igfan

i'm really struggling today......well, actually it started last night, well, i guess it really started Sunday afternoon. I bought a 6pk of O'Douls while at the grocery store, it was 90 degrees out and i had an urge for a beer, so i thought i was doing a good thing by picking up the O'Douls rather than Bud, never did end up having one though. I mentioned it in conversation to my sponsor, not thinking it was a big deal (everyone has their opinions about "Near-Beer"), but she basically told me to get rid of it. Well, i guess that pssed me off cause when i got home i started thinking "don't tell me what to do, don't tell me what i can & can't drink" and so i had one. Didn't enjoy, it, ended up dumping half of it, but then the anxiety came and i started feeling really resentful that i can't have a friggin beer. Then (and i'm not even sure this happened, i may have dreamed this) i became obsessed with wanting to drink. I wrote in my journal and went to bed hoping "this too shall pass". Well, it hasn't passed.........my disease is screaming at me this morning telling me "go ahead, drink some beer, nobody cares what you do, go ahead, vodka is really your issue anyway". HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GeorgiaPeach

Stay with us and talk it out! I mean, why do something that you don't really enjoy? Your addiction is telling you that you want it but you know in your mind that you really don't! Hang in there, more advice will be along soon!!

c'est la vie

Oh Gosh ((((((((((igfan)))))))))

I had similar feelings of resentment just today and I think it was because I finally decided I've had enough trying to moderate without success. It was painful to think that "if I just kept trying to moderate I could have a drink right now F!"

People do care about what you drink because they care about your success. It's tough but I think you're a fighter.

Today in my meeting this woman with 25 years sobriety said that each and every day she feels as if she's either walking towards a drink or walking away from a drink. Every day she feels as if she has to make a conscious recognition of being even just a little bit closer to wanting sobriety than wanting alcohol.

It can be that difficult at times, but we have to keep fighting. It sucks that it sounds so hard and it's beginning to depress me now that I've only just begun. You can do this. Fight the urge. DO SOMETHING TO GET YOUR MIND OFF IT. How is your toolbox? Do you have a list of actions to take the place of the urge?

I wish you well and will check in later.

Smyle

Good morning and sorry to hear you are struggling
..I have those days too, I too loved to drink beer when it was hot...something about that ????Anyway I too tell myself...I never was addicted to the drink I am a junkie...but that is my addiction talking..subbing alcohol for drugs or beer for vodka whatever the scenario is not a good situation to get into.
It only feeds that little voice and starts to give it some power again...and we all know what happens once the power has shifted....
Your sponsor was right and I know it sucks to hear that you cannot drink a beer but...you have to be honest with yourself...could you really just drink one beer ??? Do you want to risk your sobriety to see if you can ??? what is it worth to you? I hope your day is better today...stay busy and post as much as you need...Hang in there...this too shall pass..though it may not be as quickly as you want...we are here for you !!!!!!

Luckyv2

I do know people that drink that and yet I would not even do it. That would be a trigger to my brain, just the thought of having one. And there is some alcohol in it. Just easy does it right now, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and say the serenity prayer.

Love vic

Lollipop

Hang in there Hun!!!!!! Your ARE stronger than the disease, it isnt a matter of not "Being Able" to have that drink, it is the matter of the fact that deep down, you dont "WANT" to!!!!!

Your right, you CAN do or have anything YOU want but.......it isnt YOU that wants it, its the FREAKIN EVIL DISEASE!!!!!!!

We are here......with the blowing of the trees, the soft whisper of a butterfly, the ripples in a gentle breeze across a calm lake, we are with you, you can beat this!!!!!!
Love Liss

c'est la vie

It just occured to me that no one has done what you asked. Although it would be best if it came from you, I'll try anyway:

To igfan's disease, I hereby declare,

SHUT THE **** UP!!


