Luckyv2

My name is Vic and I am an addict of sorts, very grateful to be here clean and sober. What a lovely life that we have and very few of us even realize it. Today is very special for me! I have 30 days today, even though my day won't show up till tomorrow, there was 31 days last month. I thought all this time that my sobriety date was the 26th so I check two different recovery sites that I am on and both had the 25th.

What it was like that I hit a bottom that I never thought existed! I couldn't even look myself in the mirror 30 days ago, I hated myself, yes that is a strong word but it is the truth. I could not not stop. The drugs and alcohol had a grip on me tighter than words can even describe. They controlled every aspect of my life, in which at the end I had no life.

I was 1 month and 2 weeks away in February from having a year. I was really pretty much up and down that whole process and I didn't know how to be happy. I was miserable clean and that is worse than being miserable using. I was on what they called a dry drunk. However after my relapse on May 24th I knew that either I had to change or I was doomed to live life as a grouchy old fart. I don't want to be that, I have had enough in my life.

What happen was I knew that I had to surrender in my heart instead of in my head. Yes I could word the words, but couldn't or wouldn't walk the walk. I knew that if I was going to live a happy life that I had to start applying the principals in all of my affairs. I knew it was either time to put up or shut up. I went to the program again of NA and AA. I didn't talk a whole lot, I listened, I made a commitment not to listen to my own head, to take the suggestion of my sponsor and counselor, and apply them.

Today, I am a very grateful addict, clean today only through the Grace of God, and I am still willing to do what it takes to stay clean. Just for Today WE never have to use again. This is a program that will take us to such a life we would never imagine. I can only imagine what it would be like in a year. Thanks for letting me share.

Love Vic

PS IF a junkie/crackhead/alke/codie can do this one day at a time anyone can.

aasharon90

.................What happen was I knew that I had to surrender in my heart instead of in my head. Yes I could word the words, but couldn't or wouldn't walk the walk. I knew that if I was going to live a happy life that I had to start applying the principals in all of my affairs. I knew it was either time to put up or shut up. I went to the program again of NA and AA. I didn't talk a whole lot, I listened, I made a commitment not to listen to my own head, to take the suggestion of my sponsor and counselor, and apply them.

Today, I am a very grateful addict, clean today only through the Grace of God, and I am still willing to do what it takes to stay clean. Just for Today WE never have to use again. This is a program that will take us to such a life we would never imagine. I can only imagine what it would be like in a year. Thanks for letting me share.............


Thanks Vic for sharing this.

Hi my name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Happy Sobriety to u today and many more down the road.

We can miserable in sobriety like u mentioned in ur above post. A DRY DRUNK OR ADDICT.

I know, ive have my bouts with this from time to time. I do know however, that when i do get to a point in my recovery where things are not moving fast enough, then this calls for ACTION. When i forget what it is that i need to do on a daily bases.....which is called "MAINTANANCE" then i feel miserable and make it miserable for others around me too.

Getting into "ACTION" by going to meetings, sharing ur ESH with others, doing some sort of service work, anything which would allow u to get out of urself and put the focus on someone else or something else,....offering to make coffee at a meeting...reading HOW IT WORKS.....greeting folks at the door, calling people on the phone, offering to take someone to a meeting....or like i did...BAKE BAKE BAKE...... : ) I love doing this for my meetings....anyway....

Then most of all taking time out for urself. quiet time to reflect on ur day or communicating with ur Higher Power....saying prayers offered in our Big Book....3rd Step Prayer, Serenity Prayer....and others.....Just being quiet long enough to hear what ur HP is saying to u.

If we constantly have noises going on around us then how are we to hear His word or His Directions.

Its a moment of clamness to gather ur thoughts. A moment to think before u act out of hast. A moment to hug ur kids or a spouse. A moment to look in the mirror and say You are worth it. You are special. A moment to say Please and Thank you.

There are many things to help us be a better, kinder person without the use of alcohol and drugs. Inside each of us there is a small child waiting to grow up and mature into wonderful people we are suppose to be. We all are those special people but the use of alcohol and drugs distorted our thinking and image of ourselves in the process. Take away all the fog and there stands before u.... YOU A SPECIAL PERSON IN RECOVERY.

Way to go Vic.

Thanks for letting me share.

