Language Of The Heart
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Language Of The Heart
My name is Vic and I am an addict. Probably dang lucky to be sitting here clean today that is for sure. Through the Grace of God (as I understand Him), the fellowship of NA/AA, the Program of recovery, I haven't had to take a drug (alcohol is a drug) since May 25, 2006 and for that I am eternally grateful.
I just had someone send me an email, which brought up this topic. Yes this is the key to recovery for most of us. Being able to actually speak from the heart is when our sharing really helps others. So many times we get caught up in what seems to be a language of AA or a language of NA, or some other program, that we sometimes forget what actually worked for our recovery. There is also a book that is called Language of the Heart. It is only when we share from the heart that people can actually relate. There is nothing that anyone can say like "You are WRONG!" or "You don't know how to do this deal!" when we speak from our heart.
So many times people point the fingers at others and say look at them, or make a rude comment to them, or other things. However, most of us don't have any room to be pointing anything at anyone else. None of us are perfect, although sometimes we might think that we are. I know that I have done my fair share of pointing fingers and IMO that is the same as judging someone else. Sometimes we really need to take a look at ourselves instead of trying to push our way on other people. Everyone can learn from everyone else.
One day I was leaving a meeting, and I always say "Have a nice day!." This one guy stood up and said "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!" I was thinking about that and it is so true that who am I to tell anyone anything. Most of us think that we know all the answers to everything and yet we don't even know what question we should be asking. Today I am grateful that I can learn from anyone today, even the person that has One day clean to the 30 year sobriety guy that just came back from a relapse. When we are ready the teacher will appear. Thanks for letting me share.
Love Vic
I just had someone send me an email, which brought up this topic. Yes this is the key to recovery for most of us. Being able to actually speak from the heart is when our sharing really helps others. So many times we get caught up in what seems to be a language of AA or a language of NA, or some other program, that we sometimes forget what actually worked for our recovery. There is also a book that is called Language of the Heart. It is only when we share from the heart that people can actually relate. There is nothing that anyone can say like "You are WRONG!" or "You don't know how to do this deal!" when we speak from our heart.
So many times people point the fingers at others and say look at them, or make a rude comment to them, or other things. However, most of us don't have any room to be pointing anything at anyone else. None of us are perfect, although sometimes we might think that we are. I know that I have done my fair share of pointing fingers and IMO that is the same as judging someone else. Sometimes we really need to take a look at ourselves instead of trying to push our way on other people. Everyone can learn from everyone else.
One day I was leaving a meeting, and I always say "Have a nice day!." This one guy stood up and said "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!" I was thinking about that and it is so true that who am I to tell anyone anything. Most of us think that we know all the answers to everything and yet we don't even know what question we should be asking. Today I am grateful that I can learn from anyone today, even the person that has One day clean to the 30 year sobriety guy that just came back from a relapse. When we are ready the teacher will appear. Thanks for letting me share.
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Going Deep
I swear Vic, we're living the same reality just in different bodies. Especially this week, every thread you've started or post you've contributed directly reflects what's ongoing in my life and mind. "Langugage of the Heart" hits right on center.
I just returned from a nature preserve where friends of mine hosted a "Welcome to the World" outdoor ceremony for their 8-month old daughter. Opened with a soloist accompanied by his acoustic guitar singing the Beatles "In My Life" (pause to consider the lyrics!), followed by a tribute to the four directions: east (newness) south (the present) west (the past) and north (death/ rebirth), and to the four-elements, fire, water, earth, and light. A poet offered a rousing rendition of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwaki" (sp?) from Alice in Wonderland (open to your own interpretation) as tribute to creativity and innoncence of youth and enduring the trials of life. Followed by prayer to God as you understand it, with respect to the heavens and the earth for providing sustanance and hope and life. Closing with the Beatles "Octopus's Garden" (in the shade), with well wishes for good energy and strong mind and creative SPIRIT and love and hopefullness and happiness through life. EVERYONE contributed to the event simply by their presence. No-one is in this life alone. Life is ALL ABOUT connectedness, and connecting with the heart at the center of it all. It is the tie that binds.
