aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.


How do u deal with relationships now that u r clean and sober?

With me, relationships have always been difficult to deal with. Friendships were always hard to come by. As a child i was not miss popularity. I may have had 2 friends in all of my 12 yrs of schooling. It wasnt until i began to drink to find out what the affects of alcohol had on my personality and behavior.

Alcohl gave be that distorted view of myself. It made me feel good. Made me become something i wasnt. Man i could do this forever, drink that is. Well until i lost it as my friend. It turned on me finally. Now to face my marriage and make new friends would be difficult.

How in the world would my spouse look at me know after knowing me half of marriage drunk and the other half sober.

Well, he remebers how much of a spontaneus person i was back then. He remember me drinking to lossen up and have loads of fun. We'd go to clubs and close the place down, go on trips, bowling till we hours, all kinds of fun things one would do in the early yrs of life.

Then we got married, had a family, school, finacial difficulties, accident, family intervention and now SOBER. Are we still together....we are by the Grace of God.

There has been several close and i mean close calls on divorce with us. For me its always been because of my unhappiness, irritability and discontentment in life. Im NEVER SATISFIED. Why is that I wonder?

Here we moved to houston 9 yrs ago to give our kids a better education. That has been a plus and a blessing. But for ME and the word ME is NEVER BIG ENOUGH. : ) For me i miss home in Baton Rouge. I think its because it took me 6 yrs to finally get comfortable around others in recovery. The first time to really feel apart of anything. And to then give it up to move here. HOW RUDE.

Anyway...so i dont end up writing a novel here. Here it is 9 yrs later and things r calmer than they ever have been in all the 24 yrs marriage. Wonder Why?

Maybe its because im finally feeling ACCEPTANCE. Boy am i a slow learner..!

I guess with the countless time i cried and prayed for Thy Will Be Done, im guessing my HP is helping me out a bit.

I guess when when all else fails PRAY. oh and go to meetings and work ur steps. Follow the winners.

Aristo......

Cold weather.....bring some down to us here in Houston. We could sure use it....lol

Good on ur 13 days. When things get rough, just dont give up. Find someone u admire in the program. someone who gives u hope, but DONT place them on a pedistal. They too can fall. Just look towards his examples on how he or she stays clean and sober. What does he or she do on a regular bases?

Its doing the same thing over and over again till u get relief and good results.

It is said that when u come into recovery that one should not start up a new relationship. Remember how this one is and until the fog clears and u begin to understand life on lifes terms and accepting things just as they r suppose to be then u can venture out once again.

Remember there are no guaratees in life. We have to take things a step at a time. No expectations set on life or ourselves.

Relationships do suck big time for many of not all of us. It takes work from both persons in order to make it work.

Another suggestion is drinking or drugging will not make relationships any better. If not only worst. They can get get better however with the help and resourses available to us free for the asking.

Until next time. Thanks for letting me share.

Smyle

Hey all and I too am in the heat of summer but not wishing for winter....

I am thinking today how proud i am that I am working towards building a good reputation for myself in this little town i live in...population 1,300...

I grew up in southern california and moved to Missouri to finish college, met my hubby and stayed....well we moved to a smaller community in Dec. partly so i could get my act together and not work..(I Worked in pharmacy for 12 yrs ...not a good proffesion for an addict) .I stay at home with my kids and have been loving that
I was invited to be on the chamber of commerce which I accepted and worked my first event this last Sat....the Ice cream social downtown...It was fun and I met alot of the locals...
I also have been watching 2 kids on tuesdays and now i am getting phone calls asking if i have full time openings ????

I am not sure I am ready for that yet...but we will see...I love kids...because I am as goofy as they are....my kids love having the other kids over....

My hubby and i talked about buying another house and converting it into a daycare center...I would LOVE that.....but I am still on probation and not sure how that would fly... I told the parents of the kids I am watching and they were like "well ....did you rob a bank" when I told them it was a drug charge they were shocked...but understood. So I know how small towns work and word of mouth but I reassured them I am in recovery and since I am getting calls i guess that people have faith in my word.....and thiers...
which is a new feeling for me...people believing in me....
So that is where my head is at today...I am excited about my future and I had a good day with all the kids....I better get dinner started and pick up a little....
Thanks for letting my share....

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks Smyle for sharing.

