Alcohol cravings -- big time.
4/23/2006 and counting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Great Northwest
Posts: 55
Alcohol cravings -- big time.
As I've mentioned, my hubby and I quit drinking this spring (he's April 19, I'm April 23). He has seemed to have little or no problem with cravings or thinking about drinking. On the other hand, I have been a mess. The 1st few weeks, I was jittery, sweaty, almost a kind of choking sensation. Those symptoms have improved, but I still think about drinking several times a day. When I walk by the beer cooler at Albertson's, it's all I can do to not go over and pick up a 6-pack of stout -- which I could probably put away in a short evening. The gourmet store where I used to buy my favorite beer (at $3/bottle, mind you) is completely off-limits. I can hardly even imagine going in there to shop, although it's one of the best places to buy sushi materials, etc. When mowing the lawn, the only thing keeping me from drinking is the fact that there is only soda and iced tea in the fridge -- if there was beer here, I can't say that I wouldn't cave in "just this once."
When things get stressful or I start to feel panicky, my mind immediately turns to how calming alcohol would be. Then I automatically think "How am I going to deal with this, not just today, but for the rest of my life? If I feel like this after nearly 3 months, it would be better to drink and just deal with the consequences. It seems better than how nervous, cranky and unable to stop the feeling of "needing" to drink.
Wow -- I think this is more than I've admitted to myself, yet. I'm calling upon the wisdom of "been there, done that" to get some perspective on this. As I've mentioned, I've really tried to stick with AA; I just can't get past the feeling at the meetings that everyone is trying to one-up each other with their sobriety time, and although I've read the 12 & 12 and the Big Book, it seems way too much like blindly following someone else's ideas. I've never been much for group thought or sloganeering, but hearing "One Day at A Time," "Let Go and Let God," "I'm working through Step X, I hope I'll get there soon," 10, 20, 30 times at a single meeting made me both extremely uncomfortable and very, very skeptical.
I'm very comfortable with my psychiatrist and my marriage counsellor -- maybe that will do it for me. Is that a road that seems passable, in general? I get panicky in large groups, relate better with people in one-on-one situations, and, I'm sorry to admit, am a bit of a snob. Holy cow, this sounds absolutely obnoxious. The meetings I attended were largely people who were down and out, living at the rescue mission, some recovering from meth addiction as well as alcohol. There were several people there that were trying to get straightened out after getting out of prison, one man who had murdered his son and daughter in law in a blackout, coming to in a jail cell. I am not saying such people don't have problems "like" mine, that they are less human because of their circumstances or that I deserve a higher eschelon of treatment. The reality is: I'm a 34-year-old housewife with a great, intact, extended family in the area. We're solidly middle class, with good private health insurance. I have 2 small children. along with their various activities, and attending 90 in 90 is laughable -- it's hard enough to manipulate schedules to cover someone watching the boys for an hour a week, let alone an hour a day. I realize this may sound like just more excuses, but there are so many obstacles I percieve, and would like to follow a different path, if possible. It seems as if I could potentially be more successful in a group of people who are working on sobriety in somewhat similar circumstances. I apologize if I am sounding bourgeois or am totally off base -- I wonder if there is a group more suited to me. I know there are gay/lesbian AA groups, could there be one for moms in their 30's who don't have abusive spouses, don't rely on the horrible Medicaid that is the last resort, weren't molested as children. Again, I could be totally wrong (for the 9 millionth time). I have a feeling the discomfort I felt was partially related to not having a single person I could really identify with, let alone would want to look to as a sponsor.
Sorry to go on so long -- I edited this because there was a crisis in the bathtub that I had to go referee, and had to restart my train of thought.
Thanks so much in advance -- I'm new to this and will need to make a concrete decision soon, for sure. In the meantime, I continue to be sober, to learn as much as I can and to accept the love and help of my family.
When things get stressful or I start to feel panicky, my mind immediately turns to how calming alcohol would be. Then I automatically think "How am I going to deal with this, not just today, but for the rest of my life? If I feel like this after nearly 3 months, it would be better to drink and just deal with the consequences. It seems better than how nervous, cranky and unable to stop the feeling of "needing" to drink.
