does anyone live near bellevillenj, need help getting to meeting
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No Need 2 Know
Posts: 66
I am doing fine Beth. When I first came here (used to be SoLost) I was very angry and cranky too. I was fortunate, as are you, that people didn't give up on me. I think you are the exception on this board. I don't believe I have ever read a thread where so many people were offering to go to such great lengths to help someone. I do hope you look into getting that professional help you realize you need. I am glad you took the time to post. I know a lot of others will breath easier now. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 491
Yes Miss Butterfly, I can breathe now! I am very proud of you for staying clean. I know that you are not in a good place right now and the sooner you accept the help, the sooner you will get better. Maybe you can work off a payment for the Les Paul. Earn you keep and a guitar after a while, that will give you something to work for and look forward to. I can hear it now, you and Tim playing every evening while Barb looks on maybe even at a campfire or something like that. Once you get into rehab, then your regular meds can be reassesed and you can take appropriate doseages and be "normal" again! I feel like a kid waiting for their birthday party! That's it, this is your birthday as soon as you start to get help because you will be a new person before long like being reborn!!! I am very proud of you for being clean and saying no to your "friends". Here's a big hug!!!
Mr .HELP ME I HAVE KIDS
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lebanon Pa
Posts: 54
I dont want Money for It ,I want her clean and if it take the Les paul I will do It
I cant wait to get her clean and loving Life again !!
If you know guitars then You KNow the love of music I share with you From alt rock the 80's metal to JAzz and all others on occasion.I even started learning country LOL
Well beth I hope to hear from ya soo Love and blessing to you !!
Tim ANd BArb
I cant wait to get her clean and loving Life again !!
If you know guitars then You KNow the love of music I share with you From alt rock the 80's metal to JAzz and all others on occasion.I even started learning country LOL
Well beth I hope to hear from ya soo Love and blessing to you !!
Tim ANd BArb
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hi Beth
You sound so good and that is wonderful! I had a bit of a struggle inside of Vic today after counseling. I posted about it in a few spots, don't want to divert your forum. But I wanted to cover up my feelings, not feel, actually I really wanted to use! But I didn't, I Faced Everything And Recover (FEAR). Anyway you were on my mind today....
Love Vic
You sound so good and that is wonderful! I had a bit of a struggle inside of Vic today after counseling. I posted about it in a few spots, don't want to divert your forum. But I wanted to cover up my feelings, not feel, actually I really wanted to use! But I didn't, I Faced Everything And Recover (FEAR). Anyway you were on my mind today....
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 491
((((((((((Beth))))))))))
Where are you???? I am worried about you and wondering if you are OK. Please check in and just tell us something. Are you ready for Tim to come & get you and take you far away from your life now as you know it? Give in and let someone else think for a while. If I were close enough I would be there in a second but I am not so lets work with the cards that we have been dealt, not ready to fold yet! Hang on and talk to us soon!!!!!!
Where are you???? I am worried about you and wondering if you are OK. Please check in and just tell us something. Are you ready for Tim to come & get you and take you far away from your life now as you know it? Give in and let someone else think for a while. If I were close enough I would be there in a second but I am not so lets work with the cards that we have been dealt, not ready to fold yet! Hang on and talk to us soon!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
PILLPOPPER,I didnt know you were solost. i am very glad to know that because I was wondering and worrying about what happened to you I am glad you are OK. i am Ok for now, but still not where I should be. I have used a little the past few days, but I havent been going crazy and havent ben staying out night after night, day after day. i am also making sure i eat atleast 2X a day been exercising also. unfortunately I am still fighting the most important part of getting better, and that is to surrender. i know there are so many of you so willing to help me and trying so hard. yet the drugs still have a knawing grip on me. I think my overwhelming depression and feeling of hopelessnes are really holding me back. i have screwed everything up so badly I just dont think i can ever be whole again. Everything in my life is just completey ovewheming and scairy. i have a lot of pain to face, probable jail time plus time spent in rehab somewhere. i am not giving up, but I am certainly not moving ahead.
I caN feel that Les Paul in my hands and I am so depressed even that doesnt excite me anymore because I cant see myself clean for 30 days. I have been staying away from the cack for the most part, but now I am sorry to say I have seemed to just change over to doing heroin noet a lot or everyday, but that is still really not good. bad in fact. Im not getting any better and I dont think I am ready to change because it is unbearable for me to think about all the repairing needed to get better.
I am sorry for so many of the choices i made, and my self loathing seems to be eating away at me.
Hating myself, but loving you all.
I walked to the nearest ER and jsut kept going I couldnt bring myself to walk in.
I am just a big coward, because it is easier to stay this way than put in the work needed to recover
I just lost a friend this week to drugs, 20 yers younger than me. i thought that might have some impact on me but it didnt. I feel sad for his family, but it hasnt made me think of stopping at all. i dont know wht is wrong with me. i keep asking myself when I lost my desire to live, but I cant come up with an answer. I dont think tht really matters as much as how to gain my desire to live back. That is what is important to me now.