OctoberKayte

I am thinking about how lucky I am to be a part of SR. I am not alone anymore!!! You are such an amazing group of people and I am blessed to learn from your experiences.

I am thinking about how nice it is to wake up without a hangover and self-hatred washing over me.

My kids are 9,10, 15, 17 - they don't "need" me as much and a new baby HUMAN is out of the question! Sooo...I am thinking about adopting a puppy and the impact it might have on my family, my adult dog and our two cats.

I am thinking about how extremely fortunate I am to have what I have.

I am thinking about the couple WHITE (!) hairs I pulled out of my head last week!

I 've been thinking about teaching English in Costa Rica in 10 years. But also thinking about my dislike of certain creepy crawlies ( I HAVE been trying to desensitize by visiting the tropical forest display at the museum every few months! )

Thanks for the opportunity to think aloud- no one has asked me what I 'm thinking in over 15 years!

The best to you all!

Kayte

aasharon90

Hi Katye and thanks for sharing.

This is an AWESOME place to hang out in. A WONDERFUL place to share ur ESH woth others. And to NEVER feel alone. That's why i am here more time than u can imagine.

Coming here and sharing my own ESH on a daily bases keeps my program fresh in my mind and thoughts. Repeatition i think is a good word. If u keep repeating what works then u continue to get good results.

It is nice to be clean and sober for a good change in our lives. To be able to experience wonderful things, relationships etc that we may have taken for granted before.

Anyway....Kayte im glad u had the opportunity to come here and share with me and others. Maybe others will be inspired to come share their own ESH as well.

igfan

Hi, my name is Cheryl and i'm an alcoholic. I found SR over a year ago and it has helped me tremendously, especially over the last few months. My last drink was on January 9, 2006, my last drug on March 9, 2006 and i am grateful to be sober today. Over the last week or so i've really been struggling, but with the help of my friends here at SR i've realized that this is what i want. I want to wake up every morning and remind myself why i am grateful today and ask my HP to guide me throughout the day. At bed time i will reflect on the day and again remind myself why i am grateful to be sober and thank my HP for keeping me sober today. I don't think i would have made it this far if not for some special people here at SR, my sponsor and the people in the program. For that i am truly grateful.
thanks for letting me share.

aasharon90

That's pretty cool Cheryl.

Thanks for sharing where u r today.

This is a neat place to be to reach out for help when we need it. There r so many caring, considerate and compassionate people here traveling the same road as us. People we may never meet in this life but hopefully one day up there in the BIG RECOVERY MEETING IN THE SKY. : ) And hopefully close to "Rainbow Bridge". Thats a place another member shared about where our pets go when they pass on.

I say that because i just recently had one of my pet Cockatiels pass away. Sunshine was his name. I had him hmmmm maybe 5 or 6 yrs i guess.....I still have Peady who is my Love Bird who flits and flutters around when i let him out of the cage.

We have so many wonderful things to be grateful for today. And being sober and clean is top priority. If we didnt have that then there would be nothing else because we'd be too drunk or stoned to enjoy them or we'd be crazy out of our minds or the worst of them all dead.

My HP gave me many wonderful things to enjoy in this life and when i was drunk i didnt appreciate them as much or just didnt care about them. Today is different. I appreciate even the smallest of things. And of course the biggest is the DESIRE and WILLINGNESS to do what ever it takes to stay in recovery and enjoy those blessings in life.

Having recovery friends here in SR is one of those wonderful blessings.

So thank u for being here for me and letting me share.

c'est la vie

Today (and all weekend) I keep having pity parties about being an alcoholic. I feel so much anger and sadness about my lot in life.

I even feel envy towards the people who realize they have a drinking problem and just stop drinking. The one's who can stop on their own and feel good about themselves for doing something to improve their health. I want to improve my health and feel good in my head, but I'm not happy about quitting and really have a hard time accepting my life, so now I'm going to AA to try to find serenity in abstinence. I haven't found it yet.

Debaroo

Hi. I am new here and already disgusted. I have registered and went to chat and loG IN AND IT SAYS MY PASSWORD IS INVALID, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. i ALSO CAN'T FIND ON HERE WHERE TO (sorry caps) post a new post. I belong to other message boards, have no problems logging in etc and know what to do but I am at a loss here now. Can someone help me please.

aasharon90

Hi C'est la vie and thank you for sharing how u r feeling today and all weekend.