Wow -- I think this is more than I've admitted to myself, yet. I'm calling upon the wisdom of "been there, done that" to get some perspective on this. As I've mentioned, I've really tried to stick with AA; I just can't get past the feeling at the meetings that everyone is trying to one-up each other with their sobriety time, and although I've read the 12 & 12 and the Big Book, it seems way too much like blindly following someone else's ideas. I've never been much for group thought or sloganeering, but hearing "One Day at A Time," "Let Go and Let God," "I'm working through Step X, I hope I'll get there soon," 10, 20, 30 times at a single meeting made me both extremely uncomfortable and very, very skeptical.
I'm very comfortable with my psychiatrist and my marriage counsellor -- maybe that will do it for me. Is that a road that seems passable, in general? I get panicky in large groups, relate better with people in one-on-one situations, and, I'm sorry to admit, am a bit of a snob. Holy cow, this sounds absolutely obnoxious. The meetings I attended were largely people who were down and out, living at the rescue mission, some recovering from meth addiction as well as alcohol. There were several people there that were trying to get straightened out after getting out of prison, one man who had murdered his son and daughter in law in a blackout, coming to in a jail cell. I am not saying such people don't have problems "like" mine, that they are less human because of their circumstances or that I deserve a higher eschelon of treatment. The reality is: I'm a 34-year-old housewife with a great, intact, extended family in the area. We're solidly middle class, with good private health insurance. I have 2 small children. along with their various activities, and attending 90 in 90 is laughable -- it's hard enough to manipulate schedules to cover someone watching the boys for an hour a week, let alone an hour a day. I realize this may sound like just more excuses, but there are so many obstacles I percieve, and would like to follow a different path, if possible. It seems as if I could potentially be more successful in a group of people who are working on sobriety in somewhat similar circumstances. I apologize if I am sounding bourgeois or am totally off base -- I wonder if there is a group more suited to me. I know there are gay/lesbian AA groups, could there be one for moms in their 30's who don't have abusive spouses, don't rely on the horrible Medicaid that is the last resort, weren't molested as children. Again, I could be totally wrong (for the 9 millionth time). I have a feeling the discomfort I felt was partially related to not having a single person I could really identify with, let alone would want to look to as a sponsor.
Sorry to go on so long -- I edited this because there was a crisis in the bathtub that I had to go referee, and had to restart my train of thought.
Thanks so much in advance -- I'm new to this and will need to make a concrete decision soon, for sure. In the meantime, I continue to be sober, to learn as much as I can and to accept the love and help of my family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Originally Posted by mrswoogie
Then I automatically think "How am I going to deal with this, not just today, but for the rest of my life?
I had a very bad urge to drink last week and I still can't believe I made it through. But I did. And at that point, it was literally one minute at a time. I even knew that it was going to be gin and tonics. There's no magic to this, just the desire to not go back to the chaos. This disease is tricky. I knew I didn't want to drink and that little addict voice was trying to rationalize why I could drink "just this one time". I didn't listen but darn I wanted to talk myself into drinking. It was divine intervention. Thanks to God I didn't pick up.
I've invested myself into others at my AA group and that's what has helped me most I think.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I no longer crave alcohol. I haven't for two years now. It is amazing to me because I did nothing and I mean nothing without several drinks in me. What happened? What did I do differently and what made my obsession for alcohol go away? I got a sponsor and worked the steps. That is when the cravings were lifted from me.
I think we all hate the AA slogans in the beginning. After a while when I could see the results of sobriety benefiting me, the slogans took on new meaning and started making sense to me instead of irritating me. Skeptical? You have no idea the possibilities of what lies ahead for you. The promises are true. I too was skeptical, until I started living the promises. I could see them happening in my own life. Work the program as it is intended to be worked. Get a sponsor and work the steps. I believe that is when you will start feeling and seeing a difference in your life. My best to you...
