Sugah

I had some folks who stuck by me through my using and abusing. The loved me...almost into the grave. It wasn't until I saw that they were finished, through, that I finally hit my bottom and made a decision.

We don't shoot our wounded, no. I also truly believe that though we can offer our own experience, strength, and hope, the willingness is entirely up to the one who is suffering. They have to be willing to pick up the bag of tools that was given to each of us. Once that's done, we can share how we use them, encourage their progress, and applaud their successes.

If I speak truth and offer it with love and understanding, one who is not willing may turn away from that truth. Withholding that truth, to me, is an attempt to manipulate or "trick" someone into a false willingness. Once the truth comes to light, if they're not ready, they stand to suffer a more crushing defeat. There's where we lose them.

I will not coddle a newcomer. I will offer love and honesty, share E, S & H, but coddling encourages the same character defects that kept me high and drunk for twenty-five years. To me, that's cruelty. I try to live better than that today.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

CarolD

I want to share on sharing...

Greeting a new membner is wonderful
Sharing on things that you know nothing about is not.

I see that done here often

I do not share on problems that are out of my experiences.

And...typing in CAPS is considered yelling.

lulu70

The problem is that different people will read different messages in different ways, whether they are on drugs or not. An active addict is liable to be overly sensitive. It is part of the nature of the beast. Does that mean I should not speak from my heart and say what I know, in my own experience, to be true? No, it does not. Granted, occasionally, someone will say something truly and obviously insensitive, but it is also important to remember that we are ALL recovering people. We all make mistakes. Sometimes the coddling can be as annoying as the negative comments.

For me, I post about what I know--my own experiences, what I have learned, where I was then, where I am now. If I stick with that and avoid telling others what to do, I don't think I can ever go wrong.

Just my 2 cents worth!!!

Grasshopper

We are not saints.Hatefulness is preceived by the beholder.You say what would you have done if someone told you that you were lying about your addiction?That you were not an addict and just wanted attention.This HAS,happened to me,not only when,i was a newbie,but periodically even now.It happens because others have judged me by the "amounts" that i drank.I never drank as much as others,i guess,and,i was a binge drinker.Thing is that i run into these types of folks no matter where i go.This is life on lifes terms.,to me.I know the truth,that im alcoholic,thats all there is.Others have the right to think whatever they want to.I go to the folks who want to help me,not judge me.I say im finished my work,at work,tand my boss says.bs to me,,your'e not finished.I need to learn to react differently,to this kind of situation.Its,not about others.Its about how i react to others.Step one.Folks strive ,learn and grow in our recovery programs.The more folks lash out towards others,the more love,understanding that they need from me,be that elder,or newbie,is how i see it.In these recovery rooms,is where to learn.I cannot personally put myself on that hill-top telling others what to say or do.Even in the name of helping,them,or what i think is the "right" way to say or do things.I have to be that change that i want to see in others,if i can be.
Ut oh,caps.Personally i dont follow rules that make no sence to me.And this one doesnt.Please know that when i do use caps,its not to yell at another,its only to focus on the word/words that im using.Just want to make sure folks see it..lol.

pmaslan

I think what Carol meant about caps was someone posting the
entire thread in caps. It is annoying and rude in the internet world.
Personally for me it is very hard to read, I tend to pass up those posts
which is sad, I may be missing something essential. Emphasizing a word
in caps is ok but a whole post is not...sorry Carol if I read you wrong...
this is the way I see it......

Beachbabe

When Im better for alot longer, I will be able to put things so elequently... I hope. Kick ass post Sugah. EXACTLY what and how I feel but I dont have the tools yet to express much of anything. I still try though, regardless of how it comes out... it comes from the heart with only love and compassion. Anyone that wants to take what I say any other way would even if I coated it in sugar. It doesnt bother me. Im not here to be liked... Im here to learn about my addiction and to share mine with others. Has nothing to do with popularity.

I didnt realize I was self-medicating because I was actually sick. Im no longer an active addict and working with a therepist and a Dr with meds for my conditions and my life has changed so wonderfully... so much.

Now, I have to look through this bag of tools to allow me to be a fuctioning non-addict. I forgot how. 10 yrs is along time.

Anyway, thank you for that post. Immensely.

aloneagainor

GREAT that Sugah's post leads page 2 here. She nails it. Without willingness the addict is just playing head games with themselves and others, fueling their own addiction and dragging others down in their wake. We can be most helpful to others by encouraging them to be willing to DO what it takes to take care of themselves, through sharing our own experience and awareness. Playing into the manipulative pity party game only encourages the self-serving attention-seeking attributes of active addiction. Far better to point this out, so to be able to begin get past it. I don't believe active addicts can see the trap they're in that way.

GeorgiaPeach

[QUOTE=Grasshopper]I go to the folks who want to help me,not judge me./QUOTE]

I thought that was what SR was for. I thought that we could come here for help and not be judged like we are in the "outside world". I thought that this was a place to talk to others in our situations and listen to them and learn from them and their experiences to try to better ourselves and our lives. If we don't offer compassion here to those crying out for help, then who will? Everyone is not so lucky to have a spouse or family member who is there for them unconditionally and will love them the same way. Some are all alone and we are all that they have so when we slap them in the face or close the door on them then they have no one. Is that the kind of people we want to be? I for one certainly do not! I will be here with encouragement for anyone who needs it!