bevo

Hello, I'm a 30 (31 in a week) year old male who decided to hang it up almost 4 months ago. The decision was based on consequences from alcohol related events...I got my 3rd DUI in 8 years. I was also being sued for an alcohol related assualt charge. I've known for years that I have alcohol and addiction problems, and I've quit in the past (1 time for 18 months). I also knew that I eventually had to do something. Mostly because it was costing me romanic relationships, and once again my freedoms (DUI's, financially).

So here I am. Not drinking, but basically a dry drunk right now. Going to some meetings, not working a 12 step program, but going back to one on one therapy. Still looking for the reasons for my abuse, but not finding any (came from a loving home, never abused - physically, sexually or verbally, etc etc).

One thing that is driving me CRAZY is the fact that I think that I am just as addicted to chaos and wreckless abandon as I am alcohol and drugs. When partying I was wild, crazy, loud, fun, obnoxious, all the above. The life of the party. Now I have no release. I work out, and have for a long time, I have a lot of activities that I do, I have a lot of friends to hang with, but I can find NOTHING to replace those wild times. I am a very spritited and out there person. What the hell can i do!????????

thanks.

Anna

Hi Bevo,

Welcome and congratulations on your decision to stop drinking and 3 1/2 sober months!

I was addicted to chaos too, to the adrenaline rush. I always hid my drinking (until I couldn't anymore!) and part of the obsession with me was the excitement of sneaking around and not getting caught. I didn't even realize that chaos played a big role in my life. I guess the difference with me is that I didn't want it any longer and could easily let it go. It was actually a huge relief to begin to live a peaceful life.

Have you thought of trying things like bungee-jumping, kayaking and sky-diving, learning to pilot an airplane - the kind of things that would give you an adrenaline rush but would be controlled chaos?

bevo

Thats the thing. I am very active. I do a lot of fun and exciting activities. I just can't find anything to fill that void. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe it's self doubt letting me find something TO fill that void.

thanks for the reply.

confused.

Anna

Maybe the void is what many of us addicts try to fill, usually in unhealthy ways.

For me, the void was the way I felt about myself. I was never going to find any way to fill that empty space that I needed to fill my love for myself.

Lbad

Hi Bevo,
Working a spiritual prgram of recovery (the 12 steps) filled that void for me.
Welcome and good luck. Meetings work. You have to be willing to really do the deal though if you want to see the results.

CarolD

Welcome to SR! Well done on your sober time.