salamander

I've been sitting on the sidelines watching and reading the posts on this website. Just now got the courage to sign on. I stopped drinking on Jul 2. I am struggling with the whole thing. I dont know if i am truly and alcoholic or just a problem drinker. I have tried to stop drinking twice during the last year (this makes the third time). Up until last Sunday i drank every night. Each morning i would wake up with guilt because i drank more than i started out to drink. I have experienced blackouts more regularly and several times in the last couple of months i have woken up with bruises that i dont know how i got. I havent lost my job or my family or my home and maybe thats what confuses me. i guess i figure if you havent lost everything it isnt really a problem. I put up a good front and no one but my husband has any idea how much i drink. To compound my problem i am married to a bona fide hard core alcoholic who has been in recovery for years. (He did loose everything, family, job etc). He supports my decision to quit and encourages me but I wonder if he doesnt think i dont really have a problem because it hasnt caused the destruction that his drinking caused. Help please.

temlin3

Hi salamander,

Welcome to SR. You definitely came to the right place. I am new, but I can tell you that the people here will help you figure things out and get on the right path for yourself.

Your story sounds very familiar... I also have woken up with bruises, had many blackouts, woke up guilty, had more to drink than I thought I would, etc.

If you haven't lost anything, then it seems like the perfect time to get better and healthy! Why wait until you are broken when you can help yourself now? It's great that you recognize a problem and want to change for the better. That alone is brave. You are lucky to have realized your struggle before anything serious has happened.

I just wanted to say hello and let you know you aren't alone. Keep posting and coming back. This place can do wonders for your life if you open up.

Take care,
Jennifer

Candy Scratch

Hi Salamander,
First of all, welcome. I am very much like you in the sense that I haven't lost everything to drinking. I'm actually quite functional, don't miss work, pay my bills, etc. But I know I have a problem that is slowly debilitating my health and clouding my mind and I know that it can (and will) get worse if I keep going down this road. I don't think it matters what you call it -- if you're here looking for help, THAT is what counts. Obviously it's distressing you and you want to change something, right?

I'm so glad you found this forum. I'm fairly new too, but I think it's a wonderfully inspiring place.

Best to you,
Candy Scratch

CarolD

Hi and Welcome!..

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Blackouts are explained in "Under" Page 119

Glad to see a new member...

Blessings to you and your husband

trying to be

maybe we can find our way out together...i still have no idea what i'm doing on this thing... it seems there are many people on here that do though

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

No, you don't have to lose anything to be alcoholic...I nearly lost it all including my life....

It looks like you see there is a problem with your drinking, blackouts for one..

Keep posting, we are glad you found us...:ghug

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

Blackouts are a sign of alcoholism. And, if you believe alcohol causes problems in your life, I hope you will stop. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and things will get worse, if you continue to drink. Take a good look around and make yourself at home.

nandm

One indication that one might be an alcoholic is the inability to quit drinking and stay that way. A challenge presented by a book on alcoholism is try stopping all alcohol for a period of 1 year. All but a rare few that are alcoholic will be unable to do this. I was actually able to but was completely miserable when I did it and thought about alcohol constantly. I only did it because my ex-husband told me I had a problem with alcohol so I had to try and prove him wrong.

Blackouts, guilt, remorse, inability to control drinking once we start all signs that one could be an alcoholic. Normal drinkers don't normally experience these things. They are able to have one or two drinks without the obsession taking over causing them to drink more even though they set out only to have the one or two.

I did not lose my family, my job, my home, or my outside look good either but I am an alcoholic. What I did lose is something that was not as visible as losing all the outside things. I lost me, I was miserable, tired of being tired, discouraged, disgusted, remorseful, I hated being in my own skin, I felt like a liar because I felt like if anyone truly knew me they would not like me so I continually put up a front that all was well with me. It finally got to the point I was comtemplating suicide. Fortunately I found help for my alcoholism instead. I am a bona fide hard core alcoholic. I know that if I had continued to drink I would have wound up dead or insane.

This has been my experience with alcoholism. I hope you are able to find some use from it.

lostmdboy

Hey salamander. Welcome. I am definately an alcoholic, but that doeas not mean I can tellyou that you are one. We all were not skid row drunks. I think my bottom was more mental then physical. I had not lost anything like a job, but I was so ashamed of my drinking. The remorse is the worste part. There are solutions. I would sudjest getting into some kind of program. From there I am sure you find all the answers you are looking for.

ferrette76

Hi Salamander,

I agree with everyone here. So far, I have only lost my self-respect. But if I continue drinking, I will lose much more. I picture myself getting arrested for a DUI, my husband leaving me, my family ashamed of me, getting fired from my job . . or worse, I could lose my life- I have spent many intoxicated evenings in a suicidal state.

Try to picture what your life will be like if you continue on this path. Then, make the change - I won't be easy, but I can guarantee it will be easier than prison (or death)!

gypsytears

Just a little FYI : this thread is 2 1/2 years old and Salamander hasn't posted since then.

I'm sure some good info can still be gleaned though.

Negative Man

Thanks for the FYI Gypsy tears. I'd already replied. Might as well keep it...


Salamander. First of all, thanks very much for posting.

To be honest, you're the only person who can truly say if alcohol is a problem for you. What I can tell you is that my drinking didn't land me in jail, loss of job, or other problems. But it simply made me miserable. I was unhappy all of the time, and I thought all along that alcohol was the solution, but it was the problem.

I'm on day 23 today. I'm grateful and humbled to have that long. And a lot happier!

Keep posting on the board. I didn't stop for 2/3 weeks while I was here, but the site helped give me the strength to do so. Best wishes!

nandm

Woops that one got by me. Great catch gypsy.