Aristo here !
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Aristo here !
Hi, I am Aristo and I am alcoholic.
I've recently (in the last 3-4 weeks) admitted to myself and my family that I have an alcohol dependance. It has been very hard for me and to be honest, I have slipped on more than one occasion over the last month. But now, I am 3 days sober and am feeling good.
I used to have a high stress, high pressure, highly paid job - I came home every night and drank to take the edge off. I have never experinced blackouts, I have never been in trouble, no DUI or anything like that - I think these are called the "yets"..... I blamed my anxiousness and stress on work, mortgage pressures etc.
3 Years ago, I was diagnosed with severe OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea). Also diagnosed with untreatable Tinitus. My house was broken in to. I hated my job. I was 20 kgs overweight.
2 Years ago I started having Panic Attacks - God they were scary ! I thought I was seriously going to die ! I was told to go a neuroligist and had every test known - There was nothing Physically wrong with me (even though I thought there was). I was prescribed Lexapro, for Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Disorder - which I am still taking (they did help).
1.5 Years ago, I met the girl of my dreams - Love at first sight. I was besotted (still am) - I lost 15kgs, got fit and courted her and finally won her over 10 months ago. It was a hard courtship - I think I was a bit obsessed - And she didn't care for me the way I did about her. I think (hope) this changed sometime down the track.
I was starting to have a couple of beers at lunchtime during work (as well as the after work drinking) On a couple of occasions, I didn't go back to work because I was too drunk.
6 Months ago, I quit my high stress job and entered the fitness industry - my new found fitness and weight loss was inspiration enough for me to start my own fitness business. I also thought that quitting my high stress job would help me with my drinking. Early morning fitness classes would help me avoid the morning hangovers. I refinanced the house and bought a fitness business.
4 Months ago, my G/F moved in with me. At first it was good, but then we started to get on each others nerves. I felt that she was trying to change me. Change my belief system, change my clothes, change my hairstyle, change my house. My drinking increased. I sensed we were not suited. Each time we argued, I drank more than I usually did.
My G/F was not helping me with money for the upkeep of the mortgage and utilities. She often slept in 'her' room (which pissed me off no end) Not due to me, so she said, because of her - She needed her space sometimes - OK Whatever. -
My fitness business wasn't paying the Mortgage, it was failing - so I drank.
When I say I drank - 6 beers a night. Maybe a bottle of wine on another night. Sometimes more. Never spirits. But I did drink every night.
My G/F confronted me - said she thought I was self medicating my anxiety and stress with alcohol. I told her that I like to drink, yes. Yes perhaps I drink more than other people, but I am 100kgs - I can handle more than other people. I didn't think I had a problem. She said that anyone who drank everyday had formed a dependancy. I disagreed as my father drinks 1 light beer and 1 full stregth beer every day of his life. Never any more than that. That doesn't make him dependant on alcohol.
We continued to argue. Sometimes when I was sober, but mostly after I had has few drinks to loosen up.
My money problems led me to try my hand at gambling. I lost all my cash. Then I earnt some back, then I won some cash, then I lost some cash - Mostly I lost more than I won - Actually overall this was the case - You never win !
I started to go to AA 4 weeks ago after seeing a Phycologist specialising in addictions. He is a very strong AA advocate. I started going to meetings. It was very very awkward at first. Now it is just very awkward. I haven't gone to one meeting per day. I am still finding AA a 'challenge' - A funny sideline, after my first meeting, I thought - this is ridiculous, I am not alcoholic - So I went to the pub and drank 10 beers and lost $1000 in gambling.
I realise now that I am alcoholic and am a chronic gambler.
I struggled last week as I miss my G/F (alot...., although my Phsycoligist says it would be better for me to try and forget about a relationship of any kind - I find it hard to come to grips with that she will be with someone else, I guess eventually - damn it, bugger !) and I miss having money. - but I feel that I am on track now. I went to the Dr and asked him about Campral. I have been taking it for 3 days and I haven't felt the need to pick up a drink or gamble.
I will continue to see my Phycoligist and also continue with AA. (I have surrended to my higher power - actually, I didn't know I had a higher power until I went to AA - now I see it plain as day)
So that is my story so far.
I love this saying "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift because it is the present."
Thanks for reading !
