Benhikin

So last October I was an idiot. At the time I was smoking a quarter to a half ounce bag a week, morning noon and night for the last ten years. I was for the most part happy. I never excelled in my work though, being a cook I just floated from job to job aboout every year or so. I just wasn't happy with my past. It kept creeping up on me and I never delt with it. My girlfriend at the time had tried numerous times to get me to goto therapy with her, but I was so blinded by my own experiences with it that I neglected it. Well October rolled around and my head flipped. I went from loving this girl for ten lovely years, to feeling like I needed to get away, and once I did that I realized my mistake. So now I'm spending this time catching up and trying to get a career going of some sort. Not to sure what still. I've even thought about being a cop, which tend to be the people I despise the most. I try not to beat myself op for the years I've lost and the person I lost, but it hurts still. Underpaid and lost in the wilds of my mind I try to keep moving every day. I'm lucky if I can get some sleep, but it tends to be a few hours at a time. I feel like I've lost evryone in my life and it sux it hurts and it's taking a lot of getting used to my new old surroundings.

aasharon90

Hi, im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks Benhikin for sharing.

So from ur share u have been sober and clean since last October?

If this is true then that's many one days at a time added together to get u to where u r today. Clean and sober. : )

It does take time to get adjust to life with out POISON in our system. What we used for so long to numb is now off limits to us if we want to a clean sober life. A life with more meaning for us. More rewarding. When i got sober i realized i had to make changes in my life. My purpose in life is to help others in recovery like i by sharing my own expereinces, strengths and hopes with them.

After 6 yrs sober my family moved here to Houston from Baton Rouge. It was a good move as a far as offering more opportunities for our kids education wise.

Me, i left behind my support group which i relied on so much in early recovery to very little here in Houston. I have alth found AA here online and this Sober Recovery site last Dec. AA here online has been my life line and support to helping me stay sober one day at a time untill i find out what it is i need to do next in my life.

I would love to return back to Baton Rouge where so many new comers have entered recovery and thus need us "old-timers" to guide them and to let them know AA does work if u work the 12 step program offered to us .

Anyway.....u r in a good place here with many wonderful caring people in recovery sharing their own ESH with many.

Hang in there and thanks for letting me share.

leviathon

I agree with much of what Ash had to say. When you come out of the "life" and have to adjust to functioning as the real sober you, it takes a while to get the hang of it. After all, you have not done that in years.

For the most part with the remorse, just be gentle with yourself. As many in AA will tell you, make amends where you can and learn to let the rest go. In terms of sleep, the things I have found that work are exercise, setting a regular bed time and sticking with it, warm glass of milk, melatonin (can get at drug stores as a supplement), practicing shutting your mind down through meditation or prayer. It takes time, but it will come.

Good luck, Levi

Benhikin

I do meditation and I do go to bed around the same time. It's the dreams I have that startle me awake at odd hours of the morning. I used to take a tylenol pm before bed just to get some sleep. Often times I dream of the life I was living the people I was with everything about it, funny thing is is I'm sober. In any case I end up waking up with a jolt and think I'm back in my old apartment in NJ but I'm not. As I'm sure you may know it's quite nerve wracking. I do try my hardest to stay happy, and look at the friends I have made here, and though I have not lost friends, I do miss them dearly. I can't stop thinking that I wish I had quit earlier. like years earlier.