A couple more questions...
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Yes, I agree. You are putting to much importance on the pills. I must tell you, I did the very same thing when I was first trying to get sober. I wanted to start taking Naltrexone. That was going to be my solution, my salvation. My salvation didn't come with pills. My insurance company wouldn't cover the pills and I couldn't afford them on my own. I was devastated. There went my solution down the drain. The pills are short term. You got to want it. Sobriety has to come deep down from within. I would suggest you come up with a support plan to back up your Campral plan. You never know, your plan just may fall through. Hopefully not. Good luck...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 45
I can definately relate to and understand the frustration one must go through after discovering that the "magic bullet" they thought would be their redeeming salvation turned out to be just another pipe-dream...a failure. I can appreciate the deep depression this must cause as well and how it can make someone feel like an utter failure.
This is my second time around and the first time I was able to quit for a year and a half with Naltrexone. I simply became repulsed by any alcohol which is how Naltrexone is supposed to work. Campral however, is much different and although you both are correct (ie; it won't solve a person's problems forever because that has to come from deep within you), I am simply hoping it will provide me with the "jump-start" I need on the lengthy road to sobriety.
Nevertheless, it won't be an easy journey no matter which path I take. I'm just really glad to have all of you to pick me up when I fall and to offer me encouragement. This is a GREAT place. I just wish the chat room worked so I could get the opportunity to meet all of you "in person".
- Regards, S4E
This is my second time around and the first time I was able to quit for a year and a half with Naltrexone. I simply became repulsed by any alcohol which is how Naltrexone is supposed to work. Campral however, is much different and although you both are correct (ie; it won't solve a person's problems forever because that has to come from deep within you), I am simply hoping it will provide me with the "jump-start" I need on the lengthy road to sobriety.
Nevertheless, it won't be an easy journey no matter which path I take. I'm just really glad to have all of you to pick me up when I fall and to offer me encouragement. This is a GREAT place. I just wish the chat room worked so I could get the opportunity to meet all of you "in person".
- Regards, S4E
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Im going to give you my honest opinion. You may not like it. But Im not trying to be rude.
You seem to want to always have SOMETHING do the work FOR you. For instance, you cannot quit until you have this wonder drug, Campral, in front of you. Does that mean, until you do you are going to continue to drink? You cannot rely on drugs to get off drugs. You need to be able to quit, ...but not relying on Naltrexone or Campral,....but being able to rely on YOU. By your logic, you are sort of saying if Campral or Naltrexone didnt exist, you could not be sober. Why not go into an in-patient treatment center? Thats what I did. Yes,...I, too, had a job. Yes, I too, had other outside obligations, Yes, I too, had bills to pay, I even had a cat to feed. Didnt matter. Someone told me that I needed to be able to do WHATEVER it took. I was ready. I was ready because I truely wanted to quit. For ME. Not for money, not for my job, not for kids, Not for a wife, not even for my beloved Mother. For ME. Until you are arms open to any suggestions instead of cranking'em back over the net at us, you wont have any real long-term success. WITH or WITHOUT Campral or Naltrexone, I fear.
You seem to want to always have SOMETHING do the work FOR you. For instance, you cannot quit until you have this wonder drug, Campral, in front of you. Does that mean, until you do you are going to continue to drink? You cannot rely on drugs to get off drugs. You need to be able to quit, ...but not relying on Naltrexone or Campral,....but being able to rely on YOU. By your logic, you are sort of saying if Campral or Naltrexone didnt exist, you could not be sober. Why not go into an in-patient treatment center? Thats what I did. Yes,...I, too, had a job. Yes, I too, had other outside obligations, Yes, I too, had bills to pay, I even had a cat to feed. Didnt matter. Someone told me that I needed to be able to do WHATEVER it took. I was ready. I was ready because I truely wanted to quit. For ME. Not for money, not for my job, not for kids, Not for a wife, not even for my beloved Mother. For ME. Until you are arms open to any suggestions instead of cranking'em back over the net at us, you wont have any real long-term success. WITH or WITHOUT Campral or Naltrexone, I fear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by earlybird
Im going to give you my honest opinion. You may not like it. But Im not trying to be rude.