God Bless,
Aristo
I've recently (in the last 3-4 weeks) admitted to myself and my family that I have an alcohol dependance. It has been very hard for me and to be honest, I have slipped on more than one occasion over the last month. But now, I am 3 days sober and am feeling good.
I used to have a high stress, high pressure, highly paid job - I came home every night and drank to take the edge off. I have never experinced blackouts, I have never been in trouble, no DUI or anything like that - I think these are called the "yets"..... I blamed my anxiousness and stress on work, mortgage pressures etc.
3 Years ago, I was diagnosed with severe OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea). Also diagnosed with untreatable Tinitus. My house was broken in to. I hated my job. I was 20 kgs overweight.
2 Years ago I started having Panic Attacks - God they were scary ! I thought I was seriously going to die ! I was told to go a neuroligist and had every test known - There was nothing Physically wrong with me (even though I thought there was). I was prescribed Lexapro, for Panic Attacks and General Anxiety Disorder - which I am still taking (they did help).
1.5 Years ago, I met the girl of my dreams - Love at first sight. I was besotted (still am) - I lost 15kgs, got fit and courted her and finally won her over 10 months ago. It was a hard courtship - I think I was a bit obsessed - And she didn't care for me the way I did about her. I think (hope) this changed sometime down the track.
I was starting to have a couple of beers at lunchtime during work (as well as the after work drinking) On a couple of occasions, I didn't go back to work because I was too drunk.
6 Months ago, I quit my high stress job and entered the fitness industry - my new found fitness and weight loss was inspiration enough for me to start my own fitness business. I also thought that quitting my high stress job would help me with my drinking. Early morning fitness classes would help me avoid the morning hangovers. I refinanced the house and bought a fitness business.
4 Months ago, my G/F moved in with me. At first it was good, but then we started to get on each others nerves. I felt that she was trying to change me. Change my belief system, change my clothes, change my hairstyle, change my house. My drinking increased. I sensed we were not suited. Each time we argued, I drank more than I usually did.
My G/F was not helping me with money for the upkeep of the mortgage and utilities. She often slept in 'her' room (which pissed me off no end) Not due to me, so she said, because of her - She needed her space sometimes - OK Whatever. -
My fitness business wasn't paying the Mortgage, it was failing - so I drank.
When I say I drank - 6 beers a night. Maybe a bottle of wine on another night. Sometimes more. Never spirits. But I did drink every night.
My G/F confronted me - said she thought I was self medicating my anxiety and stress with alcohol. I told her that I like to drink, yes. Yes perhaps I drink more than other people, but I am 100kgs - I can handle more than other people. I didn't think I had a problem. She said that anyone who drank everyday had formed a dependancy. I disagreed as my father drinks 1 light beer and 1 full stregth beer every day of his life. Never any more than that. That doesn't make him dependant on alcohol.
We continued to argue. Sometimes when I was sober, but mostly after I had has few drinks to loosen up.
My money problems led me to try my hand at gambling. I lost all my cash. Then I earnt some back, then I won some cash, then I lost some cash - Mostly I lost more than I won - Actually overall this was the case - You never win !
I started to go to AA 4 weeks ago after seeing a Phycologist specialising in addictions. He is a very strong AA advocate. I started going to meetings. It was very very awkward at first. Now it is just very awkward. I haven't gone to one meeting per day. I am still finding AA a 'challenge' - A funny sideline, after my first meeting, I thought - this is ridiculous, I am not alcoholic - So I went to the pub and drank 10 beers and lost $1000 in gambling.
I realise now that I am alcoholic and am a chronic gambler.
I struggled last week as I miss my G/F (alot...., although my Phsycoligist says it would be better for me to try and forget about a relationship of any kind - I find it hard to come to grips with that she will be with someone else, I guess eventually - damn it, bugger !) and I miss having money. - but I feel that I am on track now. I went to the Dr and asked him about Campral. I have been taking it for 3 days and I haven't felt the need to pick up a drink or gamble.
I will continue to see my Phycoligist and also continue with AA. (I have surrended to my higher power - actually, I didn't know I had a higher power until I went to AA - now I see it plain as day)
So that is my story so far.
I love this saying "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift because it is the present."
Thanks for reading !
God Bless,
Aristo
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Congrats, Aristo!!