I think we all hate the AA slogans in the beginning. After a while when I could see the results of sobriety benefiting me, the slogans took on new meaning and started making sense to me instead of irritating me. Skeptical? You have no idea the possibilities of what lies ahead for you. The promises are true. I too was skeptical, until I started living the promises. I could see them happening in my own life. Work the program as it is intended to be worked. Get a sponsor and work the steps. I believe that is when you will start feeling and seeing a difference in your life. My best to you...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
All I can add is that the cravings for me have diminished the longer that I stay sober. During the first few months of stopping drinking, every time something stressful happened I wanted a drink. I guess I was like Pavlov's dogs conditioned to salivate for a beer when things got rough.
You have done great so far not caving in. It gets better the longer you stay sober. That's something to look forward to.
And even though the AA slogans might get a little redundant at times, it's still better to listen to than the same old worn out stories at a bar.
Good luck and "Keep the Plug in the Jug".
You have done great so far not caving in. It gets better the longer you stay sober. That's something to look forward to.
And even though the AA slogans might get a little redundant at times, it's still better to listen to than the same old worn out stories at a bar.
Good luck and "Keep the Plug in the Jug".
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
I read this on the wall of one of my old Lady clients,
' Today is the tomorrow that i worried about yeserday,
and it did'nt even happen.!'
Your doing so well. 60days MEGA, worry about tomorrow when it comes.
hugs.
' Today is the tomorrow that i worried about yeserday,
and it did'nt even happen.!'
Your doing so well. 60days MEGA, worry about tomorrow when it comes.
hugs.
Naps are good.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
I know how you feel! Gosh your life sounds so similar to mine. And I can relate to some of the negative things about AA. I've thought the same things at times. I'm hoping this time I stay with AA though because there is so much GOOD there. Yeh it's not perfect........... but nothing is. Just try to take the good... you know just take what you need and what works for you and don't get caught up in the other junk. Maybe there are a small majority of people there who like to show off their sobriety time, but I think that most people are just grateful to be sober and still alive.
I don't think you sound snobby at all - I've thought all of those same things before myself. If you can really quit on your own and you don't need AA then maybe it's not for you. But I realize this time around that I do need it. In my city there are tons of meetings and all different types of people so I can find the type of meeting that I feel the most comfortable in.
You might find this to be a bit odd, but even though I am a middle-class middle-age housewife of two boys like yourself, I find that I like going to the AA meeting at a rehab house - the guys there are so nice and friendly. At some meetings it just seems like the people are snobbier - I don't know, maybe snobby is the wrong word - I guess I'm just trying to say that even though you might not feel like you have a lot in common with the people in a particular meeting that is not always a bad thing. You have in common one very important thing - being an alcoholic. Also, being around people who have REALLY reached rock bottom has served the purpose of scaring me into sobriety because I realize "but for the grace of God go I." I'm lucky to still have my family, and still have a house, and still have health insurance. But if I continue to drink... who can predict what would become of my life?
Try going to different meetings all over your city until you find the ones that are right for you. I am trying to go to at least one or two per week. (Yeh that 90 in 90 is impossible for me too! But I guess if I was desperate enough I would find a way to do even that. It would be better then having to go into a rehab full-time and leaving my family ya know?)
Keep posting! I appreciate your post - finally someone has said the things that I have been thinking for years.
Oh btw, I also have a counselor (that helps a lot too) and I go to church regularly which helps me tremendously.
Take care! Dawn
I don't think you sound snobby at all - I've thought all of those same things before myself. If you can really quit on your own and you don't need AA then maybe it's not for you. But I realize this time around that I do need it. In my city there are tons of meetings and all different types of people so I can find the type of meeting that I feel the most comfortable in.
You might find this to be a bit odd, but even though I am a middle-class middle-age housewife of two boys like yourself, I find that I like going to the AA meeting at a rehab house - the guys there are so nice and friendly. At some meetings it just seems like the people are snobbier - I don't know, maybe snobby is the wrong word - I guess I'm just trying to say that even though you might not feel like you have a lot in common with the people in a particular meeting that is not always a bad thing. You have in common one very important thing - being an alcoholic. Also, being around people who have REALLY reached rock bottom has served the purpose of scaring me into sobriety because I realize "but for the grace of God go I." I'm lucky to still have my family, and still have a house, and still have health insurance. But if I continue to drink... who can predict what would become of my life?