You seem to want to always have SOMETHING do the work FOR you. For instance, you cannot quit until you have this wonder drug, Campral, in front of you. Does that mean, until you do you are going to continue to drink? You cannot rely on drugs to get off drugs. You need to be able to quit, ...but not relying on Naltrexone or Campral,....but being able to rely on YOU. By your logic, you are sort of saying if Campral or Naltrexone didnt exist, you could not be sober. Why not go into an in-patient treatment center? Thats what I did. Yes,...I, too, had a job. Yes, I too, had other outside obligations, Yes, I too, had bills to pay, I even had a cat to feed. Didnt matter. Someone told me that I needed to be able to do WHATEVER it took. I was ready. I was ready because I truely wanted to quit. For ME. Not for money, not for my job, not for kids, Not for a wife, not even for my beloved Mother. For ME. Until you are arms open to any suggestions instead of cranking'em back over the net at us, you wont have any real long-term success. WITH or WITHOUT Campral or Naltrexone, I fear.
You seem to want to always have SOMETHING do the work FOR you. For instance, you cannot quit until you have this wonder drug, Campral, in front of you. Does that mean, until you do you are going to continue to drink? You cannot rely on drugs to get off drugs. You need to be able to quit, ...but not relying on Naltrexone or Campral,....but being able to rely on YOU. By your logic, you are sort of saying if Campral or Naltrexone didnt exist, you could not be sober. Why not go into an in-patient treatment center? Thats what I did. Yes,...I, too, had a job. Yes, I too, had other outside obligations, Yes, I too, had bills to pay, I even had a cat to feed. Didnt matter. Someone told me that I needed to be able to do WHATEVER it took. I was ready. I was ready because I truely wanted to quit. For ME. Not for money, not for my job, not for kids, Not for a wife, not even for my beloved Mother. For ME. Until you are arms open to any suggestions instead of cranking'em back over the net at us, you wont have any real long-term success. WITH or WITHOUT Campral or Naltrexone, I fear.
1) Neither Campral nor Naltrexone are addictive so far from trading one addiction for another, I am actually trading something that may help me in the long run for something that is obviously harming me.
2) I don't think there is anything at all wrong with a person relying on medication to treat diseases and people do it every day. I really think your making too much out of this IMHO and I don't say that to be harsh or anything.
3) No, "by my logic", I am NOT sort of saying that if Campral or Naltrexone didnt exist, I could not be sober. I am simply saying that these medications were created for a very specific purpose and I intend to USE them for THAT purpose. If you choose NOT to then that is YOUR business. Just remember that everyone detoxes DIFFERENTLY and this is a personal choice on my part.
4) How am I "cranking'em back over the net at us"?. I am simply sharing my struggles with alcoholism just like you or anyone else here. I must admit that I find your tone to be somewhat self-righteous like "I did it without drugs and if I can do it then so can you!". I hope I'm not reading you wrong but that's what it sounds like to me.
Anyway, YES, I got good and drunk and stayed that way for 3-4 days. Some people relapse and drink for years. I hope that won't be the case with me but time will tell and yes, I still very much intend to give Campral a try because treating alcoholism is what it is for and why would'nt I give it a try if it's there for the taking?. I'd have to be nuts.
- Regards, S4E
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
My curiosity was with why you would continue to drink while you wait to get your hands on some Campral. It just seemed like another "good" excuse to keep drinking. Its my opinion. No need to get P.O'd. I never once faulted you for wanting to try campral. And by the way,...me saying "If I can do it, then so can you", is hardly self-righteous. It paints me in more of a humble simple, nothing special, type of folk. I was saying, if a seemingly hopeless case like me can do it,.....then so can you. Please, stop trying to FIND reasons to get defensive. That kinda behavior sort of proves my point, too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by earlybird
My curiosity was with why you would continue to drink while you wait to get your hands on some Campral. It just seemed like another "good" excuse to keep drinking. Its my opinion. No need to get P.O'd. I never once faulted you for wanting to try campral. And by the way,...me saying "If I can do it, then so can you", is hardly self-righteous. It paints me in more of a humble simple, nothing special, type of folk. I was saying, if a seemingly hopeless case like me can do it,.....then so can you. Please, stop trying to FIND reasons to get defensive. That kinda behavior sort of proves my point, too.
- Regards, S4E
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 363
Hi S4E
Congrats on your decision to quit drinking. I do think that drugs like campral, naltrexone, antabuse etc. can be used as a tool to help a person with their goal. In most studies, the highest success rate occurred with a combination of these drugs with a solid recovery program.