You know, i have felt the very same way u have. I have had many pity parties and feeling sorry for myself parties in my sober time that i lost track counting them. : )

I use to whine to my sponsor so many times on how i felt that im sure i sounded like a broken record to her. But you know what, she NEVER told me to hush up or leave her alone or anything like that. All she could do was suggest things for me to do and to keep doing them even if i didnt see emmediate results. And believe me the results were very slow, but i didnt give up hope. As long as i saw her stay sober or others stay clean by following suggestions and going to meetings then there was hope for me somewhere's down the road.

Here i was in early sobriety just finishing up a 28 day rehab treatment followed by a 6 week outpatiant aftercare and trying to raise my little family and DONT DRINK....boy, I thought i was going crazy sometimes. I kept thinking about all those saying u hear in meetings...like....don't think, dont drink and go to meetings.....or....do the next best thing...and countless others...and only u will hear them if u go to meetings....but the more i heard them the more etched they became in my mind. Its kinda hard to forget things when u hear them day after day after day.

Anyway...back to what u were saying.....Being envious or different from those that could drink successfully and we cant. I felt the same way too. and still today but not as much....I think ACCEPTANCE of who i am and what purpose i have in life helps me get thru.

I cant focus on those other people because we all r doing the best we can working our own programs. I mean we all have the steps to guide us and some work thru them quickly and some dont...like me...and the results differ with each person.

Remember its not the QUANTITY of sobriety that u have but the QUALITY of it. The number of yrs sober to me means nothing.....sure a few yrs sounds great, but when u go to meetings and hear how someone who had quite a few yrs goes out because he thinks he can drink successfully again....well it goes to show me that no one is exempt from this disease unless u maintain it on a daily bases.

I know acceptance isnt easy. Accepting that I have to live here in Houston instead of back home in Baton Rouge has not been easy for me. And here it is 9 yrs later and its just recently that im beginning to accept that this is where i need to be for now. How do i know? Well....its a gut feeling. How do i know i cant drink succesfully anymore? I know because there were too many times i wanted to stop drinking on my own and couldnt until i tried to end my life.

Luckily my family stepped in to help me when they did. I also believe my Higher Power had other plans for me besides drinking. What was it? My souls purpose in life today is to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety by sharing my own ESH with them.

When i do that then i have no time to think about drinking. What joy it is to help someone else. U can do that to. Even tho u r young in sobriety there r others even younger than u. When u go to a meeting and see a new person walk in, scared, lost afraid....u think of urself and say, Hey i remember that feeling, it was just yesterday that i felt the same way. Did someone hold their hand out to u or offer u a place to sit in the meeting? U treat others the same way u were treated. Show them the way.

Try that and see what happens...oh and bring some cookies to the meeting... : ) U will soon have new found friends eating out of ur hand. : )

Thanks for letting me share.

aasharon90

Hi Debaroo. Glad u r here. Take a deep breath. Its ok. There are new things on here that im not familiar yet with either and ive been here since Dec. of last yr. : )

I don't chat on here mainly because i too never knew how to get there or use it. Well i just went up to the Chat word and clicked on it. It brings u to where u need to be to sign in. Just take ur time. Whatever u signed in to register here in SR u use the same thing. Same name and password.

Then to post, well u got here which is GREAT. ONE STEP AT A TIME. I know i get pretty anxious when i want something right then and there. Emmediate relief or answers. Impatiants is what that is called. Just sit back and say quietly to urself the Serenity Prayer. Say it over and over again till a calmness comes over u. Even if u need to get up and get a sip of water or breath of fresh air before returning and trying again.

Go to the top of this page where u see alcoholism drug addiction help and information is underlined....click on that and it will bring u to a page for u to pick the topic u want to post on. Go there and u should see NEW THREAD.

Try that and see if it works.....Just hop around here, observe and read post and most of all continue to ask for help if u need it.

We r all here to help each other in recovery.

Glad u r here.

aasharon90

Hi, Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

I always look forward to Monday's mainly because i don't like the weekends very much. It's not that I..Me....myself dont like the time to relax or chill out over the weekend, it's just the fact my spouse is off work too and to me the weekends is a waste of time. Meaning, this is chill out time for him and like for the past 24 yrs of marriage, NOTHING ever gets done around the house. Sad to say. My gripe is i would think the man of the house would do the outside chores and the fix-it type jobs on and around the house. Well....this is not a top priority in this house hold.