Try going to different meetings all over your city until you find the ones that are right for you. I am trying to go to at least one or two per week. (Yeh that 90 in 90 is impossible for me too! But I guess if I was desperate enough I would find a way to do even that. It would be better then having to go into a rehab full-time and leaving my family ya know?)
Keep posting! I appreciate your post - finally someone has said the things that I have been thinking for years.
Oh btw, I also have a counselor (that helps a lot too) and I go to church regularly which helps me tremendously.
Take care! Dawn
4/23/2006 and counting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Great Northwest
Posts: 55
Dawn...
Weird how this seems to be a pattern in we housewives; maybe we've just been afraid to admit we screwed up big time by endangering the one thing we hold most dear - our children.
I'm thankful that I got smart before someone got hurt or I got arrested -- I didn't drink and drive regularly, but sometimes, I would be less drunk than my husband and think, "Ok, I'll just take the back roads home." What an irresponsible idiot.
There is a group that meets at the Episcopal church I'm attending; does such a place tend to draw people that are more alike than different? I know churches, etc, are no charge, so meetings are often held there, but might you get people from the church, the same faith, the same area? My hubby goes to a downtown lunch meeting, so it's mostly business men and women, and he's been very comfortable there. Would the district AA office have any general info as to what types of groups meet where.
The more I hear how you all have had success with AA, the more I want to find a group that works for me, that I can be committed to and look to for support. I gotta have something that will get me past the "poor me" stage I'm in and get me focused on something, anything else. I'm volunteering at our rescue mission to serve breakfast, in hopes doing for others will be helpful to me.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and positive support -- realizing I was an alcoholic was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling my parents was the 2nd hardest -- I always wanted to be the "responsible" daughter, the one that had it all together. With no alcohol abuse history in my family, I still don't think my parents really know how to approach the issue. It took them 5 years to really get on board with my sister's anorexia nervosia treatment, admitting she was mentally ill and needed more than just love and support.
I'll keep checking this thread, and you can be sure you'll see many more questions from me in the near future, as I start to make real decisions.
Weird how this seems to be a pattern in we housewives; maybe we've just been afraid to admit we screwed up big time by endangering the one thing we hold most dear - our children.
I'm thankful that I got smart before someone got hurt or I got arrested -- I didn't drink and drive regularly, but sometimes, I would be less drunk than my husband and think, "Ok, I'll just take the back roads home." What an irresponsible idiot.
There is a group that meets at the Episcopal church I'm attending; does such a place tend to draw people that are more alike than different? I know churches, etc, are no charge, so meetings are often held there, but might you get people from the church, the same faith, the same area? My hubby goes to a downtown lunch meeting, so it's mostly business men and women, and he's been very comfortable there. Would the district AA office have any general info as to what types of groups meet where.
The more I hear how you all have had success with AA, the more I want to find a group that works for me, that I can be committed to and look to for support. I gotta have something that will get me past the "poor me" stage I'm in and get me focused on something, anything else. I'm volunteering at our rescue mission to serve breakfast, in hopes doing for others will be helpful to me.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and positive support -- realizing I was an alcoholic was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling my parents was the 2nd hardest -- I always wanted to be the "responsible" daughter, the one that had it all together. With no alcohol abuse history in my family, I still don't think my parents really know how to approach the issue. It took them 5 years to really get on board with my sister's anorexia nervosia treatment, admitting she was mentally ill and needed more than just love and support.
I'll keep checking this thread, and you can be sure you'll see many more questions from me in the near future, as I start to make real decisions.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My first AA home group was in Washington D.C.
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of our Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
We had a few mentally ill members
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors, cops and government workers
We had doctors... lawyers...some homeless
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
We often had famous visitors and celebrities.
