Kickit

On my 8th day, never got past day 8 in 10 years! Been to AA again tonight. Was kinda ok until then, maybe an odd thought of 'wish I could have a drink like normal people tonight'. It's sunny and its the weekend.

Found AA really depressing tonight and the feelings intensified, I wont have a drink but feel frustrated and resentful that I can't have a nice cold glass of wine and that I can never drink again! I know I should be telling myself 'thank god I will never act so horribly again because of a dam drink'. I've enjoyed waking up feeling better etc etc.

My partner's parents are visting tomorrow and staying over, I will be left to entertain them Monday am. I recognise that I drink to cope with my feelings of inadequacy (but never in a morning anyway). Not seen them since before I 'kicked off' with their daughter and family last week, still feel bad about that one! They know something but not everything, guess I'm worried about how they will be with me - AND I just don't want to discuss it. My partner's mother keeps asking if I've told my mum and dad. I will do that in my own time and in my own way, at least about going to AA and stopping drinking (which I have mentioned an intention to do before) but have no intention of telling them what happened, I've put them through enough in the past. Thing is my parents drink and don't accept very readily that I am an alcoholic, they think that I should just be able to control it. (They are fairly heavy, but not alcoholic drinkers.)

Feel like running away, ironic when I was so distraught when my partner WAS going to leave me last week and after we really talked has been a fab support. I love him so much - why do I feel like this???? Partly because I'm having to think about me and my future - sober. I always want someone to 'sort it out for me', 'little girl syndrome - look after me etc etc', well time to be a grown up.

Sorry, I'm rambling, aaahhhh!!!! Thanks for listening.

wishful

Hugs and cheers to you - putting a whole week behind you is a HUGE milestone! Sounds like the support you're getting is a great help, too. Stick to your feelings of when (and if) to tell your folks or anyone else for that matter. Bringing it out in the open is not a requirement - I'd say it depends on whether you think they'll be a help or whether it will stir up more stress that will make you vulnerable to temptation. Bottom line is you'll have to solve your problem yourself, and it sounds like you're doing a great job of that! Keep it up!

laurie6781

Well let's see Kickit. With 8 days under your belt, you are not rambling you are attempting to express what is going on and right now a lot is going on. You are probably feeling "feelings" you haven't felt in a long time, some of which you probably cannot even identify.

You feel like your are coming and going at the same time. You feel like you are in 20,000 pieces and have to pick the pieces out of the air and paste them back on your body.

I remember that time well. It was so bad, I would go to a meeting and introduce myself: "Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is scattered."

Your physical body is also going through changes as it gets the toxins out of your system. Be sure to drink lots of water. You might want to try eating a bit every 3 hours, getting some protein and good carbs like fruit. This will help your blood sugar to stay fairly stable and decrease the cravings. Excercise can be good also (going for walks) but not excessive obsessive exercise.

Your body will settle down, and the fog will lift from your brain, but it does take time.

Please keep posting on how you are doing, we do care.

Love and ((((to all))))),

CarolD

8 Days! Fantastic!!

Anna

You're doing great!

And, don't let yourself be pushed into discussing your addiction with your partner's parents. If you're not ready now or maybe ever, then that's fine. Don't add stress to your life right now that you just don't need.

And try not to overwhelm yourself by thiinking about 'forever'. Take small steps and move forward.

Kellye C

Sweetie, what you're going through is SO normal! I'm glad you're on here expressing it. We've all been there is some form or fashion. As has been said, the alcohol is leaving your system and your emotions are waking up. Also, as you have said you've been used to letting others handle your stuff SO you're having to deal with that too. I was the same way, I wanted to avoid all the bad stuff either by passing it off to others or numbing myself to it.

Try not to get freaked out by the "I'll NEVER drink again" thing. The only thing you have to focus on right now is not drinking TODAY, one 24 hour period. Anybody can not drink for 24 hours right? And tomorrow? Just another 24 hour period. If you have to break it down into not drinking for an hour, 5 minutes whatever then do that. Take it in small chunks don't try to swallow forever!

As for when and if you tell your parents, I'd just state that I'm not ready to do that yet, that I will handle it in the best way that I see fit and while thanking them for their concern assure them that you are focusing on what is most important right now, which is taking care of you. People who haven't dealt with this don't understand really what we go through and you can't fault them for that. You can try to educate them a bit if you want but if not then just try to let it go. If anything is brought up about what happened during your last drunk I'd probably say something to the effect that 1) I regret what happened, 2) I'm taking steps to get my life straightened out and to assure that it is not repeated and 3) that it's too painful or embarassing to talk about right now.

Above all, keep posting here, keep going to meetings (some are better than others and a lot of it has to do with your frame of mind while there too), focus on not drinking today and being thankful at the end of another sober day!

Hugs,
Kellye

Kickit

Thanks everyone, thats so helpful. I'm feeling boarderline angry today, dread, emotions, more of the same I expect. Gonna get stuck into finishing cleaning and preparing a nice supper for 'the in laws'. Things I usually do and they appreciate. Smoked salmon and leek tart and lemon and berry cheesecake with chocolate sauce! WITH FRESH FRUIT JUICE NO WINE!!!!!!!!

Also just registered for a new diploma course, part of my long term career / life plan. Will give me something to do and focus on.

Love to all

genesee

Congradulations kickit,

I'm on day 13 (last week) I went through lots of the same feelings, anger, fear on day 8~11. They passed and the past few days I have been much more tollerent, sure, etc.

I was the perfect host and entertainer whether at home, parties, dinner all due to the drugs and alcohol. I can be just as engaging without and am finding that side of me again. It's there.

There are better days just ahead.

OctoberKayte

Hey, Kickit!
Congratulations on EIGHT DAYS!!!!!

I think that what you are feeling is normal. I am on DAY 22!
I went through some anger issues/frustration. All kinds of unpleasantness that maybe a good night's drunk would've pushed aside...
However- there is sunshine on the other side. I am actually having moments of what feels like peace. The severe self-hatred and shame is not as severe, but I still have a ways to go.

Hang in there and know that you can do this. Just worry about today. I try not to think in terms of my whole life. I mean, I CAN choose to drink, but then I am choosing to suffer, so today I choose not to drink.

I am glad that you have registered for a new diploma course! Education will open doors to those better days that you deserve!

Sending you a hug-

Kayte