That is great about taking part of ur community and most of all being honest with people regarding ur recovery. Taking care of kids is a big resposibility.

Not too long ago i watch on Court TV a trail concerning a Day Care lady who had ur own business watching many little ones in ur surrounding area. It was a small community so everyone knew her. Then something went wrong. A small child died in her care after an autopsy found a drug in the babies system injested thru the bottle of milk it was given. Evidentally it was proven that they gave the baby and other small children Benadryl to calm them down to take naps in the afternoon. Pretty sad how that happened.

Anyway....That was something that came to mind.

How is ur recovery going?

Share with me a little more about ur ESH and how u got into recovery.

Thanks for letting me share.

Smyle

What a horrible story.....I have never been comfortable leaving my kids in childcare and was lucky that I did not have to until they were almost 2... I hope to provide a comfortable place for kids and parents someday...


I started using when I was 12...smoking weed...drinking...huffing...anything to numb out...my parents seperated when I was 9 ...she was committed and I was left in the care of her father....who was a raging druggie/alkie and pedophile....well he did the worst imanginable and abused me...this continued until I was 17..
I really had a hard time as a teenager, by age 13 my grandfather was giving me drugs...and pimping me out for them...I was shooting up by 14...I went to school sometimes and finally saved up enough money to buy a plane ticket to get to Missouri....where my mom lived....
.I went to straight to rehab , I was 16 ..I actually got a ride from a friend and admitted myself...they had to call my mom of course but she was understanding and supportive...I never told her about the abuse...
I turned 17 in rehab by then i was very involved with NA and had gotten caught up on my school credits....and college prep courses... I graduated at 17..
When I was released I stayed clean ...started college...pre-pharmacy major and had a good job in a local pharmacy...all was fine and I was going to meetings doing everything I needed to do until my mom moved her father to Missouri because he was sick and dying.... I delivered meds to the nursing home he was in and he always asked for me ...one day after my mom was on my case about going to see him I snapped....I went out and got stoned and drank way too much....
So it was on again the switch had been flipped...I dove into drugs and started experimenting with prescription drugs... I was very careful and found ways to get them without losing my job...i dropped out of school and just worked/used/worked/used and so on....this continued for 8 yrs...during that time i met my husband who was aware of my addictions and the past abuse.

He always urged me to get help but i was resistant...About 6 months after we were married i had a nervous breakdown and was committed to a mental hospital for 2 months....I finally came clean about the abuse (he had been dead for 6 yrs at that point) It felt soo good to get that off my chest and talk about it...I still struggle with it but am slowly realizing it was not my fault.

I came home and again attended meetings and worked my program...this lasted a year or so...i started abusing prescriptions again and this lasted until...I overdosed and was in ICU for a week ...at that point I was the mother or a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old...you think I would have figured it out...not me...came home and started back on the pills....
1 year ago I had had enough...I started seeing an addiction specialist and therapist for the sexual abuse issues.... i left pharmacy after I fessed up to what I had done....I got in a little trouble but because I was honest and cooperated they gave me community service and 2 yrs unsupervised probation....i was lucky...i also lost my license but am actually glad for that.
that was 7 months ago

So I see my therapist weekly and my addiction counselor weekly and got to meetings twice a week. I have relapsed and am quick to get back on track...I have been clean for 29 days and am nervous because i usually relapse around this time ...go on a little pill bender for a couple days...but this time I am determined to stay clear of drugs and alcohol...I have kept myself busy and living in our new town with new possibilities has been so helpful.
i am making new friends...that don't drink or use...I am staying positive and hopeful. I am tired of using 12 yrs of this crap and I am just glad I have the support of my husband...he is amazing...I am going to make it ...oh and I go back to school this fall....I am leaning towards elementary ed...since I could not open a daycare until my probation is up and it will take time to renovate a house...i thought I would get started on a teaching degree...we live right next to the kids school and i would love to teach someday...

This is long and it feels good to open up and share my story....thanks....for listening sharon......