I began that group working as a Union waitress/bartender
I left as a professional fund raiser for non profit organizations.
Not once did I meet a housewife from Idaho.
As alcoholism is a huge social equalizer
so is AA recovery.
I have not noticed a difference in membership from
church groups to Alano Clubs.
Take care...Blessings to you and your family
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of our Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
We had a few mentally ill members
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors, cops and government workers
We had doctors... lawyers...some homeless
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
We often had famous visitors and celebrities.
I began that group working as a Union waitress/bartender
I left as a professional fund raiser for non profit organizations.
Not once did I meet a housewife from Idaho.As alcoholism is a huge social equalizer
so is AA recovery.
I have not noticed a difference in membership from
church groups to Alano Clubs.
Take care...Blessings to you and your family
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Cravings....
In early recovery . I timed my cravings.
Mine were 5/7 minutes in duration.
I can overcome most things for that short time!
I took action during that space.
Brushing my teeth...eating a Lifesaver...drinking water
(notice the oral connection?)
The longer I stayed sober they lessened in both frequency and intensity.
Keep going forward...
In early recovery . I timed my cravings.
Mine were 5/7 minutes in duration.
I can overcome most things for that short time!
I took action during that space.
Brushing my teeth...eating a Lifesaver...drinking water
(notice the oral connection?)
The longer I stayed sober they lessened in both frequency and intensity.
Keep going forward...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I can relate to how you're feeling. I made a couple of attempts at meetings before getting sober, basically just to get other people off my butt, and immediately I would look around and decide why I wouldn't/couldn't fit in, relate etc. It wasn't until I finally reached the hard realization in 2004 that I couldn't do this on my own, that my attempts to stop or taper or drink moderately were failing miserably that I went to my first meeting at my current home group. This time I looked for the similarities and not the differences and the feeling of relief at being with people who understood where I was at and wanted to help was huge! Some of these people I would never have mixed with out in the "real" world, but by sitting in meetings with them and listening to them I got the opportunity to look past the outside to see the inside and I found that although they looked scary on the outside they were me inside.
Definitely shop around for a meeting where you feel comfortable. There are too many meetings around for that. You may want to see if you can find a women's meeting somewhere. I know at my group, lots of people bring their kids and we have a play room set up just for that. Keep looking and you'll find a better fit I'm sure.
Hugs,
Kellye
Definitely shop around for a meeting where you feel comfortable. There are too many meetings around for that. You may want to see if you can find a women's meeting somewhere. I know at my group, lots of people bring their kids and we have a play room set up just for that. Keep looking and you'll find a better fit I'm sure.
Hugs,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
Holy cow. my first thought was dont reply because its still intimidating for me to talk. I dont have kids, just a puppy, and that for me, i guess, has been enough to raise in alcoholic state of mind. It runs in the family and I see how short tempered and distant others were raised. So for you to have a family, i give you credit.
I am going to speak the truth and hope that if i am wrong in saying so, that someone would politely correct me and not be to harsh, as i am an emotional wreck after only 3 days of sobriety.
I was at one time married. We made it 11 months, because we never should have been wed. He was wealthy and i had all the resources i needed to cover my unhappiness with alcohol. I dont think that i would have considered myself snobby, but looking back, yes. And just the fact that you are here, inquiring, shows that you are a normal human being. Everyone is unhappy. Some just dont express it with drugs or alcohol. For example, my ex-husband did not even drink coffee. He just ate. Food was the drug of choice.
We completely fell apart.
But you: You sound as though you and your husband have both recognized your troubles and yes, it is hard as hell to overcome them. I just ask you to look and see that you still have each other. you still have your children and their events, as a family. You still have hope.
You still have the love, i would wish, to carry on and strive to be the best you can, together or apart, and raise a beautiful family, so tight knit, because of your difficulties.
Good Luck and god bless. May the love that surrounds you remain and may you open your heart to accept it.
I am going to speak the truth and hope that if i am wrong in saying so, that someone would politely correct me and not be to harsh, as i am an emotional wreck after only 3 days of sobriety.