When people shut others out with claims of "You are WRONG" and "You don't understand!" they're doing that out of self-defense. So unwilling to LOOK at themselves, so repulsed or afraid of what they might see. Rather than let the almighty EGO down, they'd rather defend it, even when it comes at the price of their own happiness, their own self-improvement, their own recovery.
This past week I was rebuked this very way; though my intent was to help, it was received as criticism, and I suspect I'm now perceived as mean-spirited or uncompassionate or something, I cannot fathom. Because I know my heart was squarely in the right place when I offered, the anger directed at me was deflected. Of course I did process it through intently, so to understand, and that has benefitted me, shown me how I need to always remember to be open-minded, to receive what others have to offer and not react with hostility to unsettling words. Instead I ponder how that might be a reflection of myself, and work with the new insight, to do better in my own life.
This is getting in touch with one's own heart. Connecting with the Spirit that surrounds, and is within each of us. In that, there's no room for anger or hate or hostility or frustration, there's only consideration, compassion, and love. In that, there is peace.
Thank you for sharing, for letting me share, so that WE can continue to learn and progress and grow. Stronger every day.
I just returned from a nature preserve where friends of mine hosted a "Welcome to the World" outdoor ceremony for their 8-month old daughter. Opened with a soloist accompanied by his acoustic guitar singing the Beatles "In My Life" (pause to consider the lyrics!), followed by a tribute to the four directions: east (newness) south (the present) west (the past) and north (death/ rebirth), and to the four-elements, fire, water, earth, and light. A poet offered a rousing rendition of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwaki" (sp?) from Alice in Wonderland (open to your own interpretation) as tribute to creativity and innoncence of youth and enduring the trials of life. Followed by prayer to God as you understand it, with respect to the heavens and the earth for providing sustanance and hope and life. Closing with the Beatles "Octopus's Garden" (in the shade), with well wishes for good energy and strong mind and creative SPIRIT and love and hopefullness and happiness through life. EVERYONE contributed to the event simply by their presence. No-one is in this life alone. Life is ALL ABOUT connectedness, and connecting with the heart at the center of it all. It is the tie that binds.
When people shut others out with claims of "You are WRONG" and "You don't understand!" they're doing that out of self-defense. So unwilling to LOOK at themselves, so repulsed or afraid of what they might see. Rather than let the almighty EGO down, they'd rather defend it, even when it comes at the price of their own happiness, their own self-improvement, their own recovery.
This past week I was rebuked this very way; though my intent was to help, it was received as criticism, and I suspect I'm now perceived as mean-spirited or uncompassionate or something, I cannot fathom. Because I know my heart was squarely in the right place when I offered, the anger directed at me was deflected. Of course I did process it through intently, so to understand, and that has benefitted me, shown me how I need to always remember to be open-minded, to receive what others have to offer and not react with hostility to unsettling words. Instead I ponder how that might be a reflection of myself, and work with the new insight, to do better in my own life.
This is getting in touch with one's own heart. Connecting with the Spirit that surrounds, and is within each of us. In that, there's no room for anger or hate or hostility or frustration, there's only consideration, compassion, and love. In that, there is peace.
Originally Posted by luckyv2
It is only when we share from the heart that people can actually relate. Everyone can learn from everyone else. When we are ready the teacher will appear. Thanks for letting me share.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
The language that people sincerely want to hear is from the heart. Some of the people don't understand what it is to speak from the heart. They say that it is better to understand than to be understood, but yet the actions are not of the words. It is better to love than to be loved, better to forgive than to be forgiven. These are words from the 11 th Step prayer from ST. Francis, and yet most of the time we don't live the words unless it is convenient for us.
Many times we speak just to speak, not thinking of what we say or how our actions might hurt someone else. The saying that two wrongs don't make a right are obviously something to consider true. How many times has someone done something that we though wasn't a good thing to be doing and then we will show them that there actions were wrong, by showing our power over the situation, or something of the sort.
I know that for me I have a long way to go, but yet I find myself easy to forgive and to forget, while others always talk about this yet I find that there actions don't match there words. It is so simple to see and yet we are not judging them for they are the ones who's actions speak louder than words.
Most of us really need to take a step back and ask ourselves is this really the way that we should be acting, or is this just another POWER trip that we are in control of and we are using that POWER to show THEM that they have crossed the line.