~Beezy Lou

igfan

Hi, my name is Cheryl and i'm an alcoholic. Today is a day of tests, but i'm pleased to say (so far) i'm passing with flying colors. You see, i work for a beverage distributor and this is the busy time of year. I order product for my location and another location. It is my job to try and make sure we do not run out of product (especially the best sellers). Well, we ran out of our best sellers.........it seems i'm always a day late & a dollar short. The loads that we need are all coming tomorrow, doesn't help us tonight. In the past this would push me to the edge, i'd be miserable, i'd be so stressed out and would be counting the hours to go home and drown my sorrows. I'm still counting the hours, but it's not to go home and drink. I just want the day to be over so i can go home, relax, read the Big Book....do whatever it takes today to stay sober. I guess i've realized that i have no control over the trucking companies and getting all worked up over it will not get the product here any quicker. I did manage to get one load in here tonight rather than tomorrow morning so that's a huge relief. So, that's where i am today........stressed but still sober. Thanks for letting me share.

aasharon90

Hi, Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks Beezy Lou and Cheryl for ur shares.

It does make me feel good whenever i can share my experiences, strengths and hopes with others in recovery. If i can touch at least one person by something ive said than that makes me feel more confident in my sobriety.

I went thru the verbal and physical abuse as a child and thus drank to numb the feelings of anger, resentments, guilt, shame, low-self-esteem, and a list much longer. I had swore i would never be like my mom and yet i almost became just like her. I do thank my Higher Power for keeping me from abusing my own children. To this day, i still get angry thinking about kids that r abused everyday. NOT THE CHILDREN. IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED TO US. and yet the abuse continues. Sometimes, i wish i could take all the pain that is afflicted on those children out there. just take their pain away. Just allow them to be happy children just for a moment.

Anyway.....Today we have those wonderful TOOLS of recovery to help us and guides us to stay clean and sober. What we used for so long to numb our pain, we now can use the gifts of recovery that are so freely given to us.

I liked what cheryl shared about just wanting today to be over so she can go home to relax and read the Big Book. Just to have the DESIRE and WILLINGNESS to do that is a big step. And really anything is so much nicer than drinking or using.

I remember how i looked forward to going out on the town so to speak....to a local club all dressed up....and the work it took or i invested in just to do that....To make sure the kids were fed, bathed, they had played hard during the day so they would go to sleep early, to have an arugement so i had a real good reason to leave for the evening....Finding something to wear, hiding things in the car....just a whole lot of preparations for one evening.

And then to HAVE TO COME HOME after midnight....man the party was just beginning....lol Driving home numb and still feeling good....

Today, Well, I am so glad that im sober. You know what? I LOVE MY BED. I think of all the times i just fell into bed numb from drinking....well today I just love that i am secure and comfortable in my own bed and not out on the road somewhere's possibly going up the highway the wrong way, or looking for my keys that someone thru in a field, or layed out in a field with eyes looking down on me not knowing where i live. NA, I DON'T MISS IT ONE BIT. : )

No one likes to live a stressed out life or having to worry about things, but we do do it often because this is life. We can however find other ways to lessen those uncomfortable feeling we have. For me, it is as simple as saying Higher Power I need Ur Help or even the Serenity Prayer. When i say things like that thru out the day, i can feel the calmness come over me so that i can settle down and take the next step.

Im glad to be here amongst many wonderful caring people traveling the same road of recovery learning to stay sober one day at a time.

Thanks for letting me share.

aasharon90

Good Morning SR....and welcome to the many newcomers just joining here in SR.

We all have something at one time or another that weighs heavy on our mind and we normally just carry it with us.....that sometimes is a heavy load...baggage as they call it....and it can be heavy....

If u have a need to just unload here today please feel free to....I notice when i share what is bothering me and get immediate attention i begin to feel lighter....then i realize and learn i dont need to have all the weight on my shoulders and its just easier to share with someone what going on.

So lighten ur burdens here if u wish. You maybe surprised at whom u maybe helping in return.

A friend in service.

Thanks for letting me share.

Krys_wyo

Well.......this should probably go on the F&FOA but it is on my mind today.

