the cycle is broken, then the anxiety usually gets better as well since withdrawal can trigger anxiety--not to mention possibly less depression from no longer consuming a depressant.

Sometimes doctors will prescribe short term medications to help manage the withdrawal phase. Antidepressant meds also might be of value since we can run lower on certain brain chemicals as we get older. Must be careful using anything that is habit forming of course...much better to have one vice than two or more.

Don't try to self-diagnosis though. Your doctor and/or counselors MUST maintain your privacy. Also, I THINK (check first) you can talk to your doctor "off the record" so that it won't go in your file in case you are worried about getting life insurance.

The reality is you and I both probably need to go to AA but we're in denial. Talking to your doctor and on this forum is a start. If that doesn't work, then we'll have to do what we have to do.

Also, ask your wife for as much understanding as possible. If you sense she is enabling in any way, you're going to have to put your needs first. (I've got this problem.)

Keep me up to date. I'm a business owner not wanting to be "outed" struggling with this as well. Take care...

Lastbinge

My wife has come to the sound realization this time of my problem and I trust when she says she will never bug me to have a beer with her again. I've told her time and time again that I just can't have even one, she's hearing me loud and clear this time.

You take care as well...If you are just on your first day and are withdrawing, it won't be a pleasant time, unless you are way luckier than I.

ibhmn

I'm dreading it but I don't want to pass this bad habit down to my kids. My Father always had a drink in his hand at night so I rationalized...now my Driving age kid sees me the same way...what If he becomes an alcoholic and dies in a car wreck...I feel like I will have contributed...ouch!

2dayzmuse

Don't look at it as a negative. Look at it as a positive. You are going to an AA meeting where you are reaching out for help and support. Yes, that is admitting that you have a problem and may draw attention to you. It is a positive thing to better your life. To be perfectly frank, I bet most people know that you have a drinking problem. We think they don't, but they usually do. So for you to come out into the open should be looked upon as honorable, not as shameful.

I can relate to you immensely. I drank like you did towards the end, but was not able to function. I was unemployed due to my drinking which made it extremely convenient for me to drink to extremes. My life was miserable. I hated what I was doing, but could not stop. I started attending AA meetings and my life has totally changed. Today, I am finally happy and thriving.

Sazzer

LastBinge -- I hope you're right about your screenname as well! I'm glad you're here!

I am finally realizing what an amazing program AA is. I agree about the small town thing. AA is a fellowship that is committed to anonymity. Also, what 2dayz said about it being a positive thing is absolutely the truth! I understand your concern about your reputation, but don't you think would have more respect for you knowing you are trying to do something about your drinking rather than going out there on another binge? I would suggest Al-Anon for your wife as well -- it may help her to understand what those requests for a drinking companion do to your alcoholic brain.

You will definitely find support online as well. You will find out what works for you.

Again, I'm so glad you're here! You are supported, loved and encouraged.

Saz

Lastbinge

I thought tonight would be the night I would get some sleep. Here it is way past my normal bedtime and I am wired, anxious and miserable. Just drank a big glass of warm milk, maybe that will do the trick.

Take care all........

2dayzmuse

Hang in there. It gets better with time...

Lastbinge

Well, I made it through a very tough night of no sleep and still having withdrawal symptoms. Today is day five, things are looking a little better at the light of day. I have never had a withdrawal last so long--------I pray I may sleep tonight.

Sobriety1st

Hello LB, glad you are here..and i am glad that you made it through the night although it seems as though it was awful for you..i know i had withdrawl symptoms in ways of my attitude..but sleep didn't come easy either because i knew i couldn't drink..but it does get easier, and 5 days, that is great..you are doing great..Keep posting, and keep coming back..Best wishes to you..

Lastbinge

Thanks Sobriety1st. I had been hoping that I would sleep last night and feel rested today so I could get back to my business today, sadly I don't feel up to it so I am doing chores around the house. My employees have everything under control, or so they say and I have made them aware of what's going on with me, although they likely knew anyway. But it made me feel better to admit to them and tell them I'd be back strong, hopefully tomorrow....

Lastbinge

As I said, I'm in a small community but I have reconciled myself to going to the local AA, only thing is they have meetings only once a week on Sunday nights, which I found out this morning, if I'd known last night I would have gone, would have been quite timely. I'd have a fairly long drive to find a more regular meeting site. Do you know of any online meetings on a daily basis? Thanks for the tips on the sleep aspect.

Lastbinge

OK....Day 6 six....finally slept last night. I finally have been back out of the house to check on my work and employees, thankfully nothing screwed up big time while I was lost.

I'm not 100% yet but things are looking a hell of a lot better than 5 days ago. I feel like I've got a new lease on life, never to replay where I just came from.

Cheers

Lastbinge

Dang it, I had to change that frown in the sidebar to a smile

Sazzer

Good for you!!!