NYCGirl

I found this site back in December of 2004. I had been on an all day binge, mostly Vodka and then went to Christmas party for work at the bar where I used to work. After I fell into a trash can my husband decided we better go. We were going christmas shopping. I was in no condition to anywhere but bed.

I don't remember much, my husband was insisting we so go I threw the truck in park (he was driving) he punched me! never laid a hand on me before (or since) we been tohether 13 years. I am trying it keep this short but I want to give some background. I called 911 endend up fallinfg on the concrete and on my face and getting all cut up. I was physically forced to go to the hospital. They closed up a small cut and told me I could leave. The nurse actully thought I was sober!

They sent me out at 1:00 in the morning no money or wallet (the cops wouldn't let me get it before we left). It was ugly for a few days my husband and I went to counseling and I came to the dicision I need to stop drinking. The was when I found this site, I read alot but never posted.

I stayed sober for 8 or 9 weeks, my husband was no help, he would come home from work open a beer and ask me I wanted one. It was almost like he was rubbing my face in it. I never drank after work on the week days so why would he ask. I started to think of how NEVER DRINKING sounded so definit. After all I have been drinking since I was 15, I am 44

So I decided I would drink wine and would never have more that "2" well here I am 18 months later....yesterday I started at 9:00 in the morning passed about a fifth later, forgot to pick up my husband oh yeah I was driving!

I have become a sneaky drinker, sneaking shots and alway keeping the bottle full. I make sure I'm half lit before I go out and everyone things I am gettin drunk on 2 or 3. I can hide it pretty good, remember the nurse.

Tommorrow won't be a problem I don't usually drink during the week during the school year (I teach), sometimes I start on Thursday , just a couple of shots after work I stop and get those little bottles, I need to get up at 5:00 But then I'll drink all friday afternoon, evening and all day Saturday. Summer is just around the corner, two years ago I was drunk all summer, my husband hated me. At the rate I am going I'll be there again

There is no happy medium for me I just need to become a non-drinker.
Those people I have always made fun of you know the jokes A-A is for quiters, sobriety sucks That's me It has to be!

mythreesons

You can do it... Jersey has great meetings. Others with more information and support will be along to welcome you... so WELCOME, get comfortable and take it one day at a time.

The best is yet to come.

NYCGirl

I don't think AA meetings are for me, I hate meetings anyway, I am going to call tommorrow and make an appointment with a councelor.

CarolD

Good plan...

It's great to see you seeking answers to your drinking.

deedee

Welcome (((NYCGirl)))

Admitting you have a problem with alcohol is the first step. Glad you decided to sign up and I wish you the best on your journey.

hugs,

deedee

michski

((( NYC))) Whoa, your story sounds too much like my last days drinking! I recently went through a box of older photos and even though I was alone at the time (thank goodness) but I could feel my face turn bright red as I went through one drunk picture of myself after another. One being lifted up by my husband as I fell in the shower... Another curled up passed out asleep at a concert... I had an English girlfriend who loved to photograph me when I was smashed. Sadly she died from Hep C the year before last.

It helped me a lot to go through the AA program. I got a sponsor and did the steps.. I now sponsor a couple of women. The steps let me realize all the bad choices I made (make) and more importantly I saw how utterly selfish I was in my drinking. I only quit because my husband was going to leave me if I continued...I had to choose between the bottle and him. I chose him. I don't want to ever go back there... I am done.

Maybe you can ask your guy to not have a beer or two or to drink them before he gets home .. at least for awhile. My husband is a normal beer drinker but I was ever so grateful that he stopped drinking in front of me for the first year of my sobriety. Maybe your guy will do the same if you sit down and really let him know what's going on with you?

MNGirlyGirl

Glad you are back!!! You will find lots of support here!

Hope

I'm glad you are here. You are not alone!! Stick around. We are all here for you!

*big hugs*

NYCGirl

I'm still hanging in. My husband noticed I hadn't drank since last weekend. He thanked me, said I've been much more pleasant, actualy I think I've been pretty darn cranky. My kids especially my youngest keeps telling me what good time she is having. She hates when I drink she said I make my words much longer. I am trying to take one day at a time.

Other than being realy tired and realy forgetful from readng others I am having very few side effects so thats a good thing. Once and a while ai feel sorta detached from my body or something almost intoxicated oh well I guess that will pass.

Thanks for all your posts, I've been reading alot.

Bye for now

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad things are going well for you physically, at least. I had a lot more physical symptoms when I stopped drinking.

It's good that you've recognized you can't control your drinking. I was very determined in that area too and it just continued to get worse. It's really so much easier to not drink and not have to think about it.

There's lots of support and information here so keep posting.

CarolD

Way To Go!...

2dayzmuse

I remember when you first came to SR. I'm glad you came back. Isn't it amazing what we put ourselves through when drinking? Funny thing is, since I've quit drinking, the drama has stopped. Good luck on your sober journey.

NYCGirl

Thanks sooo much!

Aristo

I am the same - but my consience (my higher power) tells me that they can't kill me - and they have helped lots of other people. So I intend to keep going back.

Good luck on your journey - I am just starting too. My prayers are with you.

NYCGirl

Thanks for your support, I am going to give my higher power and me a stab at this first. Besides, between work, online classes, kids schedules and the rest of the stuff I think I'd have to give up sleep to fit one in. Its not like I made time for drinking I just snuk it in between (or during) the soccer games and cheerleading practices

Thanks, my prayers are with you too.

Lollipop

WTG!!!!! Welcome back, Im a major here, but I love this place so much, it is amazing the help and support I have already recieved!!!!

c'est la vie

Glad to have you here. I hope you are able to learn a lot and gain some strength to do what you need to do to help yourself.

NYCGirl

Everyone's been a big help so far!

Dave1215

We still make fun of each other and some of the silly AA stuff. However for me its a life or death situation and the difference between feeling good about myself and what im doing or just existing and feeling miserable.

Good luck to you a day at a time.

jmhs002

Welcome! Glad you came back. Hope you stick around.
JMHS