temlin3

THE ESSENTIAL BALANCE

It's just one of those nights. Those nights when you can't get your mind to stop generating thoughts. It happens to me a lot after an "episode" of using. Not that I know for sure my "episode" of using is finished. I'm not even sure how to explain what I'm thinking right now. I want to apologize beforehand for any "nonsense tallk"... my body is containing quite a few chemicals at the present moment. But for some reason, I can't get myself to do anything besides write to you all on here...

Everything has slowed down, clearing things a bit so I can open my eyes and see again... It's like the flat, calmer stretch of a roller coaster after you've just gone flying down the hill. Only you can rarely see if there's another hill coming until you're in the middle of a steep incline. Even now, as the fog has cleared, the sun is setting too quickly for me to realize what its rays are showing me. So I close my eyes and convince myself I am powerless over the ride I am taking. I don't even remember how I got there — by paying someone money to receive an adrenaline rush? I breathe in fresh air and exhale a long stream of stress, confusion, and desparation. Through the imaginary trip I create and get lost in, I forget to open my eyes again until it's too late. I am, once more, climbing an impressively tall track with a peak that promises an intense, exhilirating freefall to a space practicdally sitting on the ground. And all of this is "safe," according to some "expert" who provides every secret roller coaster factoid to anyone who will listen, all retained from Claire's Home-Study Course for Outside Play.

Sorry to take up so much space with such random thoughts (that may not even make sense). I'm just not feeling good and wanted/needed to let something out... even if it is just some fictional wacked-out story with several "hidden" meanings.

I am so lucky to have found you all... this 24-hour, 7-day-a-week format works out very well for those of us who tend to sleep during odd hours.

Thanks for listening. Maybe one day we'll all get off this roller coaster and finally put two feet back on the ground.

Take care and good night,
Jennifer

CarolD

Sleep well...Good night

temlin3

Thanks for your reply. It turned out to be a quite restful night's sleep. And wow, when I read that back, I see how huge an effect Ambien really does have on me. I think I am usually in bed asleep before things get like that.

Thanks again, and take care.
Jennifer