Arura

Well i made it through last week and i havent slipped, but why do i feel so down its been like it the past few days.My poor b/f is getting all the stick.
and i dont want to take it out on him.

I blew out collage this week and iv got 2 days work.and by that i mean two old ladys want me to make a mini mirical in there gardens.When all i want is too curl up and cry.!I know it wernt gona be easy but i dont want to feel sad any more.

I thought I had done my crying.! but theres so much going on around me its hard not to just stand there and watch it spining around me like a whirlwind.

My Gran is dying,my mum hates me and is trying to push my kids away from me,by trying to make me sound mad.?
Struggeling today. I carnt stop crying.Its only 7am, what state am i gona be in later. A sober one yes. Just no more tears please....thanks for the vent...

nogard

Sorry your struggling, just remember that it all passes, and one day at a time there will be a day when your world is not so rocked by feelings and by others.

Love Kevin

Live

I am sorry. You are dealing with alot right now. But you sure have done a great job even if it doesn't feel like it yet. I took a medical leave, y'know? Is there a way you can lighten your load, re-schedule, anything like that? Be safe, gentle and kind with yourself first and foremost!

This sort of reminds me of an analogy of when I was deadly sick with depression.....I got my meds but it takes 6 to 8 weeks for them to work.
It was such a miserable time. But I started getting better, and then that built on itself, better became even better.

hugs,
live

Arura

Thanks, you two i just need to find the spade to scrape me out of the self pity i surpose.!
I might just ring in sick but i do need the cash.? Somedays really do feel sad ,but on the flip side. At least im not haning out for the next whatever.
That saying the worst day sober is better than the best day using is right.
At im not gona use on these feelings today.

Thanks , my b/f bless him has caught the bus at 6am to go to the other side of London to pick the van up and drive back then drive me to work for 9am. I think your right Live, i do need to take it abit slower.

Im the one who ised to think i can do it by myself dont need any help.
Its so the opposite of that.
The coffee is on ,tears wiped away, n back on my feet.

Live

Two of us we can do everythings? LOL

Yeah, just like right now...I think I can stay up all night and then be up bright and early with a good attitude for a heavy day of training for a new responsibility.

I am kicking me to bed!

live

Arura

Thanks Live,n Kev, Horriable morning.I dont sleep well so thats not helping.

So today i made an exeutive decision.{always wanted to say that.}
I cancelled the job.I would have been on my hands and knees in the rain for
8 pound an hour.? Not today.Im going to the Garden center to but some plants for another client.Much nicer option.

Thanks for this morning, for helping me find the spade.!

Hugs

Lollipop

Arura,
Im sorry you are having such a hard time right now.Things will get better with time. You are doing the right thing by NOT doing more then you can honestly handle right now!!!! Chin up, have a great day!!!!
Liss

Arura

Thanks Lollipop, some days i dont know if its hormones raging around or genuine panic.!
I just think i can do more than i actually can at the moment.?
As i was on opiates for all my adult life, my periods stopped for along time.
So i now need to see a woman Dr, n get it sorted.

Some days its hard to go out the door.But thats getting better too.

Hope your Well Lollipop, n things are running smooth for you.

Its absolutly chucking it down, thunder n everything.the Gardens are happy.

hector

[arura] Thanks for sharing.

Life will change. That's what life does. Tomorrow will be different. Hang in there.

michski

((( Arura ))) Happy to see things are looking up. You are so right on about seeing a doctor ( I prefer women Dr too but wtf) Checking on your hormone levels is always a great idea. I'm not sure how old you are but I took hormones (needed them) for the first year of my sobriety and they did help with the roller coaster ride of my early recovery.

Arura

Thanks ALL, your great support.

Thanks Hector for that reminder, things DO change, n not always for the worst.!

Thanks Michsik, great to see your around again.Things have been abit rocky but im still trying.what Nogard said about my feelings not being controled by others, n situations is a good one as that does happen to me.Get too emotional, i dont like being too sensative, but sometimes the selfesstem is'nt there.?!
oh well, im 33 but early menopause runs in my family, 2 kids,and the disruption from long term abuse.Sounds like i need that cheak up.!
Long time coming actually.

hugs