My brother is 37, he is stuck in a vicious circle.
He drinks vodka alot everyday, then he runs out of money so he will sober up and go to work for a few weeks , then he starts drinking again, and the spells last from 2 weeks to 2 months, just sitting in his little apartment drinking all day, and not going to work.
We all try to help but theres nothing we can really do.
He used to be a functioning alcoholic, he had a job and made over 100k a year, but got fired due to downsizing, or at least that what they said, he is a auto body painter and he would sweat and it smelled like vodka so he reaked of it and so they found a reason to let him go.
Needless to say that was a while ago and since then he moved back home lived with my mom for awhile doing the same thing even stealing money from her at some point, lost his 300k house and cahsed in his 401k and didnt pay taxes on it ne now owes IRS 35,000.00......my mom got him a cell phone and he doesnt pay for it, we paid 20,000.00 in cash to put him in narcanon in michigan but after 2 weeks he convinced my mom and older brother that they were all into scientology so he left.
His girlfriend (who is my best friend) moved out last month and is living with me now because she cant be in a relationship alone.
He is as close to rock bottom as you can get without accually being out on the street, when he sobers up this time my older brother is gonna make him sign over legal gaurdianship so next time he goes on a bender we can ship him off to a 6-12 month facilitty.
I know we have all enabled him in some way or another, and I have quit trying because my own sobriety is more important to me then his but at the same time i dont want him to die or drink so much he gets brain damage ...i just want him to quit he is such a musically gifted man and one of the most inteligent people i know. We may be 4 yrs apart but we have always had a twin like bond, and deep down i am starting to feel him dying.
I know some of the people here have been in his place.....i need to know what/who picked you up and showed you the path to sobriety?

thats the short of it.............. HAPPY FALL YA'LL

RubyT

Krys...I will say a prayer for your brother and for you.

aasharon90

A POWER GREATER THAN US.


Hi Krys....thank u so much for sharing......Taking care of ur sobriety or urself IS IMPORTANT.

Until i got on my knees and admitted i was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable....then turned my will and life over to that POWER GREATER THAN I...there was no hope.....even tho i had faith in that Power...it wasnt until i let go completely and put my life in that POWERS HANDS.

COMPLETE SURRENDER.

Im not a holy roly or anything life that...but due to the faith i was raise by i believe that Power is there guiding me and protectin me all the way....

Along with working the 12 steps they provide to us in recovery. By..the support and care of a wonderful fellowship of Alcoholic Anonymous.

Krys_wyo

He says he is an athiest, so he believes in nothing, although i know he is full of sh*t, he believes in something he just has to find it i guess.

aasharon90

When we r at the end and we feel like a failure....nothing or no one makes sense....its not him talking like that but the DISEASE.....How we hate that MONSTER....and all that and whom it destoys in its path...right? He is worth saving....we all are.....I understand what u r going thru Krys.

Would he like to come to SR and share with us what he is going thru....many have seeked the help and support right here in SR....Some have gone thru rehab...like me and it stuck...some not....anything is worth trying.

What do u think?

Krys_wyo

If i gave him the website he would sit there reading and laughing and calling everyone losers ect ect ect........However his computer crashed and no one is giving him a dime to fix it, we have all had to cut him off financially, i wont even go buy him cigarettes anymore, the only thing my older brother is buying him is gatorade and some cans of soup, it has to be this way right now he cant be trusted with money, i want to put his picture up in liqour stores with "please dont sell to him".
Im just thankful that i can be selfish and focus on my sobriety instead of like in the past ..cause i would drink cause i felt helpless about his situation.

aasharon90

I understand Krys....

For me i was a danger to myself when i tried to end my life....when i share that it makes me sad...like i feel embarressed that i could actually try to take my life like that. But i know i was not in my right mind when i was trying to do that....anyway...my family did step in..thank God....they were afraid of me and called the hospital first, then the police to get a court order to have me committed....the police came to pick me up like a criminal and took me away to rehab....i was in such denial ...i mean i knew i had a drinking problem and once i stoped for a week or even 9 months when i was pregnant i thought i could handle my drinking..when in reality i couldnt. I even had a horrible accident hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the ground where my spleen was punctured by many broken ribs and i almost died from internal bleeding....and operation to remove the spleen saves my life at that time....that was Feb 90...then a few months laterAug 90 after healing nicely, i was right back out drinking and driving and that was when i had had enough....i wanted to die because i had tried sooo many time to quit on my own and i failed.....

Rehab for 28 days and the Willingness and desire to stay sober along with my faith in my HP and people in those Meeting rooms saved my life.

I could never commit to anything in my life and stick with it until i found out that all i had to do was to live in today....not yesterday..the past...not tomorrow..the future...just today....that simplified my life a whole lot.

Just ODAAT.

