chickenlittle

I am pretty new to the whole "web community" I found you guys on google and I am hoping for some help.

I have a friend who checked into rehab yesterday. He had been doing AA, but was just not successful. We were together 2 weeks ago and it was a 3 day bender for him. I have absolutely no experience with alcoholism at all. NONE. I have a friend who's husband is a recovered alcoholic...but that is about it. So let me tell you about my friend...and I hope that you can help me, help him!

He was sober for a year. Started drinking about 2 months ago when his relationship fell apart. It went from bad to worse in a matter of days. We don't live in the same area, so it is hard for me to know what was really going on with him. I could tell when he was really hitting it hard, because I wouldn't hear from him for 3 days. Then, he would be back and hitting AA. I knew it was bad, but when I was out there to visit, he was drunk when he picked me up at the airport...handed me the keys without even a word, and was drunk until I drove him back to his apt. 3 days later and made him sleep. I couldn't stop him. I begged. I cried. There was nothing that I could do. Then after we talked about the weekend...he started going to 2 or 3 meetings a day that following Monday and when I saw him again before I left town, he was sober. He was a man that I loved, sober. But then it just went from bad to worse. He was hitting the bar at 6am or earlier. Our conversations were cut to texting and a few minutes over the phone here and there. Much easier to text me "I miss you" than to call and have me know you are drunk. So. He called me yesterday on the way to rehab. He was checking himself in. He basically said that he couldn't do it on his own.

Here is where your help comes in. Is this going to help him? Is he going to be able to get the proper help that he needs? He got the name of the rehab place from his sponsor at AA, so I am hoping it is good. No. I don't know the name of it....And if he does get the help that he needs, what, if any, after care will he need? Is there follow up or is he just released into the world again? What can I do to help him? See. I am married, with kids and I live in a whole other state, but I would drop everything for this guy.

Please help me to be able to help him. Please tell me that he is going to be ok. I am invested emotionally in this, and I really need him to be ok.

Lollipop

Hi Chicken, Welcome to SR.
Rehab can be a great thing, if your friend truely wants to quit, he is in the right place. They can help him through everything from withdrawls to aftercare. The biggest part of recovery though, is up to him. As for helping him, be a friend, do things that do not include alcohol, encouraging AA or whatever support meetings or groups he chooses etc. Im sure more of the longer standing members will be along soon to offer better advice then I can but I just wanted to ease your mind a bit on the rehab part. Stick around, check out the friends and family threads too, a TON of info. and support can be found here!!!! Best of luck, keep us posted!
Liss

Cathy31

Rehab is an amazing gift and if he uses what he learns, he will be A for away! You don't need to worry, he is in the best place possible!

Cathy31
x

Vanc Girl

Rehab is great if the person is ready. I know I was and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. He will get help detoxing (which can be fatal if not supervised medically) and lots of intense group therapy and tools to help him stay sober. Most rehabs include after-care, where he will attend outpatient classes regularly for a while afterward (mine was for an additional 6 weeks, 4 times a week) so the rest will be up to him. But it will be a leg up and I'm glad he made the decision.

As his friend, support him, write him and if phone calls are allowed, stay in contact so he knows you care, no matter how many times he has slipped in the past. Encourage him to TALK about his feelings and not censor anything, being able to be honest helps work through the many emotions he will encounter in his new sobriety. And remember, you can't fix him. Only he can do the legwork to get well.

I wish you both the best.

earlybird

If you are vested in this as you say you are,.....it is really emotionally draining on you,..right? Thats because, thus far, YOU have been doing all his worrying for him. All his praying, for him. All his caring for him. You have been doing for him,...all the things that he no longer does for himself. You would really get alot out of Al-anon meetings. Its for loved ones of addicts. You learn how to manage YOUR life instead of the addicts FOR them. You can be emotionally invested to the gills in someones addiction,.....but, all that will do is harm you AND THE ADDICT if the addict isnt ready to quit. Ready to quit means, going to meetings, rehab, NOT DRINKING, and being proactive in completely overhauling your life. You cannot simply just stop drinking. Whatever character defects or shortcomings or emotional downfalls that are causing the addict to drink will all still be there. Pushing the bottle away doesnt eliminate those. Nothing changes,.... if nothing changes. This also doesnt mean going into rehab, and then two or three days later announcing "This is too hard" or "This is stupid" or "I dont belong here" and then relapsing. That is NOT trying. Trying is SUPPOSED to be,...well,....trying. Its supposed to be difficult. If its hard, that means its working. That means you are forcing yourself to undergo the changes necessary to alter your life for the better. The "easy" way out is to drink. Going into rehab will work for him if he is ready to quit. Rehabs who turn out people who stay sober and live happy lives, donot fail others who do not. Its those others that fail themselves. Rehabs can only do so much. Its up to the addict to see it through. Rehabs dont "fix" addicts. They give them the tools so they understand how to fix themselves. Only those who hold their hands out to receive those tools find success.

Shakur

Judging from your post you have some kind of romantic attachment to this man, hence its frantic nature. Romantic attachments come and go. The grass is always greener on the other side. It is far easier to try and save someone else than to seek to understand, forgive and accept ourselves just as we are, right here, right now.

Chicken, you cannot save him, and he will be fine. We all have choices to make. His life is his own. Your life is your own. If he takes care of himself, for himself, and you take care of yourself, for yourself, well, who knows what unforeseen joy could come into this world? Happiness starts right at home.

Be Well,
Joe