Kellye C

It is good to step away from the computer. Just know that when you need us we're right here! I have yet to go back to church in sobriety. I don't know why. I have wanted to at times but I was raised in such a way that I felt like I had to be perfect or God didn't want anything to do with me. Church was enjoyable at times but also at times I felt intensely guilty and ashamed for the things I had done and that although people around me seemed to be "perfect" I wasn't. I had to reform my whole concept of God in AA into a relationship that allows for humanness and mistakes but strives for doing His will. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

I'd say if you want to go, then go. If you need to cry, then cry. There is no right and wrong there.

As for the mom thing, yeah they know us pretty well and ultimately they usually know best!

Hugs,
Kellye

2dayzmuse

There is life after sobriety. Keep going to meetings and reaching out for support. You are not alone and don't have to go through by yourself.

mertyl

thanks.

TexasDawn

Hi Mertyl,
How are you doing? Do you have 4 days now?
I'm having a rough time too. I only have three weeks.
Keep in touch - let us know how you are doing. You may have posted somewhere else in another thread. I've got to hurry and get ready if I want to make it to a certain AA meeting that I attend so I don't have much time to spend at SR right now. I'll check in later today.
Dawn

mertyl

hey Dawn. Thanks for asking and yes I do. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Hope you make it to your meeting in time. Dont say ONLY three weeks. Three weeks is better than no weeks, and you should be proud of yourself.
I know what you mean about doing something with your time. I am off work again today and posted a thread earlier about cleaning, which is what i am attempting to do. And let me tell ya...having a hard time staying focused.
So i called my ma, because i am sorting through boxes and keep finding old photos and books, and well all the junk i have carted around forever. And then i get sidetracked. So i sit down here, because after 10 minutes of work, who chouldnt have a break? But its hard, because instead of my old beverages while i cleaned, i am now drinking water. So my mom said to pretend that she was coming for a visit so i would get my butt in gear and stop procrastinating! (moms are so smart)
I hope your day is fufilling and the roughness you are feeling now will be lessened after your meeting.
If you need a laugh, I suggest watching some stand up comedy. Works for me. The last one I watched was Ellen's special where she talks about procratination. Maybe i will put it on now............


Take care
mertyl

maybetoday

i too am terrified to stop. i am in therapy and my therapist asked me to just note how and when i drink and instead of that making it better, it just sent me on another binge. last night i went to the store thinking i'll just have a glass of wine with dinner and in the end, the bottle was my dinner. i am completely functional, but i have no idea how to just be sober. how do i start?

TexasDawn

Hi Maybetoday!
I think you are starting just by coming here and posting. You are changing your attitude towards drinking and starting to think that you want to quit - that's the beginning of change right there. Maybe try some AA meetings or get some books on alcohol recovery.
Try reading some of the other posts in the Newcomers section. There are a lot of good stickys to read too.
Somebody at SR is always here for you too.
Dawn

mertyl

I need to ask because i can so relate to what you are saying. When i told my mentor before that i was afraid to stop, they asked why? And to make a long one short, they asked what was i hiding from.
For me, it was not knowing who was underneath the alcohol that scared me. I, too, was completely functional, unless i drank too much and screamed and yelled at loved ones who tried to make me see that i was over reacting and i refused to see it their way because they were wrong and i wasnt because i was completely functional.
If you go back to the main sheet and look under Green Teas thread named "i drank", you may be able to relate just a bit more to your feelings at this moment.
Everyone has their own reasons for forming addiction. And if you have realized that you dont know how to be sober, then you have taken a partial first step into figuring that out. plus, you are in therapy and you are here to confirm, i think, in your own way that this is normal and that you are not alone in "Slipping."
Perhaps it was too much to bear, thinking of reasons why you drink. And it is good you are here. There are so many good people here that can give you so much imformation and positive ways to deal with this.
Please just keep going to therapy and keep visiting here until you find what you need.
Good luck

temlin3

Wow. That is exactly something that has been in my head these days. I started my addictions early, in my adolescence, and I have begun to realize lately that I never allowed myself to become who I was. I became the addict, the always-high person walking around numb. And not many people even noticed. I was messed up so many times in front of people or at places and just got lucky that I didn't get in trouble. I still can't believe I am alive a lot of times.

The good news is... SR and my beginnings in NA are doing wonders for me. I am opening up and seeing clearly for the first time in practically my whole life. How could this have happened? Why did we let this happen? I don't think we'll ever know the entire answers to these questions, but we are aware of our problems now. We can change. We are changing. And life is getting better... finally. (I truly hope it is like this for you all too.)

Thanks for the messages. Somehow SR and its people (you!) always hit things right on the nose. It really makes me feel great and confident about my recovery. Thanks.

Jennifer

mertyl

thank you too Jennifer for understanding. Its hard sometimes to tell what you mean and when someone can understand, it makes one feel that much more "normal", if you will.