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If I Give Up I Will Die

Old 06-24-2006, 08:35 AM
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If I Give Up I Will Die

I am almost at the end but I am not afraid anymore. I am in big trouble and for the most part ai dont care but part of me does or I wouldnt keep coming back.
Pulling my hair out!!
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Old 06-24-2006, 08:51 AM
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Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.


Hi bfree4u. Whats going today? Can u share with me and others why u r feeling the way u do today? Did something happen to make u feel like ur in big trouble? Is there anything we can do to help u? Dont be afraid to ask for what u want or need. We r here in recovery to help each other thru difficult times to solve problems without drinking or using.

Share with us if ud like.
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Old 06-24-2006, 09:18 AM
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In a previous thread today you referred to SR as a "life raft" that you're clinging to. It's good you're using it as a life raft, but recognize that just hanging on as you are is getting you nowhere, you're just out there at sea kicking and splashing around. Meanwhile the sharks and the rescue boats BOTH are circling around you for all the attention you've drawn to yourself. Still you opt to remain in the water. Surely because you don't see your options, vision so obscured by the shower of water you're creating with all your fighting. It seems you wish for this life raft of SR to come with a tow rope to drag you into shore. There is no tow rope. YOU need to kick with determination to actually GO somewhere.

I've never responded to your threads because I don't know what to say, you're so resistant to getting help, and your previous thread "need help getting to a meeting" was clearly a farce. At least "If I Give Up I Will Die" is truth and that provides a starting place. All I can offer to you is yet another in the string of life rafts that's being tossed your way, you can choose to let this one float on by too if you like. It's clear that you're not WILLING, nor do you even know how to stop kicking up a storm. Until you surrender your will, and accept the help you NEED, you'll remain bobbing out there in the ocean, surrounded by darkness of your own mind. Don't bother responding to this post, your addict-thinking brain will only put up more of a fight and I don't want to hear from it. If you opt to get help, probably in the form of committing yourself to in-patient treatment, I'd love to hear how that goes from your straight-thinking brain. Get well.
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Old 06-24-2006, 09:42 AM
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I was truly sincere at the time to get to a meeting.
My vision is not only obscured it is blinded.
i am guessing you re not the only one tht doesnt want to hear from my addict- thinking brain, and I am resistan I will probably keep bobbing. This is a fight for me addict vs the real me. My determinatin is long gne and I do need a tow rope, I have no will to continue kitrying to kick myself to shore.
ASSHARON90 I am big trouble becuse I am in severe addict mode. i feel like everyone thinks they have the answer and because i am having trouble getting it together I am just getting on everyones nerves. i feel very, very alone right now and I cnt cope, I suppose it is time to admit coming to sr isnt really going to help until I am ready. unfortunately if I dropped dead tomorrow it would really mtter mch to me at this point. In fct it would be welcomed relief. i am obviously too sick for the other members to deal with. I guess i should surrender. i think the drugs won. How i want to be and how I am are on 2opposite ends of the universe. I am just as tired of complaining as evryone is listening to me complain. time to give myself a break from sr and everyone else here a break. No one can help me because I am not ready to help myself.
Very unwell and no getting better in sight.
Feeling sad, bt it is time to fc the truth.
I will be just another statistic.
Another one bites the dust.
Bye for now
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Old 06-24-2006, 10:29 AM
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bfree4U, Maybe your honestly not ready. Only you can decide, and it seems that is the decision you have made. If you tell yourself your not ready...and that you CANT do it....then you most likely WONT. I am so very sorry for you, as I see your internal struggle, and I see how "Different" you feel from the rest of the world. I want to let you know that while your circumstance may be different, if you "HONESTLY" seek recovery, you will find many who at one time or another, felt just as you do now. YOU CAN win....but it will require ALOT of effort.

AloneAgainOR made alot of sense. I know it may seem harsh but the post was really dead on. There is no Tow Rope really. There are people who will help, and PLACES that will help...but you have to at least be willing to take the steps to get there.

Based on your post, I'd really like to see you get into a In Patient Recovery Program. I think if you give yourself some TRUE SOBER time....along with working a program....you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. The world is FULL of oportunity for you, if you get sober. But if you stay in your current frame of mind, I see nothing but sadness coming to you. PLEASE get help. If you need to leave SR that is one thing...but DO NOT GIVE UP. Just coming to SR means that a part of you genuinely wants to get better...and YOU CAN. PLEASE ALLOW yourself a happy life.

Blessing to you
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Old 06-24-2006, 11:13 AM
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Thumbs up Sharing My Esh With You

Hi, Sharon and alcoholic here again.

WHO has ever been really ready to give up their alcohol or drugs? DEFINITELY NOT ME TILL IT WAS ALMOST TOO LATE.

Did I enjoy being sick? NO. Did I ask for my disease? NO Did I ask for ur help when u offered it to me? NO. Why? Because I wanted to stop drinking or using on my own. I didnt want or need ur help. My will was stronger, so I thought. I can do this on my own. just watch me and see. RIGHT.!

Things didnt look right from my family's point of view when i got into a car accident back in Feb 90 coming home from a local club drunk. I didnt know i was drunk. I just ran off the road and hit a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground.

Yeah i stayed in the car but the EMS had to cut me out the wreckage and send me to the hospital for 10 days with them removing my punctured spleen are i would have bled to death.