I have had to ACCEPT that this man i married is more married to his job than with me. He's more the intellegent type than the physical type. Unlike me which makes us opposites...i like physical work and not much on the mental part.

My job at work is physical working at a local grocery store here in Houston, bagging groceries, picking up carts....Customer Service work. My spouse is at his desk doing Engineering work.

Anyway....the weekends he hops from the computer to the tv or likes to go out to eat. Me, i walk/run everyday 2 miles, and do little jobs that need attending to over the weekend. Then waiting patiantly for Mondays to arrive.

Then the house resumes back to a normal routine during the week.

Thanks for letting me share.

Debaroo

I am having a terrible time trying to post and log on here. I can't find the htread to post a new post. I did all I could do to register my name for chat also, IMPOSSBILE. I deleted cookies, changed my security settings. I was told I had to register again for chat but use the same log in and password, still nothing. I thought I felt useless beofre I came on here.

igfan

Hi Debaroo,
personally, i'd say forget about the Chat........it's not used very much except for online meetings. As far as posting a new thread........at the top of this thread there are a couple links http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tion-recovery/, click on this link, this will bring you into the Newcomers Forum, at the very top of the page you should see an icon that says "New Thread", click on that and start posting away. You need to put something in the subject line. When your done click on "submit new thread". That's it. Let us know if you still have trouble, we're all here to help.
thanks
Cheryl

igfan

Hey Angie,
i know exactly how you feel, it's not uncommon (at least i don't think it is). I have pity parties all the time.......i go through phases where i accept that i'm an alcoholic and can never drink like other people and the next day i'm resentful that i can never drink like other people. I've started just thinking about today........you've probably seen this on my other posts, but Just for Today i'm not going to drink.......i can drink tomorrow if i choose to, but today i don't choose to. Remember, this is your addictive voice telling you it's okay to drink........did you name yours? Tell it to buzz off! You're doing great, hang in there. I had trouble with AA in the beginning, but i'm starting to feel more at ease there. I'm starting to make new friends, i'm getting involved in the meetings and i'm starting to feel like i fit in. We can do this, i know we can.
Cheryl

Arura

Well its a rainy old day in London today.Im not working until tommorow,which is great by me...! my week without the drink is taking its toll. My stomach hurts,im very tyred so glad to be indoors...!
Just hpoe i can step up to what this week might bring...So i may be able to
go another week without a drink....???......

Hi, igfan hope your well...!

igfan

Hi Arura,
hang in there.........it does get better. Don't worry about going another week, just worry about today, then when you get through today, you can worry about tomorrow. I've found it's best not to project too far into the future. I don't even count days......i know when i've hit my 30, 60, 90 days but i don't look at today as "Day 121" or whatever it is. Keep up the good work.

Aristo

Hi Everyone - I'm Aristo and I'm Alcohol Dependant.

Day 12 sober for me.

Today I have been busy packing. (Am moving house) I have been thinking about whether or nor my lease application will be succsessful.

I packed up a whole bunch of books and gave them to St Vincents de Paul - hopefully they will help someone further themselves (they were computer books and not out of date - too much)

My Ex rang me today - she still has stuff at my house that I have been trying to get her to move for like 6 weeks - It eventually took me to tell her that I have sold my place and movining out in 3 weeks to take some action (that was true by the way). It bloody well annoyed my that she didn't do anything about her stuff for that long - and now I have to help her and me move out. It's not the physical moving that is the problem - it's the emotional finalness of it all - I wished it could have been done aged ago, I think it would have helped me move on. (I did ask her numerous times - nicely....) Her excuse was that she didn't have anywhere to move the stuff - But is that my problem ? I didn't say that to her - but I felt like saying it. Then she did something else that irritated me - see thread titled "Is this weird or just me" in the cafe - Ahhhh - got my blood boiling. 3 weeks ago this would have been enough for me to pick up a drink. But I am happy to report that I didn't. I still have frustrations built up inside me - But as they say and I know - This will pass.

Anway - enough about me -

Sharon - how was your run ???

aasharon90

Hi, this is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Another day sober.

I went to work this morning not knowing what my schedule will be for the week. See, im just a part time bagger and i work 3 maybe 4 days a week. Just mon. thru thurs. Morning to early afternoon shift. Which was set in stone so i thought from the first day i began working 5 yrs ago.