OMG I better stop and think here 
Love Vic
Many times we speak just to speak, not thinking of what we say or how our actions might hurt someone else. The saying that two wrongs don't make a right are obviously something to consider true. How many times has someone done something that we though wasn't a good thing to be doing and then we will show them that there actions were wrong, by showing our power over the situation, or something of the sort.
I know that for me I have a long way to go, but yet I find myself easy to forgive and to forget, while others always talk about this yet I find that there actions don't match there words. It is so simple to see and yet we are not judging them for they are the ones who's actions speak louder than words.
Most of us really need to take a step back and ask ourselves is this really the way that we should be acting, or is this just another POWER trip that we are in control of and we are using that POWER to show THEM that they have crossed the line.
OMG I better stop and think here Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
again Thank you .......I hope to live this rule someday...though I am usualy the one loving and not being loved only to grow bitter and distance myself...my actions speaking louder than my words...i too have a long way to go
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
thanks for this thread, you guys. I sort of feel humbled by this. So, i am just going to take what i have read and live by that for the rest of the day, because its one day at a time.
mertyl
mertyl
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 224
Wow Vic, I am totally at a loss for words..i was just so into the words that you were speaking, and it just drove home a lot of things for me..you have certainly blessed my day today..thank you..i am going to have an awesome, sober evening..reflecting..from the heart..thanks again..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
In making a concerted effort to change some tired old habits, tonight while doing some extra reading I came across an idea that picks up where Vic left off...
There are those who would say, "I am a devout man." Yet if someone else sat in their church pew they would be ready to take off the intruder's head!
It isn't always your words that others listen to, but the strength and sincerity behind them. --Paramhansa Yogananda
It is the consideration behind what we do and say that holds meaning. And it's not only about what we say, but how well we listen, that determines how much we have to offer, and how much we can learn and gain for ourselves in the process.
All this reading and learning through listening and striving to do better is making it really hard to maintain a drug habit, as the obvious right direction becomes increasingly self-evident.
There are those who would say, "I am a devout man." Yet if someone else sat in their church pew they would be ready to take off the intruder's head!
It isn't always your words that others listen to, but the strength and sincerity behind them. --Paramhansa Yogananda
It is the consideration behind what we do and say that holds meaning. And it's not only about what we say, but how well we listen, that determines how much we have to offer, and how much we can learn and gain for ourselves in the process.
All this reading and learning through listening and striving to do better is making it really hard to maintain a drug habit, as the obvious right direction becomes increasingly self-evident.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by aloneagainor
There are those who would say, "I am a devout man." Yet if someone else sat in their church pew they would be ready to take off the intruder's head!
It isn't always your words that others listen to, but the strength and sincerity behind them. --Paramhansa Yogananda
It isn't always your words that others listen to, but the strength and sincerity behind them. --Paramhansa Yogananda
One day when we all come together (in spirit) some of us are already there, which is bonded by the spirit, and also what causes that bond is the Language of the Heart that is spoken. Just like our connection to each other my friend! That connection in itself was never forced, or had to be forced it was there! Some might wonder How could that be? Why? It is because the connection of the Language from the heart. When we share and share from the heart that is when the spirit is awoken and so so much alive.
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
We live in our actions and our reactions
Recognizing the need for the integration of mind, body, and soul, finding the balance in them, gets to the heart of Interconnectedness. How every action has a direct opposite reaction. That applies to the laws of physics as much as it does to matters of the heart. In our own quest in finding balance, happiness, and peace, we combine that with practicing consideration of others, and doing that from the goodness of our hearts, we spread a spirit of mutual consideration. All benefit.
At the level of the language of the heart all can relate, the only barriers to connections are those we put there. People deliberately blind themselves, choosing to remain asleep and unaware, apart from others and dwelling in their own self-induced suffering. I know I'm still waking up from a loooong sleep that way. My intellectual interests kept my mind engaged, but the pursuit of knowledge is like a drug in itself! And it gets so mind-heavy that few can relate. Equally as dangerous as the pleasure-seeking of pure emotional pursuits, done merely for the thrill of it all. That's purely self-serving as well, self-interested to the point of disconnect from everyone around us. Either on their own are miserably lacking. There must be balance between the head and the heart, between intellect and emotions, for people to come together on common ground. It's about getting outside the confines of our own heads, and sharing with others. Amazing connections are formed and found in that. Deeply spiritual contact. It makes life soooo worth living. Happy to be alive and HERE to appreciate it.