Was that my botton? NOPE A few months later after healing quite nicely i ended up at the same local club drinking, then returned home to a huge arguement then made a decision to end my miserable life as a threat to my spouse. Took a hand full of pills with wine and off to bed i went without the intentions of waking up the next day.

The next day when my kids couldnt wake me, i heard a faint ring of the phone next to my bed which allowed me to reach for it. With slurred speech
I answered it. To this day i believe it was my Higher Power calling me to wake me up and tell me that He wasnt thru with me yet.

It was then the family step in and did for me what i couldnt do for myself.
Thank God they did, are i wouldnt be here sharing my own experiences strengths and hope with each of u.

Out of desperation. Out of dispair. Out of Anger. Resentments. Fear. Loniliness. And more, i wanted out. I didnt want to feel pain anymore. I didnt want to live anymore. And i tried so many times to turn my life around and I couldnt. What a loser i must have been so i thought.

Today with clearer mind and vision i can see the distruction Alcohol had on me. I was in the grips of a MONSTER. POISON ready to kill me.

For me there was hope just like countless other members here in recovery. Hope to live life without alcohol and i couldnt and still cant without your help.

I needed to be carried in early sobriety and lead by the hand even tho i had the Willingness to follow u. I just didnt have the strength or enthusiasum as u did.

I saw the smiles. I heard the laughter. I heard the words and yet what did it all mean. I kept going and going and listening and more of the same thing day after day being carried till the fog cleared and i was able to comprehend what this program was all about.

It didnt come to me over night by no means. I had to go thru the motions of going to meetings, listening, talking to others about whats going on with me that day. Finding the answers of how others stayed sober one day at a time.

I knew i wasnt alone and therefore i hung out with many of u at meetings. I wanted more than anything to be happy and sober. Today i am. But it didnt happen over night. I took the steps provided and hung on with dear life till i was strong enought to stand on my own.

You can too.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 06-24-2006, 01:16 PM
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iAt the moment I am just so done, I am already dead. i a merely exist. I dont know why I keep coming back online. But here I am????????????
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Old 06-24-2006, 01:48 PM
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Hi bfree. Hey, im glad ur here. You know, i find myself poping in and out of this site quite often during the day too. It's because i dont feel like im alone here. Even if no one responds to me then thats ok, but HURRAY when someone does. Just like for u. : )

I kinda wish i were in ur shoes in a way because u r getting some much needed attention. For me I like attention.... : )

Ur kinda special here right now with alot of other newcomers. The newer u r the more special u r. : ) I use to be where u are at one time. Now im an "old-timer" as they call us. But not that old in age....lol

Just think there is probably someone even newer than u right now feeling the same way u r if not worse. This is where u can come in and share with them exactly what u r doing right now. Which is coming on here often and postin how u r feeling. Getting responses from others in recovery. People constantly telling u to keep coming back. Those newer people need u and me too. U may not think so or u may not think u have anything worthwhile to share with them, but u do. Look at u now. Ur not drinking and ur holding on finding other ways to cope with ur situation.

When im down and into MYSELF....MYSELF is sooooo SELFISH....I can only think of ME. ITS all about ME, MYSELF and I. The way i can get out of ME is turn to someone else less fortunate than i. Someone that is needing a shoulder to cry on or an hear to listen to. A sounding boards so to speak. U can easily be that person and while doing that u will have forgotten what u r sad about or what maybe bothering u.

Try it and see what happens.

Ok, ill check back with u again in a few.

AA friend with love and care.
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Old 06-24-2006, 02:02 PM
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Sharon,
That was so valuable to me. thanks!
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Old 06-24-2006, 02:44 PM
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I know how you feel. I was an empty shell dead inside and barely existing. I thought it would be easier to just die. People didn't give up on me and I'm happy and alive today because of them. I would have let myself die if not for the help of others. Take the help offered to you and get sober. It beats the alternative. I was wrong, way wrong. I didn't want to die at all. I just didn't know how to live. Make a call to someone and get help before it is to late. Don't make the mistake of throwing your life away.
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Old 06-24-2006, 03:45 PM
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"Drug Rehab and Treatment Centers Information East Rutherford , New Jersey

Looking for drug rehab and treatment centers in East Rutherford , New Jersey? Please call 1-800-876-6378 to speak with one of our counselors who will help you find the correct treatment option for your specific situation."

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Old 06-24-2006, 03:58 PM
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Don't give up Beth. I choose life. I hope you get the help you need.
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Old 06-25-2006, 08:29 PM
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Thnks don I will call tomarrow
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Old 06-25-2006, 09:00 PM
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Take care, ok?
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:29 AM
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Beth, you are not alone and you are not getting on our nerves. We just want you to get help! I will be here until the end and hopefully that will be a long time! You don't realize how bad I want to hop on a plane and take off up to NJ and find you and take you to Tim & Barb! I am not that big but I think I could take you! Beth, just give in to us instead of the drug!!!! Give in to life instead of the drug. Accept the help that is being offered! If I didn;t have a family I really would be up there in a heartbeat, hell, I would have already been there by now! JUST ASK FOR HELP AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!!!!!


Oh, retitle your thread, If you don't give up you will die!"
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by bfree4u
Thnks don I will call tomarrow
Did you call?
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Old 06-27-2006, 09:43 AM
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Beth, where are you today? Please find some way of checking in with us! Percocetaddict, have you heard from her? She was going to PM you and tell you where she was. Let us know something soon guys!

GP
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