I was at one time married. We made it 11 months, because we never should have been wed. He was wealthy and i had all the resources i needed to cover my unhappiness with alcohol. I dont think that i would have considered myself snobby, but looking back, yes. And just the fact that you are here, inquiring, shows that you are a normal human being. Everyone is unhappy. Some just dont express it with drugs or alcohol. For example, my ex-husband did not even drink coffee. He just ate. Food was the drug of choice.
We completely fell apart.
But you: You sound as though you and your husband have both recognized your troubles and yes, it is hard as hell to overcome them. I just ask you to look and see that you still have each other. you still have your children and their events, as a family. You still have hope.
You still have the love, i would wish, to carry on and strive to be the best you can, together or apart, and raise a beautiful family, so tight knit, because of your difficulties.
Good Luck and god bless. May the love that surrounds you remain and may you open your heart to accept it.
4/23/2006 and counting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Great Northwest
Posts: 55
Mertyl --
Thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I tend to be a bit of a pessimist, and that tends to make me overlook the positives I have in my life. Don't think things are all great -- I'd say the last 3 years, we've done nothing to nurture our marriage and a distance had grown between us, which gets to be a habit and less painful the longer it goes on. Unfortunately, it took the hard reality of severe financial distress and my hubby getting a DUI before we actually took note of how bad things had really gotten. You know, he got the DUI at about 1am and was at work by 9am, so no problem there, right? How sick justification of behavior is, huh.
Not to say I don't have more positives than some do, but we spent 5-8 years putting up a front of being the perfect couple, the perfect parents, the perfect life -- I'm just now starting to admit to our closest friends the truth of how bad things had gotten. I'd rather avoid an arguement or a small disappointment, even if "eventually" it means a big argument or a huge negative situation. I'm working on this avoidance nonsense along with my other issues, and, hopefully, I'll continue in a positive direction.
I am going to start looking for a meeting that will work in my schedule and try to find some that I have a little in common with. I guess, under it all, we are all human and all alcoholics that are trying to get better, so that's probably more than enough common ground.
Congrats to everyone hanging in with their sobriety -- I have only made it 77 days, thus far, but I remember how hard the first few days are. Who cares if you have a drink NOW, you can just start over, right? Mertyl, you may not have kids or a husband, but I bet you have parents, siblings, aunts/uncles and/or friends that love you, and I imagine they can see the pain you've been in and have felt helpless. Now, you're helping yourself, and I think you'll be surprised how your "old" self starts to reemerge.
Best of luck, and thanks again for the positive words.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I guess I tend to be a bit of a pessimist, and that tends to make me overlook the positives I have in my life. Don't think things are all great -- I'd say the last 3 years, we've done nothing to nurture our marriage and a distance had grown between us, which gets to be a habit and less painful the longer it goes on. Unfortunately, it took the hard reality of severe financial distress and my hubby getting a DUI before we actually took note of how bad things had really gotten. You know, he got the DUI at about 1am and was at work by 9am, so no problem there, right? How sick justification of behavior is, huh.
Not to say I don't have more positives than some do, but we spent 5-8 years putting up a front of being the perfect couple, the perfect parents, the perfect life -- I'm just now starting to admit to our closest friends the truth of how bad things had gotten. I'd rather avoid an arguement or a small disappointment, even if "eventually" it means a big argument or a huge negative situation. I'm working on this avoidance nonsense along with my other issues, and, hopefully, I'll continue in a positive direction.
I am going to start looking for a meeting that will work in my schedule and try to find some that I have a little in common with. I guess, under it all, we are all human and all alcoholics that are trying to get better, so that's probably more than enough common ground.
Congrats to everyone hanging in with their sobriety -- I have only made it 77 days, thus far, but I remember how hard the first few days are. Who cares if you have a drink NOW, you can just start over, right? Mertyl, you may not have kids or a husband, but I bet you have parents, siblings, aunts/uncles and/or friends that love you, and I imagine they can see the pain you've been in and have felt helpless. Now, you're helping yourself, and I think you'll be surprised how your "old" self starts to reemerge.