Sounds like you have a plan to deal with alcohol addiction and that's the most important thing. No kidding, no matter how it's done, it's hard work but so worth it.
Keep well
Mongo
Congrats on your decision to quit drinking. I do think that drugs like campral, naltrexone, antabuse etc. can be used as a tool to help a person with their goal. In most studies, the highest success rate occurred with a combination of these drugs with a solid recovery program.
Sounds like you have a plan to deal with alcohol addiction and that's the most important thing. No kidding, no matter how it's done, it's hard work but so worth it.
Keep well
Mongo
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Sober4Ever
If you don't want other people to get on the defensive then perhaps you should take your own advice and NOT say things that PUT other people on the defensive (as another poster here so eloquently pointed out earlier) because like it or not, your "intent" may have been pure but your "delivery" left a lot to be desired (as it did in your other cruel post). Think about it.
- Regards, S4E
- Regards, S4E
Well,...if you now know that I had good "intent",...then why are you still pi55ed? Seems to me, that if you really think what you just posted, then you shouldnt be upset at all. You just posted that you now understand that I didnt mean it the way YOU took it. So whats my worst crime here? The inability to express my point more clearly? Yup,...lock me up. Gas chamber. Cane me. I deserve it.
Look pal,...I was trying to help you. How about worrying a little more about the "message" and a little less on not liking the "delivery"? Especially if you already know the "intent" was good.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello there, Sober4ever--I wanted to offer a belated welcome to SR. Glad you found us.
Please don't fault earlybird too much for his conviction. He really means well. Many of us have been where you are right now--and those of us who have found a solution desperately want to be able to share the solution with people like you who are so obviously suffering from alcoholism.
I hope you will stick around and I also hope this Campral stuff will do what you think it will do. I'll be interested to see. Honestly, I am glad it wasn't around (or at least that I didn't know about it) when I got sober. I don't don't know if I would be where I am today if I had taken it. My sobriety is the most important thing in my life. Without it I would soon have nothing.
Keep posting. We're here for you!
Please don't fault earlybird too much for his conviction. He really means well. Many of us have been where you are right now--and those of us who have found a solution desperately want to be able to share the solution with people like you who are so obviously suffering from alcoholism.
I hope you will stick around and I also hope this Campral stuff will do what you think it will do. I'll be interested to see. Honestly, I am glad it wasn't around (or at least that I didn't know about it) when I got sober. I don't don't know if I would be where I am today if I had taken it. My sobriety is the most important thing in my life. Without it I would soon have nothing.
Keep posting. We're here for you!
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
May I add that when I was trying to get sober, I didn't like most anything anyone suggested, even if my best interest was in mind. Mainly because of denial, a lot was because of ignorance. Ignorance only in not knowing much about sobriety. A lot of fear was involved. We may not always be thinking clearly, or understand someones good intent. I came to understand and agree with most everything that was said to me, but at the time it really ticked me off. In the recovery world, relying on pills for sobriety isn't fully embraced as a means of recovery. A more substantial plan is recommended. I'm sure you can understand that. I can understand where you are coming from. I know you want a means of security in the beginning stages. I would suggest a substantial recovery plan to go along with it.
Out of the bog and lovin' it
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: A little left of center
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Sober4Ever
..The good thing though is that as long as there is life, there is a second chance and HOPE. S4E
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
there is a second chance, but you have to take it. If you never choose to be sober, then you are choosing to live with your addiction and to follow it where ever it may take you.
Good luck with that. Levi
Good luck with that. Levi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by earlybird
Well,...if you now know that I had good "intent",...then why are you still pi55ed? Seems to me, that if you really think what you just posted, then you shouldnt be upset at all. You just posted that you now understand that I didnt mean it the way YOU took it. So whats my worst crime here? The inability to express my point more clearly? Yup,...lock me up. Gas chamber. Cane me. I deserve it.
Look pal,...I was trying to help you. How about worrying a little more about the "message" and a little less on not liking the "delivery"? Especially if you already know the "intent" was good.
Look pal,...I was trying to help you. How about worrying a little more about the "message" and a little less on not liking the "delivery"? Especially if you already know the "intent" was good.
