Keep Coming Back!!! ((((Beth))))
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Keep Coming Back!!! ((((Beth))))
Not long ago I clicked on SR and saw you here at the newcomers board, I left for just a minute or so and saw that you had left. Not knowing where you were, or where you are going. We have tried to tell you what you need to do, just like everyone has told me what to do. Did I listen to them? NO. I don't know what happen this last time, I truly believe it was this and it came out of the Just For Today Meditations.
This line right here is what happened to me. I didn't like the things that I was doing to get my dope, not really even knowing it. I truly thought that I was wanting to get clean, and yes I probably was, but every time that I would call someone (best friend, church, family) and have them wire me money to move home, I would end up going down and get dope. I didn't understand what was going on, I truly didn't want to get high. I was caught in the disease of active addiction, I couldn't stop, I still can't.
After almost a month of this sh!t, I finally got some money again from someone, I filled up my tank, got some dope
and left to come home. Did I stay clean when I got home in April, NO. I kept on making excuses to go back and take care of situations, and in my mind I really wanted to do the right thing, and yet I was controlled, by my addiction. I wanted out but I couldn't get out. Everyone here, and other people tried to help me, tell me what to do, I would agree and be high again.
So a little over two weeks ago, now I haven't had this long for awhile now, but I said enough was enough, MY THINKING SUCKED. I knew that if I continued doing what I thought, that nothing was going to change. So I said to myself that I would do whatever to stay clean TODAY! Just Today Beth, sometimes it is just for right now. Has this been easy for me, hell NO, I still have cravings sometimes, that is natural. But I am NOT going to get HIGH! Yes these people have even heard that from time to time the past few months, but what has happened is that sentence about that is quoted. Vic was tired of being the piece of sh!t that he turned out to be.
When my head tells me to use, I don't, I call someone, post it, whatever. There is a thread that says, "WE REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!!!" I gave up during that thread and used, not wanting to but it happened. Now I visit that thread everyday, sometimes when I post on it more than once a day that means that I am struggling within. But I don't listen to my thinking. They say that we will only stay clean if we live the program right! Well this caught my eye today in the NA Basic Text Chapter "What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program?>>>
See today Beth and whoever else that may read this thread. In order for us to find a new way of life, we have to do what others have done. It says that, we suggest that you keep coming back and come back clean. If we truly are to live the program then we need to do what is suggested, by sponsors, THE Literature, The Steps, The program, etc. It talks about in the other fellowship "Half measure avail us nothing." Hell I wasn't even doing half measures, so today we have to live it or loose it. The only way to live it, is to live clean for the first part, then to apply our lives to the Program. That is the only way to do it, JUST FOR TODAY, WE NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN. That is a profound statement that is made in the NA Basic Text.
So with all that rambling
: I am fortunate and Pleased today to be clean. Take what you want and leave the rest! My sponsor says that I take it all in, he will decide what we keep and what we don't. Beth and everyone else, keep coming back and come back clean.
Love Vic
Too sum it all up, I heard a speaker the other day, and he said, yes the steps and everything else are only suggestions, but they are the only suggestion that we have.
The using life is not a clean one-no one knows this better than we do. Some of us lived in physical squalor, caring neither for our surroundings nor ourselves. Worse, though, than any external filth was the way most of us felt inside. The things we did to get our drugs, the way we treated other people, and the way we treated ourselves had us feeling dirty. Many of us recall waking too many mornings just wishing that, for once, we could feel clean about ourselves and our lives.
The things we did to get our drugs, the way we treated other people, and the way we treated ourselves had us feeling dirty.
After almost a month of this sh!t, I finally got some money again from someone, I filled up my tank, got some dope
and left to come home. Did I stay clean when I got home in April, NO. I kept on making excuses to go back and take care of situations, and in my mind I really wanted to do the right thing, and yet I was controlled, by my addiction. I wanted out but I couldn't get out. Everyone here, and other people tried to help me, tell me what to do, I would agree and be high again.So a little over two weeks ago, now I haven't had this long for awhile now, but I said enough was enough, MY THINKING SUCKED. I knew that if I continued doing what I thought, that nothing was going to change. So I said to myself that I would do whatever to stay clean TODAY! Just Today Beth, sometimes it is just for right now. Has this been easy for me, hell NO, I still have cravings sometimes, that is natural. But I am NOT going to get HIGH! Yes these people have even heard that from time to time the past few months, but what has happened is that sentence about that is quoted. Vic was tired of being the piece of sh!t that he turned out to be.
When my head tells me to use, I don't, I call someone, post it, whatever. There is a thread that says, "WE REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!!!" I gave up during that thread and used, not wanting to but it happened. Now I visit that thread everyday, sometimes when I post on it more than once a day that means that I am struggling within. But I don't listen to my thinking. They say that we will only stay clean if we live the program right! Well this caught my eye today in the NA Basic Text Chapter "What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program?>>>
Pg 10 "We don't have to be clean when we get here, but after the first meeting, we suggest that newcomers keep coming back and come back clean."
See today Beth and whoever else that may read this thread. In order for us to find a new way of life, we have to do what others have done. It says that, we suggest that you keep coming back and come back clean. If we truly are to live the program then we need to do what is suggested, by sponsors, THE Literature, The Steps, The program, etc. It talks about in the other fellowship "Half measure avail us nothing." Hell I wasn't even doing half measures, so today we have to live it or loose it. The only way to live it, is to live clean for the first part, then to apply our lives to the Program. That is the only way to do it, JUST FOR TODAY, WE NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN. That is a profound statement that is made in the NA Basic Text.
So with all that rambling
: I am fortunate and Pleased today to be clean. Take what you want and leave the rest! My sponsor says that I take it all in, he will decide what we keep and what we don't. Beth and everyone else, keep coming back and come back clean.Love Vic
Too sum it all up, I heard a speaker the other day, and he said, yes the steps and everything else are only suggestions, but they are the only suggestion that we have.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Bfree4u the longer I wait the harder it gets but i think I am almost there rregardless of how much fear ia m feeling and how much I faer giving up the life I have been leading, as bad as it has been I have become quite use to it,
I noticed that you posted so good for you....I guess my talking was
: anyway I am glad that you're still clean but like you said you need to get into action. OK Vic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 491
Beth, I hope that you see all of the love here for you! You have been offered something very special in your "Does anyone live near Belleville, NJ" post. Check it out!!! We miss you and love you and need you, come back soon!
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