Best of luck, and thanks again for the positive words.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
i have to respond, because mrswoogie, you are not a snob, like you think. The fact that you take a minute to respond and post should show you, yourself , that you are still working for the big guy, if you get what i mean.
I cant say enough how proud i am for you to make it 77 days! that is freakin increidible. And the phony show, that has covered for you and the husband for a long time, not so uncommon. Many people, and i mean many, especially after other posts I have read and seen family in the same shoes, will do whatever it takes for the world to see that there is nothing wrong.
I did it. And the fact you have counsellors for you and your marriage is a good start. I hope you will see and live in today: Love what you have and work towards keeping it. Nothing in life is perfect. Even if you win the lottery, still not perfect. Even if your job is great, family is great and you are a great mom, still not perfect, because there will always be something that needs to mess it up. So strive to be human, accepting and loving, and thank you for your kind words, as well.
Keep your head up, smile, stay for day 78 and be strong.
mertly
I cant say enough how proud i am for you to make it 77 days! that is freakin increidible. And the phony show, that has covered for you and the husband for a long time, not so uncommon. Many people, and i mean many, especially after other posts I have read and seen family in the same shoes, will do whatever it takes for the world to see that there is nothing wrong.
I did it. And the fact you have counsellors for you and your marriage is a good start. I hope you will see and live in today: Love what you have and work towards keeping it. Nothing in life is perfect. Even if you win the lottery, still not perfect. Even if your job is great, family is great and you are a great mom, still not perfect, because there will always be something that needs to mess it up. So strive to be human, accepting and loving, and thank you for your kind words, as well.
Keep your head up, smile, stay for day 78 and be strong.
mertly
Naps are good.
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
77 days is awesome!
Guess by now you have 78 or 79; I have not been on-line in the last day or so. I made it to an AA meeting last night, but yesterday was a rough day for me. I've only been sober for three weeks and I am still having lots of cravings. I'm going to my regular meeting today in about 45 minutes so I have to type fast and start getting my butt ready this morning and out the door! But I wanted to say hello and thanks for your posts. It's nice to have someone I can relate to. Did someone say you were a housewife from Idaho? I didn't see you mention Idaho anywhere. I'm a housewife from Ohio. (I was born in Texas, hence the name...)
Anyway, congrats on your sobriety time. And I think it's really neat that you are volunteering at a rescue mission. Can you give us more details on that when you have time? I would love to hear more about it.
Dawn
Guess by now you have 78 or 79; I have not been on-line in the last day or so. I made it to an AA meeting last night, but yesterday was a rough day for me. I've only been sober for three weeks and I am still having lots of cravings. I'm going to my regular meeting today in about 45 minutes so I have to type fast and start getting my butt ready this morning and out the door! But I wanted to say hello and thanks for your posts. It's nice to have someone I can relate to. Did someone say you were a housewife from Idaho? I didn't see you mention Idaho anywhere. I'm a housewife from Ohio. (I was born in Texas, hence the name...)Anyway, congrats on your sobriety time. And I think it's really neat that you are volunteering at a rescue mission. Can you give us more details on that when you have time? I would love to hear more about it.
Dawn
4/23/2006 and counting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Great Northwest
Posts: 55
Yes, I'm a housewife (I prefer "Domestic Goddess") in Idaho. I widened my location when I started giving more detail -- I don't care who knows I'm in recovery, but didn't want to give information on my sister, parents or so forth along with my exact location.
Funny thing about the volunteering. When we got sober, we decided part of our lapse had been teaching any set kind of morality to our kids. Not that we were living an immoral life or anything, but that we hadn't spent any time giving our kids anything concrete to gauge their own behavior. So, we headed back to church, for the first time since I was in college. We're pretty Liberal (yes, in Idaho!), so we returned to the Episcopal faith that I was raised with, confident that the low-judgement, open atmosphere would work good for our family. We have had a great experience -- everyone has been so kind and helpful, without being pushy, dogmatic or discouraging. They volunteer at the Rescue Mission twice a month, as well as distributing food at our local food bank.