Welcome to recovery...hope you set and stay a spell!!
Thanks for sharing your story. They might be interested in reading in on the alcoholism and/or the Alcoholics Anonymous forum as well. That takes courage to share so openly.
I would agree with the Doc, though, about your gf. As you continue in your growth and recovery, it may be easy to become distracted with romance. That's usually a sign that you are looking for a distraction from program and recovery.
I recognize that when I get to a "bump" in my program (i.e. when it gets really difficult for me to get over that next hump...when I'm hangin on desperately to my own self-will, when I have to make a tough decision, etc...) that's when I start to look for distractions.
As you grow and change in program, you may come to think of her as being all wrong for you in the first place. Who knows? She may decide to grow as well, and come along with you...
at any rate, healthy people are not attracted to sick people, and vice-versa.
There are different ideologies and one AA group have a different kind of energy than another, so it doesn't hurt to "shop around" until you find a group that really seems suited for you.
Thanks for stopping in.
Kari
Welcome to recovery...hope you set and stay a spell!!
Thanks for sharing your story. They might be interested in reading in on the alcoholism and/or the Alcoholics Anonymous forum as well. That takes courage to share so openly.
I would agree with the Doc, though, about your gf. As you continue in your growth and recovery, it may be easy to become distracted with romance. That's usually a sign that you are looking for a distraction from program and recovery.
I recognize that when I get to a "bump" in my program (i.e. when it gets really difficult for me to get over that next hump...when I'm hangin on desperately to my own self-will, when I have to make a tough decision, etc...) that's when I start to look for distractions.
As you grow and change in program, you may come to think of her as being all wrong for you in the first place. Who knows? She may decide to grow as well, and come along with you...
at any rate, healthy people are not attracted to sick people, and vice-versa.
There are different ideologies and one AA group have a different kind of energy than another, so it doesn't hurt to "shop around" until you find a group that really seems suited for you.
Thanks for stopping in.
Kari
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Oh, and I should add - that my G/F left me 4 weeks ago. This was the reason I took a good look at myself.
I think she is gone for good - but God I miss her. This is making it harder for me at the moment.
I think she is gone for good - but God I miss her. This is making it harder for me at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by Aristo
.
I love this saying "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift because it is the present."
Aristo
I love this saying "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift because it is the present."
Aristo
Thanks for the reminder, today is indeed a gift
and there is no reason for me to waste it with dark thoughts or alcohol.
Hope to see more of you here
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome to sobriety and to Sober Recovery. You have found a great place with great people. I used to drink my way through all my stress, or so I thought. Come to find out my drinking was causing more stress. I lost my job, three in fact, my self esteem, my pride, well I lost myself. I would suffer from anxiety also. It was depilitating at times. I was given meds for my anxiety and pretty much couldn't function without it. Come to find out the alcohol was the main cause of my anxiety. Since I have quit drinking my anxiety has subsided. Good luck on your journey. You may have a rough road ahead of you. Just know, you can get through it sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome Aristo,
I am so glad you found us!
I'm glad you realize that you need help and I hope you'll find lots of support and information. I think you'll be surprised how peaceful your life will be when you are recovering from your addiction.
I am so glad you found us!
I'm glad you realize that you need help and I hope you'll find lots of support and information. I think you'll be surprised how peaceful your life will be when you are recovering from your addiction.
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by 2dayzmuse
Welcome to sobriety and to Sober Recovery. You have found a great place with great people. I used to drink my way through all my stress, or so I thought. Come to find out my drinking was causing more stress. I lost my job, three in fact, my self esteem, my pride, well I lost myself. I would suffer from anxiety also. It was depilitating at times. I was given meds for my anxiety and pretty much couldn't function without it. Come to find out the alcohol was the main cause of my anxiety. Since I have quit drinking my anxiety has subsided. Good luck on your journey. You may have a rough road ahead of you. Just know, you can get through it sober.
I have just sold my house because of the money situation. And my job prospects look good. I am just a little scared cause I am getting myself back into the high stress, high money job situation. I pray to God that I can handle it without drinking. I know I will mess it up if I do start drinking. But I am feeling very determined.
Thanks everyone for the kind words - I have been looking for a site like this - Helps me share. I am very nervouse about sharing at meetings. I tried once and broke down.
Have a fantastic day !