Take that
Evil Alcoholic Voice:uzi2:

c'est la vie

I hope no one reads just the big letters and thinks I'm saying that to her. Oh man, do I not want to get in trouble.

aloneagainor

Indigo Girls Fan (you'd think that would have been obvious to me, as I heard Closer I Am to Fine playing in my head...d'oh!),
It's an awful realization, isn't it, to KNOW that you're an addict. Takes a while to sink in, I'm finding, that recognition that we have to deal with this obsessive fight that rages in us. Yet, there is comfort in the knowing that there are ways to combat it, to learn how to think otherwise, that we don't have to be allow this obsession to rule us. Accepting that we're addicts is essential to be able to begin to learn how to deal with it. Too bad it's not just an easily dismissable dream. Thoughts are with you....Peace.

kali ma

I agree with her...tell it to shut the **** up. You have the power within yourself. I think we have all tried drinking in moderation, only to go back to drinking again. I have faith in you. You have the control. I understand when you get pissed that you can't have a beer. I have been mad about that for years. I think it's just part of alcoholism. Live the best life you can. Your mind is telling you that the best way to do that is to stay away from alcohol.

My thoughts are with you.

Hope

You are doing great by recognizing that voice that is acting up. You are right...that is the disease talking. It is lying to you to reel you in so it can jump on full force and drag you back down. Slam that door in it's face!!! You are stronger than that evil monster. You have other people who are fighting right along with you so you do not have to face it alone. You will get through this and you'll be so much stronger after you're through it. Hang in there and use your toolbox. Scream right back at those urges!

Keep posting and talking it out!

PaperDolls

Ooooh boy can I relate to that. If I had a dollar for every time I've said it. It's the disease talking. Do you have a sponsor to call? If not just stay here and keep posting. Or go for a run.

I'll send some good thoughts your way.

~doll

skunkape

The disease is trying to trick you man. Don't listen to it's empty whispers. My disease wants me to drink beer today too, and it's taking everything inside me to stop from giving in. The urge will go away. I just have to remember that that the battle for my soul is not over until I give up. When I stop fighting, then it gets bigger and bigger and finally it will win.

You are more powerful than this *******. FIGHT IT, FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT

michski

I gotta agree that the best way to deal with the addict voice is with a monstrous interior scream. Shut da **** up IS a good one! It's also a good one for "resentments" that get you angry because you're finally making good choices for yourself instead of bad ones.

We must learn to make those right choices for ourselves.. that's what you're doing by abstaining from the substances that make you depressed, angry and physically sick. ((( indigo fan ))) In my own early sobriety I told myself I would give myself ONE year of not even 1 % alcohol and then rethink my "disease" Now, I tell myself I'm gonna drink like a fish when I'm 80!
You called your sponsor... that was such an excellent choice!

igfan

yeah, i guess maybe if it was a dream, it's not anymore. i'm so friggin obsessed right now, it's driving me crazy.

igfan

S H U T T H E F * * * U P !!!!
GET OUT OF MY F'N HEAD YOU SON-O-BITCH!!!!!!!!!

NYCGirl

I think I 'd be afraid of the trigger thing too. Just last night I poured a beer in my rib when they were boiling and I had to stop myself from going for a sip from the empty can on the counter. It was just a nutaural reaction.

Try the list wriiting thing if nothing else it may be a long enough distraction. you know the good things about not drinking anymore vs. the bad things.

igfan

nothing's working - i'm just hoping i make it to a meeting tonight and maybe i can share about this and maybe it will help. I don't know what else to do. I drive by two liquor stores on my way to & from work, it's usually not a problem, but i just can't get booze out of my head today. I told my sponsor how i'm feeling (via email) and i don't know what i thought she would tell me to make me feel better, but i just feel worse. I got the usual "this too shall pass" - "sometimes you've got to sit with the icky feelings".

PaperDolls

ig - can you leave and go to a meeting now? I think it might be a great idea. It's bound to make you feel a lilttle better.

igfan

unfortunately.......no. I do get out in about a 1/2 hour or so, but my meeting is not until 6:30 EST. We have severe thunderstorms so i'm not going to be able to go for a walk or anything to kill time.