No, I don't want to see you caned or hurt in any way because I feel you are just an alcoholic who is suffering and perhaps taking it out on me because you are going through withdrawl and you know what my freind?...that is just FINE...get it ALL OUT because everyone else is suffering right along with you. And by the way, I will worry a little less about the message just as soon as it is worth reading and does'nt judge me. It's NOT the way I "took it" but rather the way you PUT it and NO SIR, I am not at all P'od at you. I KNOW your struggles man and I know the h@ll alcoholism puts a person through. Be strong by brother/sister!!!!!.
- Regards, S4E
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Originally Posted by Sober4Ever
As a matter of fact, your posts have stressed me out to the point where I have begun drinking again just due to the stress and lack of support from you!
Nobody can MAKE anybody else drink unless they are standing over them with a funnel pouring it down their throat. People drink because they CHOOSE to drink. I'm sorry that you are struggling with this so and I sincerely hope that you will find your way out of this h*ll sooner rather than later but please do not blame other members for a relapse.
It is not easy to quit drinking and there are people who make plenty of false starts before getting sober. There is no shame in that as long as the person continues to try. Each time you stumble, if you can learn from it and see what you did that you don't want to do again then it is not a wasted effort. I hope that you will continue to fight the good fight.
Kellye
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Sober4Ever
Your logic and verbage (seemingly, unlike everyone else's here) makes absolutely no sense. When I said that your intent may have been pure, I was only trying to be civil and polite by giving you the "benefit of the doubt" (boy, am I sorry now!). It's clear to me at this juncture, that you are only an instigator, antagonist and troublemaker and so I will be placing you on my ignore list from now on (at least until you apologize). As a matter of fact, your posts have stressed me out to the point where I have begun drinking again just due to the stress and lack of support from you!. Even several other people here have agreed with me - one even asked you if you wanted to be known as a "meany-pants". Shame on you!!.
No, I don't want to see you caned or hurt in any way because I feel you are just an alcoholic who is suffering and perhaps taking it out on me because you are going through withdrawl and you know what my freind?...that is just FINE...get it ALL OUT because everyone else is suffering right along with you. And by the way, I will worry a little less about the message just as soon as it is worth reading and does'nt judge me. It's NOT the way I "took it" but rather the way you PUT it and NO SIR, I am not at all P'od at you. I KNOW your struggles man and I know the h@ll alcoholism puts a person through. Be strong by brother/sister!!!!!.
- Regards, S4E
No, I don't want to see you caned or hurt in any way because I feel you are just an alcoholic who is suffering and perhaps taking it out on me because you are going through withdrawl and you know what my freind?...that is just FINE...get it ALL OUT because everyone else is suffering right along with you. And by the way, I will worry a little less about the message just as soon as it is worth reading and does'nt judge me. It's NOT the way I "took it" but rather the way you PUT it and NO SIR, I am not at all P'od at you. I KNOW your struggles man and I know the h@ll alcoholism puts a person through. Be strong by brother/sister!!!!!.
- Regards, S4E
You've gotta be kidding. "I" made you drink? Wow. Nobody was judging you. And quit lumping your view of me with others to add creedance to it. I used to be a jerk on these forums,...I admit that,...but I have tried to make an honest change and really do just want to help. You have not once answered my original question. You have, however, side-stepped, dodged, and ignored it. And by the way, you had already stated that you had started drinking again. Now that you're mad at me, you just go ahead and BLAME ME for your drinking???? Does that sound very mature to you? Isnt that textbook? Isnt that what they put up on the chalkboard the very first day for alcoholics 101? The fact that NOBODY can make us drink? That we do this to ourselves? Shame on YOU,....for blaming your relapse on ME. How dare you. But,..like I said, Im trying to be a better person now, so that means I still DO care about you well-being. I want you to get better. Im deeply sorry if you feel that I "made" you drink. I do, however, believe that you are using ME as your relapse "scapegoat". All I asked was why you would continue to drink while waiting to get your hands on some Campral. Instead of answering me like an adult, you launched into this tyraid on how your drinking is my fault.