I caN feel that Les Paul in my hands and I am so depressed even that doesnt excite me anymore because I cant see myself clean for 30 days. I have been staying away from the cack for the most part, but now I am sorry to say I have seemed to just change over to doing heroin noet a lot or everyday, but that is still really not good. bad in fact. Im not getting any better and I dont think I am ready to change because it is unbearable for me to think about all the repairing needed to get better.
I am sorry for so many of the choices i made, and my self loathing seems to be eating away at me.
Hating myself, but loving you all.
I walked to the nearest ER and jsut kept going I couldnt bring myself to walk in.
I am just a big coward, because it is easier to stay this way than put in the work needed to recover
I just lost a friend this week to drugs, 20 yers younger than me. i thought that might have some impact on me but it didnt. I feel sad for his family, but it hasnt made me think of stopping at all. i dont know wht is wrong with me. i keep asking myself when I lost my desire to live, but I cant come up with an answer. I dont think tht really matters as much as how to gain my desire to live back. That is what is important to me now.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Originally Posted by bfree4u
I just lost a friend this week to drugs, 20 yers younger than me. i thought that might have some impact on me but it didnt. I feel sad for his family, but it hasnt made me think of stopping at all. i dont know wht is wrong with me. i keep asking myself when I lost my desire to live, but I cant come up with an answer. I dont think tht really matters as much as how to gain my desire to live back. That is what is important to me now.
Beating yourself up won't help. The desire to live comes when you decide to quit and follow it through and gradully the desire to use and abuse gets less.
Love Kevin
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by bfree4u
I don't think that really matters as much as how to gain my desire to live back. That is what is important to me now.
How to gain your desire to live again? Wow, that hit me hard this morning, and for me, I had to stay off of the drugs and the alcohol, getting into the program instead of being on the edge, not to straddle the fence. If this is truly what is important to us, then we will go to any lengths to obtain it. We have to
the sh!t out of our lives and then we will start to see lovely, beautiful 
the more that we focus on staying clean. Nothing will happen until deep in our heart we say enough is enough. Keep coming here Beth, go to a meeting everyday for 90 days. That is what I am doing, and it has changed my attitude and my thinking 180 percent. Life is good today! Do I still want to use, NO! Do I think about using and have cravings? YES, but I know that the cravings and me thinking about using will not get me high. The only thing that will change everything I have gained is to pick up.
Love vic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
NOGARD you think the using is what has left me with no desire for life?
I hcant go on like this much longer I hope you are right.
Lately everytime I feel like I am on the road to getting better i get a few clean days in and then I fall, and I am falling harder and harder. The last time I had a blackout was over 10 years ago until last night. i am not sure whwhat happened. I woke up in the rain in an alley, and I just woke up now soaking wet o my friends couch and have no idea how I ended up in either place. I know some of you if not all are tired of me and the fact that people have been trying to throw me a lifeline and I havent been able to grab it. I dont know why I keep coming back here when I wont or cant listen, but i do. I cling to this site fr dear life sometimes it is the closest thing to getiing help. Most of the time I feel like I should stop bothering everyone because I am not doing the things I should be doing, but I also feel like if I stop posting here I will fall and never get up.
getting really lost
I hcant go on like this much longer I hope you are right.
Lately everytime I feel like I am on the road to getting better i get a few clean days in and then I fall, and I am falling harder and harder. The last time I had a blackout was over 10 years ago until last night. i am not sure whwhat happened. I woke up in the rain in an alley, and I just woke up now soaking wet o my friends couch and have no idea how I ended up in either place. I know some of you if not all are tired of me and the fact that people have been trying to throw me a lifeline and I havent been able to grab it. I dont know why I keep coming back here when I wont or cant listen, but i do. I cling to this site fr dear life sometimes it is the closest thing to getiing help. Most of the time I feel like I should stop bothering everyone because I am not doing the things I should be doing, but I also feel like if I stop posting here I will fall and never get up.
getting really lost
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Beth,
Like Vic said in his post above,
"I am so glad that you are still here. Each time we fall we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and learn from why we used again. Each using is a learning experience.
How to gain your desire to live again? for me, I had to stay off of the drugs and the alcohol, getting into the program instead of being on the edge, not to straddle the fence. If this is truly what is important, then we will go to any lengths to obtain it."
Each using experience is a learning experience : true. Sometimes we learn that we are dying slowly, and we make a decision to turn our lives into a different direction. Sometimes we learn that we are in the spin cycle, going round and round and yet, having made no decision, not learning from each turn of the cycle, ending up in the same place we started from. And, sometimes, our experience kills us and we learn we are dead.
