Old friends ...same thing
 

one of my best girlfriends stopped by out of the blue to see me and the kids...she is like an aunt to them ....Anyway...she was obviously stoned and she knew not to offer...but I was so mad and she really screwed up my sunday .....My hubby is so pissed off and i am feeling bad about all this..

I have had guilt before but this is affecting my family...I guess i need to tell her to not come around...esp if she is using....I hate that because we have been friends forever....I am sad that I have to do this...I have only one other friend and i cannot talk to her like i did G ....

I know it is for the best but it is still painful ....cutting those ties.....

she never offers me anything and supports my recovery....should I just have a sit down with her again or be done with it all.....

any advice is appreciated....Thanks...to all :Val004:

That a toughy, maybe just not to come around high, if she support you and doesn't offer that's a good think. Would it be that hard to for her to come by straight?

I don't understand the hubby p'd off?

Its funny, this topic comes up a lot in early recovery (people, places, things). I don't know you or your friend, but I know what happened to me when stoned people came around and I was in early recovery (years ago, when I first tried to "get" the program)....I got jealous, I got curious, and I got high...eventually.

Then I started to wonder, if my friends know how bad i got with intoxicating substances, how much pain they caused me, and how I 'm trying to quit, to better my life, no, to SAVE MY LIFE, TO KEEP ME OUT OF JAILS, INSANE ASYLUMS, REHABS, PRISONS AND HOMELESS SHELTERS, why are they coming around stoned, and why am I still hanging out with them. How bad do i want this? Have I suffered enough?

Cutting ties is the hardest thing we do in early recovery, I think. We have to change, and change is an inside job. If I hang out on the railroad tracks, I'm going to meet a train, eventually.

No one can tell anyone else what to do. But I know that for me, people who get high have no place in my life. Getting high is indicative of an entire set of values, of a lifestyle, that's just old behavior for me. There is a better way, its in the 12 Steps. We have a choice.

It is very important that you think of you and your sobriety and do whatever it takes to stay sober. I would think this is time to discuss boundries with the people you would like to remain friends with.

I am going to call her today and tslk to her about this....if I have to end this friendship I will....I cannot risk a relapse at this point in my recovery...

Hi Smyle, im in a similar postion with an old friend of mine,who im the
Godmother of her daughter.Shes now using crack again.Im in early recovery, only 18mths from the meth...! n doing well.
She has to not be apart of the new life you'er trying to build.Think of yourself at this time...Your more important to you than she is...!

Good Luck.......:Val004:

Or at any point in your recovery.

Some friends will get it, and some of the most surprising ones ...won't.

I wish you the best, Smyle. The WHOLE day!

I think that I would have a sit down with her and explain that you care for her and her friendship but you cannot have her coming around you and your family if she has been using and that she is welcome any time that she is clean. Tell her that it is not good for you nor is it fair to you for her to come around you in that condition. If she truely supports your recovery and is a true friend then she will understand and will comply with your wishes. Good Luck!!!!

Thanks peach that is the way i was leaning ....I will cal her in an hour or so...

Let us know how it goes Smyle!

I think healthy boundaries are necessary for a recovering addict. Protecting yourself is always your number one priority. A real friend will get that and will not see it as a personal attack.

I hope yours sees it for what it is... your respecting yourself and being honest enough and respecting her enough to talk to her about it.

You're doing the right thing.

Good work! Very proud of you - your commitment to your recovery is such a good thing.

Thanks everyone ...I called her and explained my concerns...she was receptive and very sorry for putting me in this situation..

She will never come over again if she has been using...and that was a huge relief...a true friend...I am lucky...now if I could just get her to go to a meeting with me !!!!!!

Maybe she will come over again clean and see how well you are doing and want it for herself and then maybe you can help her to do as well as you have! I am proud of you!