Its amazing how someone can MAKE someone else drink from 5 whole States away. When did I get that kind of power? I could barely scrape MY OWN life together, but, some how I have this power to make others drink. Maybe this is your problem. Maybe you relapse because you havent "owned" your drinking problem yet. I used other people, events, and circumstances as my reasoning to keep drinking for a long time. Not until I owned up to my drinking problem, was I able to put together substantial clean time. Please stop lashing out at me. It seems like one cannot ask you any questions about your drinking without you becoming enraged.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
It is very true, nobody can make us drink. It is our choice. You are not unique. Alcoholics make excuses and point fingers at others blaming them instead of ourselves. It is very text book. Don't feel bad, it doesn't have to be that way.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 54
I tried to quit or moderate on my own for a number of years. I couldn't do it. I need rules and the help of others -- something like AA in other words!
If you are sincere about quitting, why not try AA? The meetings are upbeat, warm, cheerful, and often funny. It's not a bunch of people griping about their lives, though you can get meetings like that. It's a bunch of people sharing experiences, sharing hope, sharing strength, and sharing positive feelings.
AA gives you structure, gives you guidelines to follow (if you want them), and gives you the help of the people who understand you better than any other people in the world -- fellow alcoholics. It's free too! (Well, they pass the hat around for $1 contributions since AA is self-supported.)
If you are sincere about quitting, why not try AA? The meetings are upbeat, warm, cheerful, and often funny. It's not a bunch of people griping about their lives, though you can get meetings like that. It's a bunch of people sharing experiences, sharing hope, sharing strength, and sharing positive feelings.
AA gives you structure, gives you guidelines to follow (if you want them), and gives you the help of the people who understand you better than any other people in the world -- fellow alcoholics. It's free too! (Well, they pass the hat around for $1 contributions since AA is self-supported.)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by earlybird
You've gotta be kidding. "I" made you drink? Wow. Nobody was judging you. And quit lumping your view of me with others to add creedance to it. I used to be a jerk on these forums,...I admit that,...but I have tried to make an honest change and really do just want to help. You have not once answered my original question. You have, however, side-stepped, dodged, and ignored it. And by the way, you had already stated that you had started drinking again. Now that you're mad at me, you just go ahead and BLAME ME for your drinking???? Does that sound very mature to you? Isnt that textbook? Isnt that what they put up on the chalkboard the very first day for alcoholics 101? The fact that NOBODY can make us drink? That we do this to ourselves? Shame on YOU,....for blaming your relapse on ME. How dare you. But,..like I said, Im trying to be a better person now, so that means I still DO care about you well-being. I want you to get better. Im deeply sorry if you feel that I "made" you drink. I do, however, believe that you are using ME as your relapse "scapegoat". All I asked was why you would continue to drink while waiting to get your hands on some Campral. Instead of answering me like an adult, you launched into this tyraid on how your drinking is my fault.
Its amazing how someone can MAKE someone else drink from 5 whole States away. When did I get that kind of power? I could barely scrape MY OWN life together, but, some how I have this power to make others drink. Maybe this is your problem. Maybe you relapse because you havent "owned" your drinking problem yet. I used other people, events, and circumstances as my reasoning to keep drinking for a long time. Not until I owned up to my drinking problem, was I able to put together substantial clean time. Please stop lashing out at me. It seems like one cannot ask you any questions about your drinking without you becoming enraged.
Its amazing how someone can MAKE someone else drink from 5 whole States away. When did I get that kind of power? I could barely scrape MY OWN life together, but, some how I have this power to make others drink. Maybe this is your problem. Maybe you relapse because you havent "owned" your drinking problem yet. I used other people, events, and circumstances as my reasoning to keep drinking for a long time. Not until I owned up to my drinking problem, was I able to put together substantial clean time. Please stop lashing out at me. It seems like one cannot ask you any questions about your drinking without you becoming enraged.
Wow, talk about going into a "tyrade" (feel better now?). I think you've just epitomized that but oh, I amost forgot...you've gotten away from being a "jerk" and are just an innocent little choir boy now. By your OWN admission, you were once a "jerk on these boards" and so you DO have that tendancy and from where I sit, it looks like you still have a lot more work to do. Good luck on that!.
Did you make me drink?. Yes, a person does'nt have to be pouring alcohol down your throat while your handcuffed and tied to a chair. Stress can cause relapse and people (like you) with snibe, arrogant, condescending, patronizing little attitudes can cause people like me stress. See the connection now or perhaps you need me to draw you some pictures.