I thought this would be a good introduction to myself to being more giving to the society, as a whole. I've volunteered a my boys' school and with their various sports teams, but never anything out of my comfort zone or with such an immediate impact. My 1st time is this Friday, and I'll update on how it goes. Thanks for the thoughts -- I hope this answers at least one of your questions (I do tend to go on and on....)
Funny thing about the volunteering. When we got sober, we decided part of our lapse had been teaching any set kind of morality to our kids. Not that we were living an immoral life or anything, but that we hadn't spent any time giving our kids anything concrete to gauge their own behavior. So, we headed back to church, for the first time since I was in college. We're pretty Liberal (yes, in Idaho!), so we returned to the Episcopal faith that I was raised with, confident that the low-judgement, open atmosphere would work good for our family. We have had a great experience -- everyone has been so kind and helpful, without being pushy, dogmatic or discouraging. They volunteer at the Rescue Mission twice a month, as well as distributing food at our local food bank.
I thought this would be a good introduction to myself to being more giving to the society, as a whole. I've volunteered a my boys' school and with their various sports teams, but never anything out of my comfort zone or with such an immediate impact. My 1st time is this Friday, and I'll update on how it goes. Thanks for the thoughts -- I hope this answers at least one of your questions (I do tend to go on and on....)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Perhaps a different group or ... dare I say it... a different program / treatment plan is right for you. Talk to your doctor, talk to your therapist, AA is not the only way. There are so many avenues, perhaps you need to fashion your own "treatment program" as I have and numerous others have. There is a lot of benefit from the mentoring, comradery, etc, you get from AA, but a group that is more in your neighbhourhood would likely be more useful as you are relating to people like yourself rather than those from VERY different life experiences. They too have needs and are people, but yours are different, there is nothing wrong with that. That is why there are so many different AA groups, not to mention different options for treatment and/or recovery.
I personally do not attend AA and do not want to, but I do find help in much of their literature. I also prefer the small intimate setting rather than the group format. I put personal responsibility at the forefront and my goal is not now, nor will it ever be, 100% abstinence. I would personally see success as having the option if I choose it. I will likely never choose it as I know what it can and has done to me in the past, but there is no reason to commit to 100% abstinence as the ONLY goal of recovery.
Recovery to me is about being healthy, happy, and mentally and spiritually whole. 100% abstinence in my view is just a by product (don't get me wrong, I would lose all of the above if I drank at this point so I don't, but that isn't to say that "I am an alcoholic" and I have some "progressive disease" and don't buy that. MS or MD or Cancer are diseases, my "disease" is a result of my own decisions and possibly some genetic pre disposition, unlike the true diseases, I have a choice not to activate my "disease").
Peace, Levi
I personally do not attend AA and do not want to, but I do find help in much of their literature. I also prefer the small intimate setting rather than the group format. I put personal responsibility at the forefront and my goal is not now, nor will it ever be, 100% abstinence. I would personally see success as having the option if I choose it. I will likely never choose it as I know what it can and has done to me in the past, but there is no reason to commit to 100% abstinence as the ONLY goal of recovery.
Recovery to me is about being healthy, happy, and mentally and spiritually whole. 100% abstinence in my view is just a by product (don't get me wrong, I would lose all of the above if I drank at this point so I don't, but that isn't to say that "I am an alcoholic" and I have some "progressive disease" and don't buy that. MS or MD or Cancer are diseases, my "disease" is a result of my own decisions and possibly some genetic pre disposition, unlike the true diseases, I have a choice not to activate my "disease").
Peace, Levi
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Let's not forget that not everyone has the option of picking and choosing meetings or programs. Some of us have to make it work with what is available to us. Fashioning our own recovery program isn't always the best way to get sober. Sometimes our own program fails. I've seen it happen over and over. That is why we need help and support. We are very vulnerable early in recovery and need structure. I never would have made it if I didn't have structure and guidance from experienced, sober drunks.
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