Krys_wyo

He says he just wants to die he wants to be left alone to drink till he dies.
I want to call 911 tell them he is a dnager to himself and have him put on 72 hour lock up, then what?.....Can we get a court order to commit him into treatment?

Like that saying goes
yesterday is the past
tomorrows the future
today is a gift thats why they call it the present
I dunno if thats right but I wish he could understand that today is all we can do.

aasharon90

What my family did for me was Family Intervention. Because i took a hand full of pills the night before and my 2 litle one couldnt wake me up....I heard this faint ringing of the phone next to my bed which allowed me to reach for it....even tho i was almost completely paralized and numb from the pills...i still had the strength to reach for it...for some reason...it was my mother in law looking for me with my 2 kids for their last day of Vaction Bible School.To this day i believe it was my HP calling me to get up as He wasnt thru with me yet. As she was talking to me my speech was slurred and it scared the u know what out of her and she began to yell at me to get out of bed....so i tried by the hardest and because i was scared too....i staggered to the bathroom and threw up what i had injested....by then the family poped in and began to figure out what to do with me....my husband fought me teeth and nail so to speak and i was too strong willed and physically strong to be removed from the house to be taken to the hospital to get my stomach pumped.....I told them i was fine...but they knew better...anyone who tries to end their life taking pills or anything else is definitely sick....physically, emotionally, mentally....that was when the hospital directed them to the police to get a court order to have me picked up and physically removed that way....

What do u think about ur brother...if he's in danger of killing himself its worth a chance..

Family intervention.....

Write a new thread here titleing it....something like:


IM DESPERATE AND NEED HELP TO GET A FAMILY MEMBER INTO TREATMENT
..COULD YOU SHARE SOME ADVICE WITH ME PLEASE?

i DONT THINK THIS WHOLE LINE WILL FIT IN THE TOPIC LINE..SO U WRITE WHAT U WANT TO ASK SR IN THE WAY OF HELPING U.

ok? Sorry for all the capitals... : )

aasharon90

First, By His Blood.... Congrats on ur new job....just think...if u were still drinking or using, this new opportunity may not have happened....only One Knows for sure, tho.....When we stay clean and sober and practice the principles of our 12 Step program in our everyday lives...all sorts of good things come our way...just like the promises stated in the Big Book....Right?

If you find them, come back and post them here so i and others can re-read them. : )

Next its normal to be scared of the unknown...just to see u taking that big step to fly to Vegas...heck i wouldnt know how to get in my car and much less drive to the airport....lol I would get out on the road and proabably drive off in the sunset somewheres and never return....lol NO SENSE OF DIRECTION WHATS SO EVER.... : ) So i commend u for traveling like ur ....

Again ...looking back to the promises about finacial difficulties....come back and type it here so i re-read it.... : )

There are many ...even me....that are finacially bankrupt.....but thru this program and the steps we begin to be re-imburst for all those things we lost....some sooner than later....

Are u worried about starving? lol i think i would....but there r inexpensive things to eat...bread and milk...crackers....lol WATER....lol It may not be a fine dining experience...but just think of the homeless people out on the road that would give anything for anything to eat or drink and a comfortable place to sleep. And here u will be sleeping in a hotel.... : )


I understand about the feeling u would have..because most all of us have them too...so one thing..u r not alone.....will u have ur computer with u on the trip so u can be connected here to SR?

If yes...then that would be great....if no...pack ur Big Book....ur Prayer Book....i think theres a bible already in the hotel.....and bring one of ur CHIPS......not the Doritoes...or Fritoes.....lol ur recovery chip....put it in ur pocket and carry it with u....and most of all...ur HP....which i feel u have already.

You'll be fine....as long as u follow what u have been taught in this program already...and no expectations...just stay in the day...and u should be fine....

What do u think? : ) Feel better? : )

aasharon90

Would anyone like to share whats on ur mind today? Anything good happened either at work or at school or at home or at a meeting or the grocery store?
: )

aasharon90

Hello....i was just wondering where Budoc is and the cute little couple....hunnybee and..i forgot his name....my mind went blank....I have seen them in awhile...hope everyone is ok....

Today was a good day....went to eat my favorite Mexican dinner and have had the evening at home to myself....very quiet....

Would u like to share whats on ur mind...?

PlanoTexican

I am thinking how much I love to be alive.