Even another poster here agreed with me that you need to drop the "tude" which is why she found it necessary to ask if you wanted to me known as a "meany pants" so I guess I'm notthe only kid on the block that sees a problem here Sparky. But like most alcoholics, the problem is always someone else's, right?.
Just apologize to me for your rude, un-supportive behavior and move on. What's the huge problem here?.
As a footnote, I DID stop drinking again but then relapsed due to the stress I was put under after reading your post. These forums are for support and not for judging or putting others down. You might try to remember that while your preparing to "pull my hair" again and take some personal responsabilty for your actions instead of going into denial.
Finally, I'm not at all "mad" at you. I simply think you need to make some corrections in your attitude and maybe sharpen your people skills a little bit before you try giving other's advice. I did'nt answer your "question" because I did'nt want to dignify it with an answer like most of the "barbs" that have come out of your mouth.
Good day, S4E
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
S4E
You said:
"I DID stop drinking again but then relapsed due to the stress I was put under after reading your post"
That is BULL. You drank because you wanted to drink and are using earlybird's posts AS AN EXCUSE. We've been where you are now. You have been given the truth in this thread by many of us who have obtained and maintained sobriety.
You seem to want to do it your way. Fine. How's your way working for you? Doesn't seem to be doing to well.
S4E you can drink all you want but don't blame anyone but yourself. Whenyou point the finger at Earlybird, or me or anyone else, YOU HAVE 3 POINTING BACK AT YOU.
You know what you need to do. If not AA there are many other recovery programs that will teach you HOW TO LIVE SOBER. When we learn how to Live Sober we learn new ways of dealing with "stress", "cravings", "joy", "sadness", etc.
When you become sick and tired of being sick and tired and finally become willing to go to any lengths to stay sober, your relapses will stop.
You have said you have a problem with alcohol. So..........what are you going to do about it?
Oh and btw I do not believe those are 'barbs' that Earlybird is posting, those are heartfelt feelings of a person who has struggeled very hard through GREAT DENIAL to obtain and maintain sobriety. Getting sober and staying sober is a lot of extremely HARD WORK. EB, myself, and others know that if we "pat you on the back" and say "there there its going to be alright" we will bury you. Alkies are notorious for justifying, manipulating, and denying the root cause of their problem and always looking for an 'easier, softer way.'
Every free moment you have, get your butt to an AA meeting. Do 90 meetings in 90 days, don't drink between meetings, ask questions of those who attended the meetings, get a temporary sponsor and follow your sponsor's direction and you just might get past some of the denial that is still exuding from your posts. If that doesn't help we will gladly refund your misery at the end of the 90 days.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
You said:
"I DID stop drinking again but then relapsed due to the stress I was put under after reading your post"
That is BULL. You drank because you wanted to drink and are using earlybird's posts AS AN EXCUSE. We've been where you are now. You have been given the truth in this thread by many of us who have obtained and maintained sobriety.
You seem to want to do it your way. Fine. How's your way working for you? Doesn't seem to be doing to well.
S4E you can drink all you want but don't blame anyone but yourself. Whenyou point the finger at Earlybird, or me or anyone else, YOU HAVE 3 POINTING BACK AT YOU.
You know what you need to do. If not AA there are many other recovery programs that will teach you HOW TO LIVE SOBER. When we learn how to Live Sober we learn new ways of dealing with "stress", "cravings", "joy", "sadness", etc.
When you become sick and tired of being sick and tired and finally become willing to go to any lengths to stay sober, your relapses will stop.
You have said you have a problem with alcohol. So..........what are you going to do about it?
Oh and btw I do not believe those are 'barbs' that Earlybird is posting, those are heartfelt feelings of a person who has struggeled very hard through GREAT DENIAL to obtain and maintain sobriety. Getting sober and staying sober is a lot of extremely HARD WORK. EB, myself, and others know that if we "pat you on the back" and say "there there its going to be alright" we will bury you. Alkies are notorious for justifying, manipulating, and denying the root cause of their problem and always looking for an 'easier, softer way.'
Every free moment you have, get your butt to an AA meeting. Do 90 meetings in 90 days, don't drink between meetings, ask questions of those who attended the meetings, get a temporary sponsor and follow your sponsor's direction and you just might get past some of the denial that is still exuding from your posts. If that doesn't help we will gladly refund your misery at the end of the 90 days.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
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