igfan

I had a meeting this afternoon with the new H/R guy.......seems no matter what i do it's never enough. I'm been working so friggin hard on myself, i think i've been a lot better (attitude wise). Everyone has bad days, it's not like i rant & rave and throw temper tantrums, i keep to myself, i do my job and that's it. The premise of the meeting was to "follow up" on my progress since quitting drinking, but what it really boiled down to is Cheryl's still not perfect so let's remind her that she still has a lot of work to do. NO ****! You don't change 37 years of attitude in 60 days! What the frig! Are they trying to **** me off so i'll screw up and then they can fire me? Just do it then!

Anna

Take a breath and try to relax.

Hopefully the HR guy said some positive things in this interview too. Try to think about those good things he pointed out.

Then, listen to what area he said he would like to see improvement in and see if you think you can move in that direction.

Don't let it get you down. Each experience is an opportunity to learn and move forward.

Rusty Zipper

hi igfan, nice to meet ya. ... are ya stil freak'n po'd? ... it wears off, sometime quick, sometime's it linger's.... i hope quick for you.... not good place to hang around... herd that before?...prob... just do the best you can, and make shure it's your best.... no room for f'k'n around yea, what was said about civilians... yep, they will never feel it, bottom line.... for me, just another part of the accountability factor, part of the price i have to pay.... shure beats use'n tho.... good wishes igfan, and if ya can, toss out a little love... (_rz_)

Kickit

Hi igfan, hope that you are feeling calmer now, know how you feel, been there many times!!

I had four years with the boss from hell, a bully and a control freak. Not just with me but with others too. I didn't have the confidence to leave even though lots of people told me how good I was and at least 4 or 5 others in the team who felt the same did leave. Looking back I think, yes some things I could have done differently / better but alot of issues where theirs, a sad person with their own brand of low self esteem.

Of course this may not be the case, but I learnt two things, to learn from my mistakes and experiences and to never to a victim again. easier said than done, I'm working at it and also working at trying to get sober, again!

Its does seem that non-addicts can't grasp our problems a lot of the time - sometimes its too close to home for them, some seem to delight in their 'Superiority' and sometimes with all best will in the world they just can't get it. I agree that you should look at what was said, focus on the positive and work on the bits that you honestly need to improve on. But also look at what YOU think you are good at, what You feel that you have acheived. If you feel able to, ask someone else who will give you positive and honest feedback - someone you trust. If you feel that your situation won't improve -move on as soon as you can. Start looking around seriously. Or if overall you love the job tackle this person with some calm, well thoughout feedback of your own, maybe include their supervisor if things aren't moving forward.

I have been having some cognitive behaviour therapy which teaches how to examine negative thoughts (triggered by self or others) , its good but takes practice. Wish I had known this technique earlier, I wouldn't have wasted so much time being as mad and sad! Happy to share it it would help.

Hope things get better.

Kickit

nogard

It can take time for our Altered Attitudes to get through to People, as Anna says take a deep breath and realax.

Kevin

Jupiter2

Hi Igfan,

Sometimes I think the toughest part about early recovery is trying to/having to hold a stupid job while we work on recovery. Some of these jobs are so meaningless compared to recovery. The control these people try to exert is exasperating. Not all jobs are this way, but many are to be sure. I know exactly how you feel.

We are often told to not make a change like a job switch in the first year of sobriety, but sometimes the environment can be too toxic not to in my opinion. This is just a job and luckily the economy is good enough it is possible to find another one if we have to.

Tell the new HR guy what he wants to hear and be true to your recovery. He's probably just a poor schmuck who is trying to impress his boss anyway.

Hang in there.

Jup.

Sugah

We get clean and sober, we struggle, and we feel that we're making progress...why can't others see that? Why can't they commend us for our progress, not insist on perfection?

Bottom line is that most of the rest of the world sees us not as "brave" or "strong" for overcoming our challenges, but in the case of addiction, especially, doing what we should have been doing all along. I remember that feeling with family. Geez...I've been sick a long time. Can't they give me some encouragement, pat me on the back when I pick up that chip? Some have the attitude of, "So what? It's about time you grew up and joined the real world." Our egos deflate a little. We know how hard it is, but it's the rare "normie" who understands that.

As far as employers go, their agenda isn't your progress. It's your contribution to their bottom line. Are you productive? Is it financially feasible to keep you as an employee, or should they find someone with less baggage to take your place? In most fields, we're expendable. Jobs are hard to find, and most businesses don't have trouble replacing an employee. Progress? They don't care about progress. They want the job done! This is wrong -- fix it! Don't show me how it's getting better. Show me how it's not a problem anymore. Unless you're in a situation where you have tenure, union protection, or a contract, or some other kind of protection against termination, an employer doesn't need a whole lot of reason to fire you at will.

