Worried about my 28 yr.old son.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2
Worried about my 28 yr.old son.
This is my first post, however, I am not unfamiliar with alcoholism. I am here because I am worried about my 28 year old son. I know he drinks way too much. (Daily average: 4-6 beers and 1/3 bottle Wild Turkey +/-). He has no ambition. He works as a cook in a local bar & grill. When he isn't at work, ALL he does is drink and play games on his computer. He never goes anywhere or does anything else. He has NO social life. I don't think he has ANY friends. I am able to know so much because he lives next door to me, although I very rarely see or talk to him.
My brother was an alcoholic. He lived with me and my son off and on for about 12 years (from 1989 - 1994). He comitted suicide 10 years ago. My father was an alcoholic. He comitted suicide about 8 months after my brother. So, my son (and me) know the dangers of alcohol, and know it runs in our family.
My question is - How do I approach him with my concerns? I don't want to alienate him with the first words out of my mouth. He is a sensitive person. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated. Thank you (in advance)
Worried Mom (that can't go thru this again!!!)
My brother was an alcoholic. He lived with me and my son off and on for about 12 years (from 1989 - 1994). He comitted suicide 10 years ago. My father was an alcoholic. He comitted suicide about 8 months after my brother. So, my son (and me) know the dangers of alcohol, and know it runs in our family.
My question is - How do I approach him with my concerns? I don't want to alienate him with the first words out of my mouth. He is a sensitive person. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated. Thank you (in advance)
Worried Mom (that can't go thru this again!!!)
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Hi Mtnshadow,
Welcome!
You really do have first-hand experience with alcoholism and I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. I admire you for wanting to help your son, but of course, he needs to be the one who wants to be helped.
If you like, you might check out the Friends and Families Forum on this board where you'll find other people in similar situations.
Welcome!
You really do have first-hand experience with alcoholism and I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. I admire you for wanting to help your son, but of course, he needs to be the one who wants to be helped.
If you like, you might check out the Friends and Families Forum on this board where you'll find other people in similar situations.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by mtnshadow
This is my first post, however, I am not unfamiliar with alcoholism. I am here because I am worried about my 28 year old son. I know he drinks way too much. (Daily average: 4-6 beers and 1/3 bottle Wild Turkey +/-). He has no ambition. He works as a cook in a local bar & grill. When he isn't at work, ALL he does is drink and play games on his computer. He never goes anywhere or does anything else. He has NO social life. I don't think he has ANY friends. I am able to know so much because he lives next door to me, although I very rarely see or talk to him.
My brother was an alcoholic. He lived with me and my son off and on for about 12 years (from 1989 - 1994). He comitted suicide 10 years ago. My father was an alcoholic. He comitted suicide about 8 months after my brother. So, my son (and me) know the dangers of alcohol, and know it runs in our family.
My question is - How do I approach him with my concerns? I don't want to alienate him with the first words out of my mouth. He is a sensitive person. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated. Thank you (in advance)
Worried Mom (that can't go thru this again!!!)
My brother was an alcoholic. He lived with me and my son off and on for about 12 years (from 1989 - 1994). He comitted suicide 10 years ago. My father was an alcoholic. He comitted suicide about 8 months after my brother. So, my son (and me) know the dangers of alcohol, and know it runs in our family.
My question is - How do I approach him with my concerns? I don't want to alienate him with the first words out of my mouth. He is a sensitive person. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated. Thank you (in advance)
Worried Mom (that can't go thru this again!!!)
Listen, I don't know if you have had any alcohol problems--yourself (other than your brother and possibly your son). If not, I suggest a group such as Al-Anon that can maybe help you better deal with the emotional anguish/pain that you are going through.
As an alcoholic--I can only say that it didn't matter what my parents said to try to help me because in my own mind I knew better than they did. All I can say is love your son because he is your son. If he is truly an alcoholic like me--he has to be the one to ask for help.
I knew for a long time that I [needed] help--but now I can say that I truly[want] it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2
Thanks 51 anna and Angelina243, I know he has to want help before he will do anything to get it, but I want him to know that I know what's going on so that the thought will even enter his mind. I doubt anyone has ever said anything to him about it since he doesn't ever go anywhere or see anyone, so he probably thinks as long as he keeps it a secret from ME and everyone else, then he's Ok. And the way he lives, he could keep it secret until he dies from drinking!
I feel like telling him that I'm not going to sit around here and watch him do what his uncle (my brother) did. That he can either get help and sober up or he can get out! I feel like giving up before I even get started. I don't have the strength to watch this. I know it sounds selfish, but I really don't have the emotional strength for this. When my brother and Dad died (and BTW my Mom died from cancer in between my brother and Dad), I really lost it. I don't remember what happened for about 3 years after that.
I guess whatever happens, happens, right?
I feel like telling him that I'm not going to sit around here and watch him do what his uncle (my brother) did. That he can either get help and sober up or he can get out! I feel like giving up before I even get started. I don't have the strength to watch this. I know it sounds selfish, but I really don't have the emotional strength for this. When my brother and Dad died (and BTW my Mom died from cancer in between my brother and Dad), I really lost it. I don't remember what happened for about 3 years after that.
I guess whatever happens, happens, right?
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: BelAir,Maryland
Posts: 13
Prayers for You
Dear Mtn Shadow.....Im a little to early again in my recovery process to give advice.....I just wanted you to know that Im praying that you and your son can find some Peace and Solace.....Ill be thinking of you Today and Pray for both of You....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 178
Dear Mtnshadow,
I am so sorry for all your troubles. I can only say, as other members have said, that your son has to want this for himself.
As a mother, I don't know if I could have told my daughter to leave, when she was still living with us, if she was an alcoholic. As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I may have been able to but I can't advise you on something like that, except to say go with your heart. If you don't think you can take it anymore, and I can certainly understand why, listen to yourself.
As others have suggested, try some of the other forums here.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Carol
I am so sorry for all your troubles. I can only say, as other members have said, that your son has to want this for himself.
As a mother, I don't know if I could have told my daughter to leave, when she was still living with us, if she was an alcoholic. As a recovering alcoholic and addict, I may have been able to but I can't advise you on something like that, except to say go with your heart. If you don't think you can take it anymore, and I can certainly understand why, listen to yourself.
As others have suggested, try some of the other forums here.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Carol
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
What, if any, other things have been affected by his drinking? I'd say living next to mommy is one good example of their being some emotional issues in his life. Fear of dettachment. Emotional issues are the biggest factors in alcoholism. Many people think "its the drinking" thats the problem. Not true. The drinking, while having its destroying factors, is a symptom of a much larger problem. Alcoholics turn to booze to relieve their pain. Pain from emotional and other kinds of problems plagueing their lives. To numb themselves and forget for a while. By the way,....Id be willing to bet the farm that he drinks far more than the 4 or 5 beers a day that you know about. Also,....he is exhibiting one of the BIGGEST symptoms of someone suffering with major emotional problems........seclusion. No friends. Mental stimulation via video games and booze. The no ambition thing is also a huge red flag. Factor in the part where a 28 year old man needs to live next to his Mother, and you have the makings of a full blown alcoholic with major emotional pain and fear. I think, yes, tell him you know. Say something. It will be met with anger, and a "how dare you" attitude, but, it gets the ball rolling. Alcoholics need consequences for their actions. Not saying something is enabling. Looking the other way presents a false sense that what he is doing is ok. Chances are, he is fully aware of his problem. Which, ironically, is why he drinks. Say something, but, be aware......he will fight you on this for a while probably at first. He must step back and look at his life and actually WANT to make changes for himself. Until that happens,....no alcoholic will ever stop.
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