Originally Posted by luckyv2
When we share and share from the heart that is when the spirit is awoken and so so much alive.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Recieved this in my email this morning, more spiritual things happening since I started this thread yesterday and now this daily reading is on the same topic. Yes this is the POWER of the Almighty God as I understand him
AA Thought for the Day
(courtesy AAOnline.net)
July 16, 2006
Kinship
From the beginning, communication in AA
has been no ordinary transmission of helpful ideas
and attitudes.
It has been unusual and sometimes unique.
Because of our kinship in suffering,
and because our common means of deliverance
are effective for ourselves only
when constantly carried to others,
our channels of contact have always been charged
with the language of the heart.
Bill W., July 1960
c. 1988 The AA Grapevine, Inc., The Language of the Heart, p. 243
Thought to Ponder . . .
Together we can do what we could never do alone.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
H E A R T =
Healing, Enjoying, And Recovering, Together.
(courtesy AAOnline.net)
July 16, 2006
Kinship
From the beginning, communication in AA
has been no ordinary transmission of helpful ideas
and attitudes.
It has been unusual and sometimes unique.
Because of our kinship in suffering,
and because our common means of deliverance
are effective for ourselves only
when constantly carried to others,
our channels of contact have always been charged
with the language of the heart.
Bill W., July 1960
c. 1988 The AA Grapevine, Inc., The Language of the Heart, p. 243
Thought to Ponder . . .
Together we can do what we could never do alone.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
H E A R T =
Healing, Enjoying, And Recovering, Together.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by luckyv2
My words are not only as important as what my actions are also. None of which we will ever be perfect, yet we strive each day to enrich our lives so that we may be of service to our God and to others.
(((Mertyl, Sobriety1st, Smyle, we see you reading here, curious what you're thinking...curious to hear EVERYONE's take on matters of the heart, we're all trying to figure out how it works...))))
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
aloneagainor Progress, not perfection. Too, when our hearts are in the right place, we can err in our words, and knowing that our spiritual intent is based on sound, solid ground, others will know to excuse or forgive slips in the words we choose.
Knowing that we are human and also bound to make mistakes, it is when we do our part to right the matter. Most of the time, in my own experience, that as long as I keep my side of the street cleaned off and washed, it doesn't really matter what other think or do. For instance, I had to make an amend either a week ago or so, knowing what my part was, I listed the things that I had done wrong and said "My behaviour was inappropriate, what can I do to fix it." I did the amends the only way that I could, through email. Yet I have not heard back from them at all. The point is that I did what I had to do in order to set the matter right! Whether or not they do the right thing or not, is not of my concern or of any of my business. I did what the program teaches me to do, that is the action part. Have I heard back from them in any way? NO. but as far as I am concerned I did what I had to do. Some people will never truly know what it means to give true understanding and love, forgiveness! My concern isn't them but my concern is ME and how it affects me.
OK have to run here real quick good discussion, wish others might jump in there is no right or wrong.
Love Vic
Naps are good.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
Great post Vic. Thanks for sharing that. And great responses from everyone else too.
And you're right Vic:
"but as far as I am concerned I did what I had to do." (forgive me for cutting and pasting - I don't know how to quote yet! help!)
But anyway, yes you are right. Our part is just to do what we know is the right thing to do. We are not responsible for other people's reactions, or failure to respond at all. Maybe this person will respond to you... some people need more time than others to forgive. I hope this person will forgive you. You are a great person and a true asset to SR.
And you're right Vic:
"but as far as I am concerned I did what I had to do." (forgive me for cutting and pasting - I don't know how to quote yet! help!)
But anyway, yes you are right. Our part is just to do what we know is the right thing to do. We are not responsible for other people's reactions, or failure to respond at all. Maybe this person will respond to you... some people need more time than others to forgive. I hope this person will forgive you. You are a great person and a true asset to SR.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by TexasDawn
And you're right Vic:
"but as far as I am concerned I did what I had to do." (forgive me for cutting and pasting - I don't know how to quote yet! help!)