Anyway...over the past 5 yrs there has been lots of ups and downs in our store. Im guessing this happens at most stores. I call our store dysfunctional. : )

Ok, so i get my schedule and it shows me off tomorrow....hmmmm....... I thought at first...how rude.....i always work on Tuesdays.....but u know, after i calmed down to digest my strange schedule, i was ok with it. I have to remember this is just a part time job even tho im trying to get some bills paid down. And this is also the time the kids r out of school to work for the summer.

So im trying to stay open minded about this job which i should ever be so greatful for. : )

Soooooo Tommorrow IM OFF WORK. HURRAY..! I guess i can go walk/run in the morning before it gets too hot. : )


Hi Aristo....thanks for asking me about my run/walk. I appreciate that. : )

Let's see....i go walking by myself at this nice park not far from me. The park winds around for 2 miles. Inside the circle are several baseball diamonds for little league baseball games. There are lots of concret picnic table and benches for bar-b-ques as well as lots of open feilds for soccor.

The track is paved and wide enough to accommodate 2 people ..one running up one way and the other coming back. There is also grass on either side where if ud rather walk or run on that then u can.

Now, when i walk, instead of waiting till it cools off which is around 8ish in the evening, I go in the heat of the day to avoid being around others. As sad as it may seem, i really enjoy my time alone. I dont like crowds that much. I guess i had to drink enough back when to allow myself to not feel the anxiety of being around others. I guess i never knew it at the time.

Anyway.....i may try to get out there this afternoon before people get off work....lol Some company in Recovery would definitely be ok, if u or anyone else wish to join me. : ) AA company is always welcomed.

Thanks for letting me share.

aasharon90

Hi, im Sharon and im an alcoholic.

Im glad to be here today and sober. It's so nice to have a place i can come here to vent if i have to or share my ESH with. A place to feel comfortable at amongst others learning to live life without the use of drugs or alcohol.

To know we r not alone in our disease and that others understand what we r going thru without much being said.

Today i was given the day off my little little grocery store job. In all of 5 yrs there i dont think i ever had a Tuesday off. My little job is just part time and i normally work 3 sometimes 4 days a week morning till 2ish.

Anyway...a grocery store is a good place to hire student for the summer and thus they cut my hours to accompidate them. HOW RUDE..! I do have bills i have to pay u know. : )

Today, im cool about it. Im just gonna go with the flow and enjoy it. It kinda breaks the monotony of working the same schedule everyday...i guess.

Anyway...i will go get groceries today...and not at my own store....lol and walk 2 miles later if it cools down down here in Houston. I doubt it tho. We r already getting to the mid 90's with humidity that unbelievable.

Is it cooler where u live? If so send some down here to me. : )

So how is ur day going today? Anything that could help someone else stay sober or clean today?

Thanks for letting me share. U r much APPRECIATED.

Aristo

Hi Sharon - It's winter here in Australia - and has been quite cold recently. I don't really enjoy the cold - much rather the sun.

I am sooo tired - I stayed up till 4:00am last night (this morning) to watch the World Cup soccer - Australia v Italy - we were robbed - Not happy about the penalty decision at the end - not happy at all !

I secured the lease on my new place today ! YAY

I'm at day 13 now - and still going strong. Despite my recent thoughts of relationships and how & why my Ex left me -

Relationships suck the big one.

I guess after thinking about this a bit more I might be in denial that my Ex is not the right person for me - But how come I love and care for her sooo much - It's like the logical part of me says that it will never work - But the emotional part of me still has this MASSIVE attachment to her. I having trouble when I think of her with another guy (which hasn't even happened and may never happen).

It would make it easier for me if she told me in no uncertain terms that it is over for good. And that we didn't see or talk to each other any more - Then I could move on - But I asked her the other day - how do you feel about me - why are we still in contact ? She just said that she would never say never.

So may 'what if's - which is not good for my anxiety.

I keep having to remind myself to not start self medicating my anxiety with Alcohol - And that once my brain become more clear - It will work everything out - So far so good -

Actually part of my motivation to stay sober is to be able to deal with these emotional issues better.

I think I will sleep on it.

I am going to say the Serenity Prayer 10 times tonight before I go to sleep.

Nite all

Aristo