Aristo.
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Meeting was good Lollipop. One lady (sober for 2.5 years) shared and got very emotional. This kinda got me a bit emotional too. Anyway it was all good.
One the way home I got a flat tyre and I didn't have a jack. So I had to ring up a friend to come help me. I got a bit frustrated - but I didn't let it worry me too much
Nearly day 5 now. Yippeeee - Feeling great !
My Ex G/F came over - don't know why..... We had a nice time excpet toward the end of the evening when she was trying to explain something (a spiritual conversation which is to hard to explain here) to me - I practised refelctive listening where I tried to explain back in my own interpretation what I thought she meant. I'm sure I understood what she was getting at - But she didn't accept my explanation. I tried to explain again - But ahe took it as if I was trying to tell her she was wrong. But that was not the case at all - I think she left frustrated.... Which frustrated me as I was only trying my best to understand and reflect what she was talking about. This is the sort of thing that pushes my buttons - But I am telling myself to try and not think about it - To not let it worry or concern me - But it hard, now I think she thinks I was to cause trouble or an argument - which wasn't the case at all. Bugger it. I hate it when this happens - It was one of the reasons we parted in the first place. These silly misunderstandings which then I try to rectify, that lead to angst and frustration - Yet we both understand and have our own interpretations of the same thing. Now I feel that I need to apologise to her - But I have done nothing wrong - so why should I apologise ? To make me feel better or to make her feel better ?
I'm just going to let it go !
Well, I am going to try.........
One the way home I got a flat tyre and I didn't have a jack. So I had to ring up a friend to come help me. I got a bit frustrated - but I didn't let it worry me too much
Nearly day 5 now. Yippeeee - Feeling great !
My Ex G/F came over - don't know why..... We had a nice time excpet toward the end of the evening when she was trying to explain something (a spiritual conversation which is to hard to explain here) to me - I practised refelctive listening where I tried to explain back in my own interpretation what I thought she meant. I'm sure I understood what she was getting at - But she didn't accept my explanation. I tried to explain again - But ahe took it as if I was trying to tell her she was wrong. But that was not the case at all - I think she left frustrated.... Which frustrated me as I was only trying my best to understand and reflect what she was talking about. This is the sort of thing that pushes my buttons - But I am telling myself to try and not think about it - To not let it worry or concern me - But it hard, now I think she thinks I was to cause trouble or an argument - which wasn't the case at all. Bugger it. I hate it when this happens - It was one of the reasons we parted in the first place. These silly misunderstandings which then I try to rectify, that lead to angst and frustration - Yet we both understand and have our own interpretations of the same thing. Now I feel that I need to apologise to her - But I have done nothing wrong - so why should I apologise ? To make me feel better or to make her feel better ?
I'm just going to let it go !
Well, I am going to try.........
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Day 5...... ROCK ON!!!! CONGRATS!!!
Glad the meeting went well, sometimes emotional is good! Sorry bout the flat tire and the misunderstanding with the Ex. I agree with you though, let it go.... you have nothing to apologize for, course neither does she, it was just a misunderstanding and IMHO to try to rectify it would seem to only make it seem more as though you are back peddling. Eeeeesh, its early here..... am I making sense? LOL Meanwhile, if it comes up, maybe mention that you really do get what she was saying and leave it at that.
Now enjoy your day!!!!!
PM me if ya wanna!!!
Love Liss
Glad the meeting went well, sometimes emotional is good! Sorry bout the flat tire and the misunderstanding with the Ex. I agree with you though, let it go.... you have nothing to apologize for, course neither does she, it was just a misunderstanding and IMHO to try to rectify it would seem to only make it seem more as though you are back peddling. Eeeeesh, its early here..... am I making sense? LOL Meanwhile, if it comes up, maybe mention that you really do get what she was saying and leave it at that.
Now enjoy your day!!!!!
PM me if ya wanna!!!
Love Liss
Resentment Building
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
Nearly DAY 6 ! ! !
Started a new job today - A bit stressy - Didn'teven feel like picking up a drink.
I am sooo tired !
Off to bed - Got to work again tomorrow - bugger....
Started a new job today - A bit stressy - Didn'teven feel like picking up a drink.
I am sooo tired !
Off to bed - Got to work again tomorrow - bugger....
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