Love Vic
I will come back later to this one I just woke up
Have a wonderful day..Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by luckyv2
I did what I had to do in order to set the matter right! Whether or not they do the right thing or not, is not of my concern or of any of my business.
Originally Posted by TexasDawn
And you're right Vic: "but as far as I am concerned I did what I had to do."
Our part is just to do what we know is the right thing to do. We are not responsible for other people's reactions, or failure to respond at all.
Our part is just to do what we know is the right thing to do. We are not responsible for other people's reactions, or failure to respond at all.
I've cited this entry from The Language of Letting Go before, but it applies here so well...
Property Lines
A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.
People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belong to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Their choices are their property, not ours. What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities.
Guest
Posts: n/a
great thread, Vic. Language of the Heart...it's probably one of the most misunderstood, yet widely used and abused forms of communication. When we are insincere, we cause a lot of emotional wreckage. When we are bitter and sincere, we cause even greater wreckage. When we lie, we murder another part of the world.
When we speak from the heart, and we are genuinely sincere and peaceful...our words can be the Balm of Gilead. It's precious. Very few people understand the true worth of kind words spoken from the heart.
One example: another member recently said "nobody understands me". Well, what is it that people don't understand about you? We're listening. Perhaps a little clarity is needed. What's wrong? What's troubling you? Talk to us. We want to help. Surely, we may be the walking wounded, but we want to see the healing take place. That's where genuine kindness has its greatest rewards.
I do my best to speak from the heart. If I don't mean what I say, and the words escape my lips...It's time for an immediate 9th step. An apology is in order. When we live the promises of AA/NA, miracles happen. People heal. People recover. Souls regenerate. We've been blessed with a blessing and a curse, as Isaiah said of God's wrath upon Israel. (old, old testament stuff, but relevant).
We, as addicts, have been blessed with this curse of MAD OBSESSION. When we recover and share our experiences, perhaps we can help another addict in the process.
Thanks Vic. Thanks Aloneagainor. Thanks for letting ME share.
When we speak from the heart, and we are genuinely sincere and peaceful...our words can be the Balm of Gilead. It's precious. Very few people understand the true worth of kind words spoken from the heart.
One example: another member recently said "nobody understands me". Well, what is it that people don't understand about you? We're listening. Perhaps a little clarity is needed. What's wrong? What's troubling you? Talk to us. We want to help. Surely, we may be the walking wounded, but we want to see the healing take place. That's where genuine kindness has its greatest rewards.
I do my best to speak from the heart. If I don't mean what I say, and the words escape my lips...It's time for an immediate 9th step. An apology is in order. When we live the promises of AA/NA, miracles happen. People heal. People recover. Souls regenerate. We've been blessed with a blessing and a curse, as Isaiah said of God's wrath upon Israel. (old, old testament stuff, but relevant).
We, as addicts, have been blessed with this curse of MAD OBSESSION. When we recover and share our experiences, perhaps we can help another addict in the process.
Thanks Vic. Thanks Aloneagainor. Thanks for letting ME share.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by Midas
One example: another member recently said "nobody understands me". Well, what is it that people don't understand about you? We're listening. Perhaps a little clarity is needed. What's wrong? What's troubling you? Talk to us. We want to help. Surely, we may be the walking wounded, but we want to see the healing take place.
That's where genuine kindness has its greatest rewards.
I know that when I was going through problems with my computer, MY PATIENCE was running real thin. However, compared to how I used to react, I felt that I had done better, however I also realize that I needed to improve some also. It is almost as if we are talking about the Spiritual Principles in all of our affairs. MY Sponsor says that behind the Twelve Steps it represents the word and the action of RESPECT! Even if our opinions are different, that doesn't call for slander, or saying that someone is wrong, or pushing our way on them. It calls for love and compassion. I truly believe that the people who show a genuine concern for others, and don't treat them with disrespect (although I have been know to) are the people that speak from the Heart.
This is not a lesson, this can only be achieved I believe from total surrender and the only way to do that is in the HEART! I don't believe from my experience that you can surrender from the head
it has to come from the heart, and when that happens, you can actually see almost an incredible change in someone. You still might not see it in yourself but others can feel it for you and tell you. Anyway I am at work kind off... Be back later.Love Vic
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