OLd saying: Sooner or later, we all quit using drugs.Some of us quit before we die, others don't.
Can you try that walk to the ER again today? You were really close last time. This time, all you need to do is walk closer, stand at the door. Its an automatic door, it will magically open and in you go!
Once inside, tell the nice person that you need help. Everybody here at SR is behind you, sending support to you. We care about you, Beth!
Like Vic said in his post above,
"I am so glad that you are still here. Each time we fall we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and learn from why we used again. Each using is a learning experience.
How to gain your desire to live again? for me, I had to stay off of the drugs and the alcohol, getting into the program instead of being on the edge, not to straddle the fence. If this is truly what is important, then we will go to any lengths to obtain it."
Each using experience is a learning experience : true. Sometimes we learn that we are dying slowly, and we make a decision to turn our lives into a different direction. Sometimes we learn that we are in the spin cycle, going round and round and yet, having made no decision, not learning from each turn of the cycle, ending up in the same place we started from. And, sometimes, our experience kills us and we learn we are dead.
OLd saying: Sooner or later, we all quit using drugs.Some of us quit before we die, others don't.
Can you try that walk to the ER again today? You were really close last time. This time, all you need to do is walk closer, stand at the door. Its an automatic door, it will magically open and in you go!
Once inside, tell the nice person that you need help. Everybody here at SR is behind you, sending support to you. We care about you, Beth!
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by bfree4u
I cling to this site fr dear life sometimes it is the closest thing to getiing help. Most of the time I feel like I should stop bothering everyone because I am not doing the things I should be doing, but I also feel like if I stop posting here I will fall and never get up.
getting really lost
getting really lost
Nogard The desire to live comes when you decide to quit and follow it through
It is amazing that some of the words I speak, I see others making post to speak the words that come from me. Is it in there heart or just in the head. Not for me to decide, but I know where my heart is.
Love vic
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
((((Vic))))
I "used", or quoted the words from your post, to reinforce what you were saying because it touched my own heart. I share your sincere dedication to serve and surrender.
Thanks for being here!!!
I "used", or quoted the words from your post, to reinforce what you were saying because it touched my own heart. I share your sincere dedication to serve and surrender.
Thanks for being here!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
communicat I have been passing the er everyday now since I found out how close it is. The magic door does open, but I keep magically dissappearing. i know I am so close, 2 steps in, that is all it takes and yet i freeze at the thought. the cycle is going round and round, I know all too well that the spin cycle is almost over and it is tijme for me to dry myself out. i am a coward one big fat(very skinny) coward. Even the peope that sell to me have mentined more than once that it might be time to slow down That is very unusual. Lets face it they are out there to make $, but i am friendly and I have become more than just another customer. I wish someine would simply kidnap me, knock me out and bring me to the hospital, but I know it is up to me. I have to save myself before there is nothing left to save. the clock isi ticking rapidly I have to get myself help soon. i sometimes have confrontations with the shady dealers and I tell them I dont care if they kill me, they will be doing me a favor by speeding up the process and ending this slow suicide. Sowly killing myself that is what it comes down to. I feel like pathetic loser. Something is stopping me from helping myself. if I could just figure out wht the problem is i might stand a chance. I know it is the depressin that is killing me as well as my feelings of uselessness I should be going to a MEETING RIGHT NOW, yet I am headded to find way to get more drugs. I think it mighht be time to admit I will forever be hopeless.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
As long as anyone is breathing there is hope. You are alive, you still have a chance. None of us are guaranteed anything. It is our actions that help. Take the action and go in the magical doors and have faith that it will all be fine.
Love vic
PS Miss C I wasn't saying that to start nothing. I was trying to point out that most of us learn to use the same language (different language) in recovery, and what we say, isn't anything that is new to us. It might be new to someone who hasn't heard it before, but when we do hear it, in recovery it becomes a working part of our mind and spirit. Love Ya
Love vic
PS Miss C I wasn't saying that to start nothing. I was trying to point out that most of us learn to use the same language (different language) in recovery, and what we say, isn't anything that is new to us. It might be new to someone who hasn't heard it before, but when we do hear it, in recovery it becomes a working part of our mind and spirit. Love Ya
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by bfree4u
(((((VIC))))
I need help desperatly I am running on automatic pilot, and it is a mean little ******
I need help desperatly I am running on automatic pilot, and it is a mean little ******
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
(((((VIC))))
Thank you my dear friend...
I love you and appreciate all you have tried to do....
there is nothing anyone can do for e except what I NEED TO DO.
I was somewhat cose to getting it together but I give up.
I give up, I am just not ready.
ALL my love,
B
Thank you my dear friend...
I love you and appreciate all you have tried to do....
there is nothing anyone can do for e except what I NEED TO DO.
I was somewhat cose to getting it together but I give up.
I give up, I am just not ready.
ALL my love,
B
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