I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but it's a dose of reality. The aim of most businesses is to get the job done, not give haven to employees during difficult times. Maybe if you try to look at what they've done to help you keep your job, not the finger pointing you're feeling now, you may be able to find a little gratitude that others in your position with a different employer may not have been given the same chance. Then, you'd have to be dealing with addiction and unemployment.

My husband and I both employ someone in recovery, and we do understand, as we're both in recovery ourselves. We are probably more understanding than the typical employer out there, but we still have boundaries that aren't to be crossed. My housekeeper has been clean and sober for two and a half years. She knows that if she relapses, her relationship with me as one alcoholic to another still exists and I'll do what I can to help her get back on track if she wants it, but her employment terminates immediately. I will not have someone in an active state of addiction in my home for multiple reasons.

igfan, we can't hide from life. I see a lot of folks in the rooms without jobs, and the one common thread I hear is a resentment that an employer isn't more understanding, doesn't cut them any slack. In the real world, few do. Seems to me there are three choices in a situation like that: (1) keep looking until you find the ideal employer who will let you recover at your own rate or a job that offers some type of legal protection against termination, (2) keep working there, resentful and bitter that your current employer doesn't understand, or (3) be grateful for the breaks you've been given and work double-time on your recovery both on and off the job so that your employer has no need to call you on your crap when you are up for review.

I'm sure this won't be a popular post, but in my experience, it is reality. And, for what it's worth, I do understand how you feel. I've just accepted that the only one I can change is me.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Live

thanks for this thread. I just got an attitude check in an area I am struggling in.

Luckyv2

OMG, YOU don't throw temper tantrums! I really need to work on that myself because if Vic doesn't get what he wants when he wants it, HE acts like a 5 year old. Anyway Cheryl, we will never be perfect, and all we have to do is our best. My sponsor used to always say, "Vic, stay calm! There is so much POWER in staying calm." OMG, maybe I need to work on that a little bit. Anyway, don't let it take up space in your head! Sit back, relax, take a deep, DEEP breath. EASY DOES IT RIGHT NOW, that is for sure. Sending good thoughts your way.

Vic

igfan

yes Sugah, i understand that i'm lucky to have a job still, but does that mean i don't have a right to get upset like everyone else? I think i handled the situation quite well (for me), i sat there, listened to what he said, asked him calmly if something had happened that i wasn't aware of to prompt this meeting and he basically told me i've made a lot of progress (from what he has heard), but that i still get moody. Ok, so i'll try to work on that, that's all i can do. I'm still not going to be perfect, i'm still going to have bad days, and i'm not sure what it is they would like me to do when bad days happen. I thought i was doing well, my good days far out number my bad days and my bad days aren't nearly as bad as they were. I didn't drink over it, that's all that matters, that alone is progress. I don't care what that schmuck thinks, he's a "wanna be". Oops, that sounds a little like resentment. Oh well, better here than at work, right?

Thanks everyone. I have calmed down and i have two more days before i need to go back and act "as if".

Cheryl

Steve58

Sounds like their reading from their SOP manual, it's all they have to do, and in this world, a lot of it is about CYA.

Clint Eastwood said it best, from "The Enforcer" His Captain "you're been transfered to personal" Clint (Dirty Harry) "Personal, that's for a@@holes"

My sincere apology to any good people here I may offend with that, but my experience with personal (H/R now) has never been great, people who cant do a real job.

Igfan, to thine own self be true, you know who and what you are, and so does your HP, thats all that counts!

Best,
S

aloneagainor

Since you've chosen Sugah's option (2): Keep working there, resentful and bitter that your current employer doesn't understand; and on Monday will return and "act 'as if'", know to be prepared for more of what you've been getting, from your employer and in yourself. Maintaining that "I don't care what that schmuck thinks" attitude is PREVENTING you from making the NECESSARY changes, that you acknowledge must continue to improve. "everyone else" wouldn't get upset like you, some choose to look at it as constructive criticism from which they can learn and grow and adapt to what is required of them in that job. That you didn't drink over it is NOT all that matters to your employer. They made it clear what they expect from you, which is fair play in the business world. Are you sure this is where you really want to be?

igfan

That i didn't drink over IS all that matters...TO ME. My sobriety comes frrst, before my employer, before anything. That's all that matters RIGHT NOW! I will go to work and act "as if" nothing is wrong, "as if" i'm not irritated with the whole situation. I have every right to feel any way i want, nobody can tell me how to feel. I will go to work and do a good job, like i always do. I don't work in the same location as this "schmuck" (that is exactly what he is, I'm allowed to think what i want of people) so i don't see him very often. He will not affect the way i do my job or behave at work. As far as making NECESSARY CHANGES, i'm making those changes, but it takes time. The biggest change was quitting drinking, next i'm working on my self esteem issues, can't do everything all at once, and it doesn't happen over night, but if you knew me at all, you'd know i've made HUGE strides.

ASH

Not Drinking no matter what, is a huge stride for me!!!!
being able to "act as if", is